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[ISTP] ISTP - "friends with benefits" relationships

McRumi

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Dec 5, 2009
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It wasn't a completely serious question....just wanted to see what response you would give. INFJ's aren't always serious, you know. ;)



LOL

LOL. But see..you even took my mild dig at INFJ seriousness seriously.

Few are they who understand the nuances of ISTP humor...which lurks in just about everything we say!
 
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
580
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INFJ
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4w5
LOL. But see..you even took my mild dig at INFJ seriousness seriously.

Few are they who understand the nuances of ISTP humor...which lurks in just about everything we say!

Ohhh.... now I get it. :doh: Some things are harder to see over the internet, like when someone says something with a twinkle in their eye. :)

On another subject, there was something that you said earlier in this thread that was quite literary:

"I consider ISTPS to be the gargoyles of the world. We appear frightening...indeed we scare off the insincere and half-hearted (as gargoyles were meant to do in the Middle Ages), but once others get past our unpleasant and stony exterior, they find a vast cathedral of light and joy, that will stand forever and always be there no matter how often they come and go."

very nice. :)
 

McRumi

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Typical INFJ response...turning everything into a love fest.

<twinkle>
 

cafe

Well-known member
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Apr 19, 2007
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9,827
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Typical INFJ response...turning everything into a love fest.

<twinkle>
I don't think it is a typical ISTP to turn every response into a stereo-typing opportunity. At least that hasn't been my experience on the forums or irl.
 

McRumi

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I guess you missed the twinkle.

So INFJ.

Ooops...did it again!
 

Heinel

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Sep 13, 2009
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337
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TiSe
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I actually wouldn't count on the "twinkle."

I'm pretty sure the ISTP twinkle is not a twinkle for other types.
 

mcmartinez84

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Oct 25, 2007
Messages
650
MBTI Type
ISTP
All I'm seeing in this thread are the Ts trying to explain their point of view and the NFs projecting and telling them they're wrong.

People, start listening, you might learn something.

Sometimes I think I love you. (But I don't know a whole lot about feelings...I could be wrong! ;) )

hubble.png


INFJ/ISTP compromise.

I accept!

Don't forget to feed us though.

+1
StephMC and I usually agree on stuff and food is definitely one of those topics! :D
 

lasdf23

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Jan 31, 2010
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So I had been a bit hesitant to post on this thread that I started, since the thread itself took a big turn away from the original topic. It's been almost 2 months since the original problem emerged, and now that I'm halfway recovered, I feel like it's an appropriate time to update those whose who have offered their generous advices and insights.

Long stories short, the ISTP guy is no longer a part of my life, nor are his housemates that I used to hang out with all the time.

Maybe partly due to the cold weather and muddy sky of the northern midwest, the house was no longer a friendly inviting hangout place.. instead it had turned into a grey stagnant tension-filled house where everybody was mad at each other for one reason or another (this includes undone chores, one guy mad at the ISTP guy for hooking up with me, etc.).

The ISTP guy was no longer his interesting self. He had lost any will to live like a normal college student, smoked all day and did nothing. I was ok with being patient and waiting out to see if things were going to get any better. But then, he decided to switch his attention to another girl that shared his kind of lifestyle, and lied to me about it when I questioned him (since he was the one who explicitly stated that it was something more than just friends with benefits). Between doubting myself and doubting my ISTP guy, I hit an emotional low during the months of January and February, to a point where I felt the need to just walk away all together. I wrote some messages to people at the house, including the ISTP guy, and have not been back at the house ever since.

At the time, making that decision to walk away seemed like a reasonable one. But it was the emotional aftermath that got to me. One minute I was bawling all in tears from being hurt and being lied to, another minute I was telling myself that it was just a FWB relationship, and I cannot blame him, so I should just suck it up and move on and act normal. After an especially draining month, I was finally able to nail down the source of my grief, which were my lost friendship with people around the house, and being lied to (and played by) the ISTP guy.

Lately I've been able to forgive things more, and my overwhelming desire is to be back around the house and be just friends with everyone, like it used to be. But I know I've done enough of what I can do, and I can only act on my desire if they reach out to me (and clear the air).

Again, thank you so much for everyone's support, it definitely helped me put things into perspective. It's still very hard because I saw the relationship with this group of people that I placed immense trust in slowly deteriorate into nothing. I lost a great genuine friendship with T (one of the guys that liked me) for someone who played me and threw me out the window (the ISTP guy). I hope we can someday patch things up together and move beyond the past, but until then, I will have to suffer the aftermath alone myself.
 

countrygirl

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Jan 7, 2009
Messages
722
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ISFJ
Thank you for the update for I enjoy knowing if any advice worked or not. I'm so sorry that you got played :hug:. Chin up sweetheart, and if T is a genuine friend, the friendship was never lost. :)
 

Rainne

One day and the next
Joined
Mar 7, 2010
Messages
875
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ISTP
I don't think ISTP look for relationships, we tend to look for companionship.

It's so awesome just having someone do the same things you like to do. Why can't we just have fun and leave it at that? It feels so awkward introducing your gf sometimes..."hey what's up...uh yeah, this is my *meek voice and scratches head*...uh...gf i guess"
 

seamaid

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Sep 29, 2008
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152
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INFP
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I don't think ISTP look for relationships, we tend to look for companionship.

It's so awesome just having someone do the same things you like to do. Why can't we just have fun and leave it at that? It feels so awkward introducing your gf sometimes..."hey what's up...uh yeah, this is my *meek voice and scratches head*...uh...gf i guess"

That could be my istp boyfriend talking! Want. to. understand. I guess this is why animals and ISTPs really get along (generally). By comparison, human females want more than to just be an activity companion (which are more often than not ISTP's activities... I'm reminded of the Peruvian surfer who surfs with his pets on board). And it's not always fun & easy when what NF females *really* desire is a deep, special, personal connection most of all, one that recognizes and cherishes the unique person that she is.
 

milkyway2

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Dec 7, 2009
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?
ISTPs are so hard to figure out because THEY'RE SO EASY TO!

At least with the ISTP guy friend I have. He's never hiding anything, he's very one-track minded. He dated my friend an ENFP for a while and she was always trying to guess his motives. Constantly, and didn't understand why he wouldn't come say hi to her at a concert etc. (He was watching the concert! duh) But if you just ask him what's up he will tell you. He just has nothing to hide I guess it seems like. I don't know if every ISTP guy is like this.
 

Chuckums

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Dec 3, 2009
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82
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ISTP
I am very disgusted by the way this unhealthy ISTP treated you, and being an ISTP, I am, strangely, embarrassed by it. With a healthy and somewhat intelligent ISTP, a keen sense of logic and justice rules the decision making process. Personally, I consider lying to a chick for sex to be a mortal sin, but ISTPs are all the poorer due to this situation and it's outcome being brought to the forefront.

Always remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and time will heal up those wounds-things will get better.;)
ISTPs are so hard to figure out because THEY'RE SO EASY TO!

At least with the ISTP guy friend I have. He's never hiding anything, he's very one-track minded. He dated my friend an ENFP for a while and she was always trying to guess his motives. Constantly, and didn't understand why he wouldn't come say hi to her at a concert etc. (He was watching the concert! duh) But if you just ask him what's up he will tell you. He just has nothing to hide I guess it seems like. I don't know if every ISTP guy is like this.

Key word there is 'friend' milkyway2-he is willing to let you know him. Normally, in a face to face situation, most ISTPs are hard to truly know because they will only interact in a very superficial way with someone they do not consider an actual friend. This is a forum for the purpose of learning and understanding-words on a screen-in real life, you would probably hear none of what I just typed, unless you knew me and were a friend.
 

lasdf23

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Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. I'm gradually regaining myself, am able to listen to happier music now, feel somewhat of a motivation to work out now. Though I still haven't conquered my fear for romantic movies, breakup songs and physical/emotional intimacy, I hope those will follow slowly as summer comes.

I still feel resentful towards him at times, but I know it's because I still somehow care for him in ways indescribable. I sent him a "hey, what's up how's everything" text for the first time in a month and a half the other day, he actually responded, to my surprise. We exchanged a few texts about how the weather is really nice outside and wishing he didn't have to do school work...and that was that. I deleted his number from my phone, so I won't have the urge to do stuff like that on a whim again. I still remember his area code, so in the future if he wants to contact me I can definitely tell it was him.

But how characteristically ENFJ of me to hope for an ISTP to check up on how I'm doing?! Haha, guess it's my hopeful thinking kicking in. Oh well.

:)
 

Salomé

meh
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Sep 25, 2008
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At the time, making that decision to walk away seemed like a reasonable one. But it was the emotional aftermath that got to me. One minute I was bawling all in tears from being hurt and being lied to, another minute I was telling myself that it was just a FWB relationship, and I cannot blame him, so I should just suck it up and move on and act normal. After an especially draining month, I was finally able to nail down the source of my grief, which were my lost friendship with people around the house, and being lied to (and played by) the ISTP guy.
I'm sorry. That sucks, even if you should have seen it coming.
This is why FWB isn't worth it. Not for you. Painful lesson, but at least you know that now.
 

Not_Me

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Jan 16, 2008
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I read this thread for the first time. It actually played out exactly as expected. Hurt and resentment will be the likely outcome when the two parties in a relationship have different objectives.

T maintained a friendship with you but was clearly hoping for more. You maintained a FWB arrangement with M but was clearly hoping for more.

Sorry to see you were hurt.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
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I don't think ISTP look for relationships, we tend to look for companionship.

It's so awesome just having someone do the same things you like to do. Why can't we just have fun and leave it at that? It feels so awkward introducing your gf sometimes..."hey what's up...uh yeah, this is my *meek voice and scratches head*...uh...gf i guess"

That is so bizarre. I had an ISTP guy tell me that once when i asked him what he wanted. He said, "A companion." I said, "Hah, that makes you sound like an old man--A companion?" He said, "Yeah, ya know, to travel with and just do things with." To me it sounds like a sexless roommate kinda deal, no offense.

My husband is ISTP and he just isn't like this, so it makes me wonder about the different types of ISTPs. My man is very lovey and committed, and proud to have a wife. Getting him to commit was indeed difficult and convoluted, but he is as into our relationship as any other husband, which seems in direct contrast to what I've heard 'stereotypical' ISTPs are like regarding relationships.
 
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