[ESFP] ESFP's and Emotions.

[bronson]

I caught up with two good friends of mine last night. One an ex-girlfriend, the other just a good mutual friend. Both undoubtedly ESFP's, ex-g typed, the other one I just know is, and the two recognise themselves to be strikingly similiar in temperment.

So our friend was telling us all about the boy she's currently angling for.
She's an extreeeeemely funny girl, really confident and always the life of the party. I can't stop laughing when she's around.

She was really really frustrated because she knows she's really confident with guys normally, flirting and whatever else.
Anyway, with this guy she really likes she is finding it impossible to open up to him about her feelings.

And she's confused because she recognises she's the confident, funny, outgoing type and yet she can't talk about her feelings.

Do other ESFP's have trouble talking about their feelings openly?

I was thinking of the socionics SEE, with Se Fi. So when it comes to feelings they're less open?

Thoughts:

 

[Shimmy]

My ex ESFP certainly had that problem yeah.

 

[PeaceRobin]

My ESFP boyfriend doesn't have a problem talking about his feelings at all.. Actually, you can read him like a book once you know him a little bit. When he was first pursuing me he wasn't shy about it, just like he isn't shy about many things. He didn't say his feelings at the very beginning, but I could definitely tell he was into me and soon after I reciprocated and we began dating, he was now really open not only about showing his feelings but saying them as well.

 

[une_autre]

I think that friend is an ESFP and he has lots of difficulty in opening up to me - or to somebody else, it was like trying to pry the words from him and coaxing him into speaking to me.
I don't think that this necessarily represents the type, as with his upbringing and with overprotective and never-content type of parents, he is not a really healthy ESFP.

Or maybe I am too scary.

 

[EJCC]

The ESFPs that I know definitely have trouble opening up. One of them, although she considers me to be her best friend, has never opened up to me, except for talking at me whenever she needs to vent.

I can relate, though. You can be funny and outgoing and tell emotional stories to entertain and whatnot, but opening up is a whole different ball game.

 

[King sns]

I have extreme trouble talking about my feelings with boyfriends, though I try and am getting better.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Upon meeting, I mistook my ESFP's best friends complaints as just complaints. I then realized that these were feelings. I don't know if that makes sense or not. But her complaints weren't just "bitch fests" they were things she took personally and me responding to them seriously really helped her open up.

 

[kyli_ryan]

One of my best friends is an ESFP. Although I don't find her to have trouble sharing her feelings with me (may have something to do with the fact that I can sense when she's having issues), I find that she's reluctant to take advice. I'm not sure if this is an ESFP characteristic or not, but I find myself giving her advice (that she asks for), but then getting a general "I have to make mistakes and figure them out on my own" type of response. If this is simply because of our INFJ-ESFP interaction and my want to be helpful and figure out the problem, I couldn't tell you.

I find that my friend often is confident with guys as well, outwardly, but she definitely isn't REALLY feeling confident with herself internally... She usually has serious issues sharing things with men she is ACTUALLY most interested in. Maybe this could have some play on the problems that your friend is having?

 

[Sunny Ghost]

With the two ESFP's that I'm familiar with... yes! Openly discussing feelings is a problem area. I think it just requires a lot of trust in order to feel comfortable doing so. They are easily read like a book, often times... but like to pretend as though things are in order. I think this is the case with any Fi type though. We just need to find a level of comfort in order to open up.

 

[Gloriana]

My ESFP boyfriend does not have a problem talking about his feelings at all (he claims this is due to his Italian genetics, haha), but it does seem he is selective in terms of the stuff that matters to him. Meaning, he's very open if something irks him, if something makes him happy, if someone has offended him, etc. When it comes to his past, things that are really getting to him, his dreams and hopes - he seems to only share these with a select group. His select group is hella bigger than mine but it's still a select group.

The difference between the ones he's open with and the ones he's not? I'm not sure. If I think about it, knowing a lot of the people he opens up to myself, there's a common thread of warmth and honesty, a lot of people who can laugh at themselves.

I couldn't really guess why your friend would be really open with others but not with this particular guy. Not enough information to go on and I wouldn't want to venture any false guesses. Hope something I said might be helpful though!

 

[Kingfisher]

it is hard for me to talk about my feelings.
and more than that, i usually don't want to talk about my feelings.

i think a person can enjoy being driven by their feelings, but not want to talk about them. or find it very hard to express them, that is more accurate. it is very hard to put them in words, so a lot of times i don't bother.

 

[King sns]

it is hard for me to talk about my feelings.
and more than that, i usually don't want to talk about my feelings.

i think a person can enjoy being driven by their feelings, but not want to talk about them. or find it very hard to express them, that is more accurate. it is very hard to put them in words, so a lot of times i don't bother.

I agree. I'm a surprisingly sensitive and passionate person underneath, it's just really difficult to put all that into words or show it.

 

[tinker683]

I agree. I'm a surprisingly sensitive and passionate person underneath, it's just really difficult to put all that into words or show it.

I can relate to this as an ISFJ. I'm a hotbed for emotions sometimes but I just don't know how to express it in a socially acceptable way

 

[miss fortune]

which is kind of funny, because I'm a T and wear my heart on my face

I almost NEVER start a statement with "I Feel" and feel revolted by the idea of doing so, but it's easy to tell what I'm thinking and such by looking at me

 

[Walking Tourist]

... and I am an introvert and I am very very expressive. I can only hide my feelings when I'm asleep! No, I don't really say "I feel" either, except to say "I feel really wet after being caught in the rain" or something like that...:hi:

which is kind of funny, because I'm a T and wear my heart on my face

I almost NEVER start a statement with "I Feel" and feel revolted by the idea of doing so, but it's easy to tell what I'm thinking and such by looking at me

 

[miss fortune]

yeah... I can reign in and control the face and body language when it occurs to me to do so, but when in full out natural mode I have a silly putty face

though the question of "what do I really feel about this on a personal level?" is one that I can't even fathom... I reflect most of the time... I used to get used as a social mirror when my inhibitions were down

 

[Kingfisher]

I almost NEVER start a statement with "I Feel" and feel revolted by the idea of doing so, but it's easy to tell what I'm thinking and such by looking at me

i say "i feel" all the time, i start tons of sentences that way. it's pretty integral to my speech, haha.
i always mean it in a real visceral way, though. when i say "i feel" i mean that i feel it from my gut. like an instinct, like a power.

... and I am an introvert and I am very very expressive. I can only hide my feelings when I'm asleep!

that is how my wife is also, she is an ISFP.
i was thinking that maybe she is very expressive about her internal world and feelings,
and i am very expressive about what i see in other things, like the internal world of the things around me.

 

[Walking Tourist]

I tend to do both. I tend to feel what other people are feeling... but I can't always put that into words...

that is how my wife is also, she is an ISFP.
i was thinking that maybe she is very expressive about her internal world and feelings,
and i am very expressive about what i see in other things, like the internal world of the things around me.

 

[mattness]

I'll talk about any feeling! happiness is good & i like it sadness pretty much sucks. what are some others? i'll talk about those.

is hunger a feeling?

 

[mattness]

ps. I am boyfriend to gloriana. she made me come here again.