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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I made an ESxP mad (hurt?) recently through something that was kind of both our faults...He lashed out at me, didn't acknowledge any responsibility, then later told me he was still annoyed about it but "let's forget about it."

    As a result I've withdrawn because I don't want to get hurt again (he's also gone away for an extended period of time so withdrawing was easy, though if things were ok we would have been in touch at least once in a while by email etc.) I don't know what to do about it. I don't think facing up to tricky emotional/ethical situations (both of which this was) is something he wants to do, but I feel like he really devalued my friendship.
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    I DOORSLAMMING

  2. #12
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    I agree alot with what stellar said and the whole "nice" thing really gets under my skin because of how it comes off to others like I am being pushed over. My philosophy is you get what you ask for. So if you push me over I will have no desire to be nice, but I will always be tolerable in person. STPs are really good at turning things around back on you.

    I like to argue and half the time I get put in my place as I will start arguments just to argue without actually understanding any of it. I key off of the other person and find logical inconsistancies that stick out like a sore thumb. 99.9% of my arguments have no agenda, goal, and dont even have much backing. I will kinda make you argue with yourself. I will get heated, but in no way is this angry. Online its really hard to tell as if I want to I can become snide, rude, laugh, etc. Its all a play on how we are interacting and what I see in regards to how you come across. Dont ever judge my stance, my opinion, my temper, etc. in an argument with me because thats not my focus within an argument. My goal is to pull out as much information as possible in regards to multiple sides of a scenario in turn causing you to argue with yourself. I am not good at debate as I dont argue to win, but to pull out information.

    Very little hurts me personally, most things I consider an opinion. In a feeling of hurt driven by what someone says you have what they say, how it makes them feel, and how much or how little they actually dis-approve of something. I will make a comment to my mom that bothers her, I can see it and shortly after she seeks assurance that my feelings for her havnt changed. Once she gets that assurance everything is good. My sone does the same thing, but instead of the asking, he more tries to pull the acceptance out of you with actions.

    With me if you hurt me you will know from my response as I cannot hide it, I will get over it. There is very few times though that anything really hurts me. I think one of the key things that we key off of in regard to being hurt is your approval of us. If we think or feel like we are in good standing with you and will remain that way there is very little you can say or do to hurt us. I wont fish for acceptance, for me thats something that has built over time and is based on both past and future.
    Im out, its been fun

  3. #13
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    okay, so I work with an older ESTP man and am as close to friends as an ENFP will be able to get to an ESTP given the massive diffs.

    I noticed trends due to out tert Fe/Te differences.
    Hi Happy Puppy!

    I love the rainbow vomit in your avi.

    I've copied your original statements and will edit them (if needed) so they apply to my implementation of ESTP(7w8).

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    1. He never says mean things to people he cares for.

    I actually will playfully insult locker room style those I care for.
    If I insult you and pick on you, I really like you.
    1a. I never say mean things to people I love, specifically my family members.
    1b. My friends, acquaintance, and those I care for I will playfully insult locker room style.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    2. When under stress he becomes calm
    When I am under stress I become agitated.
    2. When under stress I am at my calmest. When other people are freaking out because of stress, I am poised to take opportunistic action. I am comfortable on the brink of disasters, as I can peacefully triage them, think through them, and resolve them.

    Examples for me include tactical vehicular manuevering to avoid collisions, solving unexpected workflow problems, and even personal confrontations, whether verbal or physical. I've always had nerves of steel, I know no other way to be.

    P.S. When I am under stress bored I become agitated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    3. When angry, frustrated or irritated he will withdraw

    When I am angry, frustrated or irritated I will be very direct and even confrontational.
    3. When angry, frustrated or irritated I will behave as follows:

    Personal matters:
    Very direct and confrontational if needed.

    Professional matters:
    Angry, frustrated, or irritated with a superior or client:
    Communicate, negotiate, withdraw only if needed.

    Angry, frustrated, or irritated with a peer or colleague:
    Communicate, negotiate, or open uop a can of whoop-ass if needed.

    P.S. Revenge is a whole different matter entirely...

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    4. So my observation: When I am hurt I will withdraw.
    Interesting.

    When I am hurt (which is very, very rare) I'll either stop the conversation or whatever is going on right there and ask for clarification, as sometimes people say things other than what they mean, and also sometimes I hear things differently than others intended.

    If the words do turn out to be hurtful I will state what my issue is, allow the other party to respond, and if their response is not sufficient to warrant their company worth my presence I will then excuse myself, but I am not withdrawing; I let them know I was offended and told them what I thought of it and excused myself.

    There's only one or two conversations I can recall where someone said something to me that was quite hurtful and I lost my cool, got in their face and told them: "Shut your fucking mouth! DO NOT speak to me that way EVER again. Now LEAVE."

    Also, there's a pre-qualifier that only people you love can hurt you to an ESTP from what I can tell. Friends, neighbors, and coworkers can irritate us or piss us off but not hurt us.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    Does he mistake this for his angry, frustrated withdraw in point 3? Thus he thinks I am mad when I am really hurt?
    My guess is "No" because he does not asssume you react as he does, and does not expect your physical responses in one situation to be representative of another situation if the two are indeed different. Also, he expects you to be direct and professional in dealing with him, just a hunch.

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    Also what would the ESTP response to being hurt be? Would you be direct about your hurt feelings?
    I think I answered this above, if not let me know...

    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    thanks!
    You're welcome!

    -Halla
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Also, there's a pre-qualifier that only people you love can hurt you to an ESTP from what I can tell. Friends, neighbors, and coworkers can irritate us or piss us off but not hurt us.
    Have had this happen IRL. 2 people say almost the exact same thing. One person was just someone I knew, the other my wife. What that person said didnt even phase me, when my wife said it it hurt deeply.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #15
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Have had this happen IRL. 2 people say almost the exact same thing. One person was just someone I knew, the other my wife. What that person said didnt even phase me, when my wife said it it hurt deeply.
    BINGO. That's it.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  6. #16
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I asked my estp friend this and is answer was "yes, when my feelings get hurt I am not shy about saying so"-the utterly opposite of my response.

    My entp and I just had lunch and had endless entertainment making fun of each other and these exact same communication differences across the Fi/Fe Ti/Te divide. It turns out part of her fun/torment in interacting with Te and Fi users is that we are bizarre people puzzles. Why would would do the insane things we do????

    Her end conclusion is that we are all crazy and emo-even her ISTJ husband.

    Anyways I like it when these people puzzles work out symmetric like this-it makes the puzzle seem complete and solved and explains so much.

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