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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP dating an ESFP

    I posted something similar in the NF private forum so I could get solely ENFP opinions but I'd like to get some ESFP opinions as well.

    I'm fairly new to the site so forgive me if this has been posted before and I'm not following proper thread etiquette so to day.

    So I'm an ENFP female dating an ESFP male. Have any of you ESFPs ever had a long term relationship with an ENFP? If so, what were the pros and cons? I have been with my ESFP for 5 or so months now. He was super quick to drop the L-bomb. Are you all so open or do you easily fall in love? I am really digging the openness though and the constant confirmations. Anyways, things are getting pretty serious but I'm not sure how our N and S will conflict as everyone says they will... What are your experiences?

    Also we're both P's and I can't stand the ESFPs chaos around the house. I'm unorganized and work on it but he is straight up unaware of his dirty surroundings and doesn't seem to care. Also, as ESFPs grow up, do they calm down on the partying? He's 28 right now. I know he likes to spend time with his friends a lot now, but as an older working adult, how long can you really keep this up? Do friends maintain top priority or does family/kids take over after marriage? Sorry if this seems offensive in any manner. Really not intending it to be. Thanks!
    What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    I have a female ESFP friend. There was a spark the first time we met at a party and after that it was like going on a roller coaster- fast and intense. She even texted me after the party when we first met. I teased her, she'd tease me back. She couldn't leave me alone after that.

    She's very wild and loves to party- and loves to TURN everything into a party. I noticed the openness and constant confirmations too. Also very moody, but she is a girl. Perhaps guy ESFP's are less moody? Great conversations too. We could talk for hours about everything and nothing.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceRobin View Post
    Are you all so open or do you easily fall in love? I am really digging the openness though and the constant confirmations. Anyways, things are getting pretty serious but I'm not sure how our N and S will conflict as everyone says they will... What are your experiences?

    Also we're both P's and I can't stand the ESFPs chaos around the house. I'm unorganized and work on it but he is straight up unaware of his dirty surroundings and doesn't seem to care. Also, as ESFPs grow up, do they calm down on the partying? He's 28 right now. I know he likes to spend time with his friends a lot now, but as an older working adult, how long can you really keep this up? Do friends maintain top priority or does family/kids take over after marriage? Sorry if this seems offensive in any manner. Really not intending it to be. Thanks!
    Speaking as an ESFP male, I would say it has been pretty easy for me to drop the L-Bomb. I pretty much love everyone. [envision tie-dyed clad hippy strumming a box guitar]. ESFP will see good in people when others may not, so if he is flattering you, more than likely it is because he is actually feeling that way, not just buttering you up. N vs. S conflict? Not sure... I'm still new and learning... I guess I could see it causing some friction. Being sensual, I sometimes do not pick up on things, and my wife ends up saying "I shouldn't have to tell you... you should just know!"... That is not me. I guess you have to hit me in the face with a board

    I'm disorderly. I have kids and dogs... I know I reach a point of feeling like trying to keep the place clean is a futile effort. So, perhaps it is not that he is unaware... maybe he just feels like I do... "if I clean it, it's going to be a mess again in 20 minutes anyway". I've certainly calmed down on the partying, but the friends stay important until the end. My wife has had to deal with my buddies hanging out the whole time In my mind, my wife and kids have the priority over the friends. I know there have been times she felt otherwise.

    I hope you are able to take something useful away from this!

  4. #4
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    I don't know if I'd be much help because I'm ISFP (just the introverted version )
    But I did date a male ENFP for 2 months.
    The way you're explaining your male ESFP woul be the same way I'd explain my male ENFP.
    (it could just be the male thing )
    I know I enjoyed our relationship, but just like clonester said, our relation happened hard and fast and pretty much ended the same. His friends came before me ALWAYS to the point where he wasn't spending any weekends with me, but just his girl and guy buddies. He was completely oblivious that it was insulting to not invite me to parties he'd go to or things of that sort. I suppose over all, I felt that he still needed to mature and see life out of just HIMSELF. Didn't help that he was an only child and I'm the oldest of 4. So there's differences there as well.

    We were pretty open with each other about things... probably TOO open about things I really didn't need to know about (like all his ex gfs and blah blah blah) but I too shared too much as well. We bonded together like glue but at the end had to be ripped apart quickly and not get to look back and talk about it. So its kind of extreme.

    I don't really know if that helps at all, but I've definitely been there and done that. (just in reverse of course).
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  5. #5
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    esfp and enfp can only have wild adventures, really strong sexual attraction, but not emotional, they are emotionaly the same, and if they hang out too much their self estem is going down... they get each other, they are both hot, but nothing more in the long therm it never worked for me

    p.s. i couldnt read what you posted,because im lazy

  6. #6
    Senior Member tastes_like_purple's Avatar
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    I dated an ESFP dude for a while. We got along really well but we were more like friends than anything else. We had no connection emotionally or intellectually but he was still a great guy. I just got bored of him.
    A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes,
    I screamed aloud, as it tore through them,
    and now it's left me blind...
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  7. #7
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Ohhh..... I have plenty to say on this subject. Let me start with the conclusion. ENFP/ESFP starts out very passionately. But is usually destined for failure.

    I loved my ESFP sooooo much. He was kind and warm and outgoing. I loved all these things about him. When I was around him I was able to shut off my head and live in my body. We didn't site around and talk about things. We did them. I learned to hike and sail and play the drums. (And, the sex was fantabulous.)

    But after a while, I noticed that we were speaking different languages. I spoke in abstract. He spoke in concrete. For example, once we were walking around an historic neighborhood when he pointed to a house and said, "That's a pretty house." I responded by telling him it was a Queen Anne style house and discussion historic preservation. Later he said to me, "When I say to you 'that's a pretty house' I want you to respond by saying 'Yeah, I think it's pretty, too.' " My analysis bugged him. And his lack of analysis bugged me.

    So it was intense... and my strong N preference was very balanced when I was with him. This was a wonderful experience for me. But, I don't think there was any hope of it ever working.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    I wonder if any ENFP-ESFP relationships have ever NOT been like fireworks going off then fizzling out?
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  9. #9
    Senior Member MafiaAngel180's Avatar
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    I am an Enfp who is currently dating an Esfp. I googled this subject a lot and haven't found much information on the two types together. So I am totally willing to share my experience. I want to add that he has ADHD (which might be common for his personality type.)

    I think the Enfp's sweetheart side is what draws in the Esfp; the affection, the kindness, the touching. He really liked those things. We started things off faster than what I would like. But it was kinda nice in a way. However, I was slow to...ahem...put out. I think this was a huge shock -- and challenge -- for an Esfp male. But when we did have sex, it was seriously the best sex I have ever had...like ever. I know when some people think of male Esfps, they think of high sex drives. Strangely, his was lower than mine. Haha. Once you get a taste of an Esfp, lol you are addicted.

    We have lots of arguments which stem from different N-S communication style. One example: I can tell something's wrong. But with many S types, they like to say: "I didn't SAY something was wrong now did I?." Even though S's don't have to say anything, sometimes we N's just know. A big problem was: he thinks I jump to conclusions!! Then he would get frustrated and have to go calm down. But from trial and error, I learned that if I talk about the steps in which I arrived at a conclusion FIRST, THEN after that tell him my actual conclusion...it is better for us. It's a frustrating process, but beneficial for both in the long run. So instead of asking him him "What's wrong?" I would say, "I notice that your frowning, your arms are folded, and you appear quiet. That makes me wonder if something is wrong?" At any rate, I have learned patience by dealing with my Esfp.

    Things aren't always a pain the butt. We have so much fun together. We laugh all of the time. We both have a twisted sense of humor. He appreciates my spontaneity. Esfps seem to give their hearts freely, which is nice because it is a breath of fresh air from the stuffy intjs and intps I dated. There is passion!!

    Many Esfps suck with money, and no doubt, you will have to be the one managing things. And they do seem to always need friends around, which can be super annoying. My Esfp has ADHD, and he always has to be stimulated. It can be exhausting. He also sucks with managing time and he does things according to his feelings. Such as, he won't hang out as promised because he felt stressed from work. Annoying. But I love him and he loves me so we make it work.

    Flat out....it's a rollercoaster of passion. The highs are high. The lows are low. Love hard. Fight hard. You just have to determine if it's for you.

    Edit: I would like to add that though we do talk, I don't require deep conversations with him, that's what my intj/intp friends are for. I can't expect my partner to fullfill every single need I have. That's unrealistic. I think this is something that everyone should think about regardless of personality type.

  10. #10
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Damir View Post
    esfp and enfp can only have wild adventures, really strong sexual attraction, but not emotional, they are emotionaly the same, and if they hang out too much their self estem is going down... they get each other, they are both hot, but nothing more in the long therm it never worked for me

    p.s. i couldnt read what you posted,because im lazy
    tl;dr
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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