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  1. #31
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Reminds me of the movie Babette's Feast...

  2. #32
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    I'll chime in late. I also agree with the notion of "forgive, but don't forget".

    I'm forgiving, and I let people prove themselves again....but I don't forget things they've done in the past, and keep them in mind when asking them to do something, or whatever. I am not forgiving with any sort of lying or deception, whether or not it was "harmful".
    I-95%, S-84%, T-89%, P-84%

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by millerm277 View Post
    I'll chime in late. I also agree with the notion of "forgive, but don't forget".

    I'm forgiving, and I let people prove themselves again....but I don't forget things they've done in the past, and keep them in mind when asking them to do something, or whatever. I am not forgiving with any sort of lying or deception, whether or not it was "harmful".
    There is one form of lying and/or deception I'm accepting of.

    If it's an ISTP or some other type I sense is attempting to tell me something, they're needing to talk about, but are afraid they can't contain the associated emotions that might rush forward into a physical expression such as sobbing.

    I've noticed some ISTP friends would tell the story, but alter it in such away to keep it from getting too close to them. I've done that myself.

    What's amazing to me is seeing how the story would eventually evolve over the years...loose the emotional charge it once held, and the contrast in the details between the essence of what occurred and what actually happened:

    Can finally be verbalized without the emotional charge and power they once held.

    That type of lying and/or deception I can tolerate, I find it refreshing and in some ways a vehicle for establishing trust?

  4. #34
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    There is one form of lying and/or deception I'm accepting of.

    If it's an ISTP or some other type I sense is attempting to tell me something, they're needing to talk about, but are afraid they can't contain the associated emotions that might rush forward into a physical expression such as sobbing.

    I've noticed some ISTP friends would tell the story, but alter it in such away to keep it from getting too close to them. I've done that myself.

    What's amazing to me is seeing how the story would eventually evolve over the years...loose the emotional charge it once held, and the contrast in the details between the essence of what occurred and what actually happened:

    Can finally be verbalized without the emotional charge and power they once held.

    That type of lying and/or deception I can tolerate, I find it refreshing and in some ways a vehicle for establishing trust?
    So you only can take lies when they're not lies?

    Once you realized that the fluff was meant to divert the reference away from the speaker, you would mentally link the references back to the speaker, so there was no lie. It was only a form of expression that you decoded the same way the speaker encoded it.
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  5. #35
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    Yes, and I'll give you an example. One of my friends was adopted because his father abandoned the family at the age of 5.

    The story I originally heard placed the friend at a much younger age, where he didn't fully understand the choice that was being made. There were some other details that well, I'll keep those for him. I could tell that friend was having a difficult time telling but he needed to hear himself say it out loud.

    Years later, the story of the adoption came up again. Only this time my friend was 16 and not the small child in the one he shared when we first met.

    I fully understood that as a young man, my friend felt conflicted about having changed his last name, even though his father had made no attempt to contact him in over eleven years.

    Nine years later, it was nice to observe my buddy had a greater comfort zone and no longer felt as conflicted in having made that decision.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    Yes, and I'll give you an example. One of my friends was adopted because his father abandoned the family at the age of 5.

    The story I originally heard placed the friend at a much younger age, where he didn't fully understand the choice that was being made. There were some other details that well, I'll keep those for him. I could tell that friend was having a difficult time telling but he needed to hear himself say it out loud.

    Years later, the story of the adoption came up again. Only this time my friend was 16 and not the small child in the one he shared when we first met.

    I fully understood that as a young man, my friend felt conflicted about having changed his last name, even though his father had made no attempt to contact him in over eleven years.

    Nine years later, it was nice to observe my buddy had a greater comfort zone and no longer felt as conflicted in having made that decision.
    Hmm. That's an interesting position to take. I wonder how much can I twist the situation and still have it satisfy your requirement...
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  7. #37
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    Hmm. That's an interesting position to take. I wonder how much can I twist the situation and still have it satisfy your requirement...

  8. #38
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Oh, if you are in an auditorium full of people, and your acquaintance farted an awful fart, and you ask him whether it was him he said no, when in actual fact he is, is that okay?
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    Hmm. That's an interesting position to take. I wonder how much can I twist the situation and still have it satisfy your requirement...
    Good question.

    I think we're all aware that in reading the written word we're missing out on nearly eighty percent of the total communication. We have words that do not always convey accurate meaning or intent in absence of voice tonality.

    We do not always fully understand another human being over a telephone, the voice tonality may not match up with the facial expression and body language.

    I can't give you a structured answer, it's based upon instinct...and however my bullshit detector reads as to the actual intent.

    Set off the bullshit detector and your phone won't ring again.

    Set off the empathy detector and survive another day.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    Oh, if you are in an auditorium full of people, and your acquaintance farted an awful fart, and you ask him whether it was him he said no, when in actual fact he is, is that okay?
    If I were in an auditorium and the individual accompanying farted, I wouldn't stop to ask if it were them. I'd more likely say, "Well, why didn't you just go ahead and light it."

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