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  1. #31
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    In conflicting relationships there will always be a party who is more proactive in trying to understand their partner. Its just reality. I'm not leaving him because things are hard. I don't think anyone could "revel" in being an ENFJ for any good length of time. Though I am very glad to be who I am, it is a very difficult way of approaching the world. I'm not going to look for anyone to help me do that either way.

    This post has just become depressing actually. I just wanted to be proactive & I am feeling pretty good about us & I'm not going to let this get to me so I think I'm done with this one.

    But I get the pets thing. He loves our cats tremendously.
    Awww! Hang in there! Given your awareness of strengths and flaws on both sides, I think you're on the right track. I mean, you said things are going well right now, so you must be doing something right!

    As long as you're happy with the work you both put into it (and you don't feel that it's totally 1-sided or anything), then I encourage you to do what you're doing! I agree that the thread did become entirely depressing.

    It really means the world to me when someone is willing to work with me on something, meeting half-way and whatnot. If he can't appreciate that, then he's crazy. You're practically a living gold mine!
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  2. #32
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    It is kind of a depressing thread, ENFJ's are generally trustworthy when in a relationship and put a lot of thought and effort into it.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    It is kind of a depressing thread, ENFJ's are generally trustworthy when in a relationship and put a lot of thought and effort into it.


    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    Awww! Hang in there! Given your awareness of strengths and flaws on both sides, I think you're on the right track. I mean, you said things are going well right now, so you must be doing something right!

    As long as you're happy with the work you both put into it (and you don't feel that it's totally 1-sided or anything), then I encourage you to do what you're doing! I agree that the thread did become entirely depressing.

    It really means the world to me when someone is willing to work with me on something, meeting half-way and whatnot. If he can't appreciate that, then he's crazy. You're practically a living gold mine!
    ...very nice post, I think it's well said and sums up the overall feeling.

  4. #34
    Senior Member ubiquitous1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    I can not entirely suppress my need for feedback. My ENFJ desire for certainty will never be completely gone, and the conflict lies in my inability to read his type of feedback.
    I can appreciate what you are saying,it has taken me forever to figure out my husbands idea of feedback. His feedback usually consists of saying, with a Chinese accent,"You very crazy woman." My interpretation of this statement is "I love you and support you; even though I don't have a clue what you're going on about."

    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    I just want to make the conflict less severe when we talk. So far everyone seems to be just implying that its impossible.

    Not impossible if you change your definition of acceptable resolution in order to lessen the perceived severity of the conflict, this is what I had to do.
    Good luck

  5. #35
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Depression only exists where there is no hope...and hope abounds here. A little cloudy maybe, but not eternal night. Much has been shared and learned. Om.

  6. #36
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    Basically all I'm trying to get out of "talking" is some confirmation that he is aware of what I'm feeling and reassurance from him that he still feels like everything will work out.
    If he's with you he is aware. I dated an ENFJ for two years. You guys are good at making yourselves known.

    I just want to know he hasn't forgotten that so I can have faith that we'll work it out.
    This is where it gets tricky. You want reassurance. We aren't so good at that. I would even go so far as telling someone that "everything will be fine" and "It'll work out" feels like we are playing ourselves out of tune.

    We can't tell you what's going to happen in the future. We can't make those "reassurances" because they are akin to small promises that he has no control over fulfilling.

    Why look to him for faith? You either trust his feelings for you or you don't. For all the N in the world - guess what - you don't know what's going to happen with you guys. He knows this. He wants you to enjoy today with him

    If today is enjoyable and the next day is and then the next day is...see the pattern?

    I realize that you are the one who is doing most of the adapting in this relationship. That shows your desire to understand him and connect to him but it's incredibly stressful.

    Not only does the squeaky wheel get the oil; it gets to oil itself. No doubt this is tiring.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  7. #37
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ubiquitous1 View Post
    I can appreciate what you are saying,it has taken me forever to figure out my husbands idea of feedback. His feedback usually consists of saying, with a Chinese accent,"You very crazy woman." My interpretation of this statement is "I love you and support you; even though I don't have a clue what you're going on about."

    That is so funny.

    The people I love the most I consider quite crazy,...and tell them as much, but rarely tell them I love them. And i always call my pets crazy cat or crazy mutt.

    Crazy.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    Depression only exists where there is no hope...and hope abounds here. A little cloudy maybe, but not eternal night. Much has been shared and learned. Om.

    ...aw, I like that!! Now I just want to hug you and squeeze you too!

  9. #39
    Senior Member McRumi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    ...aw, I like that!! Now I just want to hug you and squeeze you too!
    ...from a distance.... ; )

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by McRumi View Post
    ...from a distance.... ; )
    ...indeed. =:)

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