[ISTP] ISTPs and "talking"

[McRumi]

Oh, that feels good, then!

 

[sLiPpY]

ENFJ and an ISTP?

The one I dated was very enjoyable going out and doing stuff. Broad range of topics we'd talk about, that's what made it attractive I think for both of us.

Then we get the not so bright idea to try and live together. If I described that time frame as a living hell, that would be putting it mildly.

It's like exact opposites repel when sharing an enclosed space.

Got to the point where I'd get up early in the morning, just to sit out on the porch and enjoy a cup of coffee while listening to the birds chirp, or the neighbors dog take it's morning crap in the yard.

And dammit, she'd notice I was up and about...even though I'd carefully tip-toed out.

So there I was wanting quiet and space, and on the opposite end of the spectrum...there she was wanting to spend some time with me. I never told her it irritated me that she didn't sleep in.

And gosh dammit, it was every day.

Then there were the evenings when she wanted me to sit on the sofa and watch one of her "Women in Peril" movies with her on ABC's "Women in Peril" Cable TV Channel. In less than twenty minutes I'd be up and about doing something else, and she'd pout.

I hope things go better...for these two, I really liked my ENFJ and cared about her, might even have married her if she'd been willing to live somewhere else.

 

[Charmed Justice]

^That was hilarious.

 

[McRumi]

ENFJ and an ISTP?

The ENFJ person I spoke of previously came to my house to use it as a place to escape from her family and to write (she is a published author) ...after 10 minutes, she packed up and left. The vibe in my house is so strongly introverted that I think it drove her mad.

 

[sLiPpY]

The ENFJ person I spoke of previously came to my house to use it as a place to escape from her family and to write (she is a published author) ...after 10 minutes, she packed up and left. The vibe in my house is so strongly introverted that I think it drove her mad.

hmm...example 2 of the Case Thesis

"It's like exact opposites repel when sharing an enclosed space."

So ISTP's are to ENFJ's as Garlic is to Vampires

 

[McRumi]

hmm...example 2 of the Case Thesis

"It's like exact opposites repel when sharing an enclosed space."

So ISTP's are to ENFJ's as Garlic is to Vampires

Probably more like ENFJs are to ISTPs as garlic is to vampires, and ISTPs are to ENFPs as silver bullets are to vampires. ENFJs merely annoy ISTPs or put them to sleep. but ISTPs can be devastating to an ENFJ.

 

[sLiPpY]

Probably more like ENFJs are to ISTPs as garlic is to vampires, and ISTPs are to ENFPs as silver bullets are to vampires. ENFJs merely annoy ISTPs or put them to sleep. but ISTPs can be devastating to an ENFJ.

Devastating, uh yeh that's putting it mildly.

 

[Poki]

It really means the world to me when someone is willing to work with me on something, meeting half-way and whatnot.

For some reason this really stumps me and means the world to me also. I guess I just never expect anyone to work with me in regards to my stuff.

If he's with you he is aware. I dated an ENFJ for two years. You guys are good at making yourselves known.

This is where it gets tricky. You want reassurance. We aren't so good at that. I would even go so far as telling someone that "everything will be fine" and "It'll work out" feels like we are playing ourselves out of tune.

We can't tell you what's going to happen in the future. We can't make those "reassurances" because they are akin to small promises that he has no control over fulfilling.

Why look to him for faith? You either trust his feelings for you or you don't. For all the N in the world - guess what - you don't know what's going to happen with you guys. He knows this. He wants you to enjoy today with him

If today is enjoyable and the next day is and then the next day is...see the pattern?

I realize that you are the one who is doing most of the adapting in this relationship. That shows your desire to understand him and connect to him but it's incredibly stressful.

Not only does the squeaky wheel get the oil; it gets to oil itself. No doubt this is tiring.

You pretty much nailed it on the head. With an ISTP its more of a balance over time, not based on right now.

Probably more like ENFJs are to ISTPs as garlic is to vampires, and ISTPs are to ENFPs as silver bullets are to vampires. ENFJs merely annoy ISTPs or put them to sleep. but ISTPs can be devastating to an ENFJ.

Isnt this true for just about any T type with an F type?

 

[mcmartinez84]

For some reason this really stumps me and means the world to me also. I guess I just never expect anyone to work with me in regards to my stuff.

I love to think that people will, but I never expect them to either. I guess I assume they won't care or they're too busy/lazy/whatever or that their stance is just *that* much superior to mine. It's definitely a breath of fresh air when someone does. I really can't tell you how meaningful it is.

toast, we need more people like you on this planet

 

[Poki]

I wholeheartedly agree with that, Poki. Is it the stress that makes her then 'abuse' Fe instead of use it properly? Perhaps that's a question for Fe-doms out there to answer.

It's a good example though. You use Se to find stuff and spot things more easily, where as she does not. However, instead of respecting the fact that you help her out, she seems more frustrated that she cannot do it alone, resulting in redirected aggression. Right?

I dont know it feels more like it is truly blame not redirected agression from within.

I see what your saying though as we butt heads big time in regards to things like this. If someone screws something up to many times I change what I do and take away that responsibility and do it on my own instead of having it cause an issue between me and that person. If this happens enough I will end up doing everything on my own. What ends up happening 99% of the time is we allow others to do what they are good at for us and we handle the rest.

I sometimes wonder if what I do is really noticed, the only other thought is that I do it smoothly to the point where its not noticed which is what seems like happens. I will go out of my way to make things not obvious, its part of how I see how people respond to things. Then NFPs get this desire to know whats going on, they always have to know why:steam:

 

[LostInNerSpace]

Leave me alone and you won't have any problems. Half the time I throw out unsolicited ideas because I know it irritates you. I do it because I am programmed to rebel in the face of control. I don't like my every move monitored. I don't like to keep looking over my shoulder wondering what's coming next, and I keep wondering if you are adding you own special twist of lemon to everything about me.

 

[Poki]

Leave me alone and you won't have any problems. Half the time I throw out unsolicited ideas because I know it irritates you. I do it because I am programmed to rebel in the face of control. I don't like my every move monitored. I don't like to keep looking over my shoulder wondering what's coming next, and I keep wondering if you are adding you own special twist of lemon to everything about me.

lol, I get the feeling that INTPs like to rebel in the face of percieved stupidity, but maybe thats just me adding my own twist of how you may twist things

 

[A window to the soul]

lol, I get the feeling that INTPs like to rebel in the face of percieved stupidity, but maybe thats just me adding my own twist of how you may twist things

...I think he may be an unhealthy INTP. Just a thought.

 

[Poki]

...I think he may be an unhealthy INTP. Just a thought.

...or possibly just throwing out an idea trying to irritate us.

 

[A window to the soul]

...or possibly just throwing out an idea trying to irritate us.

Yeah, I noticed he just randomly throws in his 2-cents on other threads; but it's so off the wall, I'm left wondering... "WTHeck??"

 

[Poki]

Yeah, I noticed he just randomally throws in his 2-cents on other threads; but it's so off the wall, I'm left wondering... "WTHeck??"

lol, NFPs desire to know why. Sorry I am in training with an ENFP and she asked a question and after I answered she said that she just has to know "why" about things. It just seems so fitting

Thats the new NFP motto "WHY?"

And a few ISTPs motto would apparently be "Why ask why, try bud dry"

 

[McRumi]

lol, NFPs desire to know why. Sorry I am in training with an ENFP and she asked a question and after I answered she said that she just has to know "why" about things. It just seems so fitting

Thats the new NFP motto "WHY?"

And a few ISTPs motto would apparently be "Why ask why, try bud dry"

ISTP motto: huh?

 

[proteanmix]

Probably more like ENFJs are to ISTPs as garlic is to vampires, and ISTPs are to ENFPs as silver bullets are to vampires. ENFJs merely annoy ISTPs or put them to sleep. but ISTPs can be devastating to an ENFJ.

Heh. Don't delude yourself, ISTP. You must've been involved with a less determined ENFJ. I have to do a lot of tamping down on natural desires to raze and pillage.

In opposite type relationships like ExFJ and IxTP, I don't believe one party has a particular advantage over the other. They are both equally equipped to devastate or invigorate the other. I've never been romantically involved with an ISTP but I have an ISTP sister (and an INTP brother!) and several ISTP friends. I'm not a cruel and immoral person but I know what I could do (and have done) to make people curl into a fetal position.

Personally, I'm not one of those frilly Fe-doms that runs off crying. Unfortunately, I'm prone to escalate certain types of situations than de-escalate. I notice with both of my IxTP siblings I've got a lot more stamina than them when it comes to verbal lashings. I think IxTPs may try to detach but at my worse, I've followed people from room to room not giving any physical or mental space to detach. What they do that exasperates me is clam up and stop talking. As bad as this sounds, an argument is still feedback, negative feedback but there's still something I can work with. Even if they've clammed up, I've done something to get my feedback loop up and running again.

From the comments in this thread and the plethora of other ISTP threads, I do wonder why you all even feel a need for romantic relationships if you always want to be alone. It seems to be relationships of convenience or the idea of having a SO without really having to do the work involved with having or keeping one. I've long reached the conclusion that IxTPs do best with people more similar to them...I find IxTPs to be the least adaptable to different types of personalities they have intimate contact with. I remember having conversations with another ISTP member here and he told me how he had to consciously override the desire to flee his relationship even though he loved his wife very much and they had a mostly good relationship.

I have to agree though, if you have to do all this work to continue being in a relationship with someone I don't think it's meant to be. Personally, I always see how things can be better. For things I don't care about "as is" is fine. But for what I do care about, "as is" is not acceptable. I notice my closest friends are strivers. I don't know how to explain how energizing it is and how I find happiness and joy in the striving part rather than "take it easy" part.

 

[Poki]

Heh. Don't delude yourself, ISTP. You must've been involved with a less determined ENFJ. I have to do a lot of tamping down on natural desires to raze and pillage.

In opposite type relationships like ExFJ and IxTP, I don't believe one party has a particular advantage over the other. They are both equally equipped to devastate or invigorate the other. I've never been romantically involved with an ISTP but I have an ISTP sister (and an INTP brother!) and several ISTP friends. I'm not a cruel and immoral person but I know what I could do (and have done) to make people curl into a fetal position.

Personally, I'm not one of those frilly Fe-doms that runs off crying. Unfortunately, I'm prone to escalate certain types of situations than de-escalate. I notice with both of my IxTP siblings I've got a lot more stamina than them when it comes to verbal lashings. I think IxTPs may try to detach but at my worse, I've followed people from room to room not giving any physical or mental space to detach. What they do that exasperates me is clam up and stop talking. As bad as this sounds, an argument is still feedback, negative feedback but there's still something I can work with. Even if they've clammed up, I've done something to get my feedback loop up and running again.

From the comments in this thread and the plethora of other ISTP threads, I do wonder why you all even feel a need for romantic relationships if you always want to be alone. It seems to be relationships of convenience or the idea of having a SO without really having to do the work involved with having or keeping one. I've long reached the conclusion that IxTPs do best with people more similar to them...I find IxTPs to be the least adaptable to different types of personalities they have intimate contact with. I remember having conversations with another ISTP member here and he told me how he had to consciously override the desire to flee his relationship even though he loved his wife very much and they had a mostly good relationship.

I have to agree though, if you have to do all this work to continue being in a relationship with someone I don't think it's meant to be. Personally, I always see how things can be better. For things I don't care about "as is" is fine. But for what I do care about, "as is" is not acceptable. I notice my closest friends are strivers. I don't know how to explain how energizing it is and how I find happiness and joy in the striving part rather than "take it easy" part.

I agree 100% with everything that is said to a T. I have learned to shutdown like their aint no tomorrow with an ENFJ. A cop could never get anything out of me when I hit this as all emotions just turn off

I find IxTPs to be the least adaptable to different types of personalities they have intimate contact with.

The struggle with conflicting pairs is I agree 100%, but adaptable would be in a different sense(gonna have to think about how this is different), but ENFJs are also the least able to work with those they are close to as the closer people become the less "as-is" is acceptable, the more demanding they become of those people to strive.

 

[McRumi]

Heh. Don't delude yourself, ISTP. You must've been involved with a less determined ENFJ. I have to do a lot of tamping down on natural desires to raze and pillage.

<g> Non-ISTPers just miss out on all the ISTP humor.

So sad.