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  1. #51
    Junior Member Pillows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post

    I guess I would think the same thing. The two things stopping me would be:
    1. I would never dream of being 2nd best to anyone, the live-in gf included. I just can't be "the other woman" for reasons of pride, shame, my feeling sad for the live-in gf and my thinking the underhanded dude doesn't deserve the affections of all these women.
    Perhaps next thread should be ENTPs and competitiveness

    I agree with you on all points. However, love triangles are messy no matter what, and usually highly circumstantial. I unwillingly got caught in one in the past, discovering suddenly that I was the "other woman." I was wrapped in knots trying to rationalize what to do. Rationalize feelings...ha. SO, in the interest of personal growth, here were my candid conflicts: He's cheating, therefore doesn't have my respect and obviously isn't worth dating....sooo I either A) continue a casual relationship because it's all f***ed anyway, or B) break it off on behalf of righteousness.
    Disclaimer: I would NEVER consciously seek out this type of situation. It's foolish and impractical and there's plenty of other fish to catch.

    However, once I found myself there, the selfish(competitive?) tendencies that emerged were pretty resolute. When the chemistry is right, man it's hard to deny those SP impulses. The damage was done, so I emotionally detached in the interest of self-preservation, but kept seeing him until karma bit him in the ass. Well...I may have had a hand in tipping off karma ... That was a good day.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    2. I couldn't let a friend confide in me and then betray or deceive her.

    How do you feel about those 2 issues?
    Could you listen to a friend tell you how she feels about someone, while banging that same someone?
    Haha hell yeah, since as an ESTP that happens ALL the time (sarcasm...) I had to laugh when I read that question, what are you expecting me to say? If that question isn't laced with stereotype my name is Tiger Woods.

    A healthy person does not deliberately stab someone in the back. I am fiercely loyal to my friends and I am more likely to use my charm to instigate a spark between the two. I win in their success, very gratifying. I hesitate to generalize, but ESTP style is tactful bluntness, grounded in common sense. Friend drama over a guy is a huge waste of energy, it's not worth it. Deliberately inflicting anxiety on myself is nothing short of absurd. When I am after someone my intentions are on the table, I'm obvious and my friends know what I'm up to. I expect, if not assume the same. In any relationship it is your responsibility to communicate, you lose if you aren't clear. Eh, I don't know why there's such a tendency to think we're all hookers but I guess you could correlate being impulsive coupled with a certain disconnect between love and intimacy...thoughts anyone?

    Specifically relating to this thread, was it even confirmed that the ESTP hooked up with him? Details seem fuzzy. Either way, in a situation like that, where the game lay in the thrill of the chase for all parties involved, it's hardly an issue of right and wrong. Now if the guy was single, and HappyPuppy was genuinely interested in a relationship and vocalized that to the ESTP, the story would be a lot different.

  2. #52
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pillows View Post
    Perhaps next thread should be ENTPs and competitiveness
    Not trying to compete with you, but it's a well known "fact" that ETPs are hella competitive. Myself very much included.

    However, once I found myself there, the selfish(competitive?) tendencies that emerged were pretty resolute. When the chemistry is right, man it's hard to deny those SP impulses. The damage was done, so I emotionally detached in the interest of self-preservation, but kept seeing him until karma bit him in the ass. Well...I may have had a hand in tipping off karma ... That was a good day.
    I get those impulses too. But my Ne quickly scans all the possible outcomes and I decide the headache isn't worth it. It's almost never about karma getting him, but more like me being afraid that karma will get me - that I will be rewarded by being the idiot girlfriend who trusts her man while he's out banging every chick with an SP impulse. (just kidding about the SP thing)

    Haha hell yeah, since as an ESTP that happens ALL the time (sarcasm...) I had to laugh when I read that question, what are you expecting me to say? If that question isn't laced with stereotype my name is Tiger Woods.
    It wasn't laced with anything. I don't get why you think that was a jab at ESTPs - it was an honest question directed at anyone.
    Eh, I don't know why there's such a tendency to think we're all hookers but I guess you could correlate being impulsive coupled with a certain disconnect between love and intimacy...thoughts anyone?
    Do people think that about you guys? I know that EP girls, in general, are thought of as more free spirits than other types. I think all of us are hard to pin down and quick to do whatever the hell we want. In my case, it's a different type of impulse, but that disconnect is always, always, there.

    Specifically relating to this thread, was it even confirmed that the ESTP hooked up with him? Details seem fuzzy. Either way, in a situation like that, where the game lay in the thrill of the chase for all parties involved, it's hardly an issue of right and wrong. Now if the guy was single, and HappyPuppy was genuinely interested in a relationship and vocalized that to the ESTP, the story would be a lot different.
    I don't know. But what I meant by the above question was is the thrill of the chase more important than respecting the rules of friendship, when you really want something. And I was curious about an STP perspective on that. I've been guilty of doing many underhanded things in my life, and I would (almost) never judge another person, but I've never betrayed a friend like that. Unless, of course, I was just pretending to be her friend for whatever reason like her doing something terrible to me. And even then, that charade can't last long. I have too short of an attention span.

  3. #53
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Pillows thanks for the estp perspective. Sorry for the reputation that gets tossed around wrt estps. There are things you guys are awesome at. This was my first close estp friend.

    Just to clarify-I stay away from the man until cornered at company events. Been doing this since March. What bothers me is not the guy issue-it is her shoving it in my face, whatever it is.

    How do you show an ESTP they won? My response was to stifle the envy, be happy for her happiness. This not faked-this is me finding enough Fi to really be happy that she is happy.

    Externally this would be a real, genuine smile-and saying something like " I am glad you guys are having a great time, I know you enjoy working together." or "have fun and dont get into too much trouble".

    Which then leads to more "look how much fun we are going to have...look at all the things we are going to do...we had such a great time...look he is calling me again...look he is texting me again...." day after day after day...

    Should I have acted mad? Instead I just cut her off. She seems sad.

  4. #54
    Junior Member Pillows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy Puppy View Post
    How do you show an ESTP they won? My response was to stifle the envy, be happy for her happiness. This not faked-this is me finding enough Fi to really be happy that she is happy.

    Externally this would be a real, genuine smile-and saying something like " I am glad you guys are having a great time, I know you enjoy working together." or "have fun and dont get into too much trouble".

    Which then leads to more "look how much fun we are going to have...look at all the things we are going to do...we had such a great time...look he is calling me again...look he is texting me again...." day after day after day...
    I feel a bit embarrassed saying this, but it's the truth...I LOVE talking about love interests. It's exciting, and I have to make a point to keep myself in check so I don't sound too obsessed lol. As the type that gets her kicks from being able to nail someone's motives, I'm all over flirting shoptalk like a bee on honey.

    That being said, by being "genuine" in your happiness for her (obviously not as it's driving you nuts) you are actually encouraging it. She thinks you care to hear. Like I said earlier, I don't think you effectively expressed your interest in pursuing him, so there's a good chance that she doesn't even see it as a big deal. It's possible she's been oblivious to the depth of your feelings for this guy and has no idea that talking about him even bothers you. The most effective thing to fix the situation is to tell her the truth, that she hurt you by pursuing that guy and hearing the daily play-by-play is uncomfortable. If you don't want to reopen that wound, just say, "honey. we can talk about anything, as long as it's not [manwhore]"

  5. #55
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Dude, what's with the constant influx of ESTPs now!? I have to say I love it.

    We can turn the tide now and show all the haters who's the boss. Whaddya say?
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


    Badass Promoter ESTPs:
    [sigpic][/sigpic]

  6. #56
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Dude, what's with the constant influx of ESTPs now!? I have to say I love it.

    We can turn the tide now and show all the haters who's the boss. Whaddya say?
    Party in the SP house!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Pillows View Post
    Friend drama over a guy is a huge waste of energy, it's not worth it. Deliberately inflicting anxiety on myself is nothing short of absurd.
    YES.

    I've had to cut off all communications with what used to be a friend because I just couldn't take her boy drama anymore. Every single day she would bitch about this or that and over-analyze every little thing the guy did and drag me into it by asking my opinion. If she wasn't complaining about her love life she was complaining about her job, or her family, or her car, or the fact that she wanted a pastry but didn't have one, it was always something. I just couldn't take it anymore. O_O

    It makes me sad because she doesn't understand why I stopped talking to her, even though I told her exained it to her, and still tries to contact me. I like the girl, but the whining...:rolli:

  7. #57
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    Party in the SP house!!!




    YES.
    Hey, that's what I been sayin! Made a thread about it awhile back.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


    Badass Promoter ESTPs:
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  8. #58
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pillows View Post
    I feel a bit embarrassed saying this, but it's the truth...I LOVE talking about love interests. It's exciting, and I have to make a point to keep myself in check so I don't sound too obsessed lol. As the type that gets her kicks from being able to nail someone's motives, I'm all over flirting shoptalk like a bee on honey.

    That being said, by being "genuine" in your happiness for her (obviously not as it's driving you nuts) you are actually encouraging it. She thinks you care to hear. Like I said earlier, I don't think you effectively expressed your interest in pursuing him, so there's a good chance that she doesn't even see it as a big deal. It's possible she's been oblivious to the depth of your feelings for this guy and has no idea that talking about him even bothers you. The most effective thing to fix the situation is to tell her the truth, that she hurt you by pursuing that guy and hearing the daily play-by-play is uncomfortable. If you don't want to reopen that wound, just say, "honey. we can talk about anything, as long as it's not [manwhore]"
    good lord, no wonder.... I was afraid it was something like this as she honestly seems to like me. Thanks so much pillows! Honestly ESTPs are very alien to ENFPs so endless confusion abounds.

    However your phase from an earlier post "tactful bluntness" is exceptionally practical. I work for an ESTP and I have no idea how to communicate with the guy-until I heard "tactfully blunt"-I couldnt understand why he kept biting my head off.

    Pillows you are my awesome estp mentor! Thanks!

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