User Tag List

12311 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 134

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default me: "i love you" istp: <<silence>>

    haaahahaha.

    not going to go into this in depth cause it's still raw, but uh, now my question to the istps is... what do i do? what's my next move?

    it's difficult because i know he likes me. i know he wants to keep seeing me. nothing about his actions say he doesn't. he just takes longer to know how he feels. and, maybe i do too... usually. i know, it's been only like less than three months. how can you know in that time? well, i just do. i really do.

    to tell the truth, it's not like i even really thought he was going to say it back. which is why i burst into tears after i said it and nothing happened.

    istp felt bad, i think. he went on this long comforting speech of how of course he liked me, but he would never ever want to hurt me and that something is probably inherently wrong with him (it's not -- i'm crazy) and how he didn't tell his ex that he loved her until like a year later (exjaculation!)... all stuff i already knew. unfortunately, this knowledge is not really going to make me feel better at this point and certainly not a pity i-love-you, which i hope to god he never would do to me. he said the last time a girl said she loved him (not the ex), he said "thank you." i've totally done that too. but, i have to say, it doesn't make me feel too great to be compared with that girl.

    anyway, i do feel like i'm constantly trying to be careful not to pressure him into anything. i don't like pressure myself and that certainly was not my intent by being vocal with how i felt.

    at the same time, istps, how long do i give him to reciprocate? to tell the truth, i think it's unhealthy for me to stay in a relationship with someone who can't tell me how they feel about me eventually. i'm happy to be with him and i've accepted how he is, but i don't like feeling like it's one-sided. and THAT, i can only take for so long before it will wear on me.

    ugh. what do you all think? i know my istp bff would say, "oops. nothing you can do about that now." but, is there any other words of advice you can give me for moving forward?

  2. #2
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Read his actions, not his words
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,636

    Default

    at the same time, istps, how long do i give him to reciprocate?

    Eternity?

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,501

    Default

    Try to do it without expecting a result. Like throw it into the end of a conversation as you walk off. Dont make him feel like it has to be returned. Its all in tone and presentation as to how it comes across.

    And yes read his actions.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #5
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Posts
    1,446

    Default

    It's good that you understand that he can't reciprocate the same statement back right now, but it's up to you at this point. There's no telling how long it might take him to be able to say it. Are you willing to go through that?

    You might just take it a little at a time and see whether you can truly keep going with it.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


    Badass Promoter ESTPs:
    [sigpic][/sigpic]

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    yeah, it's a shame he's so gosh darn amazing or i'd cut him loose.

    i think i'm just going to sit on it and not do anything. maybe it'll go away on its own cause i can trick myself into thinking it's unrequited.

  7. #7
    Pumpernickel
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    1,960

    Default

    The amount of threads on non responsive and noncommittal ISTPs are astounding and somewhat saddening =(

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,636

    Default

    hmm... Seems certain types need verbal validation? Maybe ISTP's should start asking for "action" validation, like telling folks...

    "Ok, I think it's cool you love me and I love you too. But how about getting off your duff and speaking to me in a language that I can hear too...show me dammit!"

    Do something!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    hmm... Seems certain types need verbal validation? Maybe ISTP's should start asking for "action" validation, like telling folks...

    "Ok, I think it's cool you love me and I love you too. But how about getting off your duff and speaking to me in a language that I can hear too...show me dammit!"

    Do something!
    yeah, that's what's so strange to me. all his actions say that he does... so i don't get what the big deal in him just saying it (since yes, i am the verbal one in the relationship). puzzling. hahaha.

  10. #10
    Geolectric teslashock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Posts
    1,690

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    to tell the truth, i think it's unhealthy for me to stay in a relationship with someone who can't tell me how they feel about me eventually. i'm happy to be with him and i've accepted how he is, but i don't like feeling like it's one-sided. and THAT, i can only take for so long before it will wear on me.

    ugh. what do you all think? i know my istp bff would say, "oops. nothing you can do about that now." but, is there any other words of advice you can give me for moving forward?
    Well, I think you just need to realize that there's a fundamental difference between the way you two express your feelings. You are an ENFP, so strong emotions like love, hate, sadness, and happiness are really easy for you to understand and directly communicate. You probably value this direct, overt communication too.

    However, your ISTP probably does not have this desire for and understanding of direct emotional communication. He probably uses his Ti to completely overanalyze what the word "love" really means, and since he can't figure out a logical, systematized definition of "love", he is reluctant to use that word.

    Your Fi, on the other hand, just *knows* how to define love. You don't need to have a logical explanation for it; you just feel it, and you understand this feeling, and you have no qualms with using the word love to express this feeling because the definition of love is a feeling. This is a really hard thing to except for Ts, especially TPs.

    Don't take personal offense to the fact that he can't express his feelings as readily as you. It really probably has nothing to do with you at all; it's just a fundamental internal difference, and I don't think it has anything to do with how he really feels about you. Just because you can understand this word "love" and directly correlate it to a feeling doesn't mean that you should expect him to have this same ability. I don't really think it's accurate to assume that the fact that he can't say "I love you" points to an "unhealthy" relationship or situation for you, so long as you just don't take it personally. Realize that he is operating on a completely different value system than you, and while according to your definition of love, he may love you, he probably can't figure out a logical definition of love, so he just doesn't often use it as a part of his vocabulary.

    Of course this is all speculation, as I don't know you or him or anything about your relationship really. But just don't get too upset about this whole "love" thing; it's ultimately just an arbitrary word with no concrete definition. His actions and the way he treats you and the way you guys connect with each other are all ultimately much more important.

Similar Threads

  1. Tell Me About the People You Love
    By nolla in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 01-14-2009, 06:03 PM
  2. [NT] "I love you"?
    By Butterfly in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 10-27-2008, 12:36 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO