Well no, a relationship/friendship is a two-way street. What if I don't want to commit on that level? Should someone else be allowed to have the say in how close we get? I'm not gonna get close to someone just because THEY want me to. That in and of itself seems selfish to me.
If a relationship isn't voluntary on both ends it just isn't worth it.
This is a good point, and I totally agree you don't want people following you around who have decided you're besties when you haven't really given them any indication to that effect...I find that creepy/off-putting too...
I think though that if you are going to take the above view you have to think a bit about what kind of impression you are giving the other person. For myself, it's one thing if my friendship/relationship with someone has always been on a very casual level, more like acquaintanceship. But if someone seems quite "committed" to you one day (wanting to do a lot with you, opening up to you about their feelings, telling you how important your friendship and respect are to them...etc), and then another day they are only polite but not particularly friendly with you, make weird evasive excuses if you suggest doing something together, etc...a lot of people are going to be confused by that. Especially INFJs, because we value consistency. I have had this experience before, perhaps with different types but certainly with an SP or two. And I don't think it's that I'm getting too clingy with them...I have such a horror of being clingy that if anything I think I sometimes end up seeming too detached...
I'm just saying it's worth thinking about how the other person is going to take things. Ok, some people are always going to take things the wrong way - but there are others who are quite naturally going to be confused if you get close to them and then back way off, get close to them again and then run off again, etc.
Nah, I understand. But as I mentioned above, it is in no way a reflection of how I feel about my friendship with someone. I do make a commitment to them... in my own little way. The thing is, it takes me a long time to consider someone an important friend with my life. A good 80% of those people are people I've known for 4+ years. STPs are very "what you see is what you get." If I wasn't committed, I wouldn't still be in contact, no matter who initiated it. In my mind, if I pick up the phone, or make it out to see you (even if it might have taken a while to get plans down), that means I like and appreciate my relationship with you. Because even responding to some short Facebook post to an old friend I don't much care about is taxing. I'm not sure if that helped my case or not... but I would like to add that while we are sickeningly independent, we -know- this about ourselves and know people don't much care for it. The people that genuinely care about me know this as well, and give me my freedom. In return, I keep coming back, showing my affection in whatever ways an ISTP possibly can, and give them the same exact freedom.
Sure, it's not really my approach, but I understand a bit better I do think though that a lot of misunderstandings and unhappiness in friendships/relationships are caused by people have completely different views on what constitutes a good friendship/relationship. I suppose one mark of a good friendship though could be the willingness to put in the time and effort to understand the other person's viewpoint
It may sound weird and naive, but although I suppose I've always been intellectually aware that not everyone has the same take on friendship that I do, I think that fact has only recently been brought home to me emotionally by certain things that have transpired in my life.
Curious as to how often and how well SP's make changes in life.
Any frequent movers? job changers? car traders? Relationship changers?
Just general restlessness...
If I were single, I'd probably be moving. A LOT. I think about travel constantly. I like to have a trip in the works so that I can look forward to a new adventure. I have never held a job longer than a year. I have been w/ the same guy for the past 3 or 4 years. He is amazing, but the commitment is not easy for me.
Originally Posted by ayoitsStepho
I've moved 12 times and I'm only 19. This means 12 different cities.
I've learned to get over it and just do it. I do hate it though because I've never had a best friend or people that are my base. I'm always the new person and its horrible.
I've been a loner my whole life, on my own lonely adventure.
I have never had people that are my base either. Even in high school, I never really belonged to any of the cliques, rather I would drift from one to another and make "rounds". I hate being the new person, too. I have been a loner my whole life as well. It would be nice to have a compatible person along for my travels, but I usually travel alone.
Originally Posted by Walking Tourist
I have a seriously bad case of wanderlust nearly all of the time. My dream is to walk the Appalachian trail and see and touch something different every day... or go to Machu Picchu and see the Inca buildings and how they have stayed structurally sound despite being built with no mortar whatsoever (just pieces put together like a jigsaw puzzle). I was really happy during the summer of 2008, when I was walking with the "Witness Against War" group from Chicago to Saint Paul, Minnesota. It was great to be in a different town almost every day, meeting different people, hearing their stories, exploring different scenery from big cities to farmland.
So... I guess that qualifies as just general restlessness.
That sound amazing. I dream about stuff like this too.