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Thread: SP's and Change

  1. #31
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Hm, the same thing happens to me in regards to people being closer than I realized they were getting which is really frustrating because they start expecting commitments out of you that you weren't ready for and get upset if you don't wanna go down that road.

    It's crazy cuz my ENTP friend and I became best friends years and years ago but it just kinda happened as a matter of course. We would hang out and he'd call me alot but I'd never call him because, well, I don't know, I don't really think about people if they're not right in front of me usually and he usually called me anyway. I think I remember him saying that he wondered why he was the one always doing the calling. I didn't know what to say because I usually just go with the flow.

    Well we became really close friends but I still never really initiated conversation. He eventually joined the Navy and it seemed difficult to get in contact with him sometimes, like I had to call this certain number at this certain time or something and I'm not really good with forethought about that kinda stuff and I just didn't mess with it. We did email a little bit, later on... but four years passed and he didn't call me after a bit and I just figured he was busy, and things were happening on my end, I moved to WA and back and ended up stupidly playing the part of counselor for someone (not very well, of course; it was more that I just tried to prevent them from hurting themselves and couldn't really offer emotional support).

    Well we talked a bit after that whole escapade and hung out whenever he visited (sometimes he just randomly showed up on my doorstep, LOL! he's hilarious like that) and he finally got out of the Navy like a year ago.

    Well apparently he had this beef with me that I never called him and I was clueless. I was actually shocked to know he was upset about that because he had never told me and I don't operate like that myself so I wasn't expecting it.

    I think maybe I don't do well with committing to being a best friend? I remember at one point when I was in WA telling him that I had so many friends it was hard to keep track of and I didn't know if I believed in the concept of a best friend for sure anymore. But later on I admitted I did see him as closer than others.

    But still, there's obviously a huge difference between the way I approach a best friend relationship and the way most people do. I have a hard time with commitments, always have.

    Anyway, there's my rant. Usually people end up feeling like we're closer than I feel like we are. I get to know people quickly but feelings take awhile to develop if they ever do at all, and usually I have to kinda deliberately rouse them anyway.

    As for changes in scenery, that's a definite for me. I think I've actually found my home though here in Seattle and I feel like there's enough variety and potential for changing things up here that I could probably live here for the rest of my life. As long as I travel the world like I've always planned to, of course.
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  2. #32
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    ^ Yep, I can relate. I decided the key is to come off as much as a flake as possible, and people have fewer expectations. That relates to another motto I have:
    "Show you're incompetence in something you don't like doing once, and people will never ask you to do it again." Seriously... you should try it.

    Edit: Aw, crap. That might be considered a form of manipulation, isn't it. Well, in that sense, maybe I am a bit manipulative.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  3. #33
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    I'm happy if I have enough change for the laundromat.
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  4. #34
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
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    That makes everyone else happy, if it means that you can change your clothes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I'm happy if I have enough change for the laundromat.
    I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.

  5. #35
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    I decided the key is to come off as much as a flake as possible, and people have fewer expectations.
    I've explained that to people and for some reason one of my friends doesn't like that about me. He just doesn't understand.
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  6. #36
    full of love Kingfisher's Avatar
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    i am also somewhat restless. i have worked a lot of different jobs, moved a lot of times. when i was in my late teens and early 20s i was especially restless, i didn't like to be tied down to anything or anywhere for very long at all. for a long time everything i had fit into a duffel bag.

  7. #37
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    ^ Yep, I can relate. I decided the key is to come off as much as a flake as possible, and people have fewer expectations. That relates to another motto I have:
    "Show you're incompetence in something you don't like doing once, and people will never ask you to do it again." Seriously... you should try it.

    Edit: Aw, crap. That might be considered a form of manipulation, isn't it. Well, in that sense, maybe I am a bit manipulative.
    So true! and yes....it IS manipulation.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  8. #38
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    I've explained that to people and for some reason one of my friends doesn't like that about me. He just doesn't understand.
    I'm not trying to be mean, but regarding what you've said and what a few others like stellar renegade have said...to a lot of people, this attitude would come across as pure selfishness. Regardless of type, I don't think it's unnatural for people to expect a bit of commitment from their friends. The chances are good that they've made a certain commitment to you and are hurt that you don't seem to value their friendship or be committed to them in the slightest.

    Would you call it selfishness or do you see it a different way? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I really want to understand this.
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  9. #39
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    hmm...sometimes it seems relationships others would call and/or consider friends, I see as an acquaintance.

    ISTP's aren't superficial with their trust, where other types seem to establish bonds more freely?

    Just ramblin'

  10. #40
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    I've explained that to people and for some reason one of my friends doesn't like that about me. He just doesn't understand.
    You know, I always manage to show the people that are important to me just how much they mean to me... just not in very orthodox ways. I'd -like- to say every single one of them know this about me. I'm there for them when they need me, without fail. But when it comes to things like calling, or making plans, etc... I do my best to communicate why I absolutely suck at that, and make sure they know that that isn't any reflection of how I feel about them. I think I'm lucky though... while I'm sure most of my friends would prefer me to commit to plans, etc., a little earlier than what I actually do, they appreciate the fact that to make up for this, I'm pretty much down for anything at the last minute. And let's be honest, most people aren't as willing to drop everything for something/someone like we are.... or at least we take it to a whole new level.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I'm not trying to be mean, but regarding what you've said and what a few others like stellar renegade have said...to a lot of people, this attitude would come across as pure selfishness. Regardless of type, I don't think it's unnatural for people to expect a bit of commitment from their friends. The chances are good that they've made a certain commitment to you and are hurt that you don't seem to value their friendship or be committed to them in the slightest.

    Would you call it selfishness or do you see it a different way? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I really want to understand this.
    Nah, I understand. But as I mentioned above, it is in no way a reflection of how I feel about my friendship with someone. I do make a commitment to them... in my own little way. The thing is, it takes me a long time to consider someone an important friend with my life. A good 80% of those people are people I've known for 4+ years. STPs are very "what you see is what you get." If I wasn't committed, I wouldn't still be in contact, no matter who initiated it. In my mind, if I pick up the phone, or make it out to see you (even if it might have taken a while to get plans down), that means I like and appreciate my relationship with you. Because even responding to some short Facebook post to an old friend I don't much care about is taxing. I'm not sure if that helped my case or not... but I would like to add that while we are sickeningly independent, we -know- this about ourselves and know people don't much care for it. The people that genuinely care about me know this as well, and give me my freedom. In return, I keep coming back, showing my affection in whatever ways an ISTP possibly can, and give them the same exact freedom.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

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