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[ISTP] ISTP scared of love!!

lauranna

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Ok so I know you wanted to stop all these ISTP romantic emotional shit threads so I apologize for creating another one!

Basically I've fallen in love. I thought falling love was one of those crazy things that over emotional Fs did with their spare time but it appears to have happened to me too.
At the grand old age of 26 after plenty of messing people around, I have fallen for an ISFJ. We've been seeing each other for 6 months now and I'm still totally besotted with her. She is the only person to ever conjure up real feeling from my heart of stone. I feel so strongly for her it utterly scares me. I don't even recognize myself and my behaviour.

She's totally crazy about me too and we have this sickeningly perfect relationship. I send her texts and call her every day and tell her I love her all the time because she needs to hear it and because I actually do love her.

Anyway you may be wondering what the problem is? I have the perfect relationship, where's the issue?
I'm in love and it scares me. I'm having depths of emotion and feeling that I never thought were possible and I don't trust it. It's a totally unnatural state for me to be in and I don't trust myself to make rational decisions cos it all comes back to her. I don't even recognize myself anymore and it scares me. My friends think she is amazing and I have changed for the better since being with her. Which is cool. But I don't feel in control of this love thing.. I think it's disorting my ability to think clearly! Help!

Rational logical advice would be awesome :)
 

LEGERdeMAIN

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I can't legally recommend suicide, but I can say that you're an infp and should be banned from procreating.
 

Heinel

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Why can't you make rational decisions?

As far as I can see making rational decisions and factoring people into the equation isn't mutually exclusive. I mean, the only place I got stuck on was at the beginning where you have to give up a forest for a tree. It seems like you've already breezed through that.
 

lauranna

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I can't legally recommend suicide, but I can say that you're an infp and should be banned from procreating.

Thanks for your helpful advice. I'm actually not confused over my type at all but you'll be pleased to know I have no plans for procreation.
 

lauranna

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Why can't you make rational decisions?

As far as I can see making rational decisions and factoring people into the equation isn't mutually exclusive. I mean, the only place I got stuck on was at the beginning where you have to give up a forest for a tree. It seems like you've already breezed through that.

I don't know maybe I can still make rational decisions... Just like i'm looking at moving for work and guess I'm now having to take someone else into consideration. She was shocked and hurt that I'd made my own decision to apply for this job I think... So yeah I m still making the decisions... But then maybe it was the wrong decision if it hurts her? Oh I don't know... It just seems like she's blurring my decision making process. My feelings for her are becoming part of any decisions I make... And as I don't trust feelings I'm finding this kind of tough.

But as for giving up the forest for just one tree... I honestly never ever thought I'd find a tree I liked that much. But there you go. I'm shocking myself that I haven't got bored of this tree yet and found a newer shinier tree to play with ;-).
 

Bamboo

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Jesus, what miserable timing for posting on this forum, eh? ISTPs don't want to hear it, and it's thanksgiving in the US.

Some somewhat rational notes and advice:

- First off, humans aren't rational creatures to begin with. So no big loss.

That said, that answer will work for about 1 in 10,000 people. Moving on.

- I think the ISTP decision making process is very much grounded on feel. In the vacuum of not having much emotion, we are able to train ourselves into taking certain actions, having certain thoughts, etc. This is opposed to using some external guideline, like an ESTJ for instance. These actions are cued by sparks of emotion. This is what I found through observation of my own feelings.

This works well, as long as there isn't too much emotional static. Right now, you're being flooded with emotion, and it's mixing up all your signals.

So my advice: if you want to regain your decision making capacity, just keep trying to go about your business (and carry on with the love emotion). You'll quickly figure out which signals mean what, and be able to filter out all this new emotion in order to complete your tasks. Selective focus is a valuable skill, just takes time to work. And of course, when you are with her, then just let the feelings run as they are.

Now will it really work that neatly? Unlikely. Any one aspect of your life is prone to affecting the others. But it'll become more manageable. It couldn't hurt to improve your skill of focus - it might help. If not, having clearer focus is a good thing regardless.

_____________________________________


Ok, that ain't bad. It's not really earth-shattering advice - just wait it out, you'll be able to sort things out well enough soon. And it's going to be some compromise, you can't have things the way they were and the way they will be all together 'in the now', but that doesn't mean you won't enjoy how it turns out.




Disclaimer: I'm some 20 year old guy. I don't know a damn thing, but hell, who does? Long term relationships aren't a strong suit for me, either. But it's something, take it or leave it. Cheers.
 

LEGERdeMAIN

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i'm not a conglomeration of four letters either, but, i'm happy to hear that we both are not procreating. Actually, i like to donate sperm so maybe I am procreating unknowingly.

You seem to be somewhat intelligent. I would just go with the flow if I were you. Also, humans are definitely rational and rationalizing beings. I believe the young lad has got it mixed up.
 

Poki

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My opinion would be to not make life changing decisions during this time period. If I may ask what side of you is it bringing out? How have you changed?

edit: and I agree with bamboo, Hold onto what you have. love is not a decision, but to pull away out of fear is.
 

sLiPpY

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Sounds like a 3rd Chakra issue to me... Suggest exploring a 3rd Chakra meditation.

Thinking it will either give you a better comfort zone, or identify a previous life experience that lends to present discomfort.
 

LEGERdeMAIN

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Sounds like a 3rd Chakra issue to me... Suggest exploring a 3rd Chakra meditation.

Thinking it will either give you a better comfort zone, or identify a previous life experience that lends to present discomfort.

hippy
 

Domino

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Being truly in love is terrifying because you feel out of control on a very basic level. This, to me, is a very good sign, so refrain from making any major decisions, for the better or no, at this time so you can fully absorb and adjust to what's happening.

It's hard not to want to distrust what seems to be appearing straight out of the cosmic ether, but just relax into it, girl, and see where it goes. Deep breaths. :)
 

Poki

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Being truly in love is terrifying because you feel out of control on a very basic level. This, to me, is a very good sign, so refrain from making any major decisions, for the better or no, at this time so you can fully absorb and adjust to what's happening.

It's hard not to want to distrust what seems to be appearing straight out of the cosmic ether, but just relax into it, girl, and see where it goes. Deep breaths. :)

A wise smart women :yes:
 

Sinmara

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You scored yourself an ISFJ...go you! I love ISFJs. They're sweethearts.

As a fellow xSTP, I have this advice for you: Don't screw it up.

Don't over-think things. This isn't a puzzle to solve. Forget about control. This is not a control issue, it's a sharing issue. We xSTPs tend to be selfish little bastards sometimes and we hate to feel vulnerable. Don't push her away just because the closeness is causing you to freak out a bit.

I say this speaking from my own experiences with learning to let go and trust my partner. I had to have some painful lessons and be dragged through the dirt before I realized that I was keeping my partners at a distance because I was too afraid of what might happen to let them in.

It's safe to share yourself with an ISFJ. They'll be gentle with you. :)
 

jixmixfix

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don't define yourself by your personality type..personality type theories are stereotypes that try to understand how we function as humans. A thinker can feel emotional and a feeler can think very rationally. So no your not suppose to force yourself to become a robot because you haven't truly felt this way before.
 

sLiPpY

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don't define yourself by your personality type..personality type theories are stereotypes that try to understand how we function as humans. A thinker can feel emotional and a feeler can think very rationally. So no your not suppose to force yourself to become a robot because you haven't truly felt this way before.

You mean the NT's aren't robots? :huh:
 

Poki

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You mean the NT's aren't robots? :huh:

Ive seen one start to tear up before. Put them in a stressful situation where they must apply things like theory or problem solving quickly and the feelings come out. Not making fun, just what I have seen.
 

sLiPpY

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So NT's are more like C3PO vs. Cylons
 

Domino

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Ive seen one start to tear up before. Put them in a stressful situation where they must apply things like theory or problem solving quickly and the feelings come out. Not making fun, just what I have seen.

Nah, man, that's a hydraulic fluid leak. There's a kit stored in their rears to fix that.
 
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