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  1. #1
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Default ISTP scared of love!!

    Ok so I know you wanted to stop all these ISTP romantic emotional shit threads so I apologize for creating another one!

    Basically I've fallen in love. I thought falling love was one of those crazy things that over emotional Fs did with their spare time but it appears to have happened to me too.
    At the grand old age of 26 after plenty of messing people around, I have fallen for an ISFJ. We've been seeing each other for 6 months now and I'm still totally besotted with her. She is the only person to ever conjure up real feeling from my heart of stone. I feel so strongly for her it utterly scares me. I don't even recognize myself and my behaviour.

    She's totally crazy about me too and we have this sickeningly perfect relationship. I send her texts and call her every day and tell her I love her all the time because she needs to hear it and because I actually do love her.

    Anyway you may be wondering what the problem is? I have the perfect relationship, where's the issue?
    I'm in love and it scares me. I'm having depths of emotion and feeling that I never thought were possible and I don't trust it. It's a totally unnatural state for me to be in and I don't trust myself to make rational decisions cos it all comes back to her. I don't even recognize myself anymore and it scares me. My friends think she is amazing and I have changed for the better since being with her. Which is cool. But I don't feel in control of this love thing.. I think it's disorting my ability to think clearly! Help!

    Rational logical advice would be awesome :-)

  2. #2
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I can't legally recommend suicide, but I can say that you're an infp and should be banned from procreating.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  3. #3
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Why can't you make rational decisions?

    As far as I can see making rational decisions and factoring people into the equation isn't mutually exclusive. I mean, the only place I got stuck on was at the beginning where you have to give up a forest for a tree. It seems like you've already breezed through that.
    Check out my blog: http://OrnateRitual.com

  4. #4
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaybeLogic View Post
    I can't legally recommend suicide, but I can say that you're an infp and should be banned from procreating.
    Thanks for your helpful advice. I'm actually not confused over my type at all but you'll be pleased to know I have no plans for procreation.

  5. #5
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    Why can't you make rational decisions?

    As far as I can see making rational decisions and factoring people into the equation isn't mutually exclusive. I mean, the only place I got stuck on was at the beginning where you have to give up a forest for a tree. It seems like you've already breezed through that.
    I don't know maybe I can still make rational decisions... Just like i'm looking at moving for work and guess I'm now having to take someone else into consideration. She was shocked and hurt that I'd made my own decision to apply for this job I think... So yeah I m still making the decisions... But then maybe it was the wrong decision if it hurts her? Oh I don't know... It just seems like she's blurring my decision making process. My feelings for her are becoming part of any decisions I make... And as I don't trust feelings I'm finding this kind of tough.

    But as for giving up the forest for just one tree... I honestly never ever thought I'd find a tree I liked that much. But there you go. I'm shocking myself that I haven't got bored of this tree yet and found a newer shinier tree to play with ;-).

  6. #6
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    Jesus, what miserable timing for posting on this forum, eh? ISTPs don't want to hear it, and it's thanksgiving in the US.

    Some somewhat rational notes and advice:

    - First off, humans aren't rational creatures to begin with. So no big loss.

    That said, that answer will work for about 1 in 10,000 people. Moving on.

    - I think the ISTP decision making process is very much grounded on feel. In the vacuum of not having much emotion, we are able to train ourselves into taking certain actions, having certain thoughts, etc. This is opposed to using some external guideline, like an ESTJ for instance. These actions are cued by sparks of emotion. This is what I found through observation of my own feelings.

    This works well, as long as there isn't too much emotional static. Right now, you're being flooded with emotion, and it's mixing up all your signals.

    So my advice: if you want to regain your decision making capacity, just keep trying to go about your business (and carry on with the love emotion). You'll quickly figure out which signals mean what, and be able to filter out all this new emotion in order to complete your tasks. Selective focus is a valuable skill, just takes time to work. And of course, when you are with her, then just let the feelings run as they are.

    Now will it really work that neatly? Unlikely. Any one aspect of your life is prone to affecting the others. But it'll become more manageable. It couldn't hurt to improve your skill of focus - it might help. If not, having clearer focus is a good thing regardless.

    _____________________________________


    Ok, that ain't bad. It's not really earth-shattering advice - just wait it out, you'll be able to sort things out well enough soon. And it's going to be some compromise, you can't have things the way they were and the way they will be all together 'in the now', but that doesn't mean you won't enjoy how it turns out.




    Disclaimer: I'm some 20 year old guy. I don't know a damn thing, but hell, who does? Long term relationships aren't a strong suit for me, either. But it's something, take it or leave it. Cheers.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  7. #7
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    i'm not a conglomeration of four letters either, but, i'm happy to hear that we both are not procreating. Actually, i like to donate sperm so maybe I am procreating unknowingly.

    You seem to be somewhat intelligent. I would just go with the flow if I were you. Also, humans are definitely rational and rationalizing beings. I believe the young lad has got it mixed up.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


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    My opinion would be to not make life changing decisions during this time period. If I may ask what side of you is it bringing out? How have you changed?

    edit: and I agree with bamboo, Hold onto what you have. love is not a decision, but to pull away out of fear is.
    Im out, its been fun

  9. #9
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    Sounds like a 3rd Chakra issue to me... Suggest exploring a 3rd Chakra meditation.

    Thinking it will either give you a better comfort zone, or identify a previous life experience that lends to present discomfort.

  10. #10
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    Sounds like a 3rd Chakra issue to me... Suggest exploring a 3rd Chakra meditation.

    Thinking it will either give you a better comfort zone, or identify a previous life experience that lends to present discomfort.
    hippy
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


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