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Thread: Witty comments

  1. #1
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    Default Witty comments

    Just post all witty stories you have. I will start out.

    Last night we were transoprting a small(2 gallon) fishtank that I drained half the water out of. I went around a turn and hit a bump and my wife made a comment about it splashing onto her leg as it was between her feet. I responded "I'm not licking your legs tonight" my other thought was "Im not sucking on your toes tonight" but my son was in the car and that would not go over well if he said that at school.
    Im out, its been fun

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    I was out having lunch last week, and there were two cute 70+ year old ladies at the table behind me.

    They were talking about how long they'd individually lived in town. How long each pastor was at their church. I stopped listening and focused on food.

    Suddenly, one lady says to the other... "You are just so full of "it"...*insert four letter word of choice here*

    The contrast led me to laugh so hard I spit my tea out.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Willfrey's Avatar
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    This may be one of those 'you had to be there' moments, but as me and my best friend do we *always* talk shit to eachother. I forget what I'd told him in this instance, but it prompted him to respond

    "Where you get that joke? lamejokes.com?"

    "Yeah, right where you got that one."

    :>
    ...Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
    And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark...

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    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...tml#post935059

    I had a little accident in the philosophy forum.

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    Someone posted in a forum, "I feel so lost! I can't even find myself!"

    sLiPpY replies, "Have you considered GPS?"

  6. #6
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    I would always say this to my ESTJ mom and sister, who couldn't help but put their noses in my business and tell me how to do something because it's different from the way they would do it and therefore obviously wrong.

    "Thank you for your input. Would you like to explain to me how to wipe my ass next? I don't think my technique is quite up to standards."

    That would just make them so furious...lol.

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    My wife calls down the stairs as im leaving, "dont forget to turn your phone on"

    I responded "ok, if I forget just call me to remind me."
    Im out, its been fun

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    Member inebriato's Avatar
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    A disscusion between my friend about her ex.
    Me: "You deserve better, he is ugly anyway."
    Friend: "insert name here looks good in some lights."
    Me: "What, in the dark?"
    6w7.

  9. #9
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    My boyfriend called me one evening with excitement in his voice to tell me that he just discovered the most bizarre military perk: Military wives in the Airforce have a HUGE discount on breast implants. You only have to pay the price of the implants themselves.

    I told him, "Honey, if this is your way of proposing, you need to try again."

  10. #10
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
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    Telephone exchange:
    Telephone: Ring, ring, ring.
    Me: Hello.
    Heavy breather: loud breathing noises
    Me: You really should quit smoking
    (at this point, I hang up the telephone)
    I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.

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