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Thread: Witty comments

  1. #11
    Senior Member Willfrey's Avatar
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    "It's about time you picked up your phone, geeze"

    "I always pick up my phone. When I see it is you, I put it back down."


    *smirk*
    ...Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
    And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark...

  2. #12
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Me: *cooking soup and measuring out the bouillon powder to add to the water* I hope I mix this right. There's no measurement directions on the jar.
    Dad: Well, if you don't add enough you can put more in, and if you add too much you can take some out.
    Me:....wait, wtf?
    Dad: *wolfish grin* Just seeing if you're paying attention.

  3. #13
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Dad just reminded me of something he had done years and years ago. I had completely forgotten until tonight.

    My grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. He'd hide his booze all around the house, pretty typical alcoholic behavior.

    My grandparents lived with us for a little while back when I was a kid because they had lost their house and were looking for an apartment. Dad told my grandfather that under no circumstances will he allow alcohol in his house. If he has to get drunk, do it elsewhere and be sober by time he gets home cuz he's not stepping foot through his door if he's drunk.

    Grandpa completely ignored what he said and thought he'd be sneaky by sneaking alcohol into the house. (People, don't try to fool an ISTP. They notice. )

    Dad went around and collected all of the alcohol bottles.

    Then, he bought several tubes of super glue.

    He glued the caps to all the bottles.

    He glued the bottles to each other.

    Then he glued the bottles to the counter.

    It was one huge lump of alcohol and glass.

    Grandpa came home from work and the ensuing battle was EPIC.

    I can still see the faint outline of where the bottles were glued down on the counter top.

  4. #14
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    wife was beat down with son while we were in the car.

    Untwisted the shifter knob handed it to her and asked if she wanted to help shift.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #15
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    "I'm not much interested in pronography. I don't even own a pornographer."

    "We had named our cat Tigger, but in the interests of being politically correct, we have changed his name to Tegro."

  6. #16
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    My boss walked in and asked if we have any "canned air."

    I turned and pointed to the back of my co-workers head, "hot or cold?"

    It was a little difficult to contain the laughter.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Willfrey's Avatar
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    This... Is the most nerdy joke ever but I snicker uncontrollably when I think about it... context is that my friend was talking about video games.

    ".....so have you been looking at Lost Planet 2 at all?"

    "Your mom was looking at my two lost planets until I had to gamma ray burst in her eyes"
    ...Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
    And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark...

  8. #18
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    A fellow student was changing a tire in class and having difficulty. He enlisted the help of another student but to no use. This caught the attention of the teacher and as I walked by he motioned me to come over and take a look, "Why can't he get this tire on?" he says. I look at the tire and reply to the student, "You need lube." After a few seconds of silence and all of us looking at the tire I go, "....or you can just spit on it."

    The students busted out laughing and my teacher turned red, shook his head and started laughing.
    ~luck favors the ready~


    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  9. #19
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    at a friend's house hanging out with some chums.
    my friend's ESFP roommate (who has quite an ego) comes home a while later, covered in face paint and smiling.
    we all looked at her, and of course had to ask what she had been up to.
    she acts as though it's no big thing to come home covered in face paint, and replies along the lines of, "oooh, nothing. just the usual crazy stuff."
    i replied, "ah, just another day in the life of _____."
    she glanced at me suspectfully after that and scuffled off to her room.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

  10. #20
    Dali
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    Setting: large dinner-party at friend's house.
    Situation: I released my friend's beautiful, large Persian cat from his enclosure (he gets freaked out by visitors) for a few minutes in order to pet him. He bolted into the night. I jumped walls and whatnot to try and get him but... heh, try catching a cat that doesn't want to be caught. So I morosely go and explain what's happened to the friend. She says he'll turn up the next morning as usual but mock-seriously chides me in front of everyone going "I just had him professionally groomed yesterday. Cost me quite a bit of money and he'll now come back all dirty and bedraggled. Dali, how could you?" I pause for two seconds then respond "I'll groom him myself". *everyone falls about laughing*

    Eh, you kinda had to be there.

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