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  1. #71
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Help me Halla!

    I dislike exercising. I hate jogging because even with a cast iron sports bra, my boobs hurt. I hate swimming because the chlorine burns my eyes no matter what goggles I use. I tried yoga but I am so inflexible I have to go to the remedial class. I have done aerobics and learned to be good at it but my knees seem to be punished now that I've entered a new decade (you know what I mean). I use the elliptical / treadmill / exercise bike but lose concentration and have actually tripped and fallen off. Walking is boring and even worse, when I take the dog - although I try to be a calm assertive pack leader, he pulls and pulls when he sees other dogs. But I do take him out three times a day I might add, half hour each time. He's a big dog, who deserves to be out, but I find it frustrating.

    My question: is it possible to learn to love exercising? Am I doomed to never find a routine that I ultimately love to do? Do you have any suggestions? Am I just being a whiner?

    And I have had a personal trainer before, who made me exercise consistently, but I just can't afford that non-stop. I just want to do something that keeps me healthy without a huge investment of $$$$ or takes hours and hours a week and that I actually ENJOY. What will work?

    Or is exercise just "no pain no gain" so "suck it up princess!"

  2. #72
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    We avoid scope creep by assembling detailed design docs up front. If you fail to nail something in place, the customer will try to milk it for all its worth; you can get taken to the cleaners if you leave the objectives for project completion open.
    This is the million dollar statement I was looking for. Oh yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    So what you are saying is that I can't ask another P to answer that question. That only leaves J's and their answers put me to sleep!
    Actually, I am saying quite the contrary. You may ask me, another "P", as to how to mitigate your tendencies to procrastinate. Then, I will add it to MY list of things that must do, but need to procrastinate over a few times in order to let it register on my radar. Then I'll get hungry and make some food and pig out. Then I'll take a nap. I'll probably take a shower when I get up. Damn it, the kitchen is a mess. Time to do some homework... Oh wait! Tom & Jerry is on TV!!!



    See where your answer is now???

    P.S. "J's" bore the hell out of me too. Wanna' go ride bicycles??!?!

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Help me Halla!

    I dislike exercising. I hate jogging because even with a cast iron sports bra, my boobs hurt. I hate swimming because the chlorine burns my eyes no matter what goggles I use. I tried yoga but I am so inflexible I have to go to the remedial class. I have done aerobics and learned to be good at it but my knees seem to be punished now that I've entered a new decade (you know what I mean). I use the elliptical / treadmill / exercise bike but lose concentration and have actually tripped and fallen off. Walking is boring and even worse, when I take the dog - although I try to be a calm assertive pack leader, he pulls and pulls when he sees other dogs. But I do take him out three times a day I might add, half hour each time. He's a big dog, who deserves to be out, but I find it frustrating.

    My question: is it possible to learn to love exercising? Am I doomed to never find a routine that I ultimately love to do? Do you have any suggestions? Am I just being a whiner?

    And I have had a personal trainer before, who made me exercise consistently, but I just can't afford that non-stop. I just want to do something that keeps me healthy without a huge investment of $$$$ or takes hours and hours a week and that I actually ENJOY. What will work?

    Or is exercise just "no pain no gain" so "suck it up princess!"
    Oooooooh, I like this one. I will answer after I get off work, and then start procrastinating on stuff at home.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
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    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  3. #73
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Understood…



    Wow. Altruism has its place in life, but so does self preservation. You can’t care for others if you yourself are consumed…right?
    Right. My line is when I feel it's interfering with the well-being of my children. I promised myself before I ever had kids that they would not grow up in the kind of instability I did.




    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    OWCH.



    Your younger brother is the only one I feel empathy for. The others are adults, and have chosen their paths, and are accountable for their actions…



    I know how that works. I didn’t talk with my brother for 4 years until an Aunt died. Then we were in common space again…



    Good on her for not pushing him on you at that time. I have a feeling your efforts in assisting her with moving in with you will be categorized under the gist of “the road to hell is paved with best intentions…” ?
    LOL. Probably. In the meantime, she's paying a bit of rent and I can't get her to stop cooking and cleaning (I hate cooking and cleaning), and I'd feel really guilty if something happened to her because she had to live someplace unsafe. We'll see how long it lasts.




    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Good for you in assessing the ground you have traversed over, accepting it for what it is, and mustering the courage to move forward…



    She needs to back off. Unfortunately that is not likely to happen.



    That’s called “DENIAL.” It’s a river in Egypt. Ironically enough it can be the first step towards recovery…



    Understood.



    Wow. I’ve seen the pain of the past denied by those who inflicted it many a time. That is a hard cycle to break. Realistically she will need to come to that realization on her own. Your brother being assertive, direct, and clear in expressing his feelings to her is one part of the equation. The other part is her actually listening, and responding in a way that your brother buys as legitimate. Communication is a two way street. Even if both sides give their best effort, if they don’t meet on a commonly understood wavelength, it can all be for not…



    Easy. Tell him she knows what she did, ask him how he feels, ask him what he needs with regard to his relationship with her, and then follow through with delivering what was requested. That would be a genuine effort to her patching things up, IMO.
    Makes sense. I don't think there is much I can do or suggest that would do any good at this point. I've pondered asking him to write her a letter explaining how he feels about things, but I'm pretty sure that would be an exercise in futility and only further widen the gap.


    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Also, as a side bar, I would consider finding a positive male role model fgor your brother, other than his Dad or even Step Dad (on his best day), be it a family friend, a sports coach, a member of his church, a neighbor, whomever. A sounding board is a good thing for a young man to have, and that person need not be a family member.

    One of the most important things for your brother’s life to be as happy as possible is not to make the mistakes of his parents. This is the case for all humans. He was young when a lot of this was unfolding around him. It would be really helpful if you or another family member could relay the series of events and secondary ramifications of all this to him as he contemplates in discourse with you over time. Bringing it up strategically is OK too, but do it passively, don’t expect a response, just deliver a relevant fact here our there and move on. It will all click eventually.

    Finally, if your brother is really upset about some or all of this, it wouldn’t hurt for him to talk to a counselor of some kind. At the tender age of 35 I went to one and got a lot of stuff straightened out in my head. Some of which I didn’t even know was there…like feelings
    Yeah. I'm sure this is going to take years for him to sort though. Fortunately, he does have an excellent (if up-tight, lol) home environment and is very involved in his church. He's going to Bible College a few states away in the fall, so that will kind of give him a safe place to get to know himself and think things over.

    He would probably confide somewhat in my husband, but I've sort of screwed up him coming over since mom is here now. I feel bad about that, but he isn't allowed to come over much anyway for fear that we will contaminate him with our heathen ways, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I hope some of what I have written is helpful to you. I wish you the best of luck.



    -Halla
    It really helps a lot to get another perspective. I doubt my own perspective when I'm so close to something. Worry that I won't see the forest for the trees. So thank you very much for the time and thought you've put into this. I appreciate it a lot.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #74
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    It really helps a lot to get another perspective. I doubt my own perspective when I'm so close to something. Worry that I won't see the forest for the trees. So thank you very much for the time and thought you've put into this. I appreciate it a lot.
    You are very welcome!!!
    Good luck!!!

    -Halla

    -----------------

    NOTE:

    I will be on Vent tomorrow about 6:00 PM EST.

    I will continue to be on Vent until my dog needs to poop, or I fall out of my chair, or I run out of vodka.

    That is all.




    Halla is solo this weekend.
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  5. #75
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I will continue to be on Vent until my dog needs to poop, or I fall out of my chair, or I run out of vodka.
    This is full of win.

  6. #76
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Help me Halla!
    I'll do my best!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I dislike exercising. I hate jogging because even with a cast iron sports bra, my boobs hurt. I hate swimming because the chlorine burns my eyes no matter what goggles I use. I tried yoga but I am so inflexible I have to go to the remedial class. I have done aerobics and learned to be good at it but my knees seem to be punished now that I've entered a new decade (you know what I mean). I use the elliptical / treadmill / exercise bike but lose concentration and have actually tripped and fallen off.
    You are devoid of natural athletic competitiveness. Despite popular beliefs, being as such is not a crime.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Walking is boring
    I hate walking too. I only walk because it serves as a means to transport me from one objective to another. I actually walk so fast that people get out of my way when they hear me storming behind them. One lady told me that she hopes I learn to slow down before I'm old. I told her I'd try as I rounded the corner half a mile past her 2 seconds later.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    ...and even worse, when I take the dog - although I try to be a calm assertive pack leader, he pulls and pulls when he sees other dogs.
    You can't be a calm and assertive pack leader with a BIG DOG if you are not a BIG PERSON. He knows his strength, he knows your strength, and he knows your patience. He wears you down bit by bit because he knows that once he does, he will be able to go sniff out rabbit poop or the butt of the little Maltese that swanks past him. You need to practice your drill instructor command voice. Get a coach's whistle with a steel ball in it, that will get his attention. Get a leather training lead, no longer than 3 feet long. Walk his ass on a short leash at your discretion for a few weeks. Make him sit at each intersection until you say to go again. Give him a treat from time to time on these walks as he conforms. Then 2 months later you can extend the leash to 5-6 feet and he will be so grateful that he'll enjoy his liberty and retain the respect he has for you. I had a Shepherd/Retriever male dog for 13 years. He was awesome. But it took me 3-4 months to break him in on a leash.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    But I do take him out three times a day I might add, half hour each time. He's a big dog, who deserves to be out, but I find it frustrating.
    You're a good dog owner.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    My question: is it possible to learn to love exercising?
    YES. But, you have to learn to love it for reasons that make sense to YOU. What are my motivations for being a exercise fanatic? When I was a kid (born in 74') the golden era of modern bodybuilding was peaking. My Dad and brother had pin-ups of Schwarzenegger, Zane, Draper, all the greats on the walls of the basement. We all lifted together regularly, Dad was 43, Bro was 15, I was 6. I had little baby 2 weights they made for me. It was hilarious. But I learned the moves.

    So, to me, bodybuilding has just been a part of life. I always thought that was what BIG KIDS were supposed to grow up to look like. Fortunately for me, I have always enjoyed it. I am unable to "meditate" because I am too hyper. I have always had an inexplicable desire to be able to cause immediate change in my surroundings if compelled to do so, and strength ha been a great tool to exacerbate that impetus.

    Outside of my natural love of weightlifting, I do it to remain healthy, fit, and let's not be too damn altruistic, to be buff, yes vanity is part of the equation. I want to be fit. Sue me.

    SOOOO, let's look at the obvious motivations to exercise: (1) To look "fit" and "attractive", (2) to be heatlhy, (3) to feel good, and (4) to achieve some physical feat (e.g. running a marathon, squatting your bodyweight 25 times, etc.) or any combination of the above.

    WHY is it that you THINK you NEED to develop a LOVE of exercise?

    Once you identify that, then it is necessary to decide HOW MUCH that goal is WORTH to YOU.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Am I doomed to never find a routine that I ultimately love to do?
    No. But you must search your soul, identify a routine that has a realistic capcacity to achieve your objective, and COMMIT to performing it (nutrition, cardio, weights, aerobics class, pilates, etc.) until you reach your objective. Your an INFJ, so the word "COMMIT" should come second nature to you, if you can associate it with an IDEAL that you truly believe in.

    I've been married to an INFJ for 15 years BTW...

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Do you have any suggestions?
    Of course.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Am I just being a whiner?
    Not yet. You are in "exploratory whining." You are frustrated as it appears you haves some desire to embrace a more fit lifestyle, but your attempts to do so have gone unrewarded, and you are frustrated. Don't give up...GET MAD.

    FITNESS is a LIFESTYLE.

    Once you find a routine that will work for you, you will have to perform it for no less than 3 weeks (21 days to establish a new good habit, on average) before your brain even accepts it. It is only at the end of that 21 day period, maybe even as late as 30 days, that you will see or feel any results.

    BUT - once you get there...LOOK OUT. Things start barrelling forward in exactly the direction you want, and with MUCH less effort than it took to establish your routine. Think of this in terms of physics: It takes alot of energy to get a big boulder moving, but once it is moving, the only energy needed to keep it moving is enough to counteract the friction between the boulder and the ground. The same is true of establishing a fit lifestyle.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    And I have had a personal trainer before, who made me exercise consistently, but I just can't afford that non-stop.
    Human beings have an inexhaustible desire for services. You are not the only one. This is normal.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I just want to do something that keeps me healthy without a huge investment of $$$$ or takes hours and hours a week and that I actually ENJOY.
    DEFINE your ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS:

    (1) What is healthy? (Body weight? Abilty to jog 2 miles? Eating healthy? You really need to define this! What is your goal?!?!?!)

    (2) What is your tolerance for investment? Upfront acquisition cost? Monthly membership>? Define your threshold. If you don't I can't formulate possible solutions.

    (3) What is the acceptable amount of time you wish to spend per week exercising? Don't think in terms of hours per day. Think in terms of 3-4 times per week. What about 1 hour 3-4 times per week? Could you do that???

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    What will work?

    Or is exercise just "no pain no gain" so "suck it up princess!"
    Once you answer the questions above we'll get to this part...

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    This is full of win.


    MEGA-ME = NUN-YA
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  7. #77
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    YES. But, you have to learn to love it for reasons that make sense to YOU. What are my motivations for being a exercise fanatic? When I was a kid (born in 74') the golden era of modern bodybuilding was peaking. My Dad and brother had pin-ups of Schwarzenegger, Zane, Draper, all the greats on the walls of the basement. We all lifted together regularly, Dad was 43, Bro was 15, I was 6. I had little baby 2 weights they made for me. It was hilarious. But I learned the moves.

    So, to me, bodybuilding has just been a part of life. I always thought that was what BIG KIDS were supposed to grow up to look like. Fortunately for me, I have always enjoyed it. I am unable to "meditate" because I am too hyper. I have always had an inexplicable desire to be able to cause immediate change in my surroundings if compelled to do so, and strength ha been a great tool to exacerbate that impetus.

    Outside of my natural love of weightlifting, I do it to remain healthy, fit, and let's not be too damn altruistic, to be buff, yes vanity is part of the equation. I want to be fit. Sue me.

    SOOOO, let's look at the obvious motivations to exercise: (1) To look "fit" and "attractive", (2) to be heatlhy, (3) to feel good, and (4) to achieve some physical feat (e.g. running a marathon, squatting your bodyweight 25 times, etc.) or any combination of the above.

    WHY is it that you THINK you NEED to develop a LOVE of exercise?

    Once you identify that, then it is necessary to decide HOW MUCH that goal is WORTH to YOU.



    No. But you must search your soul, identify a routine that has a realistic capcacity to achieve your objective, and COMMIT to performing it (nutrition, cardio, weights, aerobics class, pilates, etc.) until you reach your objective. Your an INFJ, so the word "COMMIT" should come second nature to you, if you can associate it with an IDEAL that you truly believe in.

    Not yet. You are in "exploratory whining." You are frustrated as it appears you haves some desire to embrace a more fit lifestyle, but your attempts to do so have gone unrewarded, and you are frustrated. Don't give up...GET MAD.

    FITNESS is a LIFESTYLE.

    Once you find a routine that will work for you, you will have to perform it for no less than 3 weeks (21 days to establish a new good habit, on average) before your brain even accepts it. It is only at the end of that 21 day period, maybe even as late as 30 days, that you will see or feel any results.

    BUT - once you get there...LOOK OUT. Things start barrelling forward in exactly the direction you want, and with MUCH less effort than it took to establish your routine. Think of this in terms of physics: It takes alot of energy to get a big boulder moving, but once it is moving, the only energy needed to keep it moving is enough to counteract the friction between the boulder and the ground. The same is true of establishing a fit lifestyle.

    DEFINE your ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS:

    (1) What is healthy? (Body weight? Abilty to jog 2 miles? Eating healthy? You really need to define this! What is your goal?!?!?!)

    (2) What is your tolerance for investment? Upfront acquisition cost? Monthly membership>? Define your threshold. If you don't I can't formulate possible solutions.

    (3) What is the acceptable amount of time you wish to spend per week exercising? Don't think in terms of hours per day. Think in terms of 3-4 times per week. What about 1 hour 3-4 times per week? Could you do that???
    Excellent advise!

  8. #78
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    ^Thank you very much, countrygirl!
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  9. #79
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    Softer martial arts? Tai Chi, B?guŕzh?ng, Aikido...

  10. #80
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    Softer martial arts? Tai Chi, B?guŕzh?ng, Aikido...
    I did not know Aikido was considered a "softer" martial art.

    Isn't one of its principles to "use your opponents energy/momentum to redirect their action so that it works in your favor?"

    Instead of blocking their punch and hitting them back (hard style) do something more efficient, like Steven Seagall does in movies?
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

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