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[MBTI General] Stuck? Befuddled? Betwixt? Confounded? Halla will Help You...

Domino

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ROFL!!!

*ahem*

*steals duckie*
 

Halla74

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About five years ago, my mom (E?S?FP) left her husband of 15-ish years because of substance abuse issues. Less than a month after that, she met a guy at a homeless shelter who is twenty years her junior and got into a relationship with him.

Understood…

I was skeptical of his intentions, but willing to reserve judgment. He turned out to have a history of criminal fraud and he seemed to be manipulating my mom. I was not comfortable being around him or having him around my family, but my mom could not accept that and kept trying to force me to accept him into my life. Eventually, I had to break ties with her because I couldn't get her to stop. Also, she broke up with him several times and came to me for help to get away from him, then would go back to him within days. It was hard to help move her and stuff with four kids and was physically and emotionally draining.

Wow. Altruism has its place in life, but so does self preservation. You can’t care for others if you yourself are consumed…right?

About six months after they met, they got married and within days her new husband was arrested for check fraud.

OWCH.

Mom went back to her substance abusing ex, the father of my youngest brother who was then around 13.

They were together for about six months when mom decided to leave again and resumed her relationship with fraud guy while he was in prison. My youngest brother flipped out and wanted nothing to do with her. He stayed with his dad for awhile, but when Dad fell off the wagon, he ended up staying with our middle brother and his wife (above reproach SJ pastoring family). They persuaded both parents to sign over guardianship, though neither parent agreed to any kind of monetary support.

Your younger brother is the only one I feel empathy for. The others are adults, and have chosen their paths, and are accountable for their actions…

There was something like an uneasy, distant peace until this summer when my aunt died and I didn't have the heart to not speak with my mother.

I know how that works. I didn’t talk with my brother for 4 years until an Aunt died. Then we were in common space again…

She didn't push fraud guy on me and seemed to understand where I was coming from. I don't know whether the renewed relationship had anything to do with it or not, but mom ended up divorcing fraud guy this last fall. She was having a hard time making it, so she moved in with us.

Good on her for not pushing him on you at that time. I have a feeling your efforts in assisting her with moving in with you will be categorized under the gist of “the road to hell is paved with best intentions…” 

I really like my mom. She does some weird stuff sometimes, but she is also generally kind and thoughtful. As long as I don't have to deal with boyfriends that weird me out, we're really okay. I was, however, really hurt by some of the stuff that fraud guy said to me and things my mom said to me while she was with him. I felt pretty betrayed and disrespected. I think I've moved on, more or less, and I'm happy with how things are, though I know they could change at any time.

Good for you in assessing the ground you have traversed over, accepting it for what it is, and mustering the courage to move forward… :yes:

The problem is, my youngest brother - now almost 18, has really not gotten over any of it. Mom keeps pushing and doing stuff like showing up at his church doing weird stuff (she's kind of a cuckoo charismatic religious nut) that embarrasses him in front of his friends. The more she pushes, the more she pushes him away.

She needs to back off. Unfortunately that is not likely to happen.

She doesn't understand what his problem is. She thinks fraud guy wasn't really any worse than my brother's dad and that people get remarried all the time, so he should get over it.

That’s called “DENIAL.” It’s a river in Egypt. Ironically enough it can be the first step towards recovery… :doh:

Now I'm not saying pill guy is better than fraud guy, but pill guy is dad and fraud guy is not. And it's not a normal remarriage to hook up with an ex-con young enough to be your son that you met at a homeless shelter and moved in with in a matter of months. All of us kids kind of freaked out and our personalities are pretty different from each other.

Understood.

So all that to ask: Is there a way to help her understand that my brother's feelings about what she did are valid and that she needs to give him time?

Wow. I’ve seen the pain of the past denied by those who inflicted it many a time. That is a hard cycle to break. Realistically she will need to come to that realization on her own. Your brother being assertive, direct, and clear in expressing his feelings to her is one part of the equation. The other part is her actually listening, and responding in a way that your brother buys as legitimate. Communication is a two way street. Even if both sides give their best effort, if they don’t meet on a commonly understood wavelength, it can all be for not…

Also, what are some things she could to do show my brother that she cares without making him feel pressured and invalidated?

Easy. Tell him she knows what she did, ask him how he feels, ask him what he needs with regard to his relationship with her, and then follow through with delivering what was requested. That would be a genuine effort to her patching things up, IMO.

Also, as a side bar, I would consider finding a positive male role model fgor your brother, other than his Dad or even Step Dad (on his best day), be it a family friend, a sports coach, a member of his church, a neighbor, whomever. A sounding board is a good thing for a young man to have, and that person need not be a family member.

One of the most important things for your brother’s life to be as happy as possible is not to make the mistakes of his parents. This is the case for all humans. He was young when a lot of this was unfolding around him. It would be really helpful if you or another family member could relay the series of events and secondary ramifications of all this to him as he contemplates in discourse with you over time. Bringing it up strategically is OK too, but do it passively, don’t expect a response, just deliver a relevant fact here our there and move on. It will all click eventually.

Finally, if your brother is really upset about some or all of this, it wouldn’t hurt for him to talk to a counselor of some kind. At the tender age of 35 I went to one and got a lot of stuff straightened out in my head. Some of which I didn’t even know was there…like feelings :doh:

I hope some of what I have written is helpful to you. I wish you the best of luck.

:hug:

-Halla
 

Halla74

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The Analyst's Emergeny Toolkit...

Hello everyone,

By trade, part of what I do is business analysis/system analysis. I created a direct, summarized version of my generic analytical methodology that can be used to map out a solution to any problem, I dare say business or personal.

Having a method by which to solve things provides you with comfort when you have to solve something you don't fully understand. SImply go through the steps, and as you do, the picture of what you must do to successfully complete your work will begin to take form.

I'll be tweaking the formatting later today, but this is the core content.

If there are any questions let me know and I'll be happy to answer them.

:)

-Halla
---------------------------------------
Analyst's Emergency Toolkit:

I. Summary:
There will come a time every career where a problem must be solved and no obvious answer to it is in plain sight. Under such circumstances it is necessary to be able to perform analysis on the fly in order to formulate a solution to the problem at hand. This document provides a simple yet effective problem solving methodology that can be applied to any situation imaginable.

II. Identify your Purpose, Schedule, and Budget:
A) Purpose:
State the problem in plain language. Solving the problem is the purpose of your team. Examples of purpose statements include:

“Create an interface for citizens to quickly obtain their tax information from the city's web site.”

“Design a process that allows volunteers to be assigned to work with organizations needing additional personnel.”

B) Schedule:
Determine when the problem must be solved. Is the time frame realistic? If not, what is the cause for urgency? Is it possible to solve the problem in phases and ask the powers that be for some flexibility in solving the problem?

C) Budget:
How much money is available to dedicate to solving the problem? Is it enough? If not who will ask for more and what will the justification for additional funding be based on? Before asking for more funds please complete the estimating exercise in step VII-A, 1-3.

III. Limit the Scope:
Scope creep is when the project team risks drifting away from its original purpose and scope into unplanned additions (CITE: Scope creep - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). There is more than one solution to any problem. The only solution that matters is that which can satisfy the problem at hand in the time allotted with the funds available. Depending on the complexity of the problem, the amount of time, and money available it is necessary to choose a solution that is attainable with available resources. Three common levels of project solutions conceived by analysts are described below:

A) Minimum Acceptable Solution:
The problem is solved, all requirements are satisfied, but the solution might not be the most user friendly method of completing the work. Minimum acceptable solutions are usually selected when time, money, and manpower are in short supply but the problem cannot wait to be solved.

B) Middle of The Road:
Middle of the road solutions solve the problem and most likely are reasonably integrated into an existing workflow. These solutions can take anywhere from 3-6 months to formulate and implement. This level of work is often a good balance between functionality, cost, and time needed to implement.

C) Gold Plated:
Gold plated solutions are created when time and money are bountiful. These solutions are typically provided for high profile projects. All problem elements are addressed in an environment that is seamlessly integrated into the organization's information infrastructure. Automated data feeds, automatic population of information from data sources, and contextually designed screens provide users with pop-up help files on the fly. Gold plated solutions are usually outfitted with “sticky ends” or the ability to easily integrate with other systems if/when expansion is necessary in the future.

IV. Analysis Techniques:
The best way to quickly determine what a problem is really composed of is to utilize a combination of top-down and bottom-up analysis and design techniques. Once these two thinking exercises have occurred, it is necessary to rely on hard work and creativity to solve the remainder of the problem.

A) Top Down Analysis (~60% of a Problem Can Be Quickly Solved):
“Top down analysis is a problem solving mechanism whereby a given problem is successively broken down into smaller and smaller sub-problems or operations until a set of easily solvable (by computer) sub-problems is arrived at. The disadvantages of using a top down approach for detailed design, or the identification of individual implementation statements, may be listed as follows:

1. The designer ends up with very large tree structures.
2. There is no clear identification of the flow of control.
3. It is difficult to represent constructs such as selection, repetition and routine invocation.”

(CITE: 2CS21 - TOP DOWN ANALYSIS)

B) Bottom Up (~20% of a Problem Can Be Quickly Solved):
“In a bottom-up approach the individual base elements of the system are first specified in great detail. These elements are then linked together to form larger subsystems, which then in turn are linked, sometimes in many levels, until a complete top-level system is formed.”

(CITE: Top-down and bottom-up design - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

C) Work + Creativity = Solving the Unknown (~20% of the Problem Remains):
Now that most of the problem has been conceptualized, it is time to begin brainstorming as to how to fill in the missing elements. Utilize internal resources, stakeholders at all levels, and consultants as budget allows. If the right diversity of thought is present, the problem will be solved. Be sure to have a champion of the proposed solution willing to sell it to senior management.

V. Gap Analysis (The Whiteboard is Your Friend, Draw a Picture!):
Gap analysis is a technique for the steps to be taken in moving from a current state to a desired future state. It begins with listing out the current factors/attributes to dtermine “what is,” then identifies factors needed to achieve future objectives or “what should be,” and finally highlights the gaps that need to be filled in order to create the desired change.

(CITE: gap analysis definition)

A) Where we are now (Point A).
B) Where we need to be (Point B).
C) What it will take to get us there (The plan to get from A to B).

VI. Process and Task Identification – Basic Project Schedule:
It is critical to identify major processes, tasks, and the interdependencies of tasks if a gap analysis is performed on a whiteboard. The goal of completing the gap analysis should be to have a rough draft project schedule. “A project schedule consists of a list of the project's terminal elements (processes) with intended start/finish dates. Terminal elements are those that cannot be further subdivided. The terminal elements should be estimated in terms of their resource requirements, budget, and duration, and also linked by dependencies.

(CITE: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schedule_project_management).”

A) Major processes (terminal elements) – The big parts of the problem are identified.
B) Tasks – What must be done to make processes happen?
C) Task interdependencies – What tasks must be completed before others?

VII. Determining Cost and Time of Major Tasks:
A) Estimating cost, effort, and time is easy if kept simple:

1. Break down big problems into manageable chunks

2. Estimate each smaller unit's time and money to complete

3. Then add all units of time and effort together, add some room for slack, and arrive at a rough budget and schedule.

B) Assign work by department, subject matter expert, or via outsourcing.

VIII. Closing Shop:

A) Document Open Issues:
Not everything will be solved, it is necessary to keep tabs on unresolved issues. Writing them in a spreadsheet log is useful.

B) Document Risks:
When brainstorming be sure to identify risks, such as what happens if a given part of the plan fails. Formulate mitigation strategies for risks when possible.

C) Publish Formal Meeting Minutes:
Decide who will edit final meeting notes and who will review them. Be sure to include legible copies of all diagrams made on the whiteboard.

D) Determine Next Steps:
When will the next meeting occur? Who will speak with the decision makers? What is the due date for the meeting minutes?

E) Go to Lunch:
Team building is important if you wish to keep staff happy when working under stress on a tight schedule. Food is a great reward for the participants of a serious problem solving session.

--------------------------------------
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
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Are you in a contest with yourself concerning "larger" more "colorful" font? It's cracking me up!

Q: How do I stop feeling bored when I have too much to do but none of it interests me?
 

Halla74

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Are you in a contest with yourself concerning "larger" more "colorful" font?

Yes! And I am WINNING!!! :cheese:

It's cracking me up!

Good! That is part of the intent. The other part is linked to a diabolical scheme that once completed will position me to be the manager of a lemonade stand in Idaho. :huh:

Q: How do I stop feeling bored when I have too much to do but none of it interests me?

Ooooooohhhhh...boy oh boy. I have been dealing with this for a few days now. :BangHead:

My "P" is in full effect. I can't get shit done.

You think huge colorful fonts are bad? Recently I've been including animated GIFs as part of my responses here. Why? BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!!

internet-cartoon-serious.jpg


Crazy_Kids.gif


Honestly, I need Ritalin sometimes when I get like this. :wacko: Then I'm at least able to do SOME productive stuff...until I logon here again. :cheese:

If I can come up with a better answer later I will reply.

For now, I say convince your husband to go out and make lots of money and then employ you as the family's retail therapist, allowing you to test if the money he is making can be spent at stores in your locale. :woot:
 

Udog

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Have you studied any martial arts? What is your opinion on the various styles?
 

Halla74

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Have you studied any martial arts? What is your opinion on the various styles?

My formal study of martial arts is limited. For information on this topic you might wish to speak to our very own DiscoBiscuit. He has actually advised me as of late, when I asked him about choice of Krav Maga as a good self defense discipline to learn. If I am not mistaken Disco is a Level II MMA (Mixed Martial Art) competitor.

When I was 8 I attended an Isshinryu (similar to Shotkan) karate dojo with my brother. He was the full contact champion in Hessian Germany at the time in his weight class (189 pounds). Most of my study after that involved being his punching bag at home, and then getting him back for it later. He's ten years older than me, so I had to play dirty. :devil:

After he was done with karate, he studied Wing Chun Kung Fu. He became a Bruce Lee fanatic for years. I never got into Kung Fu.

I wrestled for 2 years when I was younger as well. This has been the most utilitarian training to me, as any time someone has decided to engage with me physically, it has been of great benefit to be reflexive in locking up with them, extending my legs back so as to create a slight buffer of distance in order to assess their strength/leverage and determine whether to go in for a take down or neutralize them by other means.

It never hurts to know how to defend yourself. Me being a big guy is actually not a deterrent, as alot of drunk mean people want to prove themselves to the masses by getting into it with the big guy at the bar. :doh:
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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I don't have much input to offer to the Analysis Strategy.

This is pretty much the strategy I use here in my job on a programming team as a dev. I'm familiar with all of it.

We use Microsoft Project (well, my boss does) to create the itemized tasklist and calculate projected schedule and staff hours spent.

We avoid scope creep by assembling detailed design docs up front. If you fail to nail something in place, the customer will try to milk it for all its worth; you can get taken to the cleaners if you leave the objectives for project completion open.
 

Laurie

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My "P" is in full effect. I can't get shit done.

So what you are saying is that I can't ask another P to answer that question. That only leaves J's and their answers put me to sleep!
 

PeaceBaby

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Help me Halla!

I dislike exercising. I hate jogging because even with a cast iron sports bra, my boobs hurt. I hate swimming because the chlorine burns my eyes no matter what goggles I use. I tried yoga but I am so inflexible I have to go to the remedial class. I have done aerobics and learned to be good at it but my knees seem to be punished now that I've entered a new decade (you know what I mean). I use the elliptical / treadmill / exercise bike but lose concentration and have actually tripped and fallen off. Walking is boring and even worse, when I take the dog - although I try to be a calm assertive pack leader, he pulls and pulls when he sees other dogs. But I do take him out three times a day I might add, half hour each time. He's a big dog, who deserves to be out, but I find it frustrating.

My question: is it possible to learn to love exercising? Am I doomed to never find a routine that I ultimately love to do? Do you have any suggestions? Am I just being a whiner?

And I have had a personal trainer before, who made me exercise consistently, but I just can't afford that non-stop. I just want to do something that keeps me healthy without a huge investment of $$$$ or takes hours and hours a week and that I actually ENJOY. What will work?

Or is exercise just "no pain no gain" so "suck it up princess!"
 

Halla74

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We avoid scope creep by assembling detailed design docs up front. If you fail to nail something in place, the customer will try to milk it for all its worth; you can get taken to the cleaners if you leave the objectives for project completion open.

This is the million dollar statement I was looking for. Oh yes. :nice:

So what you are saying is that I can't ask another P to answer that question. That only leaves J's and their answers put me to sleep!

Actually, I am saying quite the contrary. You may ask me, another "P", as to how to mitigate your tendencies to procrastinate. Then, I will add it to MY list of things that must do, but need to procrastinate over a few times in order to let it register on my radar. Then I'll get hungry and make some food and pig out. Then I'll take a nap. I'll probably take a shower when I get up. Damn it, the kitchen is a mess. Time to do some homework... Oh wait! Tom & Jerry is on TV!!! :yay:

procrastination.jpeg


See where your answer is now??? :harhar:

P.S. "J's" bore the hell out of me too. :newwink: Wanna' go ride bicycles??!?! :cheese:

Help me Halla!

I dislike exercising. I hate jogging because even with a cast iron sports bra, my boobs hurt. I hate swimming because the chlorine burns my eyes no matter what goggles I use. I tried yoga but I am so inflexible I have to go to the remedial class. I have done aerobics and learned to be good at it but my knees seem to be punished now that I've entered a new decade (you know what I mean). I use the elliptical / treadmill / exercise bike but lose concentration and have actually tripped and fallen off. Walking is boring and even worse, when I take the dog - although I try to be a calm assertive pack leader, he pulls and pulls when he sees other dogs. But I do take him out three times a day I might add, half hour each time. He's a big dog, who deserves to be out, but I find it frustrating.

My question: is it possible to learn to love exercising? Am I doomed to never find a routine that I ultimately love to do? Do you have any suggestions? Am I just being a whiner?

And I have had a personal trainer before, who made me exercise consistently, but I just can't afford that non-stop. I just want to do something that keeps me healthy without a huge investment of $$$$ or takes hours and hours a week and that I actually ENJOY. What will work?

Or is exercise just "no pain no gain" so "suck it up princess!"

Oooooooh, I like this one. I will answer after I get off work, and then start procrastinating on stuff at home. :newwink:
 

cafe

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Understood…



Wow. Altruism has its place in life, but so does self preservation. You can’t care for others if you yourself are consumed…right?
Right. My line is when I feel it's interfering with the well-being of my children. I promised myself before I ever had kids that they would not grow up in the kind of instability I did.




OWCH.



Your younger brother is the only one I feel empathy for. The others are adults, and have chosen their paths, and are accountable for their actions…



I know how that works. I didn’t talk with my brother for 4 years until an Aunt died. Then we were in common space again…



Good on her for not pushing him on you at that time. I have a feeling your efforts in assisting her with moving in with you will be categorized under the gist of “the road to hell is paved with best intentions…” 
LOL. Probably. In the meantime, she's paying a bit of rent and I can't get her to stop cooking and cleaning (I hate cooking and cleaning), and I'd feel really guilty if something happened to her because she had to live someplace unsafe. We'll see how long it lasts.




Good for you in assessing the ground you have traversed over, accepting it for what it is, and mustering the courage to move forward… :yes:



She needs to back off. Unfortunately that is not likely to happen.



That’s called “DENIAL.” It’s a river in Egypt. Ironically enough it can be the first step towards recovery… :doh:



Understood.



Wow. I’ve seen the pain of the past denied by those who inflicted it many a time. That is a hard cycle to break. Realistically she will need to come to that realization on her own. Your brother being assertive, direct, and clear in expressing his feelings to her is one part of the equation. The other part is her actually listening, and responding in a way that your brother buys as legitimate. Communication is a two way street. Even if both sides give their best effort, if they don’t meet on a commonly understood wavelength, it can all be for not…



Easy. Tell him she knows what she did, ask him how he feels, ask him what he needs with regard to his relationship with her, and then follow through with delivering what was requested. That would be a genuine effort to her patching things up, IMO.
Makes sense. I don't think there is much I can do or suggest that would do any good at this point. I've pondered asking him to write her a letter explaining how he feels about things, but I'm pretty sure that would be an exercise in futility and only further widen the gap.


Also, as a side bar, I would consider finding a positive male role model fgor your brother, other than his Dad or even Step Dad (on his best day), be it a family friend, a sports coach, a member of his church, a neighbor, whomever. A sounding board is a good thing for a young man to have, and that person need not be a family member.

One of the most important things for your brother’s life to be as happy as possible is not to make the mistakes of his parents. This is the case for all humans. He was young when a lot of this was unfolding around him. It would be really helpful if you or another family member could relay the series of events and secondary ramifications of all this to him as he contemplates in discourse with you over time. Bringing it up strategically is OK too, but do it passively, don’t expect a response, just deliver a relevant fact here our there and move on. It will all click eventually.

Finally, if your brother is really upset about some or all of this, it wouldn’t hurt for him to talk to a counselor of some kind. At the tender age of 35 I went to one and got a lot of stuff straightened out in my head. Some of which I didn’t even know was there…like feelings :doh:
Yeah. I'm sure this is going to take years for him to sort though. Fortunately, he does have an excellent (if up-tight, lol) home environment and is very involved in his church. He's going to Bible College a few states away in the fall, so that will kind of give him a safe place to get to know himself and think things over.

He would probably confide somewhat in my husband, but I've sort of screwed up him coming over since mom is here now. I feel bad about that, but he isn't allowed to come over much anyway for fear that we will contaminate him with our heathen ways, lol.

I hope some of what I have written is helpful to you. I wish you the best of luck.

:hug:

-Halla

It really helps a lot to get another perspective. I doubt my own perspective when I'm so close to something. Worry that I won't see the forest for the trees. So thank you very much for the time and thought you've put into this. I appreciate it a lot. :hug:
 

Halla74

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It really helps a lot to get another perspective. I doubt my own perspective when I'm so close to something. Worry that I won't see the forest for the trees. So thank you very much for the time and thought you've put into this. I appreciate it a lot. :hug:

You are very welcome!!! :)
Good luck!!! :hug:

-Halla

-----------------

NOTE:

I will be on Vent tomorrow about 6:00 PM EST.

I will continue to be on Vent until my dog needs to poop, or I fall out of my chair, or I run out of vodka.

That is all.


:coffee:

Halla is solo this weekend. :woot:
 

Halla74

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Help me Halla!

I'll do my best!!! :yes:

I dislike exercising. I hate jogging because even with a cast iron sports bra, my boobs hurt. I hate swimming because the chlorine burns my eyes no matter what goggles I use. I tried yoga but I am so inflexible I have to go to the remedial class. I have done aerobics and learned to be good at it but my knees seem to be punished now that I've entered a new decade (you know what I mean). I use the elliptical / treadmill / exercise bike but lose concentration and have actually tripped and fallen off.

You are devoid of natural athletic competitiveness. Despite popular beliefs, being as such is not a crime.

Walking is boring

I hate walking too. I only walk because it serves as a means to transport me from one objective to another. I actually walk so fast that people get out of my way when they hear me storming behind them. :rofl1: One lady told me that she hopes I learn to slow down before I'm old. I told her I'd try as I rounded the corner half a mile past her 2 seconds later. :happy:

...and even worse, when I take the dog - although I try to be a calm assertive pack leader, he pulls and pulls when he sees other dogs.

You can't be a calm and assertive pack leader with a BIG DOG if you are not a BIG PERSON. He knows his strength, he knows your strength, and he knows your patience. He wears you down bit by bit because he knows that once he does, he will be able to go sniff out rabbit poop or the butt of the little Maltese that swanks past him. :doh: You need to practice your drill instructor command voice. Get a coach's whistle with a steel ball in it, that will get his attention. Get a leather training lead, no longer than 3 feet long. Walk his ass on a short leash at your discretion for a few weeks. Make him sit at each intersection until you say to go again. Give him a treat from time to time on these walks as he conforms. Then 2 months later you can extend the leash to 5-6 feet and he will be so grateful that he'll enjoy his liberty and retain the respect he has for you. I had a Shepherd/Retriever male dog for 13 years. He was awesome. But it took me 3-4 months to break him in on a leash.

But I do take him out three times a day I might add, half hour each time. He's a big dog, who deserves to be out, but I find it frustrating.

You're a good dog owner. :hug:

My question: is it possible to learn to love exercising?

YES. :yes: But, you have to learn to love it for reasons that make sense to YOU. What are my motivations for being a exercise fanatic? When I was a kid (born in 74') the golden era of modern bodybuilding was peaking. My Dad and brother had pin-ups of Schwarzenegger, Zane, Draper, all the greats on the walls of the basement. We all lifted together regularly, Dad was 43, Bro was 15, I was 6. I had little baby 2 weights they made for me. It was hilarious. But I learned the moves. ;)

So, to me, bodybuilding has just been a part of life. I always thought that was what BIG KIDS were supposed to grow up to look like. Fortunately for me, I have always enjoyed it. I am unable to "meditate" because I am too hyper. I have always had an inexplicable desire to be able to cause immediate change in my surroundings if compelled to do so, and strength ha been a great tool to exacerbate that impetus.

Outside of my natural love of weightlifting, I do it to remain healthy, fit, and let's not be too damn altruistic, to be buff, yes vanity is part of the equation. I want to be fit. Sue me.

SOOOO, let's look at the obvious motivations to exercise: (1) To look "fit" and "attractive", (2) to be heatlhy, (3) to feel good, and (4) to achieve some physical feat (e.g. running a marathon, squatting your bodyweight 25 times, etc.) or any combination of the above.

WHY is it that you THINK you NEED to develop a LOVE of exercise?

Once you identify that, then it is necessary to decide HOW MUCH that goal is WORTH to YOU.

Am I doomed to never find a routine that I ultimately love to do?

No. But you must search your soul, identify a routine that has a realistic capcacity to achieve your objective, and COMMIT to performing it (nutrition, cardio, weights, aerobics class, pilates, etc.) until you reach your objective. Your an INFJ, so the word "COMMIT" should come second nature to you, if you can associate it with an IDEAL that you truly believe in.

I've been married to an INFJ for 15 years BTW... ;)

Do you have any suggestions?

Of course. :newwink:

Am I just being a whiner?

Not yet. You are in "exploratory whining." You are frustrated as it appears you haves some desire to embrace a more fit lifestyle, but your attempts to do so have gone unrewarded, and you are frustrated. Don't give up...GET MAD. :ranting:

FITNESS is a LIFESTYLE.

Once you find a routine that will work for you, you will have to perform it for no less than 3 weeks (21 days to establish a new good habit, on average) before your brain even accepts it. It is only at the end of that 21 day period, maybe even as late as 30 days, that you will see or feel any results.

BUT - once you get there...LOOK OUT. Things start barrelling forward in exactly the direction you want, and with MUCH less effort than it took to establish your routine. Think of this in terms of physics: It takes alot of energy to get a big boulder moving, but once it is moving, the only energy needed to keep it moving is enough to counteract the friction between the boulder and the ground. The same is true of establishing a fit lifestyle.

And I have had a personal trainer before, who made me exercise consistently, but I just can't afford that non-stop.

Human beings have an inexhaustible desire for services. You are not the only one. This is normal.

I just want to do something that keeps me healthy without a huge investment of $$$$ or takes hours and hours a week and that I actually ENJOY.

DEFINE your ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS:

(1) What is healthy? (Body weight? Abilty to jog 2 miles? Eating healthy? You really need to define this! What is your goal?!?!?!)

(2) What is your tolerance for investment? Upfront acquisition cost? Monthly membership>? Define your threshold. If you don't I can't formulate possible solutions.

(3) What is the acceptable amount of time you wish to spend per week exercising? Don't think in terms of hours per day. Think in terms of 3-4 times per week. What about 1 hour 3-4 times per week? Could you do that???

What will work?

Or is exercise just "no pain no gain" so "suck it up princess!"

Once you answer the questions above we'll get to this part... :newwink:

This is full of win.

nunya_tshirt-p235743205112638798q6ba_210.jpg


MEGA-ME = NUN-YA
 

countrygirl

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
722
MBTI Type
ISFJ
YES. :yes: But, you have to learn to love it for reasons that make sense to YOU. What are my motivations for being a exercise fanatic? When I was a kid (born in 74') the golden era of modern bodybuilding was peaking. My Dad and brother had pin-ups of Schwarzenegger, Zane, Draper, all the greats on the walls of the basement. We all lifted together regularly, Dad was 43, Bro was 15, I was 6. I had little baby 2 weights they made for me. It was hilarious. But I learned the moves. ;)

So, to me, bodybuilding has just been a part of life. I always thought that was what BIG KIDS were supposed to grow up to look like. Fortunately for me, I have always enjoyed it. I am unable to "meditate" because I am too hyper. I have always had an inexplicable desire to be able to cause immediate change in my surroundings if compelled to do so, and strength ha been a great tool to exacerbate that impetus.

Outside of my natural love of weightlifting, I do it to remain healthy, fit, and let's not be too damn altruistic, to be buff, yes vanity is part of the equation. I want to be fit. Sue me.

SOOOO, let's look at the obvious motivations to exercise: (1) To look "fit" and "attractive", (2) to be heatlhy, (3) to feel good, and (4) to achieve some physical feat (e.g. running a marathon, squatting your bodyweight 25 times, etc.) or any combination of the above.

WHY is it that you THINK you NEED to develop a LOVE of exercise?

Once you identify that, then it is necessary to decide HOW MUCH that goal is WORTH to YOU.



No. But you must search your soul, identify a routine that has a realistic capcacity to achieve your objective, and COMMIT to performing it (nutrition, cardio, weights, aerobics class, pilates, etc.) until you reach your objective. Your an INFJ, so the word "COMMIT" should come second nature to you, if you can associate it with an IDEAL that you truly believe in.

Not yet. You are in "exploratory whining." You are frustrated as it appears you haves some desire to embrace a more fit lifestyle, but your attempts to do so have gone unrewarded, and you are frustrated. Don't give up...GET MAD. :ranting:

FITNESS is a LIFESTYLE.

Once you find a routine that will work for you, you will have to perform it for no less than 3 weeks (21 days to establish a new good habit, on average) before your brain even accepts it. It is only at the end of that 21 day period, maybe even as late as 30 days, that you will see or feel any results.

BUT - once you get there...LOOK OUT. Things start barrelling forward in exactly the direction you want, and with MUCH less effort than it took to establish your routine. Think of this in terms of physics: It takes alot of energy to get a big boulder moving, but once it is moving, the only energy needed to keep it moving is enough to counteract the friction between the boulder and the ground. The same is true of establishing a fit lifestyle.

DEFINE your ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS:

(1) What is healthy? (Body weight? Abilty to jog 2 miles? Eating healthy? You really need to define this! What is your goal?!?!?!)

(2) What is your tolerance for investment? Upfront acquisition cost? Monthly membership>? Define your threshold. If you don't I can't formulate possible solutions.

(3) What is the acceptable amount of time you wish to spend per week exercising? Don't think in terms of hours per day. Think in terms of 3-4 times per week. What about 1 hour 3-4 times per week? Could you do that???

Excellent advise! :nice:
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
^Thank you very much, countrygirl! :happy:
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Softer martial arts? Tai Chi, Bāguàzhǎng, Aikido...

I did not know Aikido was considered a "softer" martial art.

Isn't one of its principles to "use your opponents energy/momentum to redirect their action so that it works in your favor?"

Instead of blocking their punch and hitting them back (hard style) do something more efficient, like Steven Seagall does in movies?
 
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