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  1. #91
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Ok Halla, I need some ESTP wisdom for a situation, please…

    A couple of months ago, I managed to piss off an ESTP (or maybe ESFP but haven’t figured it out. I think he is ESxP with a close T/F split but a bit stronger T.) Let’s be honest – this is the guy who I have posted a couple of threads about before, along the lines of “mixed messages/does he or doesn’t he like me” etc. Partly I was trying to figure out whether or not I should tell him about my feelings before he went away for six months, or possibly permanently, which he has now done.

    Before taking this longer trip, he was away for about six weeks visiting family. During that time, a situation arose. Basically, he had confided in me (or gossiped to me) previously about some information that I wasn’t really entitled to but that someone else (who didn’t have the information at that point) was. I made the mistake of passing on that information to another mutual friend – who then passed it to the people who were entitled to it. Messy, messy, messy. Basically, this placed Mr ESxP in a very awkward position because he became known to have been in possession of this information and to have kept it from the people involved. (sorry for being so vague about this, but trying to explain it properly would be too difficult.)

    I decided it was best to tell ESxP about this before he returned because he was definitely going to be confronted with the situation in some way, shape or form. I wanted to be honest with him. He was angry with me and accused me of betraying a confidence, more or less. Which was true, but he had kind of done a similar thing in passing on the info to me. It was a bit of a moral dilemma all around. I was VERY careful to not take the high moral ground, or to accuse him, or whatever – I apologised for the way things had unfolded, but I also said I thought that perhaps it was for the best. He didn’t acknowledge my apology or the “for the best” aspect at all – he just said things which I found self-centered, accusatory and cruel. I got very upset, it didn’t really come out in my messages to him but after a few exchanges I stopped writing to him. I was extremely stressed and upset about the whole thing.

    He was back for only about ten days before setting off on his current trip. He didn’t contact me at all for almost a week and then texted and asked if I was coming to his leaving drinks. I didn’t respond and wasn’t sure what to do, but eventually I went. I thought I would just show up and be polite, but he actually brought the matter up with me. He said “everything is ok, [ie. he had been confronted with the situation but it hadn’t gone too badly] but I’m still a bit annoyed.” That kind of raised my hackles particularly because I had already apologized more than once, perhaps more than I even should, in a way...did he want me to grovel? I said “do you realise I was very upset about your reaction and the whole situation?” and he said “well, if that’s the case, I apologise, but I don’t really know what you had to be upset about.” Then he said again “I’m still a bit annoyed” and I said “Likewise…” Then he said “I guess like you said, I shouldn’t have told you about it in the first place…let’s just forget about it.”

    That was the last I saw of him. We did exchange a couple of goodbye texts but that was it. I am still upset because I didn’t get a chance to discuss the matter properly with him and I felt like he blamed the whole thing on me when he certainly had a measure of blame too, failed to see the bigger picture, and didn’t take my feelings about the matter and the way he’d dragged me into it into account at all. I also found it hard to believe that he didn’t realise I was upset or couldn’t see what I had to be upset about. I think it should have been pretty obvious.

    I haven’t heard from him since he went away. I have heard from mutual friends that he is having a wonderful time travelling, etc and as much as this makes me the smaller person, all that does is irritate me and upset me. It seems typical that he would have left me feeling upset and he is off having a wonderful time. I know that’s my bad and I’m working on it, but I still feel resentful and upset.

    I guess I’d like your input as to: a) whether or not you think he’s still mad at me or whether he really did “forget about it” and still considers me a friend; b) whether he is likely to realise that I am still upset; and c) any comments on what you think my next move should be. Your own opinion is fine, I am collecting opinions on this situation from a few people to get a bigger picture…that’s part of my way of working through this.

    Part of me thinks I should write to him and explain the situation and my feelings about it and see how he responds. But another part thinks I should just let this go and do my best to forget about it. The thing is, I have always been vulnerable to this guy because of my feelings for him. I think we have established conclusively that we’d make a lousy couple and that he’s probably not interested anyway. So in a way, that’s no longer an issue, but my residual feelings make it an issue.

    In a way, my dilemma is this: If I never try to discuss this with him, it may remain festering within me as unfinished business for quite a while, despite my efforts to just let it go. But if I do try to discuss it with him, I am afraid I’ll get another hurtful reaction which will wound me more. And also, trying to discuss it with him suggests that I want to keep the friendship alive – which I’m not even sure is a good idea at this point.

    What do you think? Thanks in advance for your input!
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  2. #92
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    [SIZE="6"]Winged! Hello Bro! Do you practice martial arts?
    Yes.

    I have practiced Kali (Filipino knife and stick fighting), Jiu-Jitsu, grappling, and Muay Thai for a few years. I am figuring out where to put my energies physically now, whether I want to focus on martial arts or fire-spinning or acrobatics. Whichever is more fun and fits in with my schedule, ne?

    Oh, and during the horrifyingly sparkly vampire movie I took my step-niece to yesterday my prayers were answered: the auditorium we were watching the movie in filled with smoke and we had to leave. Three fire trucks and a partridge in a pear tree later we had free movie tickets and I was reading at Barnes & Noble while humming a Christmas tune instead. (No one was harmed and it wasn't a large fire.)

    When I got in today one of our shipping companies had sent a large box of Godiva truffles and chocolates to our branch. Good times.

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    *SNIP*
    A little late to respond to this but...

    But another part thinks I should just let this go and do my best to forget about it.
    Bingo.

  4. #94
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Hello all.

    I realize I have quite a few responses to crank out, but I have been slammed with holiday specific work, and my team at work is delivering a project right now.

    So, thank you for your patience. I will be booked through the end of this week until my project ends on Friday afternoon.

    I'll get to responses next weekend.

    Until then, I wish you all the best!
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  5. #95
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Hello all.

    I realize I have quite a few responses to crank out, but I have been slammed with holiday specific work, and my team at work is delivering a project right now.

    So, thank you for your patience. I will be booked through the end of this week until my project ends on Friday afternoon.

    I'll get to responses next weekend.

    Until then, I wish you all the best!
    Holiday specific work? That's gotta suck! (doesn't sound like much of a holiday!)

    We totally understand!!
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  6. #96
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lohengrin View Post


    Bingo.
    I know, I know, I know, but this is a tricky thing for an INFJ............... I am really trying to do this right now, though...
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  7. #97
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I want to be healthy and enjoy an active life without physical limitations. I have always been fortunate to maintain a slim build so not looking to lose weight.
    Got it.

    YOUR GOALS are:
    (1) Maintain relative proportions God has given you,
    (2) Tone your muscles, and
    (3) Increase flexibility, and
    (4) Increase your capability to do physical work (endurance) or recreational activities.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    So I would say I want to feel good and be healthy paramount, with the fringe benefits of looking even better LOL!
    Vanity is not a crime, I call it "advanced self esteem."

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    My body weight at 132 (so about 8 lbs less than I weight now).
    Sounds like you are at a healthy bodyweight if you are anywhere near (+/- an inch or two) the female average height of 5'6."

    What is your height, if I might ask, just for the sake of reference?

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I am looking to increase my flexibility and tone my muscles, not build muscle mass.
    See "YOUR GOALS" above...

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I want to be able to go hiking and not get winded, so the ability to perform about an hour of a spontaneous physical task without really feeling it.
    Perfect. I have a very easy means of you to improve your capacity for hking at any hour of any day. Get ready for answer #1:

    ANSWER #1:
    --------------
    Ankle weights are a great way to turn everyday activities into exercise.
    You can buy a pair from Wal-Mart.com for $15.

    Search results for ankle weights - Walmart

    Ten pounds might not seem like a lot, but if you consider how many steps you walk, or stairs you climb in a day, it will add up quickly, as each step you are performing muscular work. Your LEGS will get stronger, and more tone, and you will be burning calories, and increasing your endurance simply by doing things like:

    (a) Housework, yardwork, or even walking around your office.

    (b) Walking lunges in your home or backyard, great for glutes and hamstring toning!

    (c) Calf raises on a set of stairs accessible to you. Hold onto a railing or something else, one leg at a time, put your toes and first inch or so of your foot on the step, and let the rest of your foot remain off the step. Now flex your calf and raise yourself up, then relax the calf and go back down, not just to parallel with the step, but let your ankle drop down past the step, which stretches your calf further, tightens it, and will help with flexibility some ultimately.

    But what about your ARMS? That's a great segway into ANSWER #2:

    ANSWER #2:
    --------------
    Wrist weights can do for your arms, what ankle weights can do for your legs.

    Again, rock on Wal-Mart.com:
    Search results for wrist weights - Walmart

    These even come in cute colors for girls!

    OK you can strengthen and tone your arms with wrist weights by:

    (a) Wearing them during housework, yardwork, office work, cooking, etc.
    (b) Performing simple exercise movements like shoulder raises, biceps curls, triceps extensions, shoulder press, etc. (I'll find you a good web reference for illustrations as to how to do these, a little later today. )
    (c) "Power walking." It looks funny, but it works!

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Well, there's not really a financial threshold. But I feel like I shouldn't have to rely on someone else to motivate me at this point in my life. Do you know what I mean? I don't want a personal trainer again because I only exercise to "please" them instead of myself.
    Regarding equipment, there's only one thing I'd recommend you look into purchasing upfront:

    A Dumbbell Set.

    Why?
    Wrist weights and ankle weights are great, but there are some things you can't do with them:

    (a) Improve your grip, which is very healthy to do.

    (b) To formally execute a number of different resistance training movements that are simple to do at home, but just won't make sense unless you are holding something in your hand.

    (c) You can't take advantage of dirty little tricks like super-sets or giant-sets (to be revealed in Halla's advanced class ) without dumbbells or barbells. Personally, I don't like barbells in my house anymore. I have no room for a big ass metal bar and plates everywhere. Dumbbells are great. They are small, can be stashed anywhere, and just as versatile as barbells, if not more so, as you don't have to change the weight on dumbbells all the time.

    Check this out:
    Fixed dumbbell set, 3 different pair, I like Cory Everson's starter set ($70):

    Walmart.com: Cory Everson 32 lbs Dumbbell Set: Exercise & Fitness

    "This stylish and functional dumbbell set has everything you need for the ultimate strength building and toning workout. Our durable dumbbells are soft - coat covered for a comfortable, easy grip. The set includes 3 pairs of dumbbells: 3 lbs, 5 lbs and 8 lbs pairs, as well as a dumbbell training DVD - enjoy a private class at home! Also included are an attractive, handy storage rack and a dumbbell workout poster with step-by-step instructions for toning and strengthening workouts.

    Features:

    -32 pound dumbbell set for toning and strengthening muscles
    -Pair of 3 pound, 5 pound, and 8 pound dumbbells (3 pairs! No changing plates, ever!)
    -Contoured shape and easy to grip neoprene covering
    -Comes with custom dumbbell rack that's easy to load and unload
    -Includes workout DVD and instructional wall poster
    -Fitted for beginners to the extremely fit
    -Overall Dimensions: 15.5'' H x 11.8'' W x 12'' D

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Yes, I could do that.
    ^That was in response to my question of "Could you devote 1 hour 3-4 times per week to your fitness?

    So, my advice to get you started:
    (1) Wrist and ankle weights for passive resistance training and endurance training.
    (2) Buy the dumbbell set, and learn the DVD completely. It will be a great base to work from as you get more skilled and fit.
    (3) Walk and jog as often as you can, for a minimum of 30 minutes, up to an hour if you can hack it. Use your MP3 player!
    (4) Do a quick check on your diet. I'll post my general fitness and nutrition tips beneath this so you can refer to it.

    The benefits to you exercising are:
    (1) Maintain your figure
    (2) Increase strength
    (3) Increase endurance
    (4) Increase flexibility
    (5) Stay off osteoporosis. Women lose 2% of their bone mass every year after age 30 I hear, resistance trianing is the only form of exercise that can significantly slow it down.

    How's that for chapter 1 of your new routine?

    Sorry it took so long to get back to you!

    Cheers,

    -Halla
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  8. #98
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    You are a true prince!

    I shall review and apply.

    EDITS: OK, height: 5' 6½"

    Diet: I eat healthy stuff, gluten-free, low in red meat. My one sin would be chocolate. I think my dietary choices are good overall, so don't spend too much time sussing that out for me, I know you are a very busy guy!

  9. #99
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Walking also helps prevents osteoporosis. However, as Halla states, resistance training is best.

  10. #100
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    I'd like to order one horrible picture from MS Paint, please. (Hold the lettuce.)
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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