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  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Default Are all ESFPs total flakes?

    I know several ESFPs (including my sister!) and I love them to bits, but they're so unreliable! They are frequently forget to show up to appointments,very rarely return phone calls and hardly ever pay back debts. Of course when I see them they're so damned pleasant that I forget how mad I am at them! This in itself kind of makes me mad!

    Is this common ESFP problem or do I just hang out with the flakey ones? and how on earth is a person supposed to handle this?!

  2. #2
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    They should be flakes. It seems to fit the idea of them according to their functional order. I mean, Se and Fi? ESTP's might be a little better about this for practical reasons, but I think ESFP's have it worst. They think in terms of the present, and have only their subjectively derived emotional values to ground them. They are the most SP of the SP's, in my book.

    The best way to handle it is to find someone to be their ground. Who'll constantly remind them of their responsibilities, organize everything for them. They need someone to lean on who's more organized and responsible than them. That's likely the only way they can function long term.

    On the positive side, they're good at livening a conversation or providing certain kinds of emotional support.

  3. #3
    Wannabe genius Splittet's Avatar
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    No, I know an ESFP with an 150-ish IQ ... She can do everything. They are rare though ...

  4. #4
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    They should be flakes. It seems to fit the idea of them according to their functional order. I mean, Se and Fi? ESTP's might be a little better about this for practical reasons, but I think ESFP's have it worst. They think in terms of the present, and have only their subjectively derived emotional values to ground them. They are the most SP of the SP's, in my book.

    The best way to handle it is to find someone to be their ground. Who'll constantly remind them of their responsibilities, organize everything for them. They need someone to lean on who's more organized and responsible than them. That's likely the only way they can function long term.

    On the positive side, they're good at livening a conversation or providing certain kinds of emotional support.
    Let go.

  5. #5
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    Let go.
    Of what? My notions about ESFP's? My understanding of MBTI? My typical rigidity in my approach to life? That could mean anything.

  6. #6
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Of what? My notions about ESFP's? My understanding of MBTI? My typical rigidity in my approach to life? That could mean anything.
    Yes.

  7. #7
    Senior Member htb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    Is this [a] common ESFP problem or do I just hang out with the flaky ones?
    Several other types are inclined to the kinds of irresponsibility you've described. But ESFPs can, probably depending on upbringing, be as trustworthy as any other.

    I used to believe my father was an SJ because he was stable, upright and thoughtful. But working with him closely for several years showed him as optimistic, open-ended, carefree, short-term, irreverent, forgiving and fun-loving as SJs have never appeared to me. This fits him perfectly:
    Outgoing and socially comfortable, ESFPs are happiest when around people and enjoy meeting and developing relationships with others. They easily engage in conversation, have a knack for remembering and relating stories, and communicate with confidence and poise when the center of attention. They persuade by generating practical solutions to immediate problems in an optimistic, passionate way. They are persuaded by current possibilities and alternatives as well as a need for direct action.
    Capable, though in specific ways.

  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I know several ESFPs (including my sister!) and I love them to bits, but they're so unreliable! They are frequently forget to show up to appointments,very rarely return phone calls and hardly ever pay back debts. Of course when I see them they're so damned pleasant that I forget how mad I am at them! This in itself kind of makes me mad!
    Yes, it's rather the "why babies are cute" syndrome. (Answer: "Because then you won't kill them for being fussy.")

    Their lovable persona is the counterbalance to the frustration they can cause... and they only cause that frustration because they're free spirits and that exuberance of life is why people enjoy being with them.

    (So it's Catch-22, I'm afraid.)

    My best friend growing up was an ESFP. They were the oldest in their family (so they acted more responsibility than they might have otherwise) and had good parents who gave them a good sense of accountability. Yes, they never call or respond to e-mails anymore and impossible to track down, but they were also faithful, accepting, never negative, always seeing the bright side of things. I really needed that balance growing up.

    One of my children is an ESFP, and he is the same way. It can be frustrating when I need him to stick to a routine. he has learned somewhat, but still often everything is a fight with him, to have him carry out responsibilities or follow a rule system meant for his own good.

    Is this common ESFP problem or do I just hang out with the flakey ones? and how on earth is a person supposed to handle this?!
    I think you need to change your expectations somewhat. Focus on the positive they can offer, don't depend on them for the things you know they cannot easily provide... and then thank them for it when you expectedly DO get it from them.

    (in general, that is probably the best way to deal with ANYONE... not just ESFPs.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    They should be flakes. It seems to fit the idea of them according to their functional order. I mean, Se and Fi? ESTP's might be a little better about this for practical reasons, but I think ESFP's have it worst. They think in terms of the present, and have only their subjectively derived emotional values to ground them. They are the most SP of the SP's, in my book.

    The best way to handle it is to find someone to be their ground. Who'll constantly remind them of their responsibilities, organize everything for them. They need someone to lean on who's more organized and responsible than them. That's likely the only way they can function long term.

    On the positive side, they're good at livening a conversation or providing certain kinds of emotional support.
    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    Let go.
    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Of what? My notions about ESFP's? My understanding of MBTI? My typical rigidity in my approach to life? That could mean anything.
    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    Yes.
    LOL

    To answer the OP though, no, of course not all are. Most are not *total* flakes in the first place. They are just simply far too occupied with social activities and immediate stimulation, and, according to many IXTs, not occupied enough with NOT doing exactly what they have been wired to do; what they enjoy doing.

    Just calmly explain to them why something that they constantly flake out on is important to you until they agree, (and they are usually sorry after this). Then be persistent with reminding them when you need to. They also respond very well to well-thought-out threats.
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  10. #10
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    Strange. I'm pretty sure my younger sister is an ESFP, but out of the three of us (she's the middle child, and the youngest is an NF) she's the responsible one! Whenever the parents leave us on our own, she's invariably the one who'll get up on time, organise the food, remember to do this at a certain time, etc.

    I mean, I'm an even bigger flake, so maybe she's just been forced into the role of the responsible child.

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