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Thread: Overwhelmed ESFP friend

  1. #1

    Default Overwhelmed ESFP friend

    Today I noticed a friend (psychology student) became alot more withdrawn with her speech and behaviour, which is really odd considering that she usually has a rather light prescence around her. It's so disturbing to notice that a friend change their mood so drastically from warmth to coldness, that it's probably easier to see that friend burst into tears instead.

    Asking what was wrong. I found out that it was based off a conversation the night before about life in general. I'm the sort of individual that likes to talk about people's dreams, what they value and whether the stuff people engage in have any meaning or purpose behind them. Honestly, it's the only things I really know how to talk about since I'm pretty bad with other things.

    Turns out that my questions had caused her to realise that since starting university, she hasn't really given much time to herself to re-evaluate things in her life, which she had done so in the past. I'm guessing she might have felt overhelmed by the fact that she couldn't answer some questions that I had asked (Why people do things/What she liked to think or talk about). Especially since she has mentioned in the past that she doesn't analyse stuff to the extent that I do.

    I do think it's brilliant that she's willing to explore ideas. So I told her today that it doesn't matter too much if she hadn't given herself the chance to examine. But really, it was painful to see her upset, leaving me wondering "Was it worth it? I'd rather have a happy friend."

  2. #2
    Not Your Therapist Array Sinmara's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
    6w5 sp/sx
    ILI Ni


    Pain is sometimes necessary for growth. It's good that you asked her the tough questions. Better she figure these things out sooner than later.

  3. #3


    My husband is an ESFP so I can relate to what you're saying. It's like they'll be going happily along... doo dah doo dah... and then something comes along which triggers self-reflection and they get FREAKED. It's like they don't know how to deal with it.

    For example, my husband and I watched The Pursuit of Happyness last night- that Will Smith movie from a few years back where he's a homeless dad in some pretty dire straits- and my husband, after shedding a few tears, started pacing around the house, freaking about how lucky he's been, how good he has it, and how he needs to do more to help people, etc. It was like this had never occurred to him before or something, and he's thirty-six years old. I'm not being contemptuous in anyway, believe me, just noticing how different his brain is than mine, because this is stuff I was going through when I was a little kid.

    It's good to see, because now I don't feel so guilty about all the checks I write to nonprofits without him knowing.

    But yeah, like pettycure said.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array une_autre's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    I had an ESFP friend like that. She was highly emotional and when discussing the topic of higher education and after telling her that I am planning to do my dream degree, and after her realizing that she hadn't really done this, she was very melancholic for a week.

    I don't think she wouldn't have even gotten in this state if it hadn't been for my approaching of this topic.
    However, it turned out that even if she was not pursuing her dream, she is on much better realms now.

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