[ISTP] istp specifics in love

[Rachelinpa]

i have asked istps why they have loved certain romantic interests so much and it seems they cannot give me a specific answer.

is this an istp thing? i guess i'm looking for something that says, "she was completely different than anyone i'd ever met before and here is why..." but instead all i get is, "she was a cool girl" or "he treated me well."

totally not a bad thing at all, but i find it interesting.

i guess i'm looking for the X factor to be defined, and maybe i'm not capable of it either... i dunno. just curious if other istps can describe the specifics or unique qualities about their past or current persons.

 

[Arclight]

i have asked istps why they have loved certain romantic interests so much and it seems they cannot give me a specific answer.

is this an istp thing? i guess i'm looking for something that says, "she was completely different than anyone i'd ever met before and here is why..." but instead all i get is, "she was a cool girl" or "he treated me well."

totally not a bad thing at all, but i find it interesting.

i guess i'm looking for the X factor to be defined, and maybe i'm not capable of it either... i dunno. just curious if other istps can describe the specifics or unique qualities about their past or current persons.

That is just it.. the X factor cannot be defined.. It just is.. It's going to that place that is intangible .. It's spiritual.. it's connection.. It's freedom from condition.. It's not an easy to place to get to.. and less easy to define..

The people I have LOVED.. and who loved me.. showed me a different version of life and myself..Allowed me to dream.. allowed me to exist beyond my own constructs and perceptions..I grew.. even if the relationship didn't grow or ended badly.. I grew.. and That is why I love them..
Does that make sense??

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

That is just it.. the X factor cannot be defined.. It just is.. It's going to that place that is intangible .. It's spiritual.. it's connection.. It's freedom from condition.. It's not an easy to place to get to.. and less easy to define..

This.

 

[StephMC]

That is just it.. the X factor cannot be defined.. It just is.. It's going to that place that is intangible .. It's spiritual.. it's connection.. It's freedom from condition.. It's not an easy to place to get to.. and less easy to define..

The people I have LOVED.. and who loved me.. showed me a different version of life and myself..Allowed me to dream.. allowed me to exist beyond my own constructs and perceptions..I grew.. even if the relationship didn't grow or ended badly.. I grew.. and That is why I love them..
Does that make sense??

+1. There isn't really a defining factor. While everyone I've cared about has certainly been unique, it was the unique connection they had with me that had the most value to me. It was any sort of relationship that was fun, new, fascinating, interesting and/or exciting. It was a relationship/person I could learn from... someone that could always surprise me and teach me something new. Someone that could balance me out. I've never been attracted to people too similar to me... nor people TOO different than me. An in between is perfect.

 

[mcmartinez84]

+1. There isn't really a defining factor. While everyone I've cared about has certainly been unique, it was the unique connection they had with me that had the most value to me. It was any sort of relationship that was fun, new, fascinating, interesting and/or exciting. It was a relationship/person I could learn from... someone that could always surprise me and teach me something new. Someone that could balance me out. I've never been attracted to people too similar to me... nor people TOO different than me. An in between is perfect.

I hate to do this AGAIN, but +1!!!

People who are too different make my hair stand on end. They end up annoying me more than anything.... And people who are too similar - they're boring! They're just like me!

Sometimes it's just 'cause the person is nice to me...uh, but not too nice. I don't want a doormat. Someone who shows a genuine interest in me and in my well being. I like spontaneity. Someone who can keep a conversation going, but who can also enjoy quiet time around me. I like thinkers. A sense of humor is a must!

This certainly isn't a comprehensive list, but they are things I value in a partner.

 

[Poki]

That is just it.. the X factor cannot be defined.. It just is.. It's going to that place that is intangible .. It's spiritual.. it's connection.. It's freedom from condition.. It's not an easy to place to get to.. and less easy to define..

The people I have LOVED.. and who loved me.. showed me a different version of life and myself..Allowed me to dream.. allowed me to exist beyond my own constructs and perceptions..I grew.. even if the relationship didn't grow or ended badly.. I grew.. and That is why I love them..
Does that make sense??

+1. There isn't really a defining factor. While everyone I've cared about has certainly been unique, it was the unique connection they had with me that had the most value to me. It was any sort of relationship that was fun, new, fascinating, interesting and/or exciting. It was a relationship/person I could learn from... someone that could always surprise me and teach me something new. Someone that could balance me out. I've never been attracted to people too similar to me... nor people TOO different than me. An in between is perfect.

+1 Defining these things are limiting yourself to a set of rules you are looking for. No Exit hit it dead on when he said that its more spiritual, its a feeling, and that feelings is not something we analyze in a relationship. I can tell you what works, what doesnt, what I like, what I dont, but love is a combination of everything to the point where what drives the feeling can not possibly be described.

Its possible to love someone for one reason while not liking that reason in someone else. Because people handle things differently. Its like saying you love determination, but when determination leads to frustration and then anger you may decide you dont like determination, when its the way its handled that you didnt like. Because of this I dont have a desire to try and limit myself with what does and doesnt make me love people. I either love them as a whole or I dont.

 

[Kingfisher]

No Exit really nailed it. great post, No Exit!

love is a combination of everything to the point where what drives the feeling can not possibly be described.

i agree. and to me, love is all the more meaningful because it is impossible to describe.

 

[StephMC]

I hate to do this AGAIN, but +1!!!

People who are too different make my hair stand on end. They end up annoying me more than anything.... And people who are too similar - they're boring! They're just like me!

Sometimes it's just 'cause the person is nice to me...uh, but not too nice. I don't want a doormat. Someone who shows a genuine interest in me and in my well being. I like spontaneity. Someone who can keep a conversation going, but who can also enjoy quiet time around me. I like thinkers. A sense of humor is a must!
This certainly isn't a comprehensive list, but they are things I value in a partner.

+1 Defining these things are limiting yourself to a set of rules you are looking for. No Exit hit it dead on when he said that its more spiritual, its a feeling, and that feelings is not something we analyze in a relationship. I can tell you what works, what doesnt, what I like, what I dont, but love is a combination of everything to the point where what drives the feeling can not possibly be described.

Its possible to love someone for one reason while not liking that reason in someone else. Because people handle things differently. Its like saying you love determination, but when determination leads to frustration and then anger you may decide you dont like determination, when its the way its handled that you didnt like. Because of this I dont have a desire to try and limit myself with what does and doesnt make me love people. I either love them as a whole or I dont.

Hahaha... I'm beginning to believe that we all think as a single unit. We should just nominate a single spokesperson for each thread.

On a more serious note, yeah, spontaneity/humor is pretty much the only thing I can think of that is a requirement. Everything else is subjective, kinda like Poki said. I can really admire a trait in one person, and despise it in another. It's the "whole" of the person. How well does it mesh with the rest of them, and how does it fit? I think if I could apply one word to it, it's "consistency" within a person's attitudes, thoughts, behavior, etc. that is really important to me. I usually don't take to people that appear to have very inconsistent behavior. It strikes me as ingenuine and fake. Now this isn't to be confused with being predictable... that would be boring. If someone does something I don't expect, but I'm able to logically relate it to the rest of their behavior, that's still "consistent" in my book. And now I'm going of on some obscure tangent... Oops.

 

[Poki]

Hahaha... I'm beginning to believe that we all think as a single unit. We should just nominate a single spokesperson for each thread.

On a more serious note, yeah, spontaneity/humor is pretty much the only thing I can think of that is a requirement. Everything else is subjective, kinda like Poki said. I can really admire a trait in one person, and despise it in another. It's the "whole" of the person. How well does it mesh with the rest of them, and how does it fit? I think if I could apply one word to it, it's "consistency" within a person's attitudes, thoughts, behavior, etc. that is really important to me. I usually don't take to people that appear to have very inconsistent behavior. It strikes me as ingenuine and fake. Now this isn't to be confused with being predictable... that would be boring. If someone does something I don't expect, but I'm able to logically relate it to the rest of their behavior, that's still "consistent" in my book. And now I'm going of on some obscure tangent... Oops.

Thats because logic is logical If we take it any deeper it wouldnt be logical any more Everything beyond logic is in the moment which is our external world.

 

[Rachelinpa]

thanks for response (not plural) +1ers... at least there is consistency... aaaahahahha. funny.

 

[rhinosaur]

I don't even know what you're asking!

And +1

 

[sLiPpY]

we are teh' ISTP borg! jer' arse will be laminated!

 

[Poki]

we are teh' ISTP borg! jer' arse will be laminated!

I didnt know xerox machines could copy and laminate all in one step

 

[Randomnity]

Um...do you make a list of traits someone has and then add then up to see whether you love them?

Cause, I don't. As a result I don't have a list of "reasons" for loving someone. It is their personality as a whole that is appealing and compatible, or not. There are specific things that often make someone...harder to love, though.

 

[Heinel]

There are specific things that often make someone...harder to love, though.

I actually have a hard time even defining that. Like I'd say okay.. I totally don't want anyone with trait X, and then comes along someone with X and I'm like oh that's not all that bad...

 

[Poki]

There are specific things that often make someone...harder to love, though.

It doesnt make them harder to love, but it seems to mask the love behind other feelings.

 

[Randomnity]

I actually have a hard time even defining that. Like I'd say okay.. I totally don't want anyone with trait X, and then comes along someone with X and I'm like oh that's not all that bad...

People who are intentionally cruel to others?

People who are dishonest or untrustworthy?

I'm not talking about quirks like a funny laugh or something here....

 

[Heinel]

People who are intentionally cruel to others?

People who are dishonest or untrustworthy?

I'm not talking about quirks like a funny laugh or something here....

Oh, those tend to trigger my Ti and I'll need to find out why.... I guess it does make them less likable, though.

 

[Willfrey]

I basically agree with what has been said as well. It's a good thing we reached a consensus in our pre-post ISTP huddle. (oops, said too much)

I don't really have any good reasons I went steady with the people I did. I do have definate reasons why the relationships ended, though I always felt badly afterwards as though there was something I had not done to keep things rolling.

I like being in relationships, things just seem to go smoother and more comfortable in life if you've somebody along with you.

 

[mcmartinez84]

I hate to do this AGAIN, but +1!!!

People who are too different make my hair stand on end. They end up annoying me more than anything.... And people who are too similar - they're boring! They're just like me!

Sometimes it's just 'cause the person is nice to me...uh, but not too nice. I don't want a doormat. Someone who shows a genuine interest in me and in my well being. I like spontaneity. Someone who can keep a conversation going, but who can also enjoy quiet time around me. I like thinkers. A sense of humor is a must!

This certainly isn't a comprehensive list, but they are things I value in a partner.

Having said that and now having thought about it more, I still stand by it, but I'll add that if I could create a person, I'd never know what combination of traits I'd like best. I definitely couldn't put it all in a formula and crank out perfect people for me.