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Thread: ISFP and Goals

  1. #31
    Twerking & Lurking Array ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    I can't say I have goals really, more like I know where I would like to be. But I usually don't know how to get there. For myself, my actual goal would have to be to improve myself. I think thats really it. I want to be the best I can be. In my head, if somethings suppost to happen, it'll happen. Why stress over it ya know? If my heart is in it, then I'll dig into almot more, but still I can't say there's a goal.
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  2. #32
    Member Array illume's Avatar
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    Why not dodge the potential bullet by waiting for her to get some things (career, additonal education, etc.) going in her life BEFORE you tie the knot? A person can tell you they are planning to do a lot of things, but actions speak louder than words..... Just my opinion.

  3. #33

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    I have goals and I enjoy setting goals. But the reason I set goals is so we can be happy. That is my first and foremost goal, so it surprised me that you hadn't stopped to think about that aspect.

    There are any number of reasons why she is conflicted over her goals.

  4. #34
    veteran attention whore Array Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    ISFPs,

    I'm sure you have goals- everybody does.
    Nope, not really. I mean, I sorta have to at work on a day-to-day basis, there are things I have to accomplish, but in terms of life in general, my only goal is try to enjoy myself on the ride of life.
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  5. #35

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    Quote Originally Posted by nynesneg View Post
    Well I'm not a TJ, but I can completely relate to his concern. I'm a very goal oriented J, so my passion/desire for growth is a huge part of who I am. This is why it could be an issue for some. Although it's something I would have considered before dating the person in the first place.

    I am very intrigued with your perspectives. It seems so foreign to me to not care at all about goals, but obviously everybody's different. Part of what I enjoy about this forum.

    I also am intrigued with your perspectives. I can understand why you would want to have your own goals, but what's strange to me is that having goals is some sort of requirement for a romantic partner. Why?

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarliJoanne View Post
    I'm sorry, but when I read your question the first thing I thought was, this is all about you and not her. Do you love this girl? It seems like if you love her, you should be most concerned if her lack of goals keep her from being happy and feeling good about herself and how you can help and encourage her, instead of thinking she may not be a suitable marriage partner for you. Maybe I just don't understand TJs but it just seems like such a cold question.
    I agree.. to me he is already making the big mistake of adding "conditions " to love..

    and is this really an TJ issue?? I have seen NF's do it. I have seen SP's do it. I have seen SJ's do it. FJ's etc..

  7. #37

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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I haven't asked her is she happy now. Even if you are happy now doesn't mean you stop and become complacent, ever.
    Absolutely. Couldn't agree more.

    Quote Originally Posted by KarliJoanne View Post
    I also am intrigued with your perspectives. I can understand why you would want to have your own goals, but what's strange to me is that having goals is some sort of requirement for a romantic partner. Why?
    Well, I'm an INFP and I have to admit, having no goals would be a huge turn off. Not that this is what IZthe411 meant. I'm more inclined to think he's got that nice SJ concern we should all be more appreciative of. In any case, I just can't understand anyone not wanting to better themselves and their standing in life. To me, having no goals suggests bad things to come. If you have no motivation to better yourself, what about your marriage? What about your kids? We have this one life, why let it pass like a bland forgettable dream in the night? I'm quite sure this is not what ISFP's do (what self-respecting SP could ever live a bland life?), so I still have plenty of hope for your significant other.

  8. #38
    Carerra Lu Array IZthe411's Avatar
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    I guess the answers to my questions are 'No', then? LOL

    I don't think I got one response to my original question, but got a lot of discussion about the situation, which, indirectly, gives me my answer:

    There's no concrete goal setting with ISFPs.
    Seems like you want to take things day by day and be happy,
    But you can't define happy and/or how to get to that point.


    It's funny - she has told me before that it felt like I wanted her to be my clone. Not true.

    It's definitely not a romance requirement. But having goals are a requirement of someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Romance alone won't pay the bills.

    I guess I have to try different ways to get this information out of her without her making her feel like she's in an interrogation.

    Sounds harsh? Probably. Welcome to an ISTJ's lens.

  9. #39
    Twerking & Lurking Array ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    Honestly, I don't think its harsh at all. She does need to at least know who she wants to be or maybe something she'd be interested in doing some day. Maybe it would help though to encourage her to do something she already enjoys doing and persuing that. I know for myself, I tend to go off my feelings about whether I feel like doing something. It changes day to do. In fact, thats why i don't make promcises because I know my feelings will change and I wont want to do that specific thing. Of coarse if I said I was going to do something, I'm going to do it whether I like it or not.
    Anyway, back on topic. Maybe if she has an interest in painting or something like that, you can encourage her to persue that or even to get her supplies and such to help her.
    I'm not sure if that helps you any.
    I will admit the whole xxFP thing doesnt exacally work to really create concrete goals for ourselves in the way your explaining. I don't see it impossible though.
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I guess the answers to my questions are 'No', then? LOL

    I don't think I got one response to my original question, but got a lot of discussion about the situation
    I thought I did when I said you could help guide her, get her started in her goals and help her maintain them, but whatever.

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