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Thread: ISFP and Goals

  1. #11
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Or maybe her goals are not the tangible type that you consider to be goals... Maybe her goal is to be happy and to be with you. But like I know.
    And I'd counter that with "how do you define your happiness and what are you doing to get there?"

  2. #12
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Goals are important because lack of them could indicate you are aimless and too go with the flow. I can understand moment to moment but everyone should have some long term idea of where they want to be and what they have to do to get there. It's called balance. No one is absolutely structured or absolutely go with the flow. I can understand not knowing what you want at certain points in your life but there comes a time when you have to make some tough decisions and take action.
    Yes, but my point is how you define goals. You have a particular idea of what a goal is that may be different than that of your girlfriend. I just feel like you are trying to turn your girlfriend into you a bit too much. How old is she? Some of us take a little longer to figure this stuff out. Is she happy with who she is and how her life is or is she wanting more?

  3. #13
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    And I'd counter that with "how do you define your happiness and what are you doing to get there?"
    Doing to get there? Is she not there now?

  4. #14
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Yes, but my point is how you define goals. You have a particular idea of what a goal is that may be different than that of your girlfriend. I just feel like you are trying to turn your girlfriend into you a bit too much. How old is she? Some of us take a little longer to figure this stuff out. Is she happy with who she is and how her life is or is she wanting more?
    She's 29, 30 in a month. I'm not trying to turn my girlfriend into anything; I want to know ultimately where she wants to go in life and make sure we're going to be on the same page, goal wise. If we don't want the same things, or if she says she wants X but I don't see her working towards X, then I should be concerned.

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    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    So you don't see any reason to have a desire to achieve something higher, or become something more than you currently are? Even if it's anything from growing your character/personality, to learning a new hobby, to getting farther in your career. From point A to point B, whatever you percieve as a higher state of living.

    Most people I know even teenagers have at lease vague desires even if they have no idea how they'll get there. To travel the world, to get rich, to discover something in science... etc. But obviously this isn't true of everybody.
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    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  6. #16
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Doing to get there? Is she not there now?
    I haven't asked her is she happy now. Even if you are happy now doesn't mean you stop and become complacent, ever.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by nynesneg View Post
    So you don't see any reason to have a desire to achieve something higher, or become something more than you currently are? Even if it's anything from growing your character/personality, to learning a new hobby, to getting farther in your career. From point A to point B, whatever you percieve as a higher state of living.

    Most people I know even teenagers have at lease vague desires even if they have no idea how they'll get there. To travel the world, to get rich, to discover something in science... etc. But obviously this isn't true of everybody.
    I think goals are tricky. Being an INFP, I think my goals in the past verged on the fantastical. As I have become older, I have also become more grounded and realistic. Part of what has made me happier is living more in the moment, enjoying what is versus desiring what is potentially unattainable. In other words, one of my goals now is to be. Yes, I do also have the goal to finish this book I am working on (contributing to this thread isn't exactly helping me accomplish that), but I am not going to compromise my current happiness in order to achieve that goal.

    Another question for IZwiththe411... have you not had this conversation with your wife to be? If not, that surprises me. Isn't that something people talk about with those they are intimate with... goals, hopes, dreams? I don't believe this is territory exclusive to NFs...

  8. #18
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    I think goals are tricky. Being an INFP, I think my goals in the past verged on the fantastical. As I have become older, I have also become more grounded and realistic. Part of what has made me happier is living more in the moment, enjoying what is versus desiring what is potentially unattainable. In other words, one of my goals now is to be. Yes, I do also have the goal to finish this book I am working on (contributing to this thread isn't exactly helping me accomplish that), but I am not going to compromise my current happiness in order to achieve that goal.

    Another question for IZwiththe411... have you not had this conversation with your wife to be? If not, that surprises me. Isn't that something people talk about with those they are intimate with... goals, hopes, dreams? I don't believe this is territory exclusive to NFs...
    When I ask her the question- I don't get much. We've had the discussion before, months ago, and I have seen little to no movement on it.

    That's the basis of my question. She has stated a goal and it's nothing preventing her from starting it now, not once married. I've been interested to see how she accomplishes it. Since I don't see anything, my process is to ponder on it, then go discuss it with her. That's the Si in me.

  9. #19
    brainheart
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    Okay, so she has a goal. Maybe she doesn't know where to start, that can be a big hurdle for us with inferior Te. Perhaps you could help her with that. Just don't tell her what to do, would be my guess, we IXFPs can get a little touchy when we think people are doing that.

    I need to go work on my goal now.

  10. #20
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Okay, so she has a goal. Maybe she doesn't know where to start, that can be a big hurdle for us with inferior Te. Perhaps you could help her with that. Just don't tell her what to do, would be my guess, we IXFPs can get a little touchy when we think people are doing that.

    I need to go work on my goal now.
    That's the thing- I don't want to tell her what to do, I just want to see it done. Doing nothing gives me no confidence in what she says.

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