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  1. #1
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Default ISTPs & trust issues...

    I'm curious about ISTPs and trust in general. Loyalty doesn't seem like it would be a very strong ISTP quality seeing as they are so in the moment & commitment seems like it would also be an issue for a type that doesn't want to be tied down. I figure ISTPs are good at keeping secrets & not making unnecessary judgments. These qualities seem trustworthy... but overall ISTPs seem difficult to trust to me. They seem almost constantly distracted from all areas that would require, enforce or value trust. And when they aren't distracted its like they want to keep something from you.

    For the ISTPs out there, do you consider yourself trustworthy? And how does that fit in with your independent / "live for now" way of being? Have you had many issues with trust?

    I'm curious because I find these traits that I've noticed in ISTPs to be confused with what I'd call red flags for trust... (I'm not saying that they are, or that ISTPs can't be trustworthy. But I would like to understand them outside of my way of thinking.)

    ISTPs:
    - blowing "hot & cold" in relationships.
    - always looking for new sensations, excitement, adventures.
    - getting antsy when they've been with someone for too long without some new stimuli.
    - not expressing what's on their mind... sometimes even when they're asked.
    - not offering much about themselves or feedback when someone has revealed themselves to them.

    And how difficult is it, as an ISTP to trust someone? Is trust important to you?

  2. #2
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Well, my ISTP dad stood by my mother for 17 years before she left him for a younger man, who is also an ISTP and who has been faithful to her for the past 22 years. My dad never remarried nor took off his wedding ring to the day he died. If that's not commitment, I don't know what is! Also my ISTP friend and I have been close for 6 years and he's never once let me down.

    I guess it depends what you consider signs of trustworthiness to be. That is, what it is you consider yourself to need to trust a person to actually do or be. If you're making demands or expectations on them that are more about your values and needs, than they are about what they can or will offer, then you're likely to be disappointed.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
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  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Why don't you figure out who you can trust directly?

    Certainly there will be trustworthy ISTPs, and untrustworthy ones. There will also be non-trustworthy non-ISTPs, and trustworthy ones. Therefore this is a meaningless exercise.

    Trust would be important to most people in/seeking a relationship, and probably not so important to those avoiding one.
    -end of thread-

  4. #4
    Senior Member Willfrey's Avatar
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    I am trustworthy, and people can count on me if need be. On the flipside I trust very, very few people, and among those few I really don't tell them anything that would invoke a need to trust.
    ...Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
    And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark...

  5. #5
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Why don't you figure out who you can trust directly?

    Certainly there will be trustworthy ISTPs, and untrustworthy ones. There will also be non-trustworthy non-ISTPs, and trustworthy ones. Therefore this is a meaningless exercise.
    Not really looking for confirmation on whether or not ISTPs can be trusted in general. I'm looking for issues they've had with trust. Trying to see if what I pick up from their "aloofness" is something they've experienced with others, even if they considered themselves to be trustworthy.

    While I am an ENF-J... I'm not going to take everyone's experiences on a forum & decide all ISTPs are the same.

    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Trust would be important to most people in/seeking a relationship, and probably not so important to those avoiding one.
    This is something I think everyone thinks about when they are considering whether or not to trust someone. The ISTPs I know don't really appear to ever be actively "seeking a relationship," even when they say they are... because there maybe chasing but there is so little feedback. But then again, no ISTP I've known had trust issues with anyone they didn't care about. This confuses me.

    Example: my friend & bf who are both ISTPs... They don't really seem to act differently towards those they want a relationship with & those they don't really care at all about... but somehow they are almost worshiped by the ones they care about & doubted by those that they don't (to a point of suspicion - friends of mine will actually tell me they worry about me because "they seem shady" - they don't stay friends for long though. I love my ISTPs).

    So I'm not looking for conclusions on ISTPs... I'm trying to see if any of them have seen this from their perspective (The ISTPs I spoke of have come to detest the ppl who called them "shady", so talking with them about it isn't easy.)

    Maybe my original post was too abstract. I'm still cool with seeing how people respond to it.

    Willfrey, your avatar is completely perfect.

    And proximo + Willfrey, hearing you say that still makes me feel all aflutter, 'cause my favorite person in the world is an ISTP.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    1 - blowing "hot & cold" in relationships.
    2 - always looking for new sensations, excitement, adventures.
    3 - getting antsy when they've been with someone for too long without some new stimuli.
    4 - not expressing what's on their mind... sometimes even when they're asked.
    5 - not offering much about themselves or feedback when someone has revealed themselves to them.
    1 - ISTPs being "hot & cold" is mostly a misunderstanding. We have the appearance of being hot and cold, but our feelings and emotion are actually very persistent and resistant to change. It is up to the partner to figure out whether it is hot or cold.

    2 - That usually pertains to matter not involving people.

    3 - I don't understand this one.

    4 - Generally speaking ISTPs answer questions if they care, regardless of what the actual question is. If you ask and didn't get an answer that's a sign that the ISTP doesn't care much about you.

    5 - That's not indicative of trustworthiness, it's up to the Ns to intuit our minds.
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  7. #7
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    I only trust other ISTP's

  8. #8
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    If you ask and didn't get an answer that's a sign that the ISTP doesn't care much about you.
    Not always true! My ISTP even admits that sometimes he doesn't answer because he doesn't know, but doesn't want to admit it, so he pretends he hasn't heard or changes the subject!
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Heinel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Not always true! My ISTP even admits that sometimes he doesn't answer because he doesn't know, but doesn't want to admit it, so he pretends he hasn't heard or changes the subject!
    Yeah, that's why I said generally speaking. You also won't get an answer if you interrupted the ISTP or asked the wrong way (too much emotions attached to the question).
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  10. #10
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Ugh, this is tricky.

    I agree with a lot of what Heinel says. It's not a matter of whether my love for someone fluctuates... cuz it doesn't. Sometimes I may not find it practical to love someone though. If it doesn't make sense for me to love someone, I'll still love them, I'll just distance myself. Also, I think this has been mentioned by someone before on a similar thread, but the intensity of my feelings, or "infatuation" type feelings, for someone may change on a day to day basis, not my love for them. Sometimes that's a result of boredom, but it's not very hard to get out of those kinds of ruts, so I never saw it as a problem. So yeah, I suppose that looks hot and cold.

    I'd also like to add that if I'm not offering what's on my mind or my thoughts, it's most likely is because I just don't feel like sharing, or don't find you worthy enough. However, sometimes it may because I'm not comfortable with you enough yet, or I feel vulnerable around you. I volunteer the most with people I care about and never feel vulnerable around.

    As for trustworthiness, I consider myself trustworthy. Depends on how you define it, though. I may not be there for everyone on a day to day basis, but I'm there for them when they need it most. I don't turn my back on people unless I really have a reason to. And I usually trust people, unless they give me a reason not to.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

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