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  1. #21
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    btw when I said "seeking" a relationship I more meant "open to one". I've never actively pursued one (other than in the short term - few hours) but I'm generally open to the idea if I'm not in a relationship.
    Me either. If they come around, they come around. I'm so independent that it doesn't bother me most of the time to be totally single. syckkz said it in another thread... I get lonely sometimes, but I really do like that I can pick when I have company around.
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  2. #22
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    meows* lol
    i stand up....
    is youre trust guarded?

  3. #23
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcvcdc View Post
    meows* lol
    i stand up....
    is youre trust guarded?
    Not sure if you're asking me or not... Either way, I'm not really sure what you mean by "guarded" trust. Care to elaborate with a definition...or better yet with an example?!
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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    Me either. If they come around, they come around. I'm so independent that it doesn't bother me most of the time to be totally single. syckkz said it in another thread... I get lonely sometimes, but I really do like that I can pick when I have company around.
    I am the same way with being independent. I have always tended more to have people tag along with me as I do things, but even if no one wants to I am still perfectly happy. The times where I need people I will find a way to be around the people I want to be around. When I want to be by myself I will find a way to be by myself.

  5. #25
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    Yeah, that's why I said generally speaking.
    Ah, right you are. Devil take my bad eye for detail!

    You also won't get an answer if you interrupted the ISTP or asked the wrong way (too much emotions attached to the question).
    Yes, I've noticed that. He starts to talk, and if someone interrupts, he just shuts up, with a pissed off look, or even says in a stroppy sorta teacher-voice, "Okay fine, I won't tell you then" or "Do you want to hear this or not?" or "Why did you ask if you weren't going to listen?" He only does that with people he's close to, though. With people he's not close to, he just shuts up and when the other person notices the look on his face and says "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, carry on", he pretends he's forgotten what he was talking about and it didn't matter anyway. Then slags them off later on to the people he's close to!! LOL!

    Mind you, he's the least full of shit person I know. He doesn't really talk at all unless he knows what he's talking about, so when he does, it's worth listening. In temperament he reminds me of the Clint Eastwood characters in the old Westerns - silent, broody and secretive, but trustworthy, honest and with a good heart

    Edit - oh, and hard as titanium nails, too. I'm the only person who can get him to open up emotionally, and we both have to be drunk for it to happen!
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  6. #26
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I'm curious about ISTPs and trust in general. Loyalty doesn't seem like it would be a very strong ISTP quality seeing as they are so in the moment & commitment seems like it would also be an issue for a type that doesn't want to be tied down. I figure ISTPs are good at keeping secrets & not making unnecessary judgments. These qualities seem trustworthy... but overall ISTPs seem difficult to trust to me. They seem almost constantly distracted from all areas that would require, enforce or value trust. And when they aren't distracted its like they want to keep something from you.
    The "in the moment" thing is accurate but I feel that it's blown out of proportion. It's not like we don't recollect or think things out or wonder why things are a certain way. It's just that we reserve certain times to do this - usually when alone and in private. Otherwise, we are where we are when we are there. If that makes sense?

    You're an ENFJ. Not to get too much into type but ENFJ/ISTP are very different. So more energy needs to be put in to understand the other. I had a two year relationship with an ENFJ. It was the craziest, roller coaster relationship. Trust was a major issue with him. For some reason, he just didn't trust me. This fueled a lot of him picking fights and me exploding in anger.

    For the ISTPs out there, do you consider yourself trustworthy? And how does that fit in with your independent / "live for now" way of being? Have you had many issues with trust?
    Yes.
    It fits just fine.
    I haven't had any issues with trust. Other people have had issues trusting me. (I've always considered it their problem. Not mine and therefore not my problem to fix).
    I'm curious because I find these traits that I've noticed in ISTPs to be confused with what I'd call red flags for trust... (I'm not saying that they are, or that ISTPs can't be trustworthy. But I would like to understand them outside of my way of thinking.)

    ISTPs:
    - blowing "hot & cold" in relationships.
    - always looking for new sensations, excitement, adventures.
    - getting antsy when they've been with someone for too long without some new stimuli.
    - not expressing what's on their mind... sometimes even when they're asked.
    - not offering much about themselves or feedback when someone has revealed themselves to them.
    I second what a everyone else has said about the hot and cold thing.

    I've never been antsy in a relationship. If I feel like I would be I wouldn't be in it to begin with. No, I'd say ISTP's getting antsy for more stimuli is geared towards physical activity and hobbies rather than relationships.

    If I'm in a relationship that says a lot. I wouldn't be there if I didn't feel or want to be. I cannot stress that enough. ISTP's generally don't put themselves in positions where we are unhappy. We're sort of selfish about our time that way. So if you're in a relationship with an ISTP then you are cared for. and you should feel lucky cause we don't give our time to a lot of people and why isn't this enough for you people??!....

    Uh. I hate being asked a question that I haven't thought about or don't know. Or worse takes me off guard. I usually just stare blankly back. In my brain this is what's going on: "uhhhhhhh............"

    About feedback. I think it could be a number of things. The age and experience of the ISTP is a big thing. I'm 30 and it's only been in the last few years that I have realized that I need to actively ask about other people's lives and share what's going on in mine. Even so, I have to *remember* to ask about someone else. It's not an automatic process.

    Seems like common sense but it's not. It's just not something we even realize that's necessary. That this is how other people share and build relationships. Things that I pay attention to when a SO is speaking to me is if they punctuate their speech with "This is really important to me" or "I'm nervous about this" You have to be direct with your emotions in a concrete way for them to recognize it and take action to "fix" it for you. (our version of comforting you). Also, pay attention to the small things that your ISTP does. It may seem small but that's how he/she shows care. Does he fill up your gas tank when he uses your car? If you absently say "I'm thirsty" does he appear with water a minute later without you asking? Just giving some exact examples but don't dismiss those things.

    And how difficult is it, as an ISTP to trust someone? Is trust important to you?
    I think it's an unconscious process and something that happens instinctively. Sometimes I'll meet someone for the first time and hit it off and we are good friends from then on. Sometimes I can know someone for a long time and they never get past acquaintance. All depends. I can say that pressure to build trust usually backfires. Just let it happen naturally. Actually, I think a lot of other types would do much better with ISTP's if they just ignored half their thoughts about us and just enjoyed the time spent for what it is. Quit thinking so much!
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  7. #27
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    To bring this in with something StephMC said in another thread. I trust people who are consistant even if they lie or hide things.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Seems like common sense but it's not. It's just not something we even realize that's necessary. That this is how other people share and build relationships. Things that I pay attention to when a SO is speaking to me is if they punctuate their speech with "This is really important to me" or "I'm nervous about this" You have to be direct with your emotions in a concrete way for them to recognize it and take action to "fix" it for you. (our version of comforting you). Also, pay attention to the small things that your ISTP does. It may seem small but that's how he/she shows care. Does he fill up your gas tank when he uses your car? If you absently say "I'm thirsty" does he appear with water a minute later without you asking? Just giving some exact examples but don't dismiss those things.

    which is the great thing about you istps. i can just be like "this is what i need" and then you respond with action. it's amazing! i SO appreciate that. i don't have to hint or second guess. i can just take it as it is and be direct as i so choose.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    To bring this in with something StephMC said in another thread. I trust people who are consistant even if they lie or hide things.

    hmm... uh, I knew someone that adjusted the truth when they were talking about a subject that had an emotional charge for them.

    As the years when by, the story became more accurate, and watching that transition was kind of interesting because something I do/have done myself.

    The other was an ISTP too.

  10. #30
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    To bring this in with something StephMC said in another thread. I trust people who are consistant even if they lie or hide things.
    Agreed. Trustworthy, and "honest", are not always the same thing. Actually, they have very little in common in my opinion.
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