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  1. #11
    Member ViCyniC's Avatar
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    I find it hard to trust easily because of past experiences. I know better now. Also, my standards when it comes to keeping my word and owning up to anything I do wrong is very high...most people will probably fail at some point. That's why it takes time for me to trust anyone. I need the time to observe and analyze their general nature. Then I give myself to them accordingly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heinel View Post
    You also won't get an answer if you interrupted the ISTP...
    This is one of my biggest peeves. If you interrupt me while I'm speaking, and it's not small talk (which I hardly do), then don't expect me jump right back in as though I was not annoyed. The silence that come afterward is both from being annoyed and having a broken momentum of speech.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Not always true! My ISTP even admits that sometimes he doesn't answer because he doesn't know, but doesn't want to admit it, so he pretends he hasn't heard or changes the subject!
    I do that!

    The funniest thing to me is talking with an ISTP friend I've known for years.

    Suddenly, one or the other changes the subject and we both just stand there for a second with blank looks in recognition. Then move onto the next topic.

  3. #13
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    Ugh, this is tricky.

    I agree with a lot of what Heinel says. It's not a matter of whether my love for someone fluctuates... cuz it doesn't. Sometimes I may not find it practical to love someone though. If it doesn't make sense for me to love someone, I'll still love them, I'll just distance myself. Also, I think this has been mentioned by someone before on a similar thread, but the intensity of my feelings, or "infatuation" type feelings, for someone may change on a day to day basis, not my love for them. Sometimes that's a result of boredom, but it's not very hard to get out of those kinds of ruts, so I never saw it as a problem. So yeah, I suppose that looks hot and cold.

    I'd also like to add that if I'm not offering what's on my mind or my thoughts, it's most likely is because I just don't feel like sharing, or don't find you worthy enough. However, sometimes it may because I'm not comfortable with you enough yet, or I feel vulnerable around you. I volunteer the most with people I care about and never feel vulnerable around.

    As for trustworthiness, I consider myself trustworthy. Depends on how you define it, though. I may not be there for everyone on a day to day basis, but I'm there for them when they need it most. I don't turn my back on people unless I really have a reason to. And I usually trust people, unless they give me a reason not to.
    I agree with the bold. I've gotta say, I think I'm pretty loyal too.

    And as 2 others have already said...I will definitely stop talking when I'm interrupted. I hate it. I'm a quiet person most of the time and if I'm talking, it's prolly 'cause I have something to say, so freaking listen to me. That's one reason I don't like some party atmospheres - I'll start to say something, other people talk and we/they go off on tangents and I never get to finish my story I suppose when it's a relationshippy conversation...I just get quiet and it makes me feel like the other person doesn't value what I have to contribute. It's quite aggravating.

    I think I'm too trusting most of the time, so I approach things/people slowly with a default to trust until, like Steph said, they give me a reason to think otherwise.

    Edit: Another reason to not answer questions is if I'm just plain uncomfortable with the topic or with the person. There are some people who could ask me anything and I may just stare at them blankly for a bit deciding if I want to answer. Then some others just bring up the wrong topic. Once incident I have in mind is this... I have a guy friend with a couple of older sisters who apparently really like me...and the guy had a crush on me for a long time. Anyway, one day his sister asked me why I wouldn't date him... And I was thinking "zomg, none of your business!" so I just kinda didn't answer. Luckily I was there with one of my friends and we were leaving anyway, so that conversation came to an end.
    I 65.63% E 34.38%
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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by ViCyniC View Post
    I find it hard to trust easily because of past experiences. I know better now. Also, my standards when it comes to keeping my word and owning up to anything I do wrong is very high...most people will probably fail at some point. That's why it takes time for me to trust anyone. I need the time to observe and analyze their general nature. Then I give myself to them accordingly.


    This is one of my biggest peeves. If you interrupt me while I'm speaking, and it's not small talk (which I hardly do), then don't expect me jump right back in as though I was not annoyed. The silence that come afterward is both from being annoyed and having a broken momentum of speech.
    Owning up is an important concept for me as well. If someone tells me they've done something 'owns' up to it...I don't get mad even when most people would get livid.

    I forgive really easily in that type of scenario too.

  5. #15
    Member ViCyniC's Avatar
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    BTW, having trust for someone and treating someone with respect and without a cynical attitude are two different things for me. When I say that I lack trust initially, I mean in terms of letting that person into my personal life, aka friendship, relationship, etc. I don't mean in terms of assuming the worst in people or thinking they're out to get me, or anything like that.

    I also don't take friendships very lightly. Most people I interact with are more like acquaintances.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by ViCyniC View Post
    BTW, having trust for someone and treating someone with respect and without a cynical attitude are two different things for me. When I say that I lack trust initially, I mean in terms of letting that person into my personal life, aka friendship, relationship, etc. I don't mean in terms of assuming the worst in people or thinking they're out to get me, or anything like that.

    I also don't take friendships very lightly. Most people I interact with are more like acquaintances.
    yup, that's how I operate too. I've got an ISTP long time friend, and one of the coolest things in the beginning was having "that exact" conversation.

  7. #17
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    For the ISTPs out there, do you consider yourself trustworthy?

    Yes. Other people apparently do too, considering just how many people I've helped with personal problems, and how many have told me very personal information before I even knew them well....Quite simply, the same reason I don't trust other people easily, also makes me trustworthy. I REALLY don't like to share personal stuff (problems in my life, issues, whatever), so I treat that sort of thing from others, with the same respect. Unless they specifically told me I CAN tell other people, I don't, and even if they told me they don't care, I still usually won't.

    On a related note, I'm retardedly loyal. Even got myself suspended from school when I was younger for it. (Wouldn't say if a good friend had started a fight or not). This goes for relationships and everything else too. I don't make commitments easily, the ones I do, I keep.

    As such, I also consider other people breaking my trust, to be serious to the point making it incredibly difficult for them to ever have a chance of regaining it. I don't trust many people, and those that do, I guess you could say I feel a certain connection with. There are people I've known closely for years I still don't, and probably never will, trust. I also don't really talk about my personal stuff much, to me, that's for me, and only me.

    And how does that fit in with your independent / "live for now" way of being?

    Perfectly? I don't trust many people, so I don't depend on many people, and remain independent.

    - blowing "hot & cold" in relationships.

    My love or like of the person, never changes like that. It's the need for balance that can make it appear that way, especially if the person we're with might not be right for us. We need a certain amount of time to ourselves, and that varies depending on lots of things, including how demanding/draining the other person is. As a result...the "hot and cold" is just to try to balance ourselves, in a way...

    - always looking for new sensations, excitement, adventures.

    Yup. But...this doesn't manifest itself in the way you're thinking, of being unable to maintain relationships/cheating, at least not any more often than other types, and probably less so for ISTP's, imo. (ESTP's are another story...)

    - getting antsy when they've been with someone for too long without some new stimuli.

    That doesn't have to do with the person. It's the reason I have trouble watching TV...I need to be doing something, preferably something that has my brain active.

    - not expressing what's on their mind... sometimes even when they're asked- not offering much about themselves or feedback when someone has revealed themselves to them.

    From my point of view, those would be positive indicators of my trustworthiness, no? I don't share easily, at least not unless I trust you, and I still won't share anything I've been requested to not share with others.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member syckkz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Not always true! My ISTP even admits that sometimes he doesn't answer because he doesn't know, but doesn't want to admit it, so he pretends he hasn't heard or changes the subject!
    LOL! I drive my girlfriend CRAZY with that one.


    I do consider myself trustworthy.. in relationships in which I'm close to the person yes, definitely. And like what was said on here already, I love deeply.. that never ever changes, my boredom levels do, so I pull away to find something a little more exciting.. but I never ever set out to disrespect my relationship or to ruin the trust between us.

    Yes I do have a lot of issues with trust, and I do trust certain people to an extent.. enough to let them in sometimes.

    All I can say to the "acting shady" part of it is that we don't always have the right words to express how we feel.. we do feel them... just kind of give up on trying to put them into verbal expression after a while..

    We express our love/trust/concern through action, not words.
    “Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not.”

  9. #19
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toast View Post
    Not really looking for confirmation on whether or not ISTPs can be trusted in general. I'm looking for issues they've had with trust. Trying to see if what I pick up from their "aloofness" is something they've experienced with others, even if they considered themselves to be trustworthy.

    While I am an ENF-J... I'm not going to take everyone's experiences on a forum & decide all ISTPs are the same.



    This is something I think everyone thinks about when they are considering whether or not to trust someone. The ISTPs I know don't really appear to ever be actively "seeking a relationship," even when they say they are... because there maybe chasing but there is so little feedback. But then again, no ISTP I've known had trust issues with anyone they didn't care about. This confuses me.

    Example: my friend & bf who are both ISTPs... They don't really seem to act differently towards those they want a relationship with & those they don't really care at all about... but somehow they are almost worshiped by the ones they care about & doubted by those that they don't (to a point of suspicion - friends of mine will actually tell me they worry about me because "they seem shady" - they don't stay friends for long though. I love my ISTPs).

    So I'm not looking for conclusions on ISTPs... I'm trying to see if any of them have seen this from their perspective (The ISTPs I spoke of have come to detest the ppl who called them "shady", so talking with them about it isn't easy.)

    Maybe my original post was too abstract. I'm still cool with seeing how people respond to it.

    Willfrey, your avatar is completely perfect.

    And proximo + Willfrey, hearing you say that still makes me feel all aflutter, 'cause my favorite person in the world is an ISTP.
    Ok then.

    I haven't been called shady or untrustworthy ever, and I feel like I'm fairly trustworthy (as much as anyone else - though that's what almost everyone would say).

    I don't have issues with trusting people once I know them well, but there are very few people who will get to that point. I don't feel like I have "issues" about trust at all, I just don't like talking about personal issues with near-strangers.

    btw when I said "seeking" a relationship I more meant "open to one". I've never actively pursued one (other than in the short term - few hours) but I'm generally open to the idea if I'm not in a relationship. As opposed to those people who would hesitate about going out with someone despite being interested in them.
    -end of thread-

  10. #20
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by syckkz View Post
    We express our love/trust/concern through action, not words.
    I feel like we're all broken records when we say this... but it's true... 100%!

    Random Person: "Do you like the dish I made?"
    Me: "I'm eating it, aren't I."

    Random Person: "Are you enjoying yourself?"
    Me: "I'm smiling, right?"

    Random Person: "Do you like me?"
    Me: "I'm hanging out with you right now, aren't I?"

    I find myself saying those things to people a lot. It's my equivalent of "yes." Again, I feel like people make us more complicated than we really are. We wouldn't be doing something we didn't like, unless it was for someone that we loved. And even then, we're communicating through our actions. Accept our love, damn it! ...Even if sometimes we show it by asking you if you want a beer on our way to get one for ourselves.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

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