cooliogirly1000
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- Sep 25, 2009
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sorry post moved
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[MBTI General] ISTP and INFP relationship
- Thread starter cooliogirly1000
- Start date
seamaid
New member
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2008
- Messages
- 152
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 5w4
Well, the clingy behavior definitely would push any ISTP away, and just about any other type as well. It would probably push even me, an INFP, away! Based on what's transpired, I think your relationship may have gone to a point of no return.
It did start out promisingly, and must have been very passionate for him to have proposed to you, but it just wasn't in the stars for it to work out. Long-distance is extremely difficult, especially for ISTPs who are very sensory and spontaneous.
It sounds like first love, because it seems like it's very difficult for you to let go. My first relationship was long-distance with an ESFP and it was very painful as it ended. The whole "there must be a way to solve this" belief sounds very familiar to me. I was always the one convinced problems would work out ("I'll fix myself!"), while my exes wanted the simple exit. (Ironically, now I'm in a relationship where I want the "simple" exit and my ISTP thinks it'll all work itself out.
) It's never simple, though.
I would give him his space (no contact), which is what he's asking from you. Maybe that will allow him to come to you of his own will. Try to give yourself the love you so want from him. It's true that we're not ever fully ready to be in a good relationship until we can love and accept ourselves completely. If you're looking for validation from others, then that complete acceptance hasn't happened yet.
A bit of random advice that will be useful to you:
- Don't take things so seriously.
- Create your own happiness, your own sense of wholeness. No guy defines you. You define you.
- Be yourself. Love yourself. (I admit I'm still learning what this means)
- Men are like buses, there's always a next one.
Maybe you can call your best friend and go on a trip together to get him out of your system for a while. Find yourself again. You did have a fine life before him.
It did start out promisingly, and must have been very passionate for him to have proposed to you, but it just wasn't in the stars for it to work out. Long-distance is extremely difficult, especially for ISTPs who are very sensory and spontaneous.
It sounds like first love, because it seems like it's very difficult for you to let go. My first relationship was long-distance with an ESFP and it was very painful as it ended. The whole "there must be a way to solve this" belief sounds very familiar to me. I was always the one convinced problems would work out ("I'll fix myself!"), while my exes wanted the simple exit. (Ironically, now I'm in a relationship where I want the "simple" exit and my ISTP thinks it'll all work itself out.
) It's never simple, though.I would give him his space (no contact), which is what he's asking from you. Maybe that will allow him to come to you of his own will. Try to give yourself the love you so want from him. It's true that we're not ever fully ready to be in a good relationship until we can love and accept ourselves completely. If you're looking for validation from others, then that complete acceptance hasn't happened yet.
A bit of random advice that will be useful to you:
- Don't take things so seriously.
- Create your own happiness, your own sense of wholeness. No guy defines you. You define you.
- Be yourself. Love yourself. (I admit I'm still learning what this means)
- Men are like buses, there's always a next one.
Maybe you can call your best friend and go on a trip together to get him out of your system for a while. Find yourself again. You did have a fine life before him.
cooliogirly1000
New member
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2009
- Messages
- 44
It is very difficult to let go, for many reasons other than him being the first man I loved. As an INFP I am really picky with guys and most relationships do not last long before I see a reason to call it quits. This one was different, I think he played by my rules at the beginning only to have me fall for him, then he became his ISTP self. Sometimes I wonder will there ever be a almost perfect guy for an INFP?
Part of me thinks even if he does return one day, why should I take him back when he wasn't there for me when I needed him, when he really hurt me? I am stressed with exams and really did not need him to break up with me right now. And another part of me really just wants him and hopes I haven't completely messed it up.
Am I not normal...cos I view me calling him as an expression of my love (maybe not after breakup, but before). Even nearer the end of our relationship, I used to call him a lot and he did not like that...as an INFP I felt it was not genuine of me to act diffrently to how I felt. If I love someone surely speaking to them whenever it is possible, is the right thing to do. What point am I trying to prove by saying to a guy, I love you and at the same time playing hard to get by reducing contact whilst in a relationship with him? Its not genuine and contradictory.
I heard ISTPs and INFPs are not compatible, are there any relationships with these two types that have worked?
Part of me thinks even if he does return one day, why should I take him back when he wasn't there for me when I needed him, when he really hurt me? I am stressed with exams and really did not need him to break up with me right now. And another part of me really just wants him and hopes I haven't completely messed it up.
Am I not normal...cos I view me calling him as an expression of my love (maybe not after breakup, but before). Even nearer the end of our relationship, I used to call him a lot and he did not like that...as an INFP I felt it was not genuine of me to act diffrently to how I felt. If I love someone surely speaking to them whenever it is possible, is the right thing to do. What point am I trying to prove by saying to a guy, I love you and at the same time playing hard to get by reducing contact whilst in a relationship with him? Its not genuine and contradictory.
I heard ISTPs and INFPs are not compatible, are there any relationships with these two types that have worked?
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