[SP] SP vulnerability

[SilkRoad]

What would you say, SPs?

If an SP is vulnerable with you - ie. tells you they’re feeling low, and why, tells you when something really moved them emotionally, and this sort of thing – does it indicate that they feel a really high level of comfort with you, and really trust and like you (as I would assume it would with many other types?)

Or is it more likely that they pick up on the fact that you appreciate people discussing emotions and deep feelings with them (I would appreciate this, as I’m an INFJ!), and they try to relate to/get along with all types of people, and they realize this is a good way (or even the best way) to do it with you? (ie. with a different type of person, the way to get along well with them might to go partying with them…or to be gentlemanly with them…etc, and they would use those approaches with those types of people)

I suppose these two options are not mutually exclusive. And I’m sorry if I sound a little suspicious (I have a bit of a mutual fascination/suspicion thing with SPs, at least some.) I don’t think I’ve had a lot of SP friends, but I have been surprised when a few have seemed to open up to me and I am not sure what it means.

I guess you could say I sometimes feel a bit uncertain about trusting SPs.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I would say they feel comfortable with you if they are discussing those kinds of issues. Depends upon the SP.

However, I have been known to start talking to people I don't really know that well - maybe because they don't know me that well? - about a personal issue if I am currently confused or can't make sense of a problem - and I sense that they wouldn't use the information against me or my gut tells me they could give me some needed insight. Basically, I'm grasping at straws when I do that. Emotional vomiting is what I call it. I usually needed to get something off my chest and after I do I go back to thinking, "why did I even bother saying anything about ----- it doesn't even matter now."

 

[wolfy]

A bit of both I guess. A person wouldn't normally open up to someone unless they trusted them and also thought they were open to that kind of relationship.

 

[Halla74]

If an SP is vulnerable with you - ie. tells you they’re feeling low, and why, tells you when something really moved them emotionally, and this sort of thing – does it indicate that they feel a really high level of comfort with you, and really trust and like you (as I would assume it would with many other types?)

From what I can tell WE are comfortable with all people of all types. I am more of an open book than most, but that's because I am completely comfortable with myself. I'd say an SP opening up/disclosing anything is more of a function of their high level of comfort with themselves, and much less than their comfort/attachment to their audience.

Or is it more likely that they pick up on the fact that you appreciate people discussing emotions and deep feelings with them (I would appreciate this, as I’m an INFJ!),...

Only an INFJ would say this!!! HAHAAAA!!!! I am allowed to laugh as my beautiful wife is an INFJ and I have learned over the course of 15 years of her need to "talk about things at a deep emotional level" while in the meantime I'm bouncing off the walls and ceilings trying to remember how my Grandmother used to make fresh squeezed lemonade.

...and they try to relate to/get along with all types of people, and they realize this is a good way (or even the best way) to do it with you? (ie. with a different type of person, the way to get along well with them might to go partying with them…or to be gentlemanly with them…etc, and they would use those approaches with those types of people)

We do love people, so maybe it is fair to say that we will operatively determine what vector of communication our present company is most comfortable utilizing in their relations with us. But if we do that, it is not pre-meditated, and we're doing it for you, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

I suppose these two options are not mutually exclusive. And I’m sorry if I sound a little suspicious (I have a bit of a mutual fascination/suspicion thing with SPs, at least some.) I don’t think I’ve had a lot of SP friends, but I have been surprised when a few have seemed to open up to me and I am not sure what it means.

I guess you could say I sometimes feel a bit uncertain about trusting SPs.

Ahhhhh the NF idyllic strikes again. Maybe things can be better than they are now, but please don't ever take for granted the good things which are immediately present. Being suspicious might be a bit too harsh of a term I think. Suspicious of what? That they are going to find out that you have the secret formula for Kentucky Fried Chicken?

I mean really, unless a person (SP or otherwise) gives you reason to be suspicious you are probably better off giving them the benefit of the doubt. Wouldn't you wnat to be given the benefit of the doubt by a new person that you meet in the future? How would you feel if you knew that lots of SPs out there were suspicious of INFJs?

Please don't think I'm being harsh with you. I have learned ALOT about myself and about INFJs in my marriage. There is a huge difference in the processing of our respective realities, but please don't think that we are any less human than you because of being superficially conversant. That's such a simple thing to extroverts in general, and shouldn't be held against their character. A few introverts I know have beliefs as such, it has always puzzled me.

I would say they feel comfortable with you if they are discussing those kinds of issues. Depends upon the SP.

Yes, you said this nicely.

Emotional vomiting is what I call it. I usually needed to get something off my chest and after I do I go back to thinking, "why did I even bother saying anything about ----- it doesn't even matter now."

I love that term! May I use it? Haaaa!!!!!

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

From what I can tell WE are comfortable with all people of all types. I am more of an open book than most, but that's because I am completely comfortable with myself. I'd say an SP opening up/disclosing anything is more of a function of their high level of comfort with themselves, and much less than their comfort/attachment to their audience.

With the exception of my "emotional vomiting" kind of disclosure - the bolded print is def how most disclosure works. At least with me. Well said Halla.

Only an INFJ would say this!!! HAHAAAA!!!! I am allowed to laugh as my beautiful wife is an INFJ and I have learned over the course of 15 years of her need to "talk about things at a deep emotional level" while in the meantime I'm bouncing off the walls and ceilings trying to remember how my Grandmother used to make fresh squeezed lemonade.

Funny. I sort of chuckled at that sentence too. Not in a bad way. Just that it's such an INFJ thing to say. But no. I wouldn't say "appreciating and expressing deeper feelings" is even on the front burner of most SP's thoughts. Not that it isn't important. It's just not thought about.

We do love people, so maybe it is fair to say that we will operatively determine what vector of communication our present company is most comfortable utilizing in their relations with us. But if we do that, it is not pre-meditated, and we're doing it for you, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

I seriously think I'm a closet ESTP because your posts always make sense and you say things much better than I can.

I love that term! May I use it? Haaaa!!!!!

It's yours!! lol.

 

[Halla74]

With the exception of my "emotional vomiting" kind of disclosure - the bolded print is def how most disclosure works. At least with me. Well said Halla.

Exception noted, of course! Pardon my blunder in plain daylight. If I'm going to fall flat on my face I am going to do it in a crowded room filled with everyone I know. Ha!!

Funny. I sort of chuckled at that sentence too. Not in a bad way. Just that it's such an INFJ thing to say. But no. I wouldn't say "appreciating and expressing deeper feelings" is even on the front burner of most SP's thoughts. Not that it isn't important. It's just not thought about.

YES. Bolded parts above are loud and clear, nicely put.

I seriously think I'm a closet ESTP because your posts always make sense and you say things much better than I can.

Wow, thanks! Your commentary is always clear to me too. You're able to state my thoughts in much fewer words, which is indicative of my ESTP verbal diarrhea.

It's yours!! lol.

Yes! Now I know what to tell people in the future when I emotionally vomit on them:

"Hey, I need to barf some emotional energy onto you so that I can sort a few things out in my head. Is that cool?" :yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[Jeffster]

From what I can tell WE are comfortable with all people of all types. I am more of an open book than most, but that's because I am completely comfortable with myself. I'd say an SP opening up/disclosing anything is more of a function of their high level of comfort with themselves, and much less than their comfort/attachment to their audience.

Very well said, sir.

I would prefer to be open with EVERYBODY. The only reason I am not is that I have learned from life experience that many people have hangups that make being open with them more of a hassle than it's worth.

There are soooo many people who seem to go through life looking for things to be offended by. I think this is the exact opposite of the SP philosophy which is more to look for things to be pleased by.

 

[SilkRoad]

Thanks guys, interesting comments. You can vomit on me emotionally any time. Unless you’re doing it in a creepy personal-space-invading way, us INFJs LOVE to be vomited on emotionally!

Ok, let’s elaborate on this a bit more with a hypothetical. I get what you mean about this sort of emotional disclosure maybe indicating that the SP is comfortable with themselves, more than necessarily with you (though that is probably at least an element too.)

But what if the SP generally seems to want to project a very with-it, non-emotional demeanour to most people, and then they turn around and vent to you about their hopes and fears? I think that is where with a few people I’ve really gone “Hmm, does this mean we have some sort of ‘special relationship’ [us INFJs love that sort of thing too… ] or am I reading way too much into this?”

For example, and I’ve had pretty much this sort of thing happen to me with a few definitely SP individuals: You’re at a party and your good SP friend is there. It’s a fairly chilled party and you chat with various people…for a good length of time with your SP friend, sometimes just the two of you, other times joined by others. Everyone including (and maybe especially) the SP is pretty upbeat. Then you leave the party with the SP and chat some more on your way home or maybe go for a drink, just the two of you. It’s at this point that the SP starts telling you about their anxiety over some future plans, the fact that their boss is driving them nuts, or even (shock horror) that they don’t feel like they fit in particularly well with a lot of people in your mutual circle of friends/acquaintances. (The latter has really astonished me with a few people. These are the SP charmers who seem capable of making everyone love them…and then they tell you they only really have a few friends or feel like they’re not accepted…That’s INFJ talk, people! )

Of course, in these cases I have very little idea if the SP has similar conversations one-on-one with other friends or I’m privileged (I really mean that!) with the emotional vomit I mean, it’s not like INFJs ever read too much into anything…

 

[SilkRoad]

There is a huge difference in the processing of our respective realities, but please don't think that we are any less human than you because of being superficially conversant. That's such a simple thing to extroverts in general, and shouldn't be held against their character. A few introverts I know have beliefs as such, it has always puzzled me.

I'm working on not thinking this way about extroverts and/or SPs, because I realise that sometimes I do. But sometimes extroverts think an introvert can't be a people person, just because we don't have nearly as much of that facility for superficial friendliness...and certainly an INFJ is totally a people person, just much more one-on-one and with certain individuals they've spent time building a relationship with...

 

[Trepidation]

I cannot speak for all SPs, but you'd have to be very, very close to me for me to feel comfortable with sharing anything... personal. If you don't think anything bad will come of it, you could always ask the individuals in question why they decide to vent to you.

 

[SilkRoad]

I cannot speak for all SPs, but you'd have to be very, very close to me for me to feel comfortable with sharing anything... personal. If you don't think anything bad will come of it, you could always ask the individuals in question why they decide to vent to you.

Well, it's certainly not something I consider a "problem" - generally I would consider it more of a compliment actually, so I'm unlikely to confront anyone about it. I have been told by various people of various types that I'm easy to get along with and good to talk to... The only times when I may have considered it an "issue" in a way is if it's with a guy who I'm attracted to and I have noticed a bit of a pattern of them venting/sharing with me and perhaps not with others. This has happened with a couple of guy SPs I can think of, and then the temptation to read into things becomes great indeed...

 

[Trepidation]

Well, it's certainly not something I consider a "problem" - generally I would consider it more of a compliment actually, so I'm unlikely to confront anyone about it. I have been told by various people of various types that I'm easy to get along with and good to talk to... The only times when I may have considered it an "issue" in a way is if it's with a guy who I'm attracted to and I have noticed a bit of a pattern of them venting/sharing with me and perhaps not with others. This has happened with a couple of guy SPs I can think of, and then the temptation to read into things becomes great indeed...

I didn't mean to say that you should confront them, but instead to ask them directly because they'll give you a better answer than a bunch of strangers on the internet ever could. If they're already comfortable talking to you about the things that they do, I doubt they'd mind sharing a bit more.

 

[Shimmy]

Everybody who shows vulnerability is feels a high level of comfort around you, no matter what type they are.

 

[SilkRoad]

I didn't mean to say that you should confront them, but instead to ask them directly because they'll give you a better answer than a bunch of strangers on the internet ever could. If they're already comfortable talking to you about the things that they do, I doubt they'd mind sharing a bit more.

Yeah true, "confront" is a bit of a hostile word... perhaps we are all seeking a bit too much help from a bunch of strangers on the internet...

 

[BlackCat]

If an SP is vulnerable with you - ie. tells you they’re feeling low, and why, tells you when something really moved them emotionally, and this sort of thing – does it indicate that they feel a really high level of comfort with you, and really trust and like you (as I would assume it would with many other types?)

This is generally how it works for mankind, yes.

Don't over analyze, SPs hate that. Unless it's obvious that we're joking, we mean what we say, and we try to communicate in the most clear ways possible.

 

[SilkRoad]

Don't over analyze, SPs hate that. Unless it's obvious that we're joking, we mean what we say, and we try to communicate in the most clear ways possible.

So hard for the likes of me, but I'm working on it

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Thanks guys, interesting comments. You can vomit on me emotionally any time. Unless you’re doing it in a creepy personal-space-invading way, us INFJs LOVE to be vomited on emotionally!

For example, and I’ve had pretty much this sort of thing happen to me with a few definitely SP individuals: You’re at a party and your good SP friend is there. It’s a fairly chilled party and you chat with various people…for a good length of time with your SP friend, sometimes just the two of you, other times joined by others. Everyone including (and maybe especially) the SP is pretty upbeat. Then you leave the party with the SP and chat some more on your way home or maybe go for a drink, just the two of you. It’s at this point that the SP starts telling you about their anxiety over some future plans, the fact that their boss is driving them nuts, or even (shock horror) that they don’t feel like they fit in particularly well with a lot of people in your mutual circle of friends/acquaintances. (The latter has really astonished me with a few people. These are the SP charmers who seem capable of making everyone love them…and then they tell you they only really have a few friends or feel like they’re not accepted…That’s INFJ talk, people! )

I would say this SP considers you a true friend. Point blank.

I can disclose past secrets and things pretty easily if I trust the person or like them and it makes sense in the conversation to do so. (For some reason, people tend to put more emphasis on divulging their past as more of a "wow" factor. I don't. The past is done with so it doesn't matter who knows) Even so, sharing these things goes back to what Halla said about being more comfortable with myself than confiding in the other person.

However, I rarely discuss current or future worries - with anyone! That's like, my kryptonite. I would feel extremely vulnerable doing that. So if this SP is doing so I'd say they're either really stressed out or they really trust you or a combination of both. Either way, it's a good thing. Not a bad one.

Of course, in these cases I have very little idea if the SP has similar conversations one-on-one with other friends or I’m privileged (I really mean that!) with the emotional vomit I mean, it’s not like INFJs ever read too much into anything…

My core friends know everything about me. I have maybe four people in my life that I tell or can tell anything too. Other than that there's a lot of periphery friends. They are good friends. They may get those "emotional vomiting" moments out of me or they might not know much about me at all. A lot of how much an SP divulges has to do with timing. This was actually a really difficult post to reply too. Made me think. Ugh. Hope I made sense

EDIT: what type is this SP?

 

[entropie]

I'ld like to respect the vulnerable points of an SP, but I most of the times dont see them. Best example is my istp Dad, he says things that do hurt me and if I tell him he says I shouldnt be such a pussy. And then I say things I hurt him with and I say dont be such a pussy.

It's just different, not on purpose.

SF's are another story. I dont get em at all, no matter how hard I try. I bet they like that image

 

[Quinlan]

SPs are vulnerable to kryptonite and to the poison of certain kinds of rare sea snake.

 

[Jeffster]

SPs are vulnerable to kryptonite and to the poison of certain kinds of rare sea snake.

Shhhh! Don't give away our secrets!