[SP] Friends With Cuddling Benefits?

[Amargith]

lol right. Sorry, I meant "NFP women except for amargith."

You really don't think they apply to you? :yim_rolling_on_the_:yim_rolling_on_the_

Honestly, virtually all of your responses in this thread are classic NFP female. I'm not telling you to change that; just pointing out an obvious trends.

Yes, coz you so know me well that you can make generalizations about when I completely fit in the NFP box and when not. It's interesting, since you're always wailing about how people shouldn't intuit someone elses emotions or motivations and should accept at face value what others tell them. I'm telling you again, I have no problem with casual sex. Third (or fourth by now?) and last time. Learn to listen.

For that matter, reread the thread, you missed my point entirely, which seems to stem frome the fact that you don't seem to like being judged for having casual sex. I however never did that. Sorry if you thought otherwise.

 

[proteanmix]

I think it's stronger with men. At least it is, ime, with the exception of being comforted when emotionally upset. Think it has something to do with the fact that the presence of a man tend to stabilize our hormones and moodswings. If I remember correctly, they have some pheromone stuff that does that or something. I'd have to look it up.

As for your other point, I've never had a problem with it. In fact, I've found guys being quite receptive to it and often initiating it themselves while fully well knowing nothing was going to happen.

OK, just bear with me I'm not trying to be annoying.

If it's stronger with men, then it doesn't seem to be just the cuddling to me. It seems to be a reaction to maleness, coupled with the release of oxytocin. So maybe women have been conditioned to expect this release with a man specifically so the two are intertwined. According to my understanding the warm fuzzies should happen with a cuddle session regardless of the sex of the person you're cuddling with. Nursing mothers experience this with their babies, so it's not just a woman and man interaction.

I must also add that there is also the power element. Even though some women's intentions may be pure, there are just as many others who like being teases and play stupid afterward. IME, this happens just as often as the platonic cuddling/

 

[Charmed Justice]

oh, well she was my girlfriend for a while, but we just stressed each other out a lot. now we're basically the closest of friends (you know, minus the stressing out) but with intimate cuddling, i love yous, and beyond that.

Sweet! So who is holding the cuddle power? Did she initiate the cuddling after the break up, or you?

 

[Amargith]

This could be at least partially because you specifically seek out this type of man for friendship, don't you think? Your sample may be biased.

Not really..my college consisted of 95 percent females. It's not like I had that big a choice in men
Besides, it was usually the men you never would've expected it from.

 

[Fidelia]

Having cuddle friends is the emotional equivalent of having a friend with benefits. Both muddy the waters and send messages that get people's hopes up whether or no they have intellectually agreed to the arrangement. You can't get the benefits of a relationship without actually having a relationship because it is always going to turn bad on you.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I had a handsy, cuddly friend [especially when drunk. One second we're doing shots, the next I'm being straddled ].

It's a shitty position to be in. If I had a cuddle buddy I'd push for more. Cuddling doesn't do much by itself, but it's enjoyable because my body assumes something more is coming and thinks it's on its way to snoo-snoo, or when I've just had sex.

Stellar I'd have to wonder what the hell you're getting from all of this.

 

[Moiety]

As CaptainChick so eloquently brought up, does cuddling with other women produce the same effect or is it specifically guys?

This.


Anyway, cuddling for me is a very intimate exchange. I would never do it with someone unless I was emotionally intimate with that person.

Also whoever talks of cuddling in terms of needs...that might even be true, but I don't lead my life in that way - seeking to satisfy my needs. I could very well say men have the need to spread their seed too...so it's a need to copulate with various women. So that's why I would never go into a needs/wants debate.

 

[Amargith]

OK, just bear with me I'm not trying to be annoying.

If it's stronger with men, then it doesn't seem to be just the cuddling to me. It seems to be a reaction to maleness, coupled with the release of oxytocin. So maybe women have been conditioned to expect this release with a man specifically so the two are intertwined. According to my understanding the warm fuzzies should happen with a cuddle session regardless of the sex of the person you're cuddling with. Nursing mothers experience this with their babies, so it's not just a woman and man interaction.

I must also add that there is also the power element. Even though some women's intentions may be pure, there are just as many others who like being teases and play stupid afterward. IME, this happens just as often as the platonic cuddling/

Could very well be that that is the reaction behind it. I'd have to look it up. It's kinda insulting to know that having a man in your life tends to make you a more stable person

I agree that toying with people like that is despicable. For me those are two different mindsets anyways, unless I'm with my SO. I'll tease and taunt for fun and games, which come to an end. But cuddling up with someone in that way, unless I'm dating them, is more of a maternal, nurturing vibe..not a sexual one, usually.

 

[simulatedworld]

Yes, coz you so know me well that you can make generalizations about when I completely fit in the NFP box and when not. It's interesting, since you're always wailing about how people shouldn't intuit someone elses emotions or motivations and should accept at face value what others tell them. I'm telling you again, I have no problem with casual sex. Third (or fourth by now?) and last time. Learn to listen.

Actually, maybe you should learn to listen/not to assume motives on my part that aren't there. I didn't say you had a problem with casual sex; I said you take it personally when men are interested in you for sexual reasons only and you just want to cuddle...as you clearly stated annoys you in the OP!

For that matter, reread the thread, you missed my point entirely, which seems to stem frome the fact that you don't seem to like being judged for having casual sex. I however never did that. Sorry if you thought otherwise.

You're correct that I don't like being judged for casual sex. Unfortunately you're incorrect in your assertion that I think you did that to me in this thread, and also in your assertion that I missed your point.

Your point was: "It annoys me when I want to cuddle platonically and men think it means I want sex."

This is a characteristically NFP female viewpoint, even though some non-NFPs and some non-women hold it. This is really not very complicated. I spent the thread explaining:

A) Why this happens,
B) Why you should be able to anticipate it happening, and
C) Why it's really not unreasonable for men to interpret your actions this way.

I never said anything about you being against casual sex; try taking your own advice and listen. You're transferring the blame in this situation to men for "reading too far into" your cuddling, and you've neglected the biological implications of displaying physical intimacy. My point isn't that you somehow hate or are against casual sex; it's that the blame here lies more with you for not recognizing the way most men are likely to interpret your actions.

 

[Amargith]

Sigh. We both got each others points wrong. Let's just leave it at that.

 

[simulatedworld]

Sigh. We both got each others points wrong. Let's just leave it at that.

We can drop it if you want, but no, I don't think I misunderstood anything in this thread.

 

[Poki]

I like cuddling just to be close to people, Its like an extremely long hug. Never had a cuddle friend though. I think that besides a mutual agreement that it wil not proceed past cuddling, atleast one side would have to be able to put there foot down if the other decided to try and take it further.

Blue balls 99% of the time is just an excuse. It is real, it is painful, but if you seriously get it that easily you need to get your stuff checked out by a doctor.

To be able to cuddle with a women and be able to leave it at that you will need the sex part covered else where. Men do have a sex drive, but we also like to hold someone close. If the sex drive is not covered and you start to believe that it could lead somewhere things may rise on his end, intentions will be drawn, and both parties will know the desire is there which could muddy things.

 

[Charmed Justice]

If the sex drive is not covered and you start to believe that it could lead somewhere things may rise on his end, intentions will be drawn, and both parties will know the desire is there which could muddy things.

To the bolded Poki, absolutely.
Could you cuddle with a woman you were already sexually attracted to without getting frustrated if things didn't move further?

 

[SolitaryPenguin]

My current GF was my college sweetheart back in '95. Even after we broke up back then, we would always sleep/cuddle together, sans sex, whenever we were both single or nearby each other. There was never really an expectation of anything, it was just a very comfortable and familiar place to be, so we always gravitated to it. It was powerful enough that it landed us back in the same bed 14 years later, with a few more benefits.

 

[Poki]

To the bolded Poki, absolutely.
Could you cuddle with a woman you were already sexually attracted to without getting frustrated if things didn't move further?

Without getting frustrated, easily since I am married. I can cuddle up to my wife without getting frustrated if it doesnt go anywhere even when things rise as long as there is 'just enough' in the sex department.

 

[MacGuffin]

What does this have to do with SPs? More open to physical contact?

 

[Poki]

What does this have to do with SPs? More open to physical contact?

The OP is a SP.

 

[MacGuffin]

The OP is a SP.

Yeah, I figured that out.

 

[Charmed Justice]

The OP is a SP.

It also looks like SP men are more into the whole cuddling just for cuddles sake. At least, here. The few NT men who have responded here seem to be more about cuddling leading to sex, or otherwise displacing their role as a potential FB. So, I wonder who gets more sex--or more of what they really want from women? NT men or SP men?

Now that I really think about it, my of my best guy friends(ESFP) used to be my cuddle buddy, but we grew up together, so maybe that's why I made the exception.

 

[Poki]

It also looks like SP men are more into the whole cuddling just for cuddles sake. At least, here. The few NT men who have responded here seem to be more about cuddling leading to sex, or otherwise displacing their role as a potential FB. So, I wonder who gets more sex--or more of what they really want from women? NT men or SP men?

Now that I really think about it, my of my best guy friends(ESFP) used to be my cuddle buddy, but we grew up together, so maybe that's why I made the exception.

We just want to be loved, but being a man the sex has to come from somewhere. Healthy SPs are softies and the P makes us flexible(get your head outta the gutter).

edit: I think I learned in sixth grade or something, if it doesnt come from somewhere you are gonna have to change your sheets:yim_rolling_on_the_