[SP] Friends With Cuddling Benefits?

[Poki]

It also looks like SP men are more into the whole cuddling just for cuddles sake. At least, here. The few NT men who have responded here seem to be more about cuddling leading to sex, or otherwise displacing their role as a potential FB. So, I wonder who gets more sex--or more of what they really want from women? NT men or SP men?

Now that I really think about it, my of my best guy friends(ESFP) used to be my cuddle buddy, but we grew up together, so maybe that's why I made the exception.

So its a matter of if your willing to push back any sexual desires to cuddle(SP) or want to give up cuddling to try and find sex(NT).


SP in a cuddle moment: Oh, ignore that, I have no control over it

STP hidden agenda
ESTp => to be loved
ISTp => to love

 

[stellar renegade]

Yeah, something about being SP makes you desire physical affection. It's not the emotional affection, we have plenty of that, and it has nothing to do with sex. I've known this girl for so long we're more like brother and sister than anything. We'll suddenly stop and often one of us will do something funny so we'll just laugh at each other being ridiculous. Sometimes it's more comedic than anything else.

At first I was having to fight the thought that it could lead anywhere, but now any thought of that is gone. And I like smelling her, ok? hahaha

Anyway, I probably shouldn't've posted this in the SP forum, haha. Yeah, I did it because we SPs love physical touch, but you N's took this over and started implying things and debating the whole meaning behind it. Typical... :rolli: :yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[Poki]

Yeah, something about being SP makes you desire physical affection. It's not the emotional affection, we have plenty of that, and it has nothing to do with sex. I've known this girl for so long we're more like brother and sister than anything. We'll suddenly stop and often one of us will do something funny so we'll just laugh at each other being ridiculous. Sometimes it's more comedic than anything else.

At first I was having to fight the thought that it could lead anywhere, but now any thought of that is gone. And I like smelling her, ok? hahaha

Anyway, I probably shouldn't've posted this in the SP forum, haha. Yeah, I did it because we SPs love physical touch, but you N's took this over and started implying things and debating the whole meaning behind it. Typical... :rolli: :yim_rolling_on_the_

So do you prefer to be the one who cuddles or being cuddled with. Front or back and yes we all know the jokes that will come out of this, butt its a serious question? I prefer to be the one in the back or the one holding the other person. Them pulling my arms closer/tighter is sign enough that it is returned.

 

[Salomé]

That's just a female-male misunderstanding. You guys are driven by testosterone= sex. Women by oxytocine= cuddles.

Yes. Cuddles are more important to us than sex. Sex is optional. So no, we're not misleading you guys anymore than you are misleading us. If we say 'cuddles', we mean 'cuddles'

Er ... talking of generalisations, Amar...

I hate cuddling. I'll put up with it in an intimate relationship with much gruntlement (why do I attract the 0.01% of men who are into it!?!)

If I let you touch me at all, I can think of a lot of things I'd rather be doing with you.

I agree with SW, ENFPs do seem to be cuddle bunnies.

 

[Charmed Justice]

So do you prefer to be the one who cuddles or being cuddled with. Front or back and yes we all know the jokes that will come out of this, butt its a serious question? I prefer to be the one in the back or the one holding the other person. Them pulling my arms closer/tighter is sign enough that it is returned.

I was just about to ask that! Can you spoon and still have no sexual desire? You SPs really aren't the hedonist.

 

[Poki]

I was just about to ask that! Can you spoon and still have no sexual desire? You SPs really aren't the hedonist.

I think it will probably follow Stellar.

At first I was having to fight the thought that it could lead anywhere, but now any thought of that is gone.

In some instances I am alot like an ESTP.

 

[Zoom]

Yeah, something about being SP makes you desire physical affection. It's not the emotional affection, we have plenty of that, and it has nothing to do with sex. I've known this girl for so long we're more like brother and sister than anything. We'll suddenly stop and often one of us will do something funny so we'll just laugh at each other being ridiculous. Sometimes it's more comedic than anything else.

At first I was having to fight the thought that it could lead anywhere, but now any thought of that is gone. And I like smelling her, ok? hahaha

Tally bloody ho, Stellar. Agreed and high-fived.

If we're getting into type, I am an IxTP and am addicted to physical touch(only with those I feel affection for). It grounds me, comforts, and gives a feeling of contentment. I love idle touches and have not had a friend in a long time who was on that level with me - I've had it in romantic relationships, but not with friends (as most live far away).

Those involved with this kind of contact need to be of the same mind, and that is rare, but saying that no man can enjoy or even crave physical affection (aside from sex) is just as silly as saying that every woman needs to be in love to want and pursue sex.

 

[stellar renegade]

So do you prefer to be the one who cuddles or being cuddled with. Front or back and yes we all know the jokes that will come out of this, butt its a serious question? I prefer to be the one in the back or the one holding the other person. Them pulling my arms closer/tighter is sign enough that it is returned.

hah, and you said butt, too!

Um, it's not always spooning, alot of times we're either facing each other or I hug her from the side sometimes. But as for that, yes, I do prefer to be in the back, but it wouldn't even make sense the other way since she's so incredibly short compared to me, haha. It would be like a grape hugging a banana. :yim_rolling_on_the_

I was just about to ask that! Can you spoon and still have no sexual desire? You SPs really aren't the hedonist.

Well I did have the very slightest hint of arousal down in a certain area at first... but not anymore. haha. She just doesn't really arouse me. I'm sure if you narrowed it down scientifically you'd find a place in my brain like any other that holds affection for a person without any sexual stimulation.

Yes, I am very much a hedonist and feel like I need sex sometimes more than I can handle. But definitely not with her.

 

[Charmed Justice]

but saying that no man can enjoy or even crave physical affection (aside from sex) is just as silly as saying that every woman needs to be in love to want and pursue sex.

Now someone go give the NT boys the memo.

 

[stellar renegade]

Tally bloody ho, Stellar. Agreed and high-fived.

Those involved with this kind of contact need to be of the same mind

Exactly! We're of the same mind here. We already discussed how we'd never make a couple a long time ago. Whenever anyone says anything about us being more than friends, her disgust shows. haha.

 

[Poki]

hah, and you said butt, too!

Um, it's not always spooning, alot of times we're either facing each other or I hug her from the side sometimes. But as for that, yes, I do prefer to be in the back, but it wouldn't even make sense the other way since she's so incredibly short compared to me, haha. It would be like a grape hugging a banana. :yim_rolling_on_the_


Well I did have the very slightest hint of arousal down in a certain area at first... but not anymore. haha. She just doesn't really arouse me. I'm sure if you narrowed it down scientifically you'd find a place in my brain like any other that holds affection for a person without any sexual stimulation.

Yes, I am very much a hedonist and feel like I need sex sometimes more than I can handle. But definitely not with her.

Once the thought of the possibility is gone certain things stop happening in the nether regions. Basically the idea goes out the window and everything tied to that goes with it. Unlike an ESTP, I think Ti doms can bring it back if we want to. I think its our tertiary Ni as opposed to inferior. ISTPs have more control in this area of bringing things back in the window, but its not something that happens on its own and it is uncontrolled. The thing with ISTPs is that we always see the bigger picture and we cant bring ourself to do something that will hurt the people we love. Me and my wife discussed that sex is off limits so anything sexual goes with it. I will do everything in my power to keep anything sexual between me and someone else at bay.

And the hardest part i think is that the best spot for the arm is right between the boobs where your hand is close to the heart. Not sexual, but its just the best way to hold someone close that is lying with you, sometimes holding a boob is nice, but that takes it a step beyond friendly, but still not meant to lead into sex. But wrapped tightly around the mid section is pretty good too.

Face to face is nice along with on the side. Recently my shoulder causes issue with laying on my side which really sucks!!!!!!!!

 

[Charmed Justice]

hah, and you said butt, too!

Um, it's not always spooning, alot of times we're either facing each other or I hug her from the side sometimes. But as for that, yes, I do prefer to be in the back, but it wouldn't even make sense the other way since she's so incredibly short compared to me, haha. It would be like a grape hugging a banana. :yim_rolling_on_the_

The bolded...:yim_rolling_on_the_Out. of. Control.:yim_rolling_on_the_

Well I did have the very slightest hint of arousal down in a certain area at first... but not anymore. haha.

Mmm, I bet.
So, since you're not actually attracted to her, was your ever so slight arousal almost like a detached physical reaction, not even really directed at her?

I'm sure if you narrowed it down scientifically you'd find a place in my brain like any other that holds affection for a person without any sexual stimulation.

Orreallynow? And where in your brain might that place be tucked away?

Yes, I am very much a hedonist and feel like I need sex sometimes more than I can handle.

Once the thought of the possibility is gone certain things stop happening in the nether regions. Basically the idea goes out the window and everything tied to that goes with it. Unlike an ESTP, I think Ti doms can bring it back if we want to.

So you can shut these things off and on? You STPs are amazing! I'm with you on doing everything in my power....mainly cause I'm not a T. F+big Pness just doesn't yield this type of control.

 

[Timmy]

Now someone go give the NT boys the memo.

I saw that memo, and dismissed it as another Internet/office rumor.


Here's an IM exchange with an ISTJ friend of mine (male).

Timmy: Question: If a woman says to you she wants to cuddle, what does that imply to you? (discussion on another board...need another male opinion)

Friend: IT'S A TRAP!!!!!

T LOL ZOMFG


F usually it means they want to cuddle until they are comfortable enough to be cuddled from the inside

T So, not necessarily that they want to have sex, or that it will lead to sex?

F in my experience it usually leads to sex...they want to feel more comfortable/bond/feel safe with it first, but its usually the sort of girls that sex = love. girls that sex does not equal love will come out with their intentions right away

T good observation. that's been my experience.

F I prefer the emotionally insecure ones

I am an NT, and I've NEVER wanted to cuddle for cuddle's sake before I got married, and rarely do now that I am married. My wife, an ISFJ, completely understands this, though on occasion wants the "just cuddle me" experience. I put up with it because, well, I am a good husband. She knows I put up with it, and considers me a good husband.

Win-win.

 

[Poki]

Mmm, I bet.
So, since you're not actually attracted to her, was your ever so slight arousal almost like a detached physical reaction, not even really directed at her?

Yes this happens with touch and in these positions there is definite touching so it is detached in that sense and is probably why it goes away. If it does happen it doesnt stay in the aroused state very long.

Its like a false alarm and eventually it starts to ignore these alarms.

Its alittle harder for me to tell because I only cuddle with my wife so I have to try and seperate the times when I want it to lead somewhere vs the times when its really not meant to go anywhere.

 

[stellar renegade]

The bolded...:yim_rolling_on_the_Out. of. Control.:yim_rolling_on_the_

mwahahaha.

Mmm, I bet.
So, since you're not actually attracted to her, was your ever so slight arousal almost like a detached physical reaction, not even really directed at her?

This:

Yes this happens with touch and in these positions there is definite touching so it is detached in that sense and is probably why it goes away. If it does happen it doesnt stay in the aroused state very long.

Its like a false alarm and eventually it starts to ignore these alarms.

Orreallynow? And where in your brain might that place be tucked away?

I dunno, ask an INTJ!

It's up there somewhere.

And a few more, on the house!

So you can shut these things off and on? You STPs are amazing! I'm with you on doing everything in my power....mainly cause I'm not a T. F+big Pness just doesn't yield this type of control.

Yeah, pretty much. Usually I don't want to, though.

 

[scantilyclad]

I cuddled with a friend once. Every time i spent the night she wanted to "snuggle" in the bed. We cuddled, and I think it was innocent at first, but this eventually led to us doing other things.
I actually don't like cuddling very much, but cuddling with her was actually comfortable and warm.

 

[cascadeco]

Haven't read this thread yet, but to the OP....

...I'm so not down with this! Now I love physical touch, I love cuddling, I love that physical closeness with another...but I 100% associate this with someone I'm romantically interested in. It's totally, irrevocably connected. I touch/cuddle *because* I have feelings for someone and am involved with them. It's an extension of my feelings.

Not sayin' or denying that many others aren't able to do this, but I am one who cannot. (and don't desire to)

 

[Poki]

So you can shut these things off and on? You STPs are amazing! I'm with you on doing everything in my power....mainly cause I'm not a T. F+big Pness just doesn't yield this type of control.

So what do you do thats within your power?

 

[Intricate Mystic]

Reading through this thread just reminds me, yet again, of why I like SP's so much.

 

[OrangeAppled]

It also looks like SP men are more into the whole cuddling just for cuddles sake. At least, here. The few NT men who have responded here seem to be more about cuddling leading to sex, or otherwise displacing their role as a potential FB. So, I wonder who gets more sex--or more of what they really want from women? NT men or SP men?

SPs and SFJs seem to like cuddling the most, regardless of gender . The only women I've ever known who don't like non-sexual physical affection are NT women, and a few ST women (especially STJ).

I like cuddling now, but I didn't used to when I was younger, despite my NF-ness. I only became more physically affectionate in recent years, and I'm not that way with just anyone. I have no interest in cuddling with someone I don't have some romantic feeling/attraction to, with the exception of my cat .

That said, cuddling should not be expected to lead to sex. Men need to be upfront if they want more than cuddling, and women should be clear when cuddling is all there will be. Nobody can read minds. Funny how much can be cleared up when people communicate.