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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Smile Daughter's boyfriend - ISFP?

    Apparently, he's tough to figure out. He said even a psychologist had a hard time figuring him out. For the third time, I went through the preference lists again. We came out with ISFP. But, in two areas, he "straddles the line" He says he's "in the middle on N/S but leans toward S. He's in the middle on T/F but leans toward F. He's definitely I and definitely P. He's just so hard to understand.

    He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?

    When I asked him about his T/F preferences he kept on explaining how he responds to people's feelings, but usually logically figures out how to respond. He says he's always changing according to how the situation warrants it. He alters in order to accomplish his goal.

    He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.

    My sister says he's an INFP - that's what she is. He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.

    The one reason I didn't think he was primarily an S is because after he had been to our house a couple of times, he said something about thinking we had an upstairs - we live in a ranch. One thinks an S would have noticed that on the way in.
    But the way he's so good at sports...

    It's hard to know about his F or T. He hardly speaks to me. He speaks in short sentences.
    Last edited by INTJMom; 12-31-2007 at 11:15 PM. Reason: I'M GOING TO ASSUME HE'S AN ISFP FOR NOW, AND WATCH FOR CONFLICTING EVIDENCE.

  2. #2
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?
    Seems like an SP thing. The ISFP description at typelogic.com seems to match with the sports thing.

    He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.
    "ISFPs may be quite charming and ingratiating on first acquaintance..." - typelogic

    My sister says he's an INFP - that's what she is. He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.
    Hardly relevant to anything type related, imo. His family could just have money. I would drive an expensive car too if I could afford it.

    It's hard to know about his F or T. He hardly speaks to me. He speaks in short sentences.
    The fact that you are his girlfriend's parent could just make him nervous.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Apparently, he's tough to figure out. He said even a psychologist had a hard time figuring him out. For the third time, I went through the preference lists again. We came out with ISFP. But, in two areas, he "straddles the line" He says he's "in the middle on N/S but leans toward S. He's in the middle on T/F but leans toward F. He's definitely I and definitely P. He's just so hard to understand.

    He says he was the top High School baseball player in our state. When he reached the top, he switched to Soccer and became one of the best in Soccer. Then he switched to basketball and was in the top 10 in that sport. Can we pretty much assume that he is mostly S based on his sports record?

    When I asked him about his T/F preferences he kept on explaining how he responds to people's feelings, but usually logically figures out how to respond. He says he's always changing according to how the situation warrants it. He alters in order to accomplish his goal.

    He says he can usually talk his way out of any jam - including speeding tickets and trouble with teachers and admin. He thinks he's a great salesman. To me, he comes across very shy. I have to work to get eye contact with him.

    My sister says he's an INFP - that's what she is. He has "champagne taste". Drives a Beamer.

    The one reason I didn't think he was primarily an S is because after he had been to our house a couple of times, he said something about thinking we had an upstairs - we live in a ranch. One thinks an S would have noticed that on the way in.
    But the way he's so good at sports...

    It's hard to know about his F or T. He hardly speaks to me. He speaks in short sentences.
    I wouldn't think S based on sports alone, especially if you see things contradicting it. I know a fair number of definite Ns who rock at sports, and some Ss who are average or even really clumsy, so it's not always a direct correlation.

    I also wouldn't say N based only on not noticing details...I am sometimes very bad at picking out random details. Either that's because my S is pretty weak (like it sounds like his is), or maybe detailed observations are more of an Si thing.

    Nothing here really definitively points to either S over N or F over T, nor does it rule either out. Maybe it'd be easier to just show him a good-quality definition for both types (ISFP vs INFP, ISTP vs INTP) and ask him which one seems more like him?

    And he might just genuinely be very close to the border, which will make typing him both more difficult and less useful, since he'll be less likely to fit the mold.

  4. #4
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Seems like an SP thing. The ISFP description at typelogic.com seems to match with the sports thing.
    Thanks. I'll read that.

    "ISFPs may be quite charming and ingratiating on first acquaintance..." - typelogic
    Ah. Good.

    Hardly relevant to anything type related, imo. His family could just have money. I would drive an expensive car too if I could afford it.
    Oh. I've seen some type tests that ask the kinds of questions that reveal whether you care about your "image" or your looks- which I have been told is an SP thing.

    The fact that you are his girlfriend's parent could just make him nervous.
    Yes, I'm sure. I was just lamenting the fact that it's hard for me to get to know him or figure out his type because of that.

    Thanks for your input.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    I wouldn't think S based on sports alone, especially if you see things contradicting it. I know a fair number of definite Ns who rock at sports, and some Ss who are average or even really clumsy, so it's not always a direct correlation.

    I also wouldn't say N based only on not noticing details...I am sometimes very bad at picking out random details. Either that's because my S is pretty weak (like it sounds like his is), or maybe detailed observations are more of an Si thing.

    Nothing here really definitively points to either S over N or F over T, nor does it rule either out. Maybe it'd be easier to just show him a good-quality definition for both types (ISFP vs INFP, ISTP vs INTP) and ask him which one seems more like him?

    And he might just genuinely be very close to the border, which will make typing him both more difficult and less useful, since he'll be less likely to fit the mold.
    I'm always thankful when you answer my questions
    except that I'm almost always guaranteed to be more confused when I'm done reading your answer.

    Seriously though, I do appreciate your perspective and I was looking forward to your response. Thanks for your input.

  6. #6
    Senior Member OctaviaCaesar's Avatar
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    My boyfriend is an ISFP who, it seems, is 55/45 S/N, and it has been so difficult to type him. (However, his Fi is very pronounced.) He loved sports in middle school, and is very artistic as well--spends hours on minute, detailed drawings. Do you see any tendency toward the arts in your daughters b/f? He was extremely shy and hard for even me to get to know, but he is always able to get people to like him when he wants to and has talked his way out of more than one speeding ticket!
    Last edited by OctaviaCaesar; 10-23-2007 at 08:35 PM.

  7. #7
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    I'm always thankful when you answer my questions
    except that I'm almost always guaranteed to be more confused when I'm done reading your answer.

    Seriously though, I do appreciate your perspective and I was looking forward to your response. Thanks for your input.
    Hehe, I don't try to be confusing. I just like pointing out all the possible explanations for things - I guess my Pness is just too big for my own good.

    Quote Originally Posted by OctaviaCaesar View Post
    My boyfriend is an ISFP who, it seems, is 55/45 S/N, and it has been so difficult to type him. (However, his Fi is very pronounced.) He loved sports in middle school, and is very artistic as well--spends hours on minute, detailded drawings. Do you see any tendency toward the arts in your daughters b/f? He was extremely shy and hard for even me to get to know, but he is always able to get people to like him when he wants to and has talked his way out of more than one speeding ticket!
    I will spend hours on very detailed, realistic drawings, though only when I'm in the mood for it, which is fairly rare these days. So maybe that is an (I)SP trait. Or maybe it's just a random ability to be able to focus very intently on enjoyable things. Especially since I'm pretty close to the S/N border as well.

  8. #8
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OctaviaCaesar View Post
    My boyfriend is an ISFP who, it seems, is 55/45 S/N, and it has been so difficult to type him. (However, his Fi is very pronounced.) He loved sports in middle school, and is very artistic as well--spends hours on minute, detailed drawings. Do you see any tendency toward the arts in your daughters b/f? He was extremely shy and hard for even me to get to know, but he is always able to get people to like him when he wants to and has talked his way out of more than one speeding ticket!
    I will have to find out if he likes to draw. I know he loves photography. Thanks for your help.

    I will read about Fi.

  9. #9
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    ISFPs are often described as kind, gentle, and all-around "nice." Do you get that feeling from him?

    I also wouldn't put too much emphasis on the athletic ability. I know I'm a complete klutz when it comes to most things physical, though my S seems to be fairly weak.

    It might be hard to tell his real personality if he's an ISFP. I definitely freeze up around significant others' parents.

  10. #10
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arborvitae View Post
    ISFPs are often described as kind, gentle, and all-around "nice." Do you get that feeling from him?

    I also wouldn't put too much emphasis on the athletic ability. I know I'm a complete klutz when it comes to most things physical, though my S seems to be fairly weak.

    It might be hard to tell his real personality if he's an ISFP. I definitely freeze up around significant others' parents.
    hmmm... it's possible.
    I will try to pay more attention to that.
    I know he blushes.

    He talks kind of fast. He sounds logical when he talks. He has specialized information.

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