User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 15

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default ISTPs, close friends and need for space

    This is what I want to know about.

    When does a person transition into a "close friend" -- do you term it that way? I want to know how you define that.

    Also, do you need space? How much space?

    My ISTP female friend and I seem to be connected a lot. Like, we can talk on IM all day long and then text throughout the day randomly and call each other randomly... which to me feels normal...

    My ISTP guy friend from years ago and I used to talk on the phone every night. Never a romantic relationship.

    In both relationships, I do most of the initiating, but it seems like they don't really mind it and in fact, maybe even appreciate that. It's more that they don't think to do it (stay connected) as much as I do. There is a difference in that they are not CLINGY relationships, but certainly HIGH COMMUNICATION. Is this so for other ISTPs too?

  2. #2
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,338

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    This is what I want to know about.

    When does a person transition into a "close friend" -- do you term it that way? I want to know how you define that.

    Also, do you need space? How much space?

    My ISTP female friend and I seem to be connected a lot. Like, we can talk on IM all day long and then text throughout the day randomly and call each other randomly... which to me feels normal...

    My ISTP guy friend from years ago and I used to talk on the phone every night. Never a romantic relationship.

    In both relationships, I do most of the initiating, but it seems like they don't really mind it and in fact, maybe even appreciate that. It's more that they don't think to do it (stay connected) as much as I do. There is a difference in that they are not CLINGY relationships, but certainly HIGH COMMUNICATION. Is this so for other ISTPs too?
    yeah the non clingy high communication part seems to be true.

  3. #3
    Member slant's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    TOTO
    Posts
    88

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    This is what I want to know about.

    When does a person transition into a "close friend" -- do you term it that way? I want to know how you define that.

    Also, do you need space? How much space?

    My ISTP female friend and I seem to be connected a lot. Like, we can talk on IM all day long and then text throughout the day randomly and call each other randomly... which to me feels normal...

    My ISTP guy friend from years ago and I used to talk on the phone every night. Never a romantic relationship.

    In both relationships, I do most of the initiating, but it seems like they don't really mind it and in fact, maybe even appreciate that. It's more that they don't think to do it (stay connected) as much as I do. There is a difference in that they are not CLINGY relationships, but certainly HIGH COMMUNICATION. Is this so for other ISTPs too?
    Usually I consider someone a close friend if:

    We talk a lot, but not too much. At minimum once a month, and at max three times a week. We hang out once every 1 or 2 months, at max twice a month.

    OR

    We may not talk a lot, probably minumum and max is once every two or three months, and we hang out probably once every three or four months, but we were good friends in the past and have been friends for a number of years.


    I do need a lot of space. Look at it this way: If I was in a relationship, I wouldn't move in with my partner, even if we were married. I'd keep everything seperate- money, cars, bills. That's actually one reason from a long list of why I don't believe in marriage--- you have to share everything.

  4. #4
    Senior Member man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    IntP
    Enneagram
    =)
    Socionics
    =)
    Posts
    331

    Default

    My "I" is pretty slight, so for my "close friends" I wouldn't mind if we hung out the majority of the days a week. I don't care if people initiate communication with me multiple times a day if I like them, and I'll certainly reciprocate.

    I definitely would not want to talk on the phone every night with a non-girlfriend though. I hate phone calls and I'd much rather just meet in person or communicate through text/IM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by man View Post
    My "I" is pretty slight, so for my "close friends" I wouldn't mind if we hung out the majority of the days a week. I don't care if people initiate communication with me multiple times a day if I like them, and I'll certainly reciprocate.

    I definitely would not want to talk on the phone every night with a non-girlfriend though. I hate phone calls and I'd much rather just meet in person or communicate through text/IM.
    "I DON'T CARE" and "IF I LIKE THEM" -- interesting. Yes, it seems that you do not mind it, but again, it is not like you naturally would do it on your own? True?

    My newest ISTP said that about the phone thing too. Rather would meet in person. But, wouldn't you rather talk than not talk... rather to WAIT to meet in person? No?

  6. #6
    Senior Member man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    IntP
    Enneagram
    =)
    Socionics
    =)
    Posts
    331

    Default

    I guess "I don't care" was the wrong choice of words. I mean, I actually enjoy getting contacted by people I like/find interesting. I don't like initiating contact with others so much, but I like to spend time with my close friends/party/etc. more so than I like being alone.

    The phone thing I just don't know. I think it's cause I like being able to see the person I'm talking to, mainly so that I can read their body language and react accordingly.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by man View Post
    I don't like initiating contact with others so much
    Why do you think this is?

  8. #8
    Senior Member man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    IntP
    Enneagram
    =)
    Socionics
    =)
    Posts
    331

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Why do you think this is?
    I'm too busy and I don't think about it. Usually I'm invited to something, but on the chance where I'm completely bored and I have absolutely nothing to do I'll reach out.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Posts
    719

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    This is what I want to know about.

    When does a person transition into a "close friend" -- do you term it that way? I want to know how you define that.

    Also, do you need space? How much space?

    My ISTP female friend and I seem to be connected a lot. Like, we can talk on IM all day long and then text throughout the day randomly and call each other randomly... which to me feels normal...

    My ISTP guy friend from years ago and I used to talk on the phone every night. Never a romantic relationship.

    In both relationships, I do most of the initiating, but it seems like they don't really mind it and in fact, maybe even appreciate that. It's more that they don't think to do it (stay connected) as much as I do. There is a difference in that they are not CLINGY relationships, but certainly HIGH COMMUNICATION. Is this so for other ISTPs too?
    I just don't think to call people. Plus, I'm not big on phone conversations. I can have long, drawn out conversations if it's someone I don't talk to very often....once every couple of weeks at most.

    And as far as I know, we like ENFPs! You guys are a bunch of random stuff waiting to happen around us. (If we didn't like you, we'd stop answering the phone...)

    As far as how often we hang out... I've got a few friends from work that I probably wouldn't be friends with if I had a different job. It's not that I don't like them, 'cause I do! But the fact that our schedules can be the same and the fact that we're in the same building all of the time facilitates being friends. Even with sites like Facebook, I find it hard to maintain contact with people I don't see on a regular basis. I see my work friends a good 2+ times a week for lunch, not to mention I see them around the building as well. I even hang out with a couple of them outside of work quite a bit.

    I've found that with the right people I'm much more willing to be a bit less "I" and a little more "E"

    Quote Originally Posted by slant View Post
    I do need a lot of space. Look at it this way: If I was in a relationship, I wouldn't move in with my partner, even if we were married. I'd keep everything seperate- money, cars, bills. That's actually one reason from a long list of why I don't believe in marriage--- you have to share everything.
    Having roommates was the pits, and I'll be darned to heck and back if I ever have to have one again. But! I've found that I'm willing to share time and space with some people. They have a certain quality that makes me comfortable around them. Some of it is trust... That being said, I'm not a fan of marriage. I think it's stupid. Sharing parts of life with some people is nice tho. I like taking it one day at a time (mmm, SP!). At some point you realize you could spend a LOT of time and share more of your space with someone. I've never been married or even lived with a boyfriend, but I'd imagine you don't share *every*thing ever. Not if you both know you want space. At that point it seems like a lack of respect or invasion of privacy if that needed space isn't taken into account. I would distance myself from someone if I felt that way about them before it got that far along.


    Reasons for not initiating contact are pretty much 'cause I don't think about it. One major factor is that my free time isn't necessarily when your free time is. I feel like I'm bothering people when I call them up and they're in the middle of something. Also, I don't usually have much in particular to say.
    I 65.63% E 34.38%
    S 68.75% N 31.25%
    T 87.1% F 12.9%
    P 66.67% J 33.33%

  10. #10
    Member tetsuwanatom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    45

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    This is what I want to know about.

    When does a person transition into a "close friend" -- do you term it that way? I want to know how you define that.

    Also, do you need space? How much space?

    My ISTP female friend and I seem to be connected a lot. Like, we can talk on IM all day long and then text throughout the day randomly and call each other randomly... which to me feels normal...

    My ISTP guy friend from years ago and I used to talk on the phone every night. Never a romantic relationship.

    In both relationships, I do most of the initiating, but it seems like they don't really mind it and in fact, maybe even appreciate that. It's more that they don't think to do it (stay connected) as much as I do. There is a difference in that they are not CLINGY relationships, but certainly HIGH COMMUNICATION. Is this so for other ISTPs too?
    1) Close friend:
    this is really hard for me to say... i dont know when it happens... its just that suddenly i realise that this person is very close to me.
    before this happens, we usually would have shared some significant experiences together where i go beyond my normal introverted's "extroverted" persona and share my inner world with the other person within that experience.

    2) Space:
    Oh yes! space where i can do all my shite and not be interrupted.
    how much? hmm...
    this depends on the other person too... i would say i would need a minimum 1 full hour to myself per day... actually make that 2... with some people it could be weeks... hehe

    3) With people in my inner circle, yes i communicate A LOT. Also with people in my inner circle, i do initiate quite a lot...
    [Kierkegaard: either/or] At the moment of choice, he is at the point of consummation, for his personality is consummating itself, and yet at the same moment he is at the very beginning, because he is choosing himself according to his freedom. As a product he is squeezed into the forms of actuality; in the choice he makes himself elastic, transforms everything exterior into interiority. He has his place in the world; in freedom he chooses his place---that is, he chooses this place

Similar Threads

  1. Unfriended by long time friend and feminist for anti feminist comment
    By anticlimatic in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 07-05-2016, 04:26 PM
  2. Need for and fear of closeness at the same time
    By hommefatal in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 07-24-2009, 05:04 PM
  3. [INTJ] INTJ needed for space exploration and numerical analysis
    By Laurie in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 03-31-2009, 06:41 AM
  4. [ENTP] ENTP psych(o) USMLE in Los Angeles - looking for friends and for a job :-))
    By Spirited_Away in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 02-27-2008, 02:18 AM
  5. [ISTP] Married to an ISTP and need help!
    By CestMoi in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 02-25-2008, 10:00 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO