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Thread: ISTPs, close friends and need for space

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array Willfrey's Avatar
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    Nov 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by man View Post
    I'm too busy and I don't think about it. Usually I'm invited to something, but on the chance where I'm completely bored and I have absolutely nothing to do I'll reach out.
    I am sort of like this, but if I have a love interest in somebody I'll definately be more forward, I don't like the thought of letting somebody I had a chance with slip away. Though usually reaching out involves invitations to go do something, catch a movie, dinner and the like, I don't mind idle chatter though I always get the sense I'm bothering people when I text them with nothing remotely important to say.
    ...Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
    And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark...

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    thanks for all these responses... interesting to me.

  3. #13
    Member Array slant's Avatar
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    Sep 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    Having roommates was the pits, and I'll be darned to heck and back if I ever have to have one again. But! I've found that I'm willing to share time and space with some people. They have a certain quality that makes me comfortable around them. Some of it is trust... That being said, I'm not a fan of marriage. I think it's stupid. Sharing parts of life with some people is nice tho. I like taking it one day at a time (mmm, SP!). At some point you realize you could spend a LOT of time and share more of your space with someone. I've never been married or even lived with a boyfriend, but I'd imagine you don't share *every*thing ever. Not if you both know you want space. At that point it seems like a lack of respect or invasion of privacy if that needed space isn't taken into account. I would distance myself from someone if I felt that way about them before it got that far along.

    Well there are also inherent flaws to marriage likes its religious implications. Also, I kind of wane from being interested in someone or not. For one day I could feel absolutely obsessed and crazy about someone, and the next day I wouldn't care if they were run over by a bus. So it's quite hard to imagine having someone live with me when it's possible I won't even enjoy them the next day. That's why I like having space, it gives me room to ignore people and initiate contact if I want to. If I don't want to, hell, what are they going to do about it? Plus, I feel like I'd never want one partner for the rest of my life. The spice of life is having a ton of different people.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array Bamboo's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    I'm not really sure where the line is where someone becomes a close friend. I suppose there's everyone I hang around a lot and then there's the people who I actually talk to and I feel like there's reciprocity between us? I don't know how to define it really, but when someone is close I know it.

    I do like my space. If I don't get time to myself, I get irritable, kinda crazy, and have trouble thinking. I find that I can get over exposed at parties for instance, and I need to chill out on the porch for a bit/take a walk to really feel right. It's not that I'm not enjoying myself, it's just I'll enjoy everything a lot more if I take breaks. In college I had a forced triple, so I had no time in the dorm to myself. I spent lots of time biking/outdoors just to be on my own. Although, I just really like biking.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  5. #15
    Controlled Mischief Array StephMC's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    9w8 sp/sx


    Um... well I pretty much agree with what everyone has said, but especially all of this:

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmartinez84 View Post
    (If we didn't like you, we'd stop answering the phone...)
    Hahaha... yeah... that's actually a really, really good indicator. I don't pick up the phone for just anyone. My time is valuable I feel bad admitting it, but for the friends that I like but don't necessarily feel close too, they'll contact me a lot... and I usually get back to them whenever I feel like it. It's the people I feel close to that I'll pick up the phone for right away. And if I happen to be super busy, I'll at least make an effort to let them know I'll get back to them when I can. Although all this varies... just look for consistency

    I've found that I'm willing to share time and space with some people. They have a certain quality that makes me comfortable around them. Some of it is trust...
    ....Reasons for not initiating contact are pretty much 'cause I don't think about it. One major factor is that my free time isn't necessarily when your free time is. I feel like I'm bothering people when I call them up and they're in the middle of something. Also, I don't usually have much in particular to say.
    Pretty much... Since my time seems so elastic and I work around things as they come to me day-to-day, I'm very open to people randomly calling/texting/aiming me. As long as I get at least 2-4 hours to myself, and get what I need to get done, I'm down for whatever. I really appreciate the friends that are aware of my need for space and freedom, and don't hold it against me if I disappear for a bit. I definitely rather others initiate, though. The only people I initiate with are people I've either known for several years, or have talked to on almost a daily basis for a long ass time. So yeah, the time/comfort factor is huge when deciding whether I consider someone a "close friend."

    I've found that with the right people I'm much more willing to be a bit less "I" and a little more "E"
    Quote Originally Posted by tetsuwanatom View Post
    1) Close friend:
    this is really hard for me to say... i dont know when it happens... its just that suddenly i realise that this person is very close to me.
    before this happens, we usually would have shared some significant experiences together where i go beyond my normal introverted's "extroverted" persona and share my inner world with the other person within that experience.
    Definitely. When I seem more extroverted, that's probably a pretty good indicator that I'm at least comfortable around you. Which in turn, is a great step towards being a "close friend."

    I guess I also might add that while I'm not really down for a relationship at the moment, my willingness to let people share my space is increasing with age. So I'm pretty sure I'd be fine with marriage/living together. I actually lived with a boyfriend for three months (ESTJ) this past summer. It suited me just fine... but we agreed we'd keep it to that because I had to move back to my home city for a job.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

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