User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 54

  1. #1
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    235

    Default Help with my ISFP son and school!

    My 14 year ISFP (Wyatt) starts high school this year. I REALLY need the help of SP's on helping motivate him in school, help him CARE about school and proper "consequences" when he isn't holding up his responsibilities!

    He sees no need for school. Last year, 8th grade was pure hell. He has his own band formed and he is great with music. However, he's not interested in ANY programs at school with regard to music. Thankfully, we've been able to get him some electives like Art and Digital Photography (he's won awards for art and is a great photographer) to mix in with the rest of the classes or I think it would be all out war. He says he is planning to drop out when he's 16because he's going to make it big in music. We have of course talked until we're blue in the face on having a back-up plan until he "makes it big" (because if you don't agree exactly with him on him making it in music...he accuses you of not supporting him.) He is a bright kid and a great kid. I know that ISFPs don't love school and crave freedom. We've told him that he can hang with his band and whatever, as long as he keeps his grades up. The last semester of school last year, he pretty much spent at home because he was failing his classes. I had meetings with the teachers and principal (who were wonderful and very supportive) and we did as much as we could. I am so worried about him this year! He was really terrible at getting up in the morning last year too...at one point, I was just about ready to dump a bowl of icewater on his head (I literally had it suspended over his head) before he would get up. The only thing different this year is that he has a "girlfriend" who is in AP classes. She is a good influence on him and wants him there every day on time, so she can see him. But, I don't know how long that will last.

    I don't know how to make him care. We would be more than happy to help him get into an Art School after high school or pursue photography. You can't get even get a job at McDonald's these days without graduating! He is so stubborn and just won't listen. I guess I thought I would ask other SP's for advice on how to help him and what to do. What motivates you? Is school/education something that is valuable to you? How do we help you value education?

    As an ISFJ, I was always a model student. I was internally motivated and got excellent grades. Nobody ever had to remind me to do ANYTHING. Even now as I'm finishing college and juggling work and school and kids...teachers love me and my GPA is 3.5. I WANT to relate to him, but have a really hard time. I end up just wanting to bash my head against the wall!

    Thanks for any and all advice!

  2. #2
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    Booo
    Posts
    3,005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    How do we help you value education?
    Change the whole system?

    He obviously has passion for music and photography and passion is infinitely more valuable than grades when it comes to forging a career.

    I don't know what to say, school sucks.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  3. #3
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    intj
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    2,220

    Default

    My ISFP friend hated school for the most part, but he liked learning. I think he enjoyed getting to know his professors and he was always borrowing books from them so he could study up on subjects that he found interesting. For him it was definitely about the material, not grades, so maybe an increased emphasis on learning things because they are useful or would allow him to do fun things (like learning a language=better equipped to travel) would help, as opposed to saying he might need a back up plan, because as far as I can tell ISFPs aren't exactly "planners". Encouraging him to study with friends or his girlfriend might also be helpful.

    I dunno, can I get a yay or nay from SPs on any of that?
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  4. #4
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I told my daughter (INFP, I think) if she does well on the PSAT I would let her get her GED as soon as possible and start community college (they have a graphic arts program) and she seems pretty happy with that idea. Would something like that motivate him at all?
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #5

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    My ISFP friend hated school for the most part, but he liked learning. I think he enjoyed getting to know his professors and he was always borrowing books from them so he could study up on subjects that he found interesting. For him it was definitely about the material, not grades, so maybe an increased emphasis on learning things because they are useful or would allow him to do fun things (like learning a language=better equipped to travel) would help, as opposed to saying he might need a back up plan, because as far as I can tell ISFPs aren't exactly "planners". Encouraging him to study with friends or his girlfriend might also be helpful.

    I dunno, can I get a yay or nay from SPs on any of that?
    Yeah, reframing the learning material in terms of it's pragmatic use was really useful to me. Even seemingly useless topics can be packaged as stretching the brains muscles. Or developing a tolerance to boredom and pain!

  6. #6
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    Booo
    Posts
    3,005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    My ISFP friend hated school for the most part, but he liked learning. I think he enjoyed getting to know his professors and he was always borrowing books from them so he could study up on subjects that he found interesting. For him it was definitely about the material, not grades, so maybe an increased emphasis on learning things because they are useful or would allow him to do fun things (like learning a language=better equipped to travel) would help, as opposed to saying he might need a back up plan, because as far as I can tell ISFPs aren't exactly "planners". Encouraging him to study with friends or his girlfriend might also be helpful.

    I dunno, can I get a yay or nay from SPs on any of that?
    All sounds pretty good to me, good grades for their own sake never motivated me at all and you're right, having one plan is a pretty good effort let alone a back up one!

    I suppose you would need to spell out the clear links between staying in school/getting good grades and the positive tangible (and immediate if possible) outcomes that will come from doing that (I would like to know also! ).
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  7. #7
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Posts
    951

    Default

    Though not an ISFP I was like that in school, very bright but felt no affinity with it whatsoever. It was a kind of constant flip flop, I started college 4 times, eventually dragging myself through after trying lots of subjects. Eventually I went in to a degree and repeated the first year. Then I dropped out and it was the best decision I ever made, my only regret is that I wasted years in school. Some people thought I had no desire to better myself. It is FAR from the truth. I love learning I just want to do it on my own terms with things I enjoy. I am finally gettin back into what I love, it just took me years to learn that lesson. Doing what you love is by far more valuable than grades and much more likely to lead in I something. Especially if you are a creative person. Schools kill creativity- even art school can. I had. Conversation about this with a like minded ISFP and he said some people are just not school bodies. Which was a good way to put it.

    I feel I was lucky with my parents because they have never expected anything of me or put pressure on me.

    It sounds like your son knows what he wants, which means his a lot further along than most people.
    ~ Truth ~ Freedom ~ Health ~ Love ~ Communication ~ Humor ~ Respect ~

  8. #8
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Posts
    951

    Default

    Ps Im not illiterate... Just typing on my iPhone often produces mistakes...
    ~ Truth ~ Freedom ~ Health ~ Love ~ Communication ~ Humor ~ Respect ~

  9. #9
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    Booo
    Posts
    3,005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TickTock View Post
    It sounds like your son knows what he wants, which means his a lot further along than most people.
    +1000
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  10. #10
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    I don't know how to make him care.
    You can't MAKE anyone care about anything. And if music is what he wants to do now, then he is not going to agree with you on the importance of school because any benefit that you tell him to staying in school is seen as a far-off thing whereas music is something he can enjoy now.

    My son is 10, and I believe ESTP type, and we have had quite a few battles on him doing his homework, tonight was the first one for this school year, a whole one week in. Thing is, when I talk about the things he will have the opportunity to do way in the future because of school, it's just wasting my breath, because to him that is a far-away thing, no relevance to his life now. I have to simply make it a direct action-to-consequence thing in the now, that is, he doesn't play video games or talk on the phone or watch tv shows or anything like that until he finishes his homework. He makes loud noises at me, calls me mean, but all I can do is stick to my guns about it.

    So anyway, I guess what I'm saying is, if your goal is to "make him care" about school, then you are trying to walk up a waterfall. It ain't gonna happen. I didn't care about school when I was that age either. I'm not even really sure what motivated me to keep going. I guess it was probably because my mom said at some point she would buy a car I could drive, that might have been one of the reasons anyway, I don't entirely remember.

    But I dropped out of college after a very short time because at that point, nothing motivated me to continue with school and I had other stuff I would rather be doing.

    I'm sitting here thinking I haven't helped you at all, but maybe just to help you stress out less about it because trying to make somebody care is a waste of time, so you are only driving yourself crazy.

    It's hard for me to pretend I care if my son does his homework. Because really I want to tell him: Screw school, just play video games and eat candy and stay up as late as you want. But I don't do that, because for several reasons, I think things would suck worse for both of us if I did. So I try to "do the right thing" and stay on him about doing his work, even though really most of the time I'm on his side and think the school system and the way they try to teach to tests and and cram useless knowledge is a bunch of crap.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

Similar Threads

  1. [ISFP] Want to get back with my ISFP- What do I do
    By IZthe411 in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 01-13-2011, 11:29 AM
  2. [ISFP] I need help with my isfp friend
    By maerzhase in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 11-02-2010, 11:12 PM
  3. [ISFP] help with an ISFP?
    By laughing dolphin in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-21-2008, 07:34 PM
  4. [ESTJ] Help with my ESTJ father-in-law
    By Griffi97 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 02-14-2008, 12:03 PM
  5. Help with my ENFJ friend
    By Tigerlily in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-05-2008, 05:19 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO