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  1. #11
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    My ISFP friend hated school for the most part, but he liked learning. I think he enjoyed getting to know his professors and he was always borrowing books from them so he could study up on subjects that he found interesting. For him it was definitely about the material, not grades, so maybe an increased emphasis on learning things because they are useful or would allow him to do fun things (like learning a language=better equipped to travel) would help, as opposed to saying he might need a back up plan, because as far as I can tell ISFPs aren't exactly "planners". Encouraging him to study with friends or his girlfriend might also be helpful.

    I dunno, can I get a yay or nay from SPs on any of that?
    yes!

    I actually liked learning about history, not the dates and so forth and not in a dry way but in terms of stories of cultural conflict. The more chaos and drama, the better. I don't know if that'd be true of all SPs, I've had some leanings towards N though. I liked doing artistic projects for school, any activity that deviated from the norm, really. Hmmm.

    I agree with Quinlan, school sucks and the system needs to be changed to promote different learning styles. It was hell for me. I kept wondering what it would be like to just learn a trade of my choosing like in olden days.

    Sometimes my teachers would cut me slack, though, grading me on what I did do (if I slept through a test) or giving more points for effort. Sometimes extra credit assignments can be fun, tell your son that if there are extra credit assignments that he likes he should try those to bump up his grade a little. I remember a teacher commenting on how it was only the kids who made good grades who tended to do those. That was the same teacher who gave an extra credit assignment involving pointing out the literary devices in a song of our choosing.
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  2. #12
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    SJ stress out!!

    Seriously though you can't control your kids, you can only guide them.

    From what I can tell you see his actions as risky because he doesn't have a back up plan, this is however is how SPs operate

    Okay so you ask... what happens if the risk doesn't pay off?

    You will find that SPs have most most unorthodox ways of recovering in these situations, at his age he may not know yet but he will work it out

    SJs try hard to prevent the worst scenario from happening and often play it too safe

    SPs don't try and prevent this because playing it safe doesn't lead to the larger more immediate rewards

    Unfortunately as a feeler he may not see things logically often enough and simply follow passions I can picture too many emotional outbursts and no grounds being made between you and him, out of curiosity what type is his father?

  3. #13

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    It's great that he knows what he wants to do. It's also great that he is showing you his dislike for school. It'd be much worse if he just shut down, closed the hatches and went about his day.

    I agree with Jeffster, just point out direct consequences. Not long term consequences.

  4. #14
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    SJ stress out!!

    Seriously though you can't control your kids, you can only guide them.

    From what I can tell you see his actions as risky because he doesn't have a back up plan, this is however is how SPs operate

    Okay so you ask... what happens if the risk doesn't pay off?

    You will find that SPs have most most unorthodox ways of recovering in these situations, at his age he may not know yet but he will work it out

    SJs try hard to prevent the worst scenario from happening and often play it too safe

    SPs don't try and prevent this because playing it safe doesn't lead to the larger more immediate rewards

    Unfortunately as a feeler he may not see things logically often enough and simply follow passions I can picture too many emotional outbursts and no grounds being made between you and him, out of curiosity what type is his father?
    +1

    Exactly. Although some SPs crash and burn due to that methodology, the more intelligent and less selfish ones seem to make it just fine. SJs have too many scruples to doing things that way, and that's fine, they can do things the ordinary way. We SPs, however, have to get outside of that box.

    Too suffocating in there.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    SJ stress out!!

    Seriously though you can't control your kids, you can only guide them.

    From what I can tell you see his actions as risky because he doesn't have a back up plan, this is however is how SPs operate

    Okay so you ask... what happens if the risk doesn't pay off?

    You will find that SPs have most most unorthodox ways of recovering in these situations, at his age he may not know yet but he will work it out

    SJs try hard to prevent the worst scenario from happening and often play it too safe

    SPs don't try and prevent this because playing it safe doesn't lead to the larger more immediate rewards

    Unfortunately as a feeler he may not see things logically often enough and simply follow passions I can picture too many emotional outbursts and no grounds being made between you and him, out of curiosity what type is his father?
    Wow, I'm excited to get so much feedback so quickly. It's funny, I thought for sure I would be told that I wasn't being as strict as I should be with him. My older son (ENFJ) accuses me all the time of being harder on him when he was younger than I am on my younger one. I have learned to chill a little (that made me laugh!)..and older one was my poor guinea pig. My older son quit school at 17 to get his GED (because of drug use issues and treatment), but is now in college and doing well. But he values education like I do. And behavior wise, he was very different than Wyatt. Other than school, I don't really have a lot of behavior issues with Wyatt. He is stubborn, but really easy going for the most part.

    Thank God for MBTI, because that has helped me understand that it's his personality type, which has helped me relax the enormous pressure I put on myself to be a "good parent." I have stopped trying to argue with him and just tend to be more in the present by saying "You can't go practice with your band until your homework is done." I can't recall the name of the other parent who posted about wanting to let their son play video games, but knowing he had to make him do his work. Lots of great advice and posts here...I love it...thank you so much! Summer is SO much easier for me as a parent. I dread the return to school, like most parents look forward to it. As long as Wyatt is doing what he wants to be doing...he and I get along great. We have the same sense of humor, we are both sensitive and I'm the one person he trusts completely to communicate his feelings to.

    According to the only test his dad ever took, he is also an ISFJ. However, we are divorced and his dad lives halfway across the country. They have been having ongoing issues, so he hasn't been to see his dad in over a year and I have to force him to go visit (which I've pretty much just stopped doing.) His dad has never helped out in the school area or any other area much at all. He used to pressure Wyatt when he he was younger, to play football and sports...because he regretted not doing that in high school himself. Wyatt tried it one year and he HATED it. Poor kid. I made him finish it because he made a commitment to his team members, but I never made him play any other sports again (although his dad still tries to talk to him about it.) I support his music and art (we have gone together to buy art supplies and done art together) and praise his photography...which is professional grade. My current husband is an INFP. He relates a lot better than I do some of the time to Wyatt and tends to see school as less useful than I do, but gets frustrated with me when Wyatt doesn't try.

    So I guess I should be glad he has a plan...I'm glad that was pointed out. I know sometimes my own personality type gets in the way and that's why I'm here! I will point out the things he can learn, like has been suggested as well. Great suggestions!

  6. #16
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    Wow, I'm excited to get so much feedback so quickly.
    Well that's cuz this has actually always been a pretty big issue with us SPs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    It's funny, I thought for sure I would be told that I wasn't being as strict as I should be with him.
    By SPs? haha!

    How well do you know us?

    It sounds like you're on a good track, being a little more understanding will actually go a long way to help him actually be interested in trying.

    I mean, we're not NFs, but we do like our need for freedom to be recognized.

    With as stringent as school is, every SP needs a little slack. It will help us apply ourselves so much better.

    Hopefully they let him listen to music at school.
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  7. #17
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    More practical help on SPs and school: Keirsey Temperament Website - Personality and Your Career

    That site is actually geared toward college students as far as school goes, but I'm sure you'll find plenty that applies.
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  8. #18
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    It'd be much worse if he just shut down, closed the hatches and went about his day.
    Yeah that's a big warning sign, speaking from experience shutting down like that is often what it takes to bring out that SJ-like diligence in school but it's not healthy overall, SPs are supposed to be free spirits, don't try to break them.
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  9. #19
    Member ilovetrannies's Avatar
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    Exactly. I suffered, greatly all through school but if you tell him that if he can just make passing grades then school will be over before you know it. And being an adult with freedom is so worth the wait.

  10. #20
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilovetrannies View Post
    Exactly. I suffered, greatly all through school but if you tell him that if he can just make passing grades then school will be over before you know it. And being an adult with freedom is so worth the wait.
    I 100% agree with this. I was gonna say just tell him he can try to make passing grades but didn't know how well that thought would be accepted.

    And yes, the freedom of being an adult is definitely worth it for an SP. Other types comment on how it's not so liberating, but an SP is able to take advantage of situations enough to be as free as they want to. Awesome.
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