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  1. #1
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    Default genuine help needed!

    I am falling deeply in love with an ESTP guy and I really want to win him over.

    I know our personality types aren't ideal but we are extremely physically attracted to each other and get along so well as mates as we enjoy each others company and making each other laugh.

    However, it's might be a different story if we were to take things more seriously as there are other factors to consider in a life partner. I think our relationship dynamics will change and we can't just think about 'fun' stuff all the time.

    He thinks I think and stress too much (true - I'm an ENFP) and I think he's too casual about everything to fully commit and be serious about making a life with me.

    Can you other lovely ESTP please suggest ways on how I can compromise my thinking/actions to make him see me as a keeper?

    Thanks guys.

  2. #2
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I think you guys could have a very fun relationship. From my experience (only with an esfp) I would not push, I would just go for a gradually evolving relationship. From your post you look a little like you might be pushing him for something he is just looking into. He probably does want to find someone he can have fun with.

    How long have you been dating?

    Hopefully you get some help from people who actually dated an estp :P

  3. #3
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Yeah, enjoy doing things with a type that can actually match your energy. And take things slow. I dated an ESTP once and took things fast. Bad mistake. It may be timing more than anything. I appreciate that ESTP's are smart, not always deep (in the N sense), but they tend to have a good sense of humour which is good.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  4. #4
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Show him how completely fun you can be. Take lots of risks. If he sees that you can keep up with his fast-paced antics he may just see you as one in a million.

    As far as speed goes, I personally like to move in fast when I like someone but at a more superficial level. I basically want a girl I can have lots of fun with. The deeper stuff can develop with time. Too much at once and you will definitely scare him off. You need to read the signs to make sure when he's ready for that (and be ready to question your hunches) since there's always time for that later. Don't dump your feelings of "love" on him until you've gotten to know each other real well and he's ready.

    Just hang out, do everything with him and make yourself stand out. That's my best advice to you.

    Oh, and don't hesitate to give some kind of physical affection if you do end up going out. Don't be easy, just be reciprocating, y'know?

    Don't be afraid to be hands on.
    -stellar renegade
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    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  5. #5
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    Aww....thanks for being my first reply.

    You are right. I may come across as being a little pushy but that's because i am falling head over heals for this guy and as cocky as it sounds I've never been in a situation where a guy is not fully into me as much as I am into them. Usually, it's the reverse scenario.

    We have been dating for a couple of months now. I have been hot and cold towards him throughout (this is my nature - if i begin to like someone too much then I'd switch off and then the feelings will start again). However, I want to let myself love again without these walls that I have been putting up for years.

    When I'm with him I feel so comfortable where I can 100% be myself and I know he is the same. It's a very strange feeling that I have not felt before. I can tell he likes me but to what extend I don't know. It's like he loves to hear that I adore him and want him as he has a way to make me spell it out to him. However, he is uncomfortable to say anything more than I really care for you or I really miss you. It's probably plain obvious to you all but I maybe missing the signs

  6. #6
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    Awww....y'all are so nice! I am loving your advice...

    stellar renegade - Don't worry, the physical affection is steaming hot!!! lol

  7. #7
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENFP GAL View Post
    You are right. I may come across as being a little pushy but that's because i am falling head over heals for this guy and as cocky as it sounds I've never been in a situation where a guy is not fully into me as much as I am into them. Usually, it's the reverse scenario.
    Sounds great. An ESTP's taste in girls isn't going to be too far off from what's in demand.

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFP GAL View Post
    We have been dating for a couple of months now. I have been hot and cold towards him throughout (this is my nature - if i begin to like someone too much then I'd switch off and then the feelings will start again). However, I want to let myself love again without these walls that I have been putting up for years.
    Oh, okay, you're already dating.

    This sounds good, you're not gushing too much. Sounds like it's a good setup so far.

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFP GAL View Post
    When I'm with him I feel so comfortable where I can 100% be myself and I know he is the same. It's a very strange feeling that I have not felt before. I can tell he likes me but to what extend I don't know.
    Awesome.

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFP GAL View Post
    It's like he loves to hear that I adore him and want him as he has a way to make me spell it out to him. However, he is uncomfortable to say anything more than I really care for you or I really miss you. It's probably plain obvious to you all but I maybe missing the signs
    Well he likes to be in control and likes to get you to say it (especially since you're good at it as an NF! ) so he can know how things are going himself but probably doesn't necessarily feel the need to let you know. We're not that great at expressing our feelings, y'know. I usually feel like expressing feelings is too mushy and I approach it more like a tactic.

    I'd have to say, though, that once I really get to know someone and find that I truly care about them I have no problem saying, "I love you." It may be a case of you as an NF knowing him better than he knows you or it may just be that he isn't comfortable expressing his feelings.

    Does he do things for you? Notice his actions, they're likely to speak much louder than his words.
    -stellar renegade
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  8. #8
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENFP GAL View Post
    stellar renegade - Don't worry, the physical affection is steaming hot!!! lol
    Wicked.

    You sound like an awesome girlfriend. Can I steal you from him?
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  9. #9
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    He likes to include me in whatever spare time and hobbies he has so that's why I'm a little bit confused as to why he wouldn't want to commit. However, you guys have completely eased my mind and I will learn to live a little and start enjoying the moment rather than planning 5 years ahead.

    Renegade - I shall let you know if things don't work out between us. hahaha and I'll try a different tactic with you (another ESTP) and see if that will work.

  10. #10
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Sweet. You Aussie chicks freakin' rule.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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