[ISTP] My current issue with my ISTP friend

[phoenity]

My ENTP friend is similar to me in that respect. He's not able to recognize his own emotions and the feelings the represent.

But he's so much more of a talker than me, about anything and everything, so his feelings have a natural way of making their own way out in his speech.

So I recognize his true feelings disguised in his conversation, things I pick up through words and through Se. I try to help him sort through his feelings by asking him questions about what he "thinks", why he thinks this or that, which just fuels the outpouring of thoughts and emotions.

The things he shares are always surface emotions though. He's never shared anything with me that I could tell had been buried very deep.

We need Fs to help us navigate those dark depths.

 

[substitute]

you think so? I usually find F's are the opposite of helpful to me in sorting out my feelings, ironically enough. I tend to feel, I dunno, sorta like I'm expected to perform and I'm being scored or something, sort of like I'm in a college exam

I find the way my ENTJ used to just sorta let me talk, half listen, not making any value judgements but just sorta... well, because I felt that whatever I said or whatever my feelings turned out to be, his indifferent shrug would be the same, it made me feel safe to investigate those feelings. I don't feel safe with F's cos I worry that if my feelings turn out to be "immoral" or "bad" in their eyes, I'll get judged and it'll change the amount of worth they perceive in me as a person.

Maybe that's just me though. I pretty much have to get drunk too, but I have to say even then, there's only so far I'll reveal. But it's funny... sometimes I do just blurt out stuff in casual conversation that other people might think was really personal or something, but because of the context I said it in, people don't take it seriously, they think I must've been kidding or something else.

My ISTP's just a model of restraint. People have told me I don't pay attention to or properly show my feelings enough, but I look at him and think if only I could keep mine as close to my chest as he does, I wouldn't get into half the shit I find myself in!!

 

[mcmartinez84]

With respect to the original topic...
I shut people out if they have feelings for me and I don't have feelings for them. I think my actions speak for me and if I ignore you it's because I don't want your attention and because I don't want to lead you on accidentally (and omg, apparently I lead the quiet guys on 'cause I don't pick up on their subtle sh!t). Also, if I make out with someone...it's probably just making out. And I don't need closure. It's over, move on, forget about it.

the only way it's ever possible to get my ISTP talking about his feelings is if you get him drunk! you have to be patient, and spend at least four hours talking randomly about movies, bikes, dumb commercials, people who annoy him at work, maps (he loves looking at maps), tools, and any number of other things, before he's drunk and talkative enough for you to "connect" one of those innocuous subjects to "well how's that going anyway? are you pissed off with it or what?" and then he'll start telling the story of how he's seen things and felt about them, and you have to just listen and let him talk, his way, and not try to prise anything out of him but let him reveal what he wants/needs to and be content with that.

Getting drunk works. And I love maps too!!!

Definitely don't try to predict my feelings on anything. It's going to make me think you've already made up your mind about what you think that *I* think/feel and then I think there's no convincing you otherwise - therefore I stop talking about it altogether.

what is it about istps and drinking? do they just need the alcohol/substances to be able to tap into feelings, or open up to their feelings? are the things they feel when drunk REAL feelings for them, or not? i'm assuming so, since that's how it works for me. what i want drunk is what i REALLY want, i'm just used to repressing it in my normal daily life.

If I say it when I'm drunk, I probably thought about it sober. And alcohol just makes me WAY more social. I chat with almost anyone about anything, dance around...not things I tend to do sober. And when I'm drunk around my friends, they can pretty much ask me anything and I'll pretty much answer. Less tact that usual (so no tact at ALL, I guess). The only catch is, you have to ask me questions without my knowledge that you're going to ask them beforehand. I'm easy to trick, but you can't expect me to fall for it *every* time

 

[jixmixfix]

With respect to the original topic...
I shut people out if they have feelings for me and I don't have feelings for them. I think my actions speak for me and if I ignore you it's because I don't want your attention and because I don't want to lead you on accidentally (and omg, apparently I lead the quiet guys on 'cause I don't pick up on their subtle sh!t). Also, if I make out with someone...it's probably just making out. And I don't need closure. It's over, move on, forget about it.



Getting drunk works. And I love maps too!!!

Definitely don't try to predict my feelings on anything. It's going to make me think you've already made up your mind about what you think that *I* think/feel and then I think there's no convincing you otherwise - therefore I stop talking about it altogether.



If I say it when I'm drunk, I probably thought about it sober. And alcohol just makes me WAY more social. I chat with almost anyone about anything, dance around...not things I tend to do sober. And when I'm drunk around my friends, they can pretty much ask me anything and I'll pretty much answer. Less tact that usual (so no tact at ALL, I guess). The only catch is, you have to ask me questions without my knowledge that you're going to ask them beforehand. I'm easy to trick, but you can't expect me to fall for it *every* time

I don't get how people say ISTPs dont give their opinion alot when I give my opinion all the time.

 

[millerm277]

what is it about istps and drinking? do they just need the alcohol/substances to be able to tap into feelings, or open up to their feelings? are the things they feel when drunk REAL feelings for them, or not? i'm assuming so, since that's how it works for me. what i want drunk is what i REALLY want, i'm just used to repressing it in my normal daily life.

Okay, some/most ISTPs, need the alcohol/substances to be able to lower their self control enough for them to be willing to share their feelings. Personally, all the alcohol in the world still won't get me to open up, although it might bring out some seriously bad/dangerous stuff. In the land where "feelings" reside, so does my depressive side, the depressive side can be amplified and turned into something dangerous by alcohol. The feelings are unaffected, and still are only let out to the one person I'm close enough to, to "open up"

My ISTP's just a model of restraint. People have told me I don't pay attention to or properly show my feelings enough, but I look at him and think if only I could keep mine as close to my chest as he does, I wouldn't get into half the shit I find myself in!!

I used to look at so many people, and just think "Why are you so f***ing stupid? Just stop doing/saying those things and you won't have a problem!" It's only recently that I've realized that most people really don't have that level of self-control.

 

[substitute]

I used to look at so many people, and just think "Why are you so f***ing stupid? Just stop doing/saying those things and you won't have a problem!" It's only recently that I've realized that most people really don't have that level of self-control.

Hmm... I have self control in bucketloads, but my priorities as to where I apply it are different to yours, I expect. Often in a situation I spot that some truth is screaming out to be vocalized, but I know nobody will say it because it's unpalatable and they'll end up in trouble for it. In that situation, where I judge that not vocalizing it will mean prolonged agony for all concerned, whilst saying it will be a short, sharp, shock that people will get over and then find life easier because of, well... my self-discipline there is directed at overcoming my self-preservation instinct to do/say what I believe is right, regardless of the initial reaction I know it'll get, and the lasting (bad) reputation I know it'll get me!

So, it's not stupidity or lack of self-discipline that prevent me from stopping doing/saying "those things" - rather, it's integrity, at least the way I interpret it, that makes me say them

 

[wanderlust queen]

stellar renegade's got it down on the XSTP's.

our emotions are ours, and we keep them to ourselves. BUT... doesn't mean we don't love you more than anything else in this world.

 

[stellar renegade]

Most definitely. On a friendship level even, once you've found a place into my heart I'm going to be pretty much hardcore obsessed with you (along with all the other peepz who've found a place into my heart, too! )

And if you're a girl... there will be no holds barred on my show of love. If you've proven to be of worth, no ocean will remain uncrossed if it comes in between you and me.

That means you've passed several tests already, and if you spurn me then you will leave me helpless as a boneless jelly man flopping around on the floor. Rejection stings like a bitch, y'all.

 

[Coeur]

Most definitely. On a friendship level even, once you've found a place into my heart I'm going to be pretty much hardcore obsessed with you (along with all the other peepz who've found a place into my heart, too! )

And if you're a girl... there will be no holds barred on my show of love. If you've proven to be of worth, no ocean will remain uncrossed if it comes in between you and me.

That means you've passed several tests already, and if you spurn me then you will leave me helpless as a boneless jelly man flopping around on the floor. Rejection stings like a bitch, y'all.

Aww! That rivals us NFs!

IDK where I am in his mind, though. Am I at that point? He's told me that he loves me a bunch of times and says he'll be there for me, but he hasn't elaborated much more than that...

 

[wanderlust queen]

Coeur, i'm an ISTP girl with an INFP boy, and it sounds to me like you've got one that loves you. an ISTP doesn't say "i love you" to just anyone - trust me!

and what's there to elaborate? i tell my boyfriend i love him, and i mean it, and he knows it! what he'll never know is how much i truly love him, and how it feels like inside of me to love him. it's almost too much that i feel bashful to elaborate on it. i believe ISTP's experience the most intense love, but they don't necessarily show it.

 

[stellar renegade]

Aww! That rivals us NFs!

Coeur, i'm an ISTP girl with an INFP boy, and it sounds to me like you've got one that loves you. an ISTP doesn't say "i love you" to just anyone - trust me!

and what's there to elaborate? i tell my boyfriend i love him, and i mean it, and he knows it! what he'll never know is how much i truly love him, and how it feels like inside of me to love him. it's almost too much that i feel bashful to elaborate on it. i believe ISTP's experience the most intense love, but they don't necessarily show it.

For real. I think the same is true to an extent for us ESTPs. I often tend to fall head over heels pretty quickly, too (I'm good at getting to know people by being a quick read), so it'll end up being awkward with me becoming obsessed with someone that barely knows me and them getting totally freaked by my aggressive pursuit of them. It's a strong feeling I can't ignore even if I try. And if it's hopelessly unrequited I might feel like cutting my heart out completely and just not feeling anymore to stop the torment of it so I can just go about my everyday life.

Oh well.

IDK where I am in his mind, though. Am I at that point? He's told me that he loves me a bunch of times and says he'll be there for me, but he hasn't elaborated much more than that...

Does this signify that you guys are talking again? Or do you just mean that's what he said before?

 

[Coeur]

Does this signify that you guys are talking again? Or do you just mean that's what he said before?

We're talking. I don't even think he realized that he did anything hurtful. >_> I kind of said something to him about it today, just about generally not answering me back.

 

[stellar renegade]

Yeah, totally. I do that, too, actually. I won't respond for a long time and to me it doesn't mean a damn thing, but others feel rejected or ignored. I get the guilt trip sometimes but I try to just not feel negative and make it better by responding more.

It's kind of something I should probably work on. I do really love interacting with other people, but out of sight, out of mind is such a strong reality for me.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Yeah, totally. I do that, too, actually. I won't respond for a long time and to me it doesn't mean a damn thing, but others feel rejected or ignored. I get the guilt trip sometimes but I try to just not feel negative and make it better by responding more.

It's kind of something I should probably work on. I do really love interacting with other people, but out of sight, out of mind is such a strong reality for me.

hah. estp as spokerperson for istp. how much are they paying you?

 

[Poki]

hah. estp as spokerperson for istp. how much are they paying you?

I dont respond either all the time. Somethings I just dont think need a response, other things I dont want to start something when all I can think to say I know will cause it to hit the fan. Some things I just dont understand enough yet to add anything worth while.

 

[stellar renegade]

hah. estp as spokerperson for istp. how much are they paying you?

haha... eh, well if you must know, they're all letting me borrow their girlfriends this weekend.

Naw, but seriously... my extroversion seems to be more or less a recent trait, recent as in the past several years. Because of childhood circumstances (living in rural areas, being an only child for five years) my ability to socialize with peers was underdeveloped for a long time. So I have to say that I associate ALOT with what poki said in his last post. I've been able to break past alot of that and come up with something to say in those awkward and/or quiet situations after some frustration with this issue, though.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I dont respond either all the time. Somethings I just dont think need a response, other things I dont want to start something when all I can think to say I know will cause it to hit the fan. Some things I just dont understand enough yet to add anything worth while.

No need to respond! It's better when i can read istp minds anyway, then I can think what i want to think you think. Ya know? Blue pill.

haha... eh, well if you must know, they're all letting me borrow their girlfriends this weekend.

Naw, but seriously... my extroversion seems to be more or less a recent trait, recent as in the past several years. Because of childhood circumstances (living in rural areas, being an only child for five years) my ability to socialize with peers was underdeveloped for a long time. So I have to say that I associate ALOT with what poki said in his last post. I've been able to break past alot of that and come up with something to say in those awkward and/or quiet situations after some frustration with this issue, though.

rural area? really.

 

[Poki]

haha... eh, well if you must know, they're all letting me borrow their girlfriends this weekend.

Naw, but seriously... my extroversion seems to be more or less a recent trait, recent as in the past several years. Because of childhood circumstances (living in rural areas, being an only child for five years) my ability to socialize with peers was underdeveloped for a long time. So I have to say that I associate ALOT with what poki said in his last post. I've been able to break past alot of that and come up with something to say in those awkward and/or quiet situations after some frustration with this issue, though.

I grew up in the city with borthers and sisters so I dont have that excuse to be introverted I need to find one though. They werent home much though so maybe thats it.

 

[stellar renegade]

rural area? really.

Yeah, through all the early social development years, too. hah.

Just to give you a hint, at one point our next door neighbors were cows.

I grew up in the city with borthers and sisters so I dont have that excuse to be introverted I need to find one though. They werent home much though so maybe thats it.

Naw, you don't need an excuse if that's naturally how you are. I'm just saying I don't think I was ever intended to truly be an introvert. When I became extroverted it was very natural and unintentional. I just suddenly started speaking my immediate thoughts out of nowhere and felt as if I had always been that way, only tucked away inside my shell before.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

=stellar renegade;831275]Yeah, through all the early social development years, too. hah.

Just to give you a hint, at one point our next door neighbors were cows.

haha. well, so much for iNtuition. i had you pegged for a city boy. Did you ever have chickens? If so, you might enjoy reading my blog. http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...tious-bouquet-early-blooming-parentheses.html I talk about, um, having chickens and stuff.

You are making me rethink that whole forced introvert thing. I've been wondering if my infp son is really an enfp in disguise. He used to talk more than anyone--talk my ear off--and then around age 8 or so he quit talking so much and started spending a lot of time alone in imaginative 'play' in his room. He gets tired playing with the neighborhood kids (mostly T boys), but when he gets around other enfp kids he's extremely animated and silly and never tires of being with them, wants to live with them, etc. We are all introverts and i hate to think I am forcing some sort of introversion on him.........Interesting concept that: Lone extravert in a family of introverts.