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  1. #71
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    It wasnt too clear to me, but I got the impression that he is still with his girlfriend? They said they would break up when he left, but didn't?

    If thats the case regardless of type, I'm going to say its plain ole guilt. Obviously he cares for his girlfriend a great deal if he is even willing to try the long distance thing when previously he has said it never works. I'd say thats a pretty huge flag of how much he cares about her, since he is willing to try the long distance thing.

    He's probably not feeling too great about himself and you're a reminder of the indiscretion and he may not see much to talk about with you. He is in a relationship with someone else and he may not know that you want to talk about your friendship or care. (sorry, not being rude on purpose) He may even have mixed feelings about continuing the friendship with you in light of his cheating on his girlfriend.

    Just my 2 cents

  2. #72
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tewt View Post
    It wasnt too clear to me, but I got the impression that he is still with his girlfriend? They said they would break up when he left, but didn't?

    If thats the case regardless of type, I'm going to say its plain ole guilt. Obviously he cares for his girlfriend a great deal if he is even willing to try the long distance thing when previously he has said it never works. I'd say thats a pretty huge flag of how much he cares about her, since he is willing to try the long distance thing.

    He's probably not feeling too great about himself and you're a reminder of the indiscretion and he may not see much to talk about with you. He is in a relationship with someone else and he may not know that you want to talk about your friendship or care. (sorry, not being rude on purpose) He may even have mixed feelings about continuing the friendship with you in light of his cheating on his girlfriend.

    Just my 2 cents
    I have no idea what's going on with them, to be honest. >_> In any case, it's not really my fault... All I heard him say for 8 months was: "we've agreed that we're going to break up when we leave."

    I don't really want to be friends with him at this point. One, I don't want to spend my life second place to someone else [which could be both his girlfriend and himself]. Two, looking at the list of ways he's described himself, he's not that great of a guy. If he'll do it to others, he'll do it to me. Three, I want someone who I can communicate openly with without worrying that I said too much or stepped on some invisible trap wire. I don't WANT to be friends with someone who could emotionally detach from me if I proved to be unbeneficial.

    I'm guessing that he thought kissing me was a mistake, which makes him wish it didn't happen, which makes him withdraw because he thinks I'll want something more from it.
    Jerk.

    At the same time, as much as I may act like I'm mad at him, I'm mainly mad at myself. At the time, instead of kissing him, I should have said: "What about your girlfriend?"
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  3. #73
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
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  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    If he'll do it to others, he'll do it to me.
    Its suprising how many people ignore this fact. I dont know if this is something recent or I have always done this, but I judge people on how they react to others and not just myself. If someone says that they will tell someone something just to get them to do something do you not think they will do that to you? The tactics people use on others WILL be used on you at some point, it is who they are and what they know. It doesnt mean you have to put up with it or just accept it when it does turn, but dont be blindsided when it does turn on you.

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Its suprising how many people ignore this fact. I dont know if this is something recent or I have always done this, but I judge people on how they react to others and not just myself. If someone says that they will tell someone something just to get them to do something do you not think they will do that to you? The tactics people use on others WILL be used on you at some point, it is who they are and what they know. It doesnt mean you have to put up with it or just accept it when it does turn, but dont be blindsided when it does turn on you.
    to every last word.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    I have no idea what's going on with them, to be honest. >_> In any case, it's not really my fault... All I heard him say for 8 months was: "we've agreed that we're going to break up when we leave."

    I don't really want to be friends with him at this point. One, I don't want to spend my life second place to someone else [which could be both his girlfriend and himself]. Two, looking at the list of ways he's described himself, he's not that great of a guy. If he'll do it to others, he'll do it to me. Three, I want someone who I can communicate openly with without worrying that I said too much or stepped on some invisible trap wire. I don't WANT to be friends with someone who could emotionally detach from me if I proved to be unbeneficial.

    I'm guessing that he thought kissing me was a mistake, which makes him wish it didn't happen, which makes him withdraw because he thinks I'll want something more from it.
    Jerk.

    At the same time, as much as I may act like I'm mad at him, I'm mainly mad at myself. At the time, instead of kissing him, I should have said: "What about your girlfriend?"
    Oh, sorry I hope you didnt think I meant it was your fault, I agree with you..it's not.

    And jerk is right, lol.

  7. #77
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    the only way it's ever possible to get my ISTP talking about his feelings is if you get him drunk! you have to be patient, and spend at least four hours talking randomly about movies, bikes, dumb commercials, people who annoy him at work, maps (he loves looking at maps), tools, and any number of other things, before he's drunk and talkative enough for you to "connect" one of those innocuous subjects to "well how's that going anyway? are you pissed off with it or what?" and then he'll start telling the story of how he's seen things and felt about them, and you have to just listen and let him talk, his way, and not try to prise anything out of him but let him reveal what he wants/needs to and be content with that.
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  8. #78
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    the only way it's ever possible to get my ISTP talking about his feelings is if you get him drunk! you have to be patient, and spend at least four hours talking randomly about movies, bikes, dumb commercials, people who annoy him at work, maps (he loves looking at maps), tools, and any number of other things, before he's drunk and talkative enough for you to "connect" one of those innocuous subjects to "well how's that going anyway? are you pissed off with it or what?" and then he'll start telling the story of how he's seen things and felt about them, and you have to just listen and let him talk, his way, and not try to prise anything out of him but let him reveal what he wants/needs to and be content with that.
    what is it about istps and drinking? do they just need the alcohol/substances to be able to tap into feelings, or open up to their feelings? are the things they feel when drunk REAL feelings for them, or not? i'm assuming so, since that's how it works for me. what i want drunk is what i REALLY want, i'm just used to repressing it in my normal daily life.
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  9. #79
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    I have to be really deep in my head for me to experience my feelings intensely enough to be able to word them, because they are repressed most of the time.

    Certain substances put me into a deeply introspective mindset for long periods, and greatly intensify my feelings to the point where I can experience, understand, and sort through them. They have been a sort of self-psychotherapy over the past few years for resolving long-standing emotional issues.

    Alcohol can lower my inhibitions to where I can more easily talk about feelings closer to the surface, but I don't use it for that purpose.

  10. #80
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    yeah, that's what I figure it is with my ISTP, largely cos I'm about the same, to perhaps a slightly lesser extent, but only slightly less.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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