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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    He claims to be a lot of things. He says that he's an awful person. In his exact words: um ya; im a dick- im very cynical and look out for numero uno- ethical egoist and objectivist - i am very distrustful and hate ppl before i like them; i dont think trusting should be the status quo...im misogynistic, womanizing, racist, intolerant, full of myself, never wrong, manipulative, and pretty much a "bad" person...
    You know why people say this right? If you accept this it gives them permission to continue to be this way. This person has no desire to change or challenge himself. I know you see it in him, but he doesnt want to change. He has yet to find a reason to want to change. He really needs to be dropped flat on his face a couple of times when he does that crap.

  2. #62
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    You know why people say this right? If you accept this it gives them permission to continue to be this way. This person has no desire to change or challenge himself. I know you see it in him, but he doesnt want to change. He has yet to find a reason to want to change. He really needs to be dropped flat on his face a couple of times when he does that crap.
    Well said!

    Quote Originally Posted by soccerjunkie1996 View Post
    Giggidy.





    Just kidding....




    ...but seriously
    Hahah... I'm glad someone seems to find it amusing. My guy friends don't find it so amusing. I've tried to cure myself for years. They joke that they're going to need to replace their kidneys from me getting rambunctious and punching so much. ... I just keep insisting it's my way of showing "affection."
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    well, fwiw, i'm sorry for you. it is an emotional roller coaster to say the least. dealing with the self-centered ones can be like dealing with two separate people imo (maybe this is true of all self-centered types?). on the one hand you feel and know the feelings they have for you exist somewhere deep within, and you can love who they really are. but they have the ability to deny/ignore/repress those feelings if they deem it necessary for themselves, or from a logical standpoint. i envy that ability sometimes. there seems to be a bit of a misbalance in the emotional maturity department between you two, or maybe just in the what-you-want-out-of-life-right-now department.

    what doesn't kill us..........lemme know when the first meeting is........

    You know us inside and out.

    When I was younger I did things like this. Feelings were always hard for me to deal with, and intense feelings about major life changes were even more overwhelming.

    They made my head spin so fast I couldn't think straight. So I did what made sense at the time - I shut them off completely, which caused me to become a cold, selfish bastard, just like this guy.

    When I got overwhelmed by things, I always had to push everyone away so I could clear my head, and deal with things only from a logical standpoint. When I turned into a robot like this, I didn't have any use or time for friends or family, unless they could help me in some practical way.

    I'm not excusing what your friend is doing, and I'm very sorry that he is doing this to you. You seem like a sweetheart and he should feel lucky as hell to have you as a friend. But he lives in the moment, and he's not considering the effect his actions have on your long-term relationship, because he doesn't see himself maintaining one with you. He's torn between two women, and starting off to college just puts him over the top, so he has to focus on one priority at a time.

    At a later time, something might make him think of you, and he might reflect on how he left things, and he might feel pretty shitty about it, and it just might be too late to make amends, and then he'll feel really shitty, and you'll stick to him forever.

    I've been in those shoes and I've learned things like this the hard way.



    You have every right to feel however you want about your friend. Just realize he is very emotionally immature compared to you. He's not doing these things because he is an asshole at heart, he just doesn't know how else to handle it.

    It's really unfortunate that we can justify being this way, because at some point, and it never fails to happen, we always end up hurting ourselves and the people we love. I can deal with hurting myself because it was my fault, so I learn and grow from it. But hurting other people, who didn't deserve to be treated that way and only wanted to love me, is what really kills me and hits hard when I finally realize what I've done.

    I am grateful for the people in my life, who've been subjected to my words and actions, yet still love me unconditionally, as if they can see through me when I can't see myself.

  4. #64
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    You know us inside and out.

    When I was younger I did things like this. Feelings were always hard for me to deal with, and intense feelings about major life changes were even more overwhelming.

    They made my head spin so fast I couldn't think straight. So I did what made sense at the time - I shut them off completely, which caused me to become a cold, selfish bastard, just like this guy.

    When I got overwhelmed by things, I always had to push everyone away so I could clear my head, and deal with things only from a logical standpoint. When I turned into a robot like this, I didn't have any use or time for friends or family, unless they could help me in some practical way.

    I'm not excusing what your friend is doing, and I'm very sorry that he is doing this to you. You seem like a sweetheart and he should feel lucky as hell to have you as a friend. But he lives in the moment, and he's not considering the effect his actions have on your long-term relationship, because he doesn't see himself maintaining one with you.

    At a later time, something might make him think of you, and he might reflect on how he left things, and he might feel pretty shitty about it, and it just might be too late to make amends, and then he'll feel really shitty, and you'll stick to him forever.

    I've been in those shoes and I've learned things like this the hard way.



    You have every right to feel however you want about your friend. Just realize he is very emotionally immature compared to you. He's not doing these things because he is an asshole at heart, he just doesn't know how else to handle it.

    It's really unfortunate that we can justify being this way, because at some point and it never fails, we always end up hurting ourselves and the people we love. I can deal with hurting myself because it was my fault, so I learn and grow from it. But hurting other people, who didn't deserve to be treated that way and only wanted to love me, is what really kills me and hits hard when I finally realize what I've done.
    and you are one of the supremo istps.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  5. #65
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    You know why people say this right? If you accept this it gives them permission to continue to be this way. This person has no desire to change or challenge himself. I know you see it in him, but he doesnt want to change. He has yet to find a reason to want to change. He really needs to be dropped flat on his face a couple of times when he does that crap.
    Yeah, that makes alot of sense. I guess I just haven't encountered too many of those types of people before.

    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    Hahah... I'm glad someone seems to find it amusing. My guy friends don't find it so amusing. I've tried to cure myself for years. They joke that they're going to need to replace their kidneys from me getting rambunctious and punching so much. ... I just keep insisting it's my way of showing "affection."
    hahah. you rock.
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    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    You have every right to feel however you want about your friend. Just realize he is very emotionally immature compared to you. He's not doing these things because he is an asshole at heart, he just doesn't know how else to handle it.
    I am in agreeance with this, This is a T type who has had to deal with others feelings that they dont understand. If you dont have anyone to talk to it will cause us to close up everything and just not care. What helps me to not close up is to be able to talk to someone that can either explain it or tell you that its just stupid and has no logic and you did nothing wrong. You really need an F type who you trust to honestly try to see things from different angles that knows you. They can help you rationalize it or convince you to just throw the experience in the trash because its stupid.

    I am still in 100% agreeance though that they need to be dropped on there face a couple times. Only he can deal with this especially if it wasnt you that caused him to close up. He needs to want to deal with it. Just be there when he does fall and try and help him rationalize it, and feel free to tell him that the other person was a jerk, out of line, etc. Be honest though because we need honesty when it comes to things like that.

  7. #67
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Sometimes you're just a douchebag with a little gravel heart.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Sometimes you're just a douchebag with a little gravel heart.
    Maybe you need to go over and slap him around a bit Beating up a douche bag can always be fun, then aphrodite can be there to pick up the pieces

  9. #69
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    hahahahah, sorry, Poki, you guys were being so helpful and mature, and I'm ruining it. I'll stop!

    I couldn't agree more about the quasi-confessional behavior this person is displaying. Saying you're a jerk isn't a get out of jail free card. I have to admit, my patience for that sort of thing is extremely low. There's really no excuse - unless you're PHINEAS GAGE - to act like a jerk with impunity.

    I had a friend who'd say things like that, and although he can be very very difficult, I know for a fact that he's not an ass, just acting like one. Otherwise, I wouldn't be friends with him. When he brings the self-diagnosing excusing "i'm a bad person" thing to bear, I just tell him to be quiet. It's an insecurity maneuver, or should I rather say, a move to *become* more secure within a fortress of one's own making.

    Being all you can be is so much harder than letting people down.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  10. #70
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Maybe you need to go over and slap him around a bit Beating up a douche bag can always be fun, then aphrodite can be there to pick up the pieces
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


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