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  1. #41
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    What makes you think he is interested in a friendship? What if all along he only liked you romantically?

    Also, the fact that he has a GF and that the conversations about feelings were not in person could explain why things are going badly I disagree with pink when she said ISTPs just "go for it" there's a lot that ISTPs don't say out loud that are tucked away deeply

    The lack of communication in a long distance situation is pretty damn normal for an SP and I'm not sure about other SPs but I tend to be pretty limited in my txting as I just don't see the value of it over face to face... friendship might work over the phone but nothing more

    Lets assume I'm right for a moment and he is only interested in you romantically, wouldn't his current behavior be expected? You're trying to have some kind of distanced friendship which may not be sitting well with him

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    I personally don't see how texting him once every few days or so is clingy. I also don't see how confronting him about things that our affecting our friendship is bad.

    If he isn't answering between texts, I'd say that is the definition of clingy. Give him space, let him BE. He will contact you if he wants to. He may, he may not. You seem to have a need to figure out "where we are at as friends". I go through periods where I just don't want to deal with certain people and the more they bother me, the more I want them to piss off (at least for now, it is usually not a permanent feeling).

    As an ISTP, I will text or call if that is my desire. Try to quit thinking about it so much or taking it personally. I know that might be a confusing concept because it IS PERSONAL TO YOU. It might be the content of the conversation that he is tired of.

    Live your life, and maybe if there was an activity you both shared in the past that he is interested in (say snowboarding, or whatever) go DO IT alone or with friends and then text him about that and it may help reignite conversation. Be warned if he is like me, my friends will try to talk to me about one of my interests and I won't care because I am not into it at the present. Cyclical interests are one of my quirks (other ISTPs seem to share).

  3. #43
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamathousandapples View Post
    This times 10. The only way I can find out I'm in the wrong is if I find it out on my own. If someone goes up and tells me that, there's a near 100% chance that I'm going to resist and the process is going to go on longer.
    Same for me.
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  4. #44
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RogueAgent View Post
    If he isn't answering between texts, I'd say that is the definition of clingy. Give him space, let him BE. He will contact you if he wants to. He may, he may not. You seem to have a need to figure out "where we are at as friends". I go through periods where I just don't want to deal with certain people and the more they bother me, the more I want them to piss off (at least for now, it is usually not a permanent feeling).
    Got it. I'm giving him space now. A permanent space if he chooses. Hopefully I didn't screw things up more by trying to talk to him, but honestly, I should be able to talk to someone I've been friends with for two years. This silence is from the same person who says I love you and talks to me when he's crying. I know this is a personal issue and he may not LIKE to open up, but it would be worse if we never talked about it and came to incorrect conclusions. If I'm left in the dark, I try to turn on the light. That's my response. No matter what his reasoning is for doing what he's doing, I still feel like he's being rude. If I had waited for him to come around- which, if he never talked about it would be all the more frustrating- it would have been extremely difficult for me personally.


    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    What makes you think he is interested in a friendship? What if all along he only liked you romantically?
    The lack of communication in a long distance situation is pretty damn normal for an SP and I'm not sure about other SPs but I tend to be pretty limited in my txting as I just don't see the value of it over face to face... friendship might work over the phone but nothing more
    We've always had a long distance friendship that has operated by texting.

    Lets assume I'm right for a moment and he is only interested in you romantically, wouldn't his current behavior be expected? You're trying to have some kind of distanced friendship which may not be sitting well with him
    He clearly stated that he doesn't want a relationship with me [at least for right now]. My only option is friendship.
    Everybody needs love.

  5. #45
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamathousandapples View Post
    This times 10. The only way I can find out I'm in the wrong is if I find it out on my own. If someone goes up and tells me that, there's a near 100% chance that I'm going to resist and the process is going to go on longer.
    [gentle inane musak playing]

    [A woman is walking through the grocery store, arm through basket; she stops in the froot aisle]

    [She grabs an apple.... it resists... puzzled, she reaches again... it growls, rolls away and tries to mix itself in with the kumquats... ]

    "I never had this trouble with peaches," she grumbles.

    [end scene]


    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    Everyone I've ever been romantically interested in has confused me badly.
    Why is that, Jeff?

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    I disagree with pink when she said ISTPs just "go for it" there's a lot that ISTPs don't say out loud that are tucked away deeply
    I alluded to a lot of background processing. But tell me, ultimately are you not a man of action? What is an Se user without an action, as swift or delayed as it may be?


    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    He clearly stated that he doesn't want a relationship with me [at least for right now]. My only option is friendship.
    This guy had better **** gold bricks.
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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post

    This guy had better **** gold bricks.
    Damn, luv sux.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Damn, luv sux.
    Don't it just?

    *thoughtfully smokes a pipe and contemplates the universe* *decides that Jupiter and Uranus should not be so close together*
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  8. #48
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    i have some experience with istp men. my hubby is one. i just was in a weird, sort-of intimate relationship with one, and i've crushed on others.

    i think istps come in two flavors: self-centered and other-centered. the former can possibly grow out of it or not, but in the meantime, you're pretty screwed as his motivation will be totally about and for HIM; the latter is pretty good for a relationship if you can find a way to mesh with him and the timing is right and all that other stuff.

    i think (based on numerous convos with my husband--haha i can put one in the torture chair and force him to divulge his secrets!! buahahahahah) your guy found you to be a challenge from the time you turned the initial romantic feelings into a friendship. from the beginning. i think his constant texts and communications were to get you. i know it sounds completely unbelievable and manipulative, but young, or self-centered or *insert adjective* istps have been known to do worse for a piece of ass. it might not have been completely done consciously either.

    of course he LIKED/S you or he never would have invested that kind of time in you. now he's ready to move on. istps live in the present moment. he is not going to get much out of a ltr or friendship with you. what? talk about feelings? haha. talk about school? talk? not likely, unless you are one of his guy friends and you're getting drunk with him.

    then once he got to you and you *made out* (i'm assuming, not to be too vulgar, that he got his rox off ) he realized the challenge was gone and he was off to school soon anyway, so ce la vi. plus he's already dealing with a gf and heading off to college.......which is a lot to deal with in itself for an immature istp.

    i've learned from my hubby that there is no such thing as friends of the opposite sex. all women are seen as potential sex partners. this may not be how all istps are, of course, but mine is a pretty typical, hot, smart, manly man version. mine says, "i don't need any girl 'friends', i have guys for that, what i need is more (you know)" his answer when questionned about his female friends on facebook, is that they have 'friended' him, and that guys have girls on their page, or in general, because of 'scatter theory', which is at it sounds. you befriend lots of chicks in the hopes that one turns into a fuck. i know. he sounds horrible, and i can't really believe i hear him right when he says this stuff, because it's so offensive to my nf sensibility. but he's really just being honest.

    i've learned from the one i was intimate with, to take what he says as the total truth and nothing but. your guys said he's off to school and doesn't have time means just that. as an Ni NF i would read so much into this guy's actions that i never really knew which end was up with him. one moment i was convinced he loved me, the next that i was just a fuck buddy, the next that he despised me, etc., etc. but when i look back at everything, the truest thing i see is that what he said all along in his little one-liners was really what has panned out by his actions to be the truth.

    your guy may indeed be feeling guilty (let's hope he's got that much of a conscience). i hope you can move on fairly quickly from this. NFs just get so chewed up when we tangle with sps. it really sucks. but that's prolly why we find them so fucking hot to begin with. no?

    i do think istps make awesome partners (we have a wonderful marriage) but it's only when they've matured a bit or are ready to become a bit less self-centered, or grow a conscience.



    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Damn, luv sux.
    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Don't it just?

    *thoughtfully smokes a pipe and contemplates the universe* *decides that Jupiter and Uranus should not be so close together*
    can we start a 12 step you-can-recover-from-your-istp group?
    pink can be the head counselor. i think it's sorely needed.

    haha! was that pun intended?
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  9. #49
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    i have some experience with istp men. my hubby is one. i just was in a weird, sort-of intimate relationship with one, and i've crushed on others.

    i think istps come in two flavors: self-centered and other-centered. the former can possibly grow out of it or not, but in the meantime, you're pretty screwed as his motivation will be totally about and for HIM; the latter is pretty good for a relationship if you can find a way to mesh with him and the timing is right and all that other stuff.

    i think (based on numerous convos with my husband--haha i can put one in the torture chair and force him to divulge his secrets!! buahahahahah) your guy found you to be a challenge from the time you turned the initial romantic feelings into a friendship. from the beginning. i think his constant texts and communications were to get you. i know it sounds completely unbelievable and manipulative, but young, or self-centered or *insert adjective* istps have been known to do worse for a piece of ass. it might not have been completely done consciously either.

    of course he LIKED/S you or he never would have invested that kind of time in you. now he's ready to move on. istps live in the present moment. he is not going to get much out of a ltr or friendship with you. what? talk about feelings? haha. talk about school? talk? not likely, unless you are one of his guy friends and you're getting drunk with him.

    then once he got to you and you *made out* (i'm assuming, not to be too vulgar, that he got his rox off ) he realized the challenge was gone and he was off to school soon anyway, so ce la vi. plus he's already dealing with a gf and heading off to college.......which is a lot to deal with in itself for an immature istp.

    i've learned from my hubby that there is no such thing as friends of the opposite sex. all women are seen as potential sex partners. this may not be how all istps are, of course, but mine is a pretty typical, hot, smart, manly man version. mine says, "i don't need any girl 'friends', i have guys for that, what i need is more (you know)" his answer when questionned about his female friends on facebook, is that they have 'friended' him, and that guys have girls on their page, or in general, because of 'scatter theory', which is at it sounds. you befriend lots of chicks in the hopes that one turns into a fuck. i know. he sounds horrible, and i can't really believe i hear him right when he says this stuff, because it's so offensive to my nf sensibility. but he's really just being honest.

    i've learned from the one i was intimate with, to take what he says as the total truth and nothing but. your guys said he's off to school and doesn't have time means just that. as an Ni NF i would read so much into this guy's actions that i never really knew which end was up with him. one moment i was convinced he loved me, the next that i was just a fuck buddy, the next that he despised me, etc., etc. but when i look back at everything, the truest thing i see is that what he said all along in his little one-liners was really what has panned out by his actions to be the truth.

    your guy may indeed be feeling guilty (let's hope he's got that much of a conscience). i hope you can move on fairly quickly from this. NFs just get so chewed up when we tangle with sps. it really sucks. but that's prolly why we find them so fucking hot to begin with. no?

    i do think istps make awesome partners (we have a wonderful marriage) but it's only when they've matured a bit or are ready to become a bit less self-centered, or grow a conscience.




    can we start a 12 step you-can-recover-from-your-istp group?
    pink can be the head counselor. i think it's sorely needed.

    haha! was that pun intended?
    This all reminds me of him, actually. He labels himself as manipulative, self-centered, arrogant- etc. He says that guys and girls can never just be friends. He also said that I was the special exception. Still, he has this annoying: "this relationship provides no more logical benefit; I'm detaching" ability.

    You said to take everything he says as truth. He said he'd miss me and that he loves me. BUT...that doesn't override the fact that he can logically detach whenever he pleases.

    ISTPs are great. I'm glad you found a good one. But you're right- no immature SPs for me. XD

    We do need a 12 step program.
    Everybody needs love.

  10. #50
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    This all reminds me of him, actually. He labels himself as manipulative, self-centered, arrogant- etc. He says that guys and girls can never just be friends. He also said that I was the special exception. Still, he has this annoying: "this relationship provides no more logical benefit; I'm detaching" ability.

    You said to take everything he says as truth. He said he'd miss me and that he loves me. BUT...that doesn't override the fact that he can logically detach whenever he pleases.

    ISTPs are great. I'm glad you found a good one. But you're right- no immature SPs for me. XD

    We do need a 12 step program.
    well, fwiw, i'm sorry for you. it is an emotional roller coaster to say the least. dealing with the self-centered ones can be like dealing with two separate people imo (maybe this is true of all self-centered types?). on the one hand you feel and know the feelings they have for you exist somewhere deep within, and you can love who they really are. but they have the ability to deny/ignore/repress those feelings if they deem it necessary for themselves, or from a logical standpoint. i envy that ability sometimes. there seems to be a bit of a misbalance in the emotional maturity department between you two, or maybe just in the what-you-want-out-of-life-right-now department.

    what doesn't kill us..........lemme know when the first meeting is........
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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