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  1. #21
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    I am strongly considering ending the friendship if he doesn't asnwer. You're right: I SHOULDN'T need to be working this hard, at least not on my own.
    Indeed. Even on a friendship level, you aren't being treated well, as Colors pointed out. Friends shoot straight and he's not.

    I'm hoping that he doesn't think that I lead him on or something. I, of course, have no idea what his feelings for me really are. Realistically, though, he is not showing positive signs of being interested.
    I can only speak from my own experience, but the ISTP I was seriously involved with was even more messed up sounding than the guy you're currently hog-wrasslin', but regardless of his bad behavior, drugs, shady past that to this day I still have no full knowledge of, I knew how he felt about me. It was an unconscious drive that he couldn't control or cover up. No doubt that freaked him out pretty badly as it did me. Seeing through someone is an experience not to be missed.

    Because of his problems, our contact became limited (a good thing, no doubt). He was bad off. He wound up in a LTR with a girl that he didn't even seem to like much, but his parents liked, and every time one of our mutual friends mentioned me, it would send him into something of a quiet but visible nervous breakdown, as if he was a doomed man and expected me to come through the door at any moment and ruin everything.

    My point is: you should create shockwaves in a man's psyche, be impossible to ignore or keep away from, burn an impression into his brain against his will. You have that power. Everyone does. Napoleon must meet his Waterloo sometime. This guy? Not your Napoleon. Wouldn't it be amazing to be that Thing Which Cannot Be Denied?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  2. #22
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    Ok I'm not trying to be rude, but you rejected him first. You had a chance to date him and kept him at arms length as a friend because of moral differences. Now that he has a girlfriend and is moving out of state you seem to want to be with him.

    I just wanted to point this out, because no one else has. This could be part of the problem that you aren't acknowledging.

  3. #23
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Or maybe she is creating shockwaves to the extent that he doesn't know how to respond to her. Possible?

    I really don't know the ISTP type well enough to be able to say.
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  4. #24
    Member Taizic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    I'll just go right into it. For those that remember my previous thread, that this is the same ISTP that I suspected liked me before.

    We have been friends for two years. We nearly went out at the beginning of our relationship, but I told him that we couldn't because of moral differences. We remained friends: seeing each other occasionally because he lives an hour away, and texting on an almost daily basis. I've always carried the torch for him, and I've always suspected that he still has feelings for me.

    He got a girlfriend and stayed with her for 8 months, which is rare for him because he's more of the womanizing, hookup type. They knew FOR A FACT, from the start, that they'd breakup before he went off to college out of state. He is an epic failure at long distance relationships. [At the moment, I don't think that they've officially broken up yet, even though he's gone.]

    He saw me under a week before he left. We madeout. He seemed really into it. He made it clear verbally that he's liked me for a long time [in his own, SPish way]. This entire situation- I now realize- is bad and completely unfair to his girlfriend. I justified it at the time because they were for sure going to breakup. Now, I see things differently.

    Now... the issue. This is possibly an NF/SP discrepancy, but it is driving me crazy. I'm not going to post every intricate detail, but I'll give generalizations. I also realize how clingy and desperate this entire post makes me sound, but at the moment I'm more indignant than hurt.

    -He doesn't answer most of my text messages. He'll maybe respond to 1/3 of them, and only if I have a 'hook', like "guess what??" I always initiate the conversation. I always have to propel the conversation. I am tired of this. I became especially tired of it when I sat by the phone hoping he would contact me after our little incident. I became even more tired of it after several unsuccessful attempts to contact him, earning a response only after: "can we talk?"

    -We never really talked about what occurred. When I attempted to, he gave me a couple of short answers and gave me some bullcrap response about "I need to focus on work." We both know that if he wanted to talk about it, he would. We both know that he texts during work all of the time and that he is not suddenly devoted to his job. Now, I didn't expect a full-length movie scene about our feelings, but I DID have some things that I wanted to clarify. I am now rendered unable to open up to him.

    -Additionally, we had something that [at least, I felt like] seriously needed to be discussed. I made it clear I was upset and wanted to talk about it. He simply phased out of the conversation and stopped answering my messages. The issue is still not resolved. It will lie dormant forever.

    -Every time I DID try to express my feelings, he kicked me in the stomach.
    Example.
    Me: "You do know that I've liked you like...forever, right?"
    Him: "Ah. Sorry, we can't date. I'm going out of state."
    Me: "I got that... I'm just telling you."

    I figured that no relationship would come of what happened. Thatís not why Iím upset. I did NOT expect that he would be as emotionally distant as he is now. I don't know what his problem is, but I feel extremely undervalued. I suppose that the synopsis of this situation is: ďhe isnít into you.Ē I don't care about that. The point is... weíre good friends! This is all angering me so much, but I feel like there's a stone fortress around him.

    I personally feel like he's being unfair to me, but I want an SP point of view. Also, [in an attempt to make this post relevant to everyone], what are common issues in NF/SP relationships, and how can they be avoided/fixed?
    Okay, I can see where he's going, but I'm no ISTP. So you should talk to my ISTP friend. He'll probably understand more than anyone. He's the only friend I have on here, so he's not hard to find lol. Don't worry about the way he's treating you. I'm the same with my friend until we talk about what's going on through our heads.
    So he said to me "I love you, just not the way you want me to." I hit him, because he lied to me.

  5. #25
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Or maybe she is creating shockwaves to the extent that he doesn't know how to respond to her. Possible?

    I really don't know the ISTP type well enough to be able to say.
    Frankly? Never knew an ISTP that didn't just go for it, for better or worse. Not saying they don't have restraint or roll things over in their minds carefully before acting because they do, but from my experience, when they make up their minds, that's kinda it. The guy I dated was a highly neurotic version, so bowing and warping under the strain wasn't alien to him, and perhaps more grounded types wouldn't be bothered to agonize something to death.

    I don't know. I think this applies to all men. Granted, some are way more neurotic that others, and never chamber the first round, regardless of the type.

    What do I know.... *shucks lab coat*
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  6. #26
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    If that's true, then ISTPs are just like me.

    Honestly I can't resist a girl I'm attracted to, long distance or no. My impulses overtake any logic I have in regards to where she's located and if she's even interested. I usually figure I can win her over and move close by if it does work out.
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  7. #27
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Ok I'm not trying to be rude, but you rejected him first. You had a chance to date him and kept him at arms length as a friend because of moral differences. Now that he has a girlfriend and is moving out of state you seem to want to be with him.

    I just wanted to point this out, because no one else has. This could be part of the problem that you aren't acknowledging.
    That was two years ago. It's a complicated story. I don't CARE about my chances with him anyways; I'm concerned about the friendship.
    Everybody needs love.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Or maybe she is creating shockwaves to the extent that he doesn't know how to respond to her. Possible?

    I really don't know the ISTP type well enough to be able to say.
    I don't care if he is completely indifferent or overcome with emotion. A real friend would answer me.
    Everybody needs love.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    That was two years ago. It's a complicated story. I don't CARE about my chances with him anyways; I'm concerned about the friendship.
    I know it was two years ago, but still, he might feel inwardly rejected by it. SPs have feelings too, even if they express them differently.

    If you're concerned about the friendship, just chill out for a while and see if he comes around.

    That is my advice. I like SPs and am attracted to them. I like that they can get me out of being inside my own head. I dated an ISFP for years and the best thing to do with him when there was "issues" was almost always to temporarily ignore him, or at least just go about my own life.

    Coralling him and begging him to talk about the relationship is just going to push him away. Give him some space and you might be surprised that he'll come around later. Or he won't, then you'll know that the friendship isn't worth keeping.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I know it was two years ago, but still, he might feel inwardly rejected by it. SPs have feelings too, even if they express them differently.

    If you're concerned about the friendship, just chill out for a while and see if he comes around.

    That is my advice. I like SPs and am attracted to them. I like that they can get me out of being inside my own head. I dated an ISFP for years and the best thing to do with him when there was "issues" was almost always to temporarily ignore him, or at least just go about my own life.

    Coralling him and begging him to talk about the relationship is just going to push him away. Give him some space and you might be surprised that he'll come around later. Or he won't, then you'll know that the friendship isn't worth keeping.
    Perhaps he does. It's not like I can talk about it with him, so there's really nothing I can do.

    I like SPs too. Don't you all get the wrong idea about that. XD

    The ball is in his court now. I'm not speaking to him again until he contacts me first. Guaranteed. He shouldn't be pushed away so easily.
    Everybody needs love.

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