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Thread: Unhealthy ISTP

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Just wanted to hit on this because of something I said the other day in a argument. In the heat of an argument I was asked what I think and my response was "screw thinking, all it does is mess things up".

    How can you tell an unhealthy ISTP?
    well i dont think its unhealthy. its you being frustrated at the lack of your thinking reaching a definite conclusion...i think, i dont really know

    take a break and go back to it

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    Just wanted to hit on this because of something I said the other day in a argument. In the heat of an argument I was asked what I think and my response was "screw thinking, all it does is mess things up".

    How can you tell an unhealthy ISTP?
    well i dont think its unhealthy. its you being frustrated at the lack of your thinking reaching a definite conclusion...i think, i dont really know

    take a break and go back to it

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I know ISTP who seems somewhat unhealthy. He has no sympathy for other people when they are in pain or have difficulty, in fact he will laugh about it or belittle them. But when he faces pain or suffering, he will ask for and expect the sympathy cart to be rolled out for him or to get special consideration and when people respond coldly to him at these times, he is puzzled and gets really ticked off at life. He seems unable to see things from someone else's perspective. Yet his logic is flawed by his own blind spots and so he frequently messes up in his life and needs to be bailed out so he cannot maintain the strong indepdence from human connection that he seems to prefer.

    It's really painful to watch.
    I know an ISTP who goes in and out of this kind of behavior. Makes my head spin though I am rather sympathetic towards him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Oddly Refined View Post
    As someone that dated several ISTPs, I can agree that this is common in the ones that I've known. My problem was I could read their body language because I knew them so well. While several of them loved it, they hated it when they tried the retreat route.
    I think INFJ and ISTP relating is completely off the wall sometimes. As best as I can describe it's like there is this remarkable shorthand in understanding each other until something of the emotional realm comes into the foreground. Then dissension/disconnect, like the polarity flipped. I feel almost blind sometimes in negotiating that world with the ISTPs I've known because I feel like I can read the signs but I'm told I'm wrong. Has that been similar to your experience in dating several ISTPs?

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    I think INFJ and ISTP relating is completely off the wall sometimes. As best as I can describe it's like there is this remarkable shorthand in understanding each other until something of the emotional realm comes into the foreground. Then dissension/disconnect, like the polarity flipped. I feel almost blind sometimes in negotiating that world with the ISTPs I've known because I feel like I can read the signs but I'm told I'm wrong. Has that been similar to your experience in dating several ISTPs?
    Yeah, it can be. For some reason they flock to me. It's bizarre. There is some negotiating of what is inferred and what's actually present. Also, there is a tendency to ignore emotions even when their bodies are emoting like nuts.
    Last edited by Oddly Refined; 07-23-2009 at 03:43 PM. Reason: Grammar, I'm a perfectionist.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by markscol View Post
    Sometimes i get in my little hole of thinking and feeling and i get selfish, and just want to stay there and retreat from life when it is convenient for me. During this time, i am pretty much unavailable to the rest of the world-- and it can be selfish because i just expect people to give me space. I dont think this is necessarily unhealthy, but i notice myself doing it. I wish i didn't have this need to turn relationship-giving on and off whenever i so please..
    I've done this all of my life. Thinking back, it was primarily during dark, emotionally difficult periods. I was conscious of what I was doing, but I justified it by thinking that I just needed all this time to myself.

    What did I do in this time? I spent time alone, doing as little as possible, spent time in my head thinking detrimental thoughts. I didn't spend time dealing with the emotions, but rather trying to ignore and place the emotions away somewhere deep and just being alone, fighting a losing battle in my mind. This didn't help at all, because the emotions and issues were always still there, it just offered temporary relief for the moment. In fact, it exacerbated the problems by not acknowledging the emotions for what they were, accepting them, and letting them pass. Instead, they remained in my mind, always in my subconscious, frequently reminding me, actually causing and keeping me in the darkness.

    I can recall going long periods without speaking or being with my friends or family. For me it went by in days, but after the fact, I realized I had just spent six months disconnected from everyone, especially the ones I loved, and nothing was accomplished.

    Looking at my doings in that way made me realize it was all done out of selfishness. Separating myself from others for such long periods did not help me in any way. It did nothing but keep me in my mind, during which I would become trapped in thoughts and emotions that created and continued the problem.


    Examining what I've done in the past and realizing what has not worked, I feel like I am better prepared to deal with anything that might occur in the future. Essentially, it is being conscious of what is or has happened, acknowledging its affect, either physical or emotional, and continuing to go on with life.

    While I may never be one to discuss my feelings with others, I realize the need to consciously examine and acknowledge those feelings myself and assign meaning to them. Thus, I will always need time alone to recharge or introspect, but there is no longer any need for me to retreat for extended periods.

  6. #16
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oddly Refined View Post
    ...Also, there is a tendency to ignore emotions even when their bodies are emoting like nuts.
    Yes, that's what throws me. The mixed messages. I tread softly with the ISTPs I know well on those occasions.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Yes, that's what throws me. The mixed messages. I tread softly with the ISTPs I know well on those occasions.
    That would be a wise choice.

  8. #18
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    I'm like Refined. I've been entangled with several ISTPs over the years. One of them - unfortunately the one I was in love with - read just like Bamboo's description. If he could go wrong, he would. It was almost pathologically masochistic, like not wanting to be shocked but sticking his finger in the outlet anyway because he couldn't resist it. He had a drug/drinking problem as well. I could see through him which both attracted and freaked him out. (He saw through me too, so the attraction/freak-out was mutual).

    The "good" ISTPs are nothing like this. My ISTP bff and I went everywhere together. It was easy overall. Miscommunications were rare, and fights were resolved ASAP because it felt really bad and unnatural to be apart. I don't know how else to describe it, but it was like living in the eye of a hurricane. There was this powerful dangerous potential all around, but not touching me. He was thoughtful to a fault at times. Had a savior complex. He was even more "feeler"-y than me sometimes. We had some pretty trippy conversations. Wrote notes back and forth in class. No one was allowed to take his spot next to me, not even if he was running late. And to his credit, as I'd mentioned before, he wasn't a hateful person but he hated my messed-up ISTP bf on sight.

    He didn't play games with me either. You either shoot straight with me or don't draw.

  9. #19
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Huh. We must know the same ISTP.
    Me too! How do you guys know my sister? lol

    To my sister's credit though, she typically only acts like that when she's under a lot of stress. She's also only 18 and I think with some more life experience she will mellow and become more balanced.

  10. #20
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    my husband was a bitself centered when were younger. Very unaware and uncaring of how the things he did affected me and others around him. Did all types of crazy stupid istp shit.

    Once he hit about 25 he started to get a lot better-maybe the four year breakup had something to do with that-but when his world was dark you needed to be unhappy with him.

    I worked very hard not to restrict his space in anyway-we basically were roomates who slept together a lot of the time. But when he was unhappy the whole world would become dark and gloomy and god forbid you be light and happy as you needed to suffer alongside him.

    Also very self centered-not in a selfish way-he cared for those that were close to him and will do anything for them-actions speak louder than words of course-but just unable to step outside of his own view of the world to see anyone else's at all.

    a wee bit of a narcissit in the very early days but he outgrew that.

    At 33 he really has become a wonderful person, a good father, and still tries to get back together with me now and then. He has a very good soul, he just needed to be forced to grow up a bit.

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