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Thread: Unhealthy ISTP

  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    steph, i don't think the reason why people get the wrong idea here is your motive and intent. the problem here is the lack of awareness and attention it takes to note what you're doing or saying and how that is making the other person feel. they're seeing it as lack of consideration from your part in that regard. however, that doesn't justify others taking it out on you if you were simply unaware of it all. it's a miss-communication. how do you solve this problem? talk about it more openly :p sorry, there's no way of really going around it. you either address it or ignore it. if you address it there is the possibility of resolving the issue for good. if you ignore it, it might appear to be resolved temporarily, but it'll continue to happen over and over again...or either party will cut ties and end up leaving, hurt, annoyed, confused and possibly resentful.
    This is an interesting perspective.

    The problem is that my conscious awareness and attention is not focused on Fe, how I'm making other people feel. That's why it's an inferior function.

    Fe is subconscious, I have to consciously divert attention from one area to another, go inside my head and introspect, to consider how I'm making other people feel. And even when I do, since it is an inferior function, I'm constantly second-guessing myself because I don't actually know how I'm making other people feel. Hell, most of the time I don't even know how I feel.

    So my point is that I try, but things do tend to slip past. Another thing to consider is that my most conscious functions, Ti+Se, are always the most active. Ti doesn't make consideration to feelings. It's very black and white, very objective.

    Example, when Steph was at Hooters, Ti+Se determined that she needed a sluttier shirt, and Ti+Se also noticed what her sister was wearing would work better for the situation, so Ti+Se said what it said because of that, not because it had the intention of implying that her sister was a slut for wearing it. Ti+Se likely wasn't even thinking about her sister. It was objectively thinking about the shirt she happened to be wearing.

    Ti never has the intent of affecting the way someone feels, either positive or negative. It just does what it does.


    So what I wish people would realize about me is that, most of the time, it is never my intention to affect the way someone else feels, I am simply just thinking. But if I ever do make an attempt, Fe will always be trying to make someone else feel better.

    What I would also prefer to happen is that, if anyone is ever offended by anything I ever say, all they need to do is make me aware, and I will offer my sincerest apology, because that was never my intention in the first place, and ultimately I just want everyone to do want they want, say what they want, and to be happy.

    I'm just a peace-loving hippie at heart. But my exterior and personality doesn't easily reflect that.

  2. #152
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    Fe is subconscious, I have to consciously divert attention from one area to another, go inside my head and introspect, to consider how I'm making other people feel. And even when I do, since it is an inferior function, I'm constantly second-guessing myself because I don't actually know how I'm making other people feel. Hell, most of the time I don't even know how I feel.

    So my point is that I try, but things do tend to slip past. Another thing to consider is that my most conscious functions, Ti+Se, are always the most active. Ti doesn't make consideration to feelings. It's very black and white, very objective...Ti never has the intent of affecting the way someone feels, either positive or negative. It just does what it does.

    So what I wish people would realize about me is that, most of the time, it is never my intention to affect the way someone else feels, I am simply just thinking. But if I ever do make an attempt, Fe will always be trying to make someone else feel better.

    What I would also prefer to happen is that, if anyone is ever offended by anything I ever say, all they need to do is make me aware, and I will offer my sincerest apology, because that was never my intention in the first place, and ultimately I just want everyone to be happy.

    I'm just a peace-loving hippie at heart. But my exterior and personality doesn't easily reflect that.
    I understand where you're coming from, it's hard to supervise and control a least used function. The important thing is that you're trying to get along with others who may not process information like you do. I usually remind myself that the other person doesn't think like me, even if I don't full out understand why or how they work. I usually just assume Thinker types are being objective, even though I'm very subjective...so I let a lot of things slide by and try not to take them personally. It helps when you're around other types that constantly remind you how different you are from them and vice versa.


  3. #153
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Ah... Well said as always, Phoenity. I especially like your analysis of my Fe slip up. An especially goofy one at that. Just out of curiosity, did you do that with a straight face?
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  4. #154
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    This is an interesting perspective.

    The problem is that my conscious awareness and attention is not focused on Fe, how I'm making other people feel. That's why it's an inferior function.

    Fe is subconscious, I have to consciously divert attention from one area to another, go inside my head and introspect, to consider how I'm making other people feel. And even when I do, since it is an inferior function, I'm constantly second-guessing myself because I don't actually know how I'm making other people feel. Hell, most of the time I don't even know how I feel.

    So my point is that I try, but things do tend to slip past. Another thing to consider is that my most conscious functions, Ti+Se, are always the most active. Ti doesn't make consideration to feelings. It's very black and white, very objective.

    Example, when Steph was at Hooters, Ti+Se determined that she needed a sluttier shirt, and Ti+Se also noticed what her sister was wearing would work better for the situation, so Ti+Se said what it said because of that, not because it had the intention of implying that her sister was a slut for wearing it. Ti+Se likely wasn't even thinking about her sister. It was objectively thinking about the shirt she happened to be wearing.

    Ti never has the intent of affecting the way someone feels, either positive or negative. It just does what it does.


    So what I wish people would realize about me is that, most of the time, it is never my intention to affect the way someone else feels, I am simply just thinking. But if I ever do make an attempt, Fe will always be trying to make someone else feel better.

    What I would also prefer to happen is that, if anyone is ever offended by anything I ever say, all they need to do is make me aware, and I will offer my sincerest apology, because that was never my intention in the first place, and ultimately I just want everyone to do want they want, say what they want, and to be happy.

    I'm just a peace-loving hippie at heart. But my exterior and personality doesn't easily reflect that.
    For me Se is really good at picking up changes in people. I am very perceptive as to how people change. How can you be perceptive to what people wear, but not perceptive to how they react and realize what you did? I generally know the few people I interact with enough to know that something changed in who they are. I dont trust what they say even if they say everything is good, I trust what I see. I dont have the confidence though to think that I can help change how they feel so I dont always engage when I see it.

    I am use to people hiding how they feel with what they say so to me this is something that comes natural that I dont understand.

    edit: This is knowledge of people hiding is from a bystandard position, not me assuming I know. It is when people say something to someone and then tell you something different. What they said to you matches up with what you saw or who they are in general better than what they said to the other person.

  5. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    For me Se is really good at picking up changes in people. I am very perceptive as to how people change. How can you be perceptive to what people wear, but not perceptive to how they react and realize what you did? I generally know the few people I interact with enough to know that something changed in who they are. I dont trust what they say even if they say everything is good, I trust what I see. I dont have the confidence though to think that I can help change how they feel so I dont always engage when I see it.

    I am use to people hiding how they feel with what they say so to me this is something that comes natural that I dont understand.
    I am really good at sensing changes in people, especially when interacting with them in the moment. What I'm not good at is intuiting what caused those changes.

    If my action caused a sensible reaction in someone else, then yes, it can be easy and obvious, and I will do whatever I can to make it right. But then some people are very good at concealing their feelings, and react more on the inside than they do on the outside, leaving me clueless.

    And that really only applies to the best case scenario of in-person interaction. I have much less to sense when communicating with people in other ways, like over internet forums for instance.

  6. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    I am really good at sensing changes in people, especially when interacting with them in the moment. What I'm not good at is intuiting what caused those changes.

    If my action caused a sensible reaction in someone else, then yes, it can be easy and obvious, and I will do whatever I can to make it right. But then some people are very good at concealing their feelings, and react more on the inside than they do on the outside, leaving me clueless.

    And that really only applies to the best case scenario of in-person interaction. I have much less to sense when communicating with people in other ways, like over internet forums for instance.
    I have become very good at picking up changes with how people feel on the inside that have learned how to conceal it by using things I pick up on the outside.

  7. #157
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    for those that are enneagram 5. Here is something about unhealthy 5s.

    Unhealthy Fives may want to feel smarter than the other person, and even argue points that they do not personally agree with just to prove to themselves that they can mentally "run circles" around others. As they become less healthy, Ones become more rigid and fixed in their views about things: Fives become more uncertain, nihilistic, and afraid that they cannot arrive at any kind of meaning or truth.

  8. #158
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    I would have been disappointed to be the only sluttily dressed girl at Hooters. C'mon, Steph! Let the girls out!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    I am really good at sensing changes in people, especially when interacting with them in the moment. What I'm not good at is intuiting what caused those changes.

    If my action caused a sensible reaction in someone else, then yes, it can be easy and obvious, and I will do whatever I can to make it right. But then some people are very good at concealing their feelings, and react more on the inside than they do on the outside, leaving me clueless.

    And that really only applies to the best case scenario of in-person interaction. I have much less to sense when communicating with people in other ways, like over internet forums for instance.
    Is there not always an Se read/tell you can go on? Like subtleties -- eyes, body posture, repetition, nervous hands, etc? I can suss out a LOT from the eyes and hands, even if I know flat-out that they're lying to me. There was this one guy in particular... I could always tell when he was lying by this tiny tiny twitch and flicker around his eyes. It used to send me into a barking growling rage and no one could understand why until later when they too figured out he was lying. In the meantime, I just stood there looking crazy and overwrought.

    On the web, it can be tricky for anyone. I tend to look for patterns in the piecework -- language, call/response, diction, grammar, etc. Not always enough, to be sure.

    I told my INTJ bff that had I not known him IRL, I would have run away from him because he's scary, and he laughed sheepishly like "I know! Sorry!" I've seen the boy in type and he IS scary. haha!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #160
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I would have been disappointed to be the only sluttily dressed girl at Hooters. C'mon, Steph! Let the girls out!
    Send in the girls!!
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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