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  1. #1
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Default What do you think, SPs?

    Yes, I am probably overthinking something that is completely straightforward, but I'm just curious. I also don't want to know that he "likes" me romantically or anything. I love him as a friend. I just want to know what this all means.

    My ISTP friend and I have been friends for two years now. He lives about an hour away and we barely see each other, but we still text pretty frequently. Recently, he's become a lot more affectionate and has said I love you several times [and has emphasized that this is special and rare] among other compliments.

    We saw each other today and it was pretty interesting.

    He drove a good distance that took quite a bit of time [I'm not sure how much exactly, but it could have been 30 mintues to an hour one way] just to have a short lunch with me. When he saw me he immedietely reached out for a hug and said that it was good to see me. In the past, we have NEVER hugged and he seemed awkward if I tried [which was once].

    We had lunch and all that which was nice. He bought me the lunch [shoving my hand down when I tried to pay] and bought me candy at 711. When he was buying the candy, he said something like "be glad that I love you so much" when the lady told him the price. I couldn't really hear exactly what he said because he was mumbling, but it was something like that and it didn't sound accusatory or anything.

    When he arrived at my house to drop me off, instead of driving off the second I leave the car like he usually does, he got out and came over to me. He pulled me into a hug and kissed the side of my neck. We said goodbye and he said that he'd see me soon. Then, he actually waited for me to get to the door before driving off.

    I'm just curious as to what this means, because this is a drastic change since the last time I saw him [which was two months ago]. He has a girlfriend he is very happy with, by the way. Also, he knew I was grieving the loss of this young girl in my summer program [read my blog]. Maybe that's why he came on such short notice?

  2. #2
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    I think that we have the same ISTP friend.

    Don't even ask.
    I don't get it either.

  3. #3
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Sounds like he wants to keep you on the back-burner. Be careful not to let yourself sink too far into that affection lest ye provoke the wrath of said girlfriend.

    Hm, it's possible he may be planning on breaking up with her and wants to make sure he has someone else to latch onto once he does. I can't say for sure, and it's also possible he's willing to cheat on her, so watch for that. Just be very observant.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Sounds like he wants to keep you on the back-burner. Be careful not to let yourself sink too far into that affection lest ye provoke the wrath of said girlfriend.

    Hm, it's possible he may be planning on breaking up with her and wants to make sure he has someone else to latch onto once he does. I can't say for sure, and it's also possible he's willing to cheat on her, so watch for that. Just be very observant.
    He is going to college very soon and won't be willing to do a long distance realtionship. He really is happy with her, though. You can tell just by the way he talks about her. It's very sweet. I'd be very puzzled if he had romantic feelings towards me.

  5. #5
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I think that we have the same ISTP friend.

    Don't even ask.
    I don't get it either.
    True, let me give you some insight into the mind of a typical STP: girls are a weak-spot for us. If we like a girl we're likely to just let our impulses guide us, only problem is naturally this kind of pull is a little stronger. He might even have tricked himself into thinking he's just being friendly (if he wants to think he's a good boyfriend) while doing all this. Obviously this is more than just innocent friendly activity, though.

    As an STP, if you see a girl you're affectionate for, the bigger sin is to refuse yourself the pleasure. You'll try to gain her affection just to win it, because you enjoy her presence, even if you don't plan to act on it, and he may be doing this just for the enjoyment of it.
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  6. #6
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    He is going to college very soon and won't be willing to do a long distance realtionship. He really is happy with her, though. You can tell just by the way he talks about her. It's very sweet. I'd be very puzzled if he had romantic feelings towards me.
    Well, the more I think about it, the more I think it's possible he doesn't have intense romantic feelings for you, he's just being very affectionate and playful. The way you tell it, that makes sense. I could see myself doing the same thing with a girl I was close to platonically, honestly. But at the same time I would also recognize that I was probably tapping into some dangerous feelings and would try to draw a line. Just make sure he stays on his side of the line.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    True, let me give you some insight into the mind of a typical STP: girls are a weak-spot for us. If we like a girl we're likely to just let our impulses guide us, only problem is naturally this kind of pull is a little stronger. He might even have tricked himself into thinking he's just being friendly (if he wants to think he's a good boyfriend) while doing all this. Obviously this is more than just innocent friendly activity, though.

    As an STP, if you see a girl you're affectionate for, the bigger sin is to refuse yourself the pleasure. You'll try to gain her affection just to win it, because you enjoy her presence, even if you don't plan to act on it, and he may be doing this just for the enjoyment of it.
    Well, when he kissed my neck it was in a spot next to the side of my face. Maybe it was an attempted cheek kiss?

    Are you sure he doesn't just care about me as a friend? I'd hope he'd care about me more than just trying to win me over.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Well, the more I think about it, the more I think it's possible he doesn't have intense romantic feelings for you, he's just being very affectionate and playful. The way you tell it, that makes sense. I could see myself doing the same thing with a girl I was close to platonically, honestly. But at the same time I would also recognize that I was probably tapping into some dangerous feelings and would try to draw a line. Just make sure he stays on his side of the line.
    Okay, good. =]
    I wouldn't do anything to hurt their relationship. He's too happy with her.

  9. #9
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    yea. I noticed with this guy- (we dated for four years on and off and have been off for a few years now.)
    and the less attention I give him the worse he gets.
    We're just friends now but he continues with the little overly affectionate moments that make me sick. . I can see where he might be trying to win my affection just for the sake of it. So the fact that I don't respond probably makes it worse.

  10. #10
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    I also don't want to know that he "likes" me romantically or anything.
    Okay, I won't tell you, then.
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