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  1. #31
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    This was essentially my thinking after reading Coeur's initial post. I'm not surprised I'm agreeing with you yet again Steph


    As I'm maturing, I'm becoming more open to my friends and family, not necessarily saying since it's difficult to find the words, but doing things to let them know I care and value them. They know I'm very reserved and private, but I don't want them to perceive me as cold and disconnected because that's not me at all, so I'm slowly finding my ways to give love.

    Your friend told you he loved you, and expressed how special and rare that was for him to say it. I would completely agree this is the same for me, especially with close platonic friendships. It would be much easier for me to tell a close friend I loved them, than it would be to tell a woman, whom I was in love with , that I loved her because I feel much more vulnerable in that situation.
    Yep, that's pretty much I was basing everything off of... I aspire to be more Fe, but because it's still developing, it comes off as awkward, forced, or out-of-no-where sometimes. I'd feel pretty comfortable telling a friend of 2+ years I was very close to that I loved them. I may even use a situation where they're feeling vulnerable or down about something to first say I love them and be affectionate (like how you lost your friend) because... well... I'm an opportunist, and I'd feel like I finally needed to let them know I care (because I know my indifferent persona may come off as uncaring to some). After that, I'd probably be more frequent with my affection. However, if I was -in- love with someone, I'd need a HUGE amount of reassurance from that person and their feelings for me before I felt comfortable telling them I loved them. That's probably one of the more vulnerable and exposed positions I can be put in, and I would not act as casual as you described your friend to be.

  2. #32
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    All you stps are wacko.
    Yeah......... pretty much.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    I don't have any close friendships with women, but I can say that I would likely be physically affectionate towards them if I perceived them as the type who would appreciate it, without perceiving it to be something it wasn't. My guy friends don't want any physical affection because that's just not manly.
    Same with him. I am the ONLY female friend that he is close to. He has an extremely hard time "liking" girls. He's very cuddly with his close guy friends, though.

    What I think is more likely is that his new girlfriend has softened him up a lot. Expressing love to her has maybe opened him up to realizing all the other people in his life who he values. If he's comfortable in his relationship, personally I wouldn't see any reason why he wouldn't be comfortable being physically affectionate to his friends that he knows would respond well to it.
    Very, very true. He's become SO much nicer ever since he started dating her. Which is why I love them together. He's a lot happier with her than he was when he was just hooking up with random people. He talks openly about her in the same way I talk openly about other guys.

    The affection level increased gradually. Instead of only insulting me, he'd say something nice. Then, he'd say nice things more often. After he said I love you was when the affection level escalated to the current state. I said it back to him, of course, so maybe that is what made him comfortable?

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    Same with him. I am the ONLY female friend that he is close to. He has an extremely hard time "liking" girls. He's very cuddly with his close guy friends, though.



    Very, very true. He's become SO much nicer ever since he started dating her. Which is why I love them together. He's a lot happier with her than he was when he was just hooking up with random people. He talks openly about her in the same way I talk openly about other guys.

    The affection level increased gradually. Instead of only insulting me, he'd say something nice. Then, he'd say nice things more often. After he said I love you was when the affection level escalated to the current state. I said it back to him, of course, so maybe that is what made him comfortable?

    Insulting you?? Hmm...perhaps you mean friendly teasing, something he would do with his guy friends?

    He can probably just see that you respond well to his compliments, you take them for what they are and you aren't awkward about it, pondering the intent behind them. He can probably see you blush, your eyes light up, and your smile widen, and knows that it makes you happy.

    I'd just enjoy it for what it is. If you think there's more to it and you really need to know for sure, ask very specifically like Steph said.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    Insulting you?? Hmm...perhaps you mean friendly teasing, something he would do with his guy friends?

    He can probably just see that you respond well to his compliments, you take them for what they are and you aren't awkward about it, pondering the intent behind them. He can probably see you blush, your eyes light up, and your smile widen, and knows that it makes you happy.

    I'd just enjoy it for what it is. If you think there's more to it and you really need to know for sure, ask very specifically like Steph said.
    Yeah, I mean teasing. :P But he would ONLY tease me. No compliments at all. We went to a dance together and he didn't tell me I looked nice until I brought it up. XD

  6. #36
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    Same with him. I am the ONLY female friend that he is close to. He has an extremely hard time "liking" girls. He's very cuddly with his close guy friends, though.
    Okay, that makes a whole lot more sense now! Thanks for providing that information (why didn't you think of that before?? )

    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    Very, very true. He's become SO much nicer ever since he started dating her. Which is why I love them together. He's a lot happier with her than he was when he was just hooking up with random people. He talks openly about her in the same way I talk openly about other guys.

    The affection level increased gradually. Instead of only insulting me, he'd say something nice. Then, he'd say nice things more often. After he said I love you was when the affection level escalated to the current state. I said it back to him, of course, so maybe that is what made him comfortable?
    That's great.

    Yeah, I have a friend who I think is an ISTP, and he's VERY cuddly in person. On the net he can be a real ass on purpose but in person he's very affectionate and friendly, even somewhat shy (at least reserved).

    But he and his ex (they were really close) whenever they saw me, I was sure to get several hugs and love you's, from both of them. It was amazing and I could never wait until the next time we hung out.
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  7. #37
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Okay, that makes a whole lot more sense now! Thanks for providing that information (why didn't you think of that before?? )
    I don't know! XD

    I'll add more, though. He used to be a really nice guy, but he got screwed over by this girl he had a huge crush on. After that he was a jerk to anyone to wasn't his friend. He's only had one girlfriend [the current one] since that.

  8. #38
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Next time you're with him, you should take your shirt off. If he laughs and gives you the wtf face, then he's not interested and you can just tell him you were messing with him. If he makes a move, then he's interested in you.

    Either way, you have your answer.
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  9. #39
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    Next time you're with him, you should take your shirt off. If he laughs and gives you the wtf face, then he's not interested and you can just tell him you were messing with him. If he makes a move, then he's interested in you.

    Either way, you have your answer.
    I really can't imagine doing that.

    But you're right, it would give me a clear answer.

  10. #40
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    Next time you're with him, you should take your shirt off. If he laughs and gives you the wtf face, then he's not interested and you can just tell him you were messing with him. If he makes a move, then he's interested in you.

    Either way, you have your answer.
    Jeffster, you are wise and great and good...

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