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Thread: Dating An ESFP

  1. #1
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Default Dating An ESFP

    I have a few questions for the ESFP's here, or people who have experience with ESFP's. I met a girl at a party a couple weeks ago and got her phone #. We've been to the movies and to the beach since then, more as a group with friends than anything. We text a lot. I'm quite certain she is an ESFP. I like a lot of things about her personality, a lot of enthusiasm, witty and joking in her conversations, we like similar activities (dancing, football, movies, swimming, etc) and like to be doing stuff, and we get along well. I'm going to ask her out regardless, but I'd like to ask a few questions so I know what I'm getting into and how to handle situations that come up (and will be doing some comparing to ESTP for reference point):

    1) How do ESFP's commit in a relationship? The ESTP I dated was a lot of fun too, but I never got the sense she was fully committed to the relationship, which was confirmed when we broke it off.

    2) Do ESFP's flirt with someone they like in a physical way? The ESTP flirted with everything that moves and especially me, but I read that ESFP's are conservative in initiating a relationship and I guess flirting too. If not flirting, how do you tell if an ESFP is into you?

    3) What are ESFP's like when dating? Do they like to take things fast? Slow? What do they look for in the other person?

    Big thanks in advance.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  2. #2
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    Ask the other forums. They're more lively. Oh the irony...

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    I think individual people vary so much that my answer might not be too helpful.

    1) I know an ESFP who has always been more committed in his serious relationships than the girls he was involved with. It might have something to do with his upbringing, though.

    2) Verbally and physically flirtatious, in my experience.

    3) I think the last question really depends on the individual.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

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    A friend of mine (ENFP) dated an ESFP for a while, they went out for over a year but he eventually got tired of her not seeming to care about the future

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    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mortabunt View Post
    Ask the other forums. They're more lively. Oh the irony...
    Good advise. Thanks Jewchild and Unique.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

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    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    1. Mind you, I've only dated one confirmed ESFP, and one suspected. But neither of them were committed.

    I do not believe that this has as much to do with personality type as people think. I just had the misfortune to run into serial daters.

    2. Very flirtatious in general. Supposedly, ESFPs are very good at it.

    3. My experience was very fast. Like, "WTF was a thinking?" fast.

    I still find myself attracted to ESFPs quite often. Even though I don't understand that Sensor part of them at all.

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    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Mine wasn't a fully "normal" relationship but it was a serious one.

    It was really enjoyable and we had a lot of fun. Sitting and talking about "why" really held no interest for the esfp though. We also ended up feeling like we were attacking each other a lot, if we had issues we had to talk out.

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    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    1) How do ESFP's commit in a relationship? I read this in the profiles and I didn't get it either. I've always been completely committed in a relationship and have never dated anyone I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with. So maybe I am just a weird ESFP.

    2) Do ESFP's flirt with someone they like in a physical way? I would be really verbally aggressive when flirting. I would of course, say it in a lighthearted joking way but the point definitely got across. However, I'm a woman so anything a woman says to a man makes him think she wants to have sex with him. Oh right, but physically I am not very affectionate because I'm afraid it's going to be too forward and make them run away. So don't be surprised if that doesn't happen.

    If not flirting, how do you tell if an ESFP is into you? I feel sorry for boys who want to know if an ESFP is interested in them because if I am single, I'm going to flirt with everybody and it doesn't mean a thing. If an ESFP is really into you, she will pursue YOU. Try not answering your phone for 4 days and if she contacts you, I think that would mean she's interested. If someone did that to me, if I didn't care about them, I would forget about them. If I was even a little interested and they did that, I would be obsessing about it until day 4 and then come up with an excuse to talk to them again. Oh right, give her excuses to talk to you again so it doesn't look like she's trying too hard. Oh but be casual about it.

    3) What are ESFP's like when dating? Do they like to take things fast? Slow? What do they look for in the other person?

    In the very beginning, I want my space even if I say I don't. A guy who comes on too strong and my feelings are dead. But a guy who seems totally disinterested in me pisses me off because there is a long list of men who would love to be in their place. In the beginning, it should be about lightheartedness and fun and everyone should keep their independence. But leave little clues about your affection. For example, showing signs of affection with something like a flower or verbal affection like saying I am beautiful wins my heart like nothing else. Then after a while, I will naturally want things to be more serious as my feelings get deeper and that's when the games can stop being played and the real love can start to form. I wouldn't say take things fast or slow. I'd say live in the moment and enjoy every second and never try to force anything to happen. As far as what I look for in another person? Well ESFPs LOVE extraverted feelers and ENFPs love ESFPs. So you probably won't have to do much. The only thing is that that difference of S and N will cause problems for sure. It's really important for you to use concrete examples and not be hurt when your ESFP doesn't get some of your brilliant ideas. She also needs to learn to use metaphors to describe things and think hard about your ideas.
    E - 79% I - 21%
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    You guys definitely have confirmed a few things for me. I've noticed that she (the ESFP) flirts a lot verbally, but not so much physically. I guess the commitment thing just depends on the individual.

    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post

    If not flirting, how do you tell if an ESFP is into you? I feel sorry for boys who want to know if an ESFP is interested in them because if I am single, I'm going to flirt with everybody and it doesn't mean a thing. If an ESFP is really into you, she will pursue YOU. Try not answering your phone for 4 days and if she contacts you, I think that would mean she's interested. If someone did that to me, if I didn't care about them, I would forget about them. If I was even a little interested and they did that, I would be obsessing about it until day 4 and then come up with an excuse to talk to them again. Oh right, give her excuses to talk to you again so it doesn't look like she's trying too hard. Oh but be casual about it.
    Man, she doesn't even give me four days. She'll usually find an excise to talk to me or hang out after a day or two. I'm totally down with that because I love to talk and do things. It definitely challenges me to take charge as a guy, a challenge I'm fine with. Can't let her do ALL the pursuing.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  10. #10
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clonester View Post
    You guys definitely have confirmed a few things for me. I've noticed that she (the ESFP) flirts a lot verbally, but not so much physically. I guess the commitment thing just depends on the individual.



    Man, she doesn't even give me four days. She'll usually find an excise to talk to me or hang out after a day or two. I'm totally down with that because I love to talk and do things. It definitely challenges me to take charge as a guy, a challenge I'm fine with. Can't let her do ALL the pursuing.
    ---
    If she's calling you to hang out that much, it sounds like she's very interested. It's good that you're taking charge. I love it when guys do that. Keep us posted!
    E - 79% I - 21%
    S - 53% N - 47%
    T - 32% F - 68%
    J - 32% P - 68%

    ESFP


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