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  1. #1
    Member b4b's Avatar
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    Default question to ESFPs/ESTPs

    OK, so every time something goes wrong (little things) for my ESxP friend, he withdraws for a few hours (with a warning and apology at the end...)....


    here are two examples:
    we had an appointment, he was sure he had the day off work, but it turned out he didn't (last minute, happens all the time)....he wouldn't even want to talk to me...he would call for a second explaining what happened and then be like "I'll call you in a bit", but he would never call...minutes later he would text "sorry, I'm in a bad mood, don't feel like talking"

    next:
    he was getting ready to go to the gym, scheduled his day around it, gym was closed (due holiday), we were on the phone when that happened....he would get off the phone with the same sentence "I'll call you i a bit, ok?"....but he never did....minutes later I'm getting same text: "sorry, I can't talk, bad mood"...and then hours later he would be sorry and explain that he felt bad about skipping the gym and was not in mood to talk to me?????

    Anyway, fine, no big deal, but what I don't understand is that he is very outgoing and talks nonstop to people, about anything. I would expect him to want to talk when things don't go so well? Also, if he really doesn't want to talk, why the warning "sorry I can't talk right now, bad mood", does he want attention or should I leave him alone (I do leave him alone though)...
    What is motivating this behavior?

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    What is motivating this behavior?
    Shrooms?
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  3. #3
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'm no ESFP, but if he is one, could be that he's trying to not burden you with the emotions he's experiencing and needs some time to digest 'em as he otherwise would probably take them out on you and drag you down. I dunno about ESFPs, but I know ENFPs tend to withdraw for this reason and it would surprise me if ESFPs did the same.
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  4. #4
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    Why you stick ESTP on the end lol... I no idea what you're talking about

    You used the words "felt" and "feeling" one too many times

  5. #5
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I'm no ESFP, but if he is one, could be that he's trying to not burden you with the emotions he's experiencing and needs some time to digest 'em as he otherwise would probably take them out on you and drag you down. I dunno about ESFPs, but I know ENFPs tend to withdraw for this reason and it would surprise me if ESFPs did the same.

    +1

    Sometimes it's too chaotic in my head and I really don't want to rant out at a friend, not until I've processed my emotions a bit better.

    Some friends don't let you withdraw though, and I am sure after listening to my chaotic ranting they probably wish they hadn't been so insistent on me "talking" to them about it.

    My ESFP friend needs a minor amount of time to come to grips with upsets/disappointments that interfere with her plans in anyway.

    Ie we were both planning to go out together a few weeks ago, but both our finances fell apart so we couldn't, so we were both moody for a few hours, neither of us offloaded on the other one, and in a couple of hours we had dealt with our upset well enough to talk to each other, laughing about the disaster and making fresh plans. P plans.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    OK, so every time something goes wrong (little things) for my ESxP friend, he withdraws for a few hours (with a warning and apology at the end...)....


    here are two examples:
    we had an appointment, he was sure he had the day off work, but it turned out he didn't (last minute, happens all the time)....he wouldn't even want to talk to me...he would call for a second explaining what happened and then be like "I'll call you in a bit", but he would never call...minutes later he would text "sorry, I'm in a bad mood, don't feel like talking"

    next:
    he was getting ready to go to the gym, scheduled his day around it, gym was closed (due holiday), we were on the phone when that happened....he would get off the phone with the same sentence "I'll call you i a bit, ok?"....but he never did....minutes later I'm getting same text: "sorry, I can't talk, bad mood"...and then hours later he would be sorry and explain that he felt bad about skipping the gym and was not in mood to talk to me?????

    Anyway, fine, no big deal, but what I don't understand is that he is very outgoing and talks nonstop to people, about anything. I would expect him to want to talk when things don't go so well? Also, if he really doesn't want to talk, why the warning "sorry I can't talk right now, bad mood", does he want attention or should I leave him alone (I do leave him alone though)...
    What is motivating this behavior?
    I do this too..

    I just want to be alone when i'm in a bad mood. And sometimes bad moods just come out of the blue. Remember when we talked about living in the moment so much that sometimes a stressful moment can seem like the end of the world?

    Its like that. And when I tell people I don't really want to talk, I mean it. I mean, it doesn't hurt to talk to me, I wouldn't bite your head off, but I wouldn't just say that to get attention. Sometimes I just need to be alone to get a grip. I don't want to look like a spazz for being in such a tizzy over something so stupid, and I also don't want to burden others.

    Its like Luke said, doesn't sound like an estp at all.

  7. #7
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Its like Luke said, doesn't sound like an estp at all.
    +3

    ESTPs are very direct, and "bad moods" are RARE for us. If we do have them they last for about 3 seconds and we're moving right along again. If we get angry, which again is really, really rare, we blow our top and then its over. I have NEVER in my life blown someone off with a corny text like "can't talk...bad mood...whatever".

    This person is not an ESTP, from what I can tell.

    Also, I have two very good ESFP friends and neither of them would do this either. I think the individual has been mis-typed, if general type-specific behaviors hold true, etc., ad nauseum.

    Good luck!

    -Alex

  8. #8
    Member b4b's Avatar
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    thanks for all your responses, it makes sense Good thing I was always leaving him alone when he said that, but I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do (in case he was just screaming for attention). When I'm in a bad mood/want to be alone, I just don't talk at all...I don't warn anyone, I just don't pick up my phone...

    I'm not sure about his type, he seems ESTP to the outside, the way he talks, acts, and his job is very ESTP too (aggressive policeman about to join the SWAT team)...but then when you get to know him closer (like really close) he talks about how he feels or felt in this or that situation....so I don't know?
    Do ESFPs act tough in everyday life, but get very emo privately?

  9. #9
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'd guess male one are more prone to this yes
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  10. #10
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    thanks for all your responses, it makes sense Good thing I was always leaving him alone when he said that, but I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do (in case he was just screaming for attention). When I'm in a bad mood/want to be alone, I just don't talk at all...I don't warn anyone, I just don't pick up my phone...

    I'm not sure about his type, he seems ESTP to the outside, the way he talks, acts, and his job is very ESTP too (aggressive policeman about to join the SWAT team)...but then when you get to know him closer (like really close) he talks about how he feels or felt in this or that situation....so I don't know?
    Do ESFPs act tough in everyday life, but get very emo privately?
    If he's a cop that changes everything...They have their own type. It's called "Signal 20".

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