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  1. #1
    Junior Member Peace's Avatar
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    Default need advice: how to be a better friend to a ISFP boy

    Dear friends:
    I am an ENFP girl who has a ISFP male friend, who recently breakup with his girlfriend. I wonder how I can be a better friend to him?
    ( I am not trying to be his new girlfriend, just a better friend)

    I never met him face to face. We only chat online. I left several general messages to him, he did not answer at all.

    I read that ISFP need a lot of personal space.
    I wonder if I should stop chatting of any kind, until he "recovered".
    My own weakness, I like to keep contact and try to cheer a friend as I saw he is going through a personal crisis.

    Question to ISFP male in this forum:
    1 As a girl, I do not know how ISFP male handle breakup?
    please share your experience on how you feel?
    will ISFP male be heart broken?
    Or try to put on a brave face say he is OK?

    2 Do you want friends to write and demand replies?
    (want replies as I need feedback good or bad)

    3 what do ISFP male needs from friends as general?


    4 I read that "ISFP believe in actions speaker louder than words." My difficulty is I can only communicate with him through writing. Supportive actions like invite him to dinner is not possible.
    so in my case, it is Words that keep this friendship going.
    stop writing means no more friendship.
    face to face or phone is NOT an option.

    Thank U for reading this long passage.
    I appreciate your thoughts and your help.
    Last edited by Peace; 07-07-2009 at 12:48 PM.

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peace View Post
    Question to ISFP male in this forum:
    1 As a girl, I do not know how ISFP male handle breakup?
    please share your experience on how you feel?
    will ISFP male be heart broken?
    Or try to put on a brave face say he is OK?
    I'm a very emotional guy, pretty much everything that matters to me is an emotional high or low. I laugh and cry very easily. My breakups have been painful, mostly because of my lack of understanding as to why they happened. I guess you could say I've tried to "put on a brave face" but I have failed miserably, because I can't really do that. I am pretty much an "emotions on my sleeve" person, so if I was trying not to appear sad then it probably came out as anger or extreme cynical sarcasm instead. Once I am over it, then I'm over it for good, but it can sometimes take a while, and during that phase, I am not much fun to be around for most people I think.


    2 Do you want friends to write and demand replies?
    (want replies as I need feedback good or bad)
    I don't want anybody to demand anything, but I appreciate hearing from friends always. Real-time communication is always better for me than e-mail or delayed stuff because it's easy for me to just say "I'll reply to that later" and then forget about it.

    3 what do ISFP male needs from friends as general?
    Support, understanding, initiation of fun activities, reminders of my blessings, patience.


    4 I read that "ISFP believe in actions speaker louder than words." My difficulty is I can only communicate with him through writing. Supportive actions like invite him to dinner is not possible.
    so in my case, it is Words that keep this friendship going.
    stop writing means no more friendship.
    face to face or phone is NOT an option.
    Well, from what I've read, we are usually realistic people. I know the limitations of internet communication and I only expect so much from it. But I always like hearing from people as I said. You may have to be the one that keeps the words going sometimes, and if he doesn't reply, don't take it as an insult, but just try again.

    Thank U for reading this long passage.
    I appreciate your thoughts and your help.
    No problem. Hopefully I made some amount of sense. Welcome to the forum.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

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  3. #3
    Junior Member Peace's Avatar
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    Default

    thanks, Jeffster. Thank U for your insights.
    I am confused about "and if he doesn't reply, don't take it as an insult, but just try again." part.
    I have trouble knowing when I should try again?
    or he is quietly signaling "please do not ask again, I do not want to reply"? and I should let go?
    if U can, please discuss this further.

    my ISFP friend keep telling me he is "much better"?
    as he is experiencing insomnia etc. He do not talk about any "weakness" like I am sad etc with me.

    Did you have solely online ENFP friends?
    Do U have difficult relate to ENFP?
    would you have an easier time communicate with ISTP or ESFP than ENFP?
    thank U again. It is nice to get reply. Thank a millions!!

  4. #4
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peace View Post
    thanks, Jeffster. Thank U for your insights.
    I am confused about "and if he doesn't reply, don't take it as an insult, but just try again." part.
    I have trouble knowing when I should try again?
    or he is quietly signaling "please do not ask again, I do not want to reply"? and I should let go?
    if U can, please discuss this further.
    That's just it. If he's like me, he's not signaling anything. Not replying is likely because he just didn't feel like it then in that moment. It doesn't indicate anything beyond that. If you don't make a big deal about him not replying, he's likely not to even think anything of it.

    my ISFP friend keep telling me he is "much better"?
    as he is experiencing insomnia etc. He do not talk about any "weakness" like I am sad etc with me.
    There's lots of different reasons for insomnia. My life is great right now, but there are still times I can't get to sleep for awhile. Usually it's because I get too fired up in whatever I am doing and it's hard to calm down.

    So he could be fine, or he could be terrible but just doesn't want to talk about it. No reason to force him to.

    Did you have solely online ENFP friends?
    Yes.

    Do U have difficult relate to ENFP?
    Most ENFPs I have met are usually cheerful and fun, I relate to that. And I also relate to their deep feeling of things. There is definitely a disconnect when it comes to their whole Idealist way of looking at things.

    would you have an easier time communicate with ISTP or ESFP than ENFP?
    thank U again. It is nice to get reply. Thank a millions!!
    It kinda depends on the situation. Overall, I find I "speak the same language" more with other SPs, yes, but I could have a lot of fun talking to an ENFP for hours whereas an ESFP could be a jerk I had nothing in common with. So it really depends on the person.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  5. #5
    Junior Member Peace's Avatar
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    Thanks again, Jeffster. Feel like I am meeting an angel. You have clarified a lot of things for me.
    "I won't make a big deal about him not replying."
    HUGS, thank for your help.

  6. #6
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peace View Post
    Thanks again, Jeffster. Feel like I am meeting an angel. You have clarified a lot of things for me.
    "I won't make a big deal about him not replying."
    HUGS, thank for your help.
    Hey, no problem. I hope everything works out for you and your friend.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

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