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  1. #61
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    Sorry - I was looking a bit too much into this what-if.

    Realistically, if the attraction was mutual, something might happen. I don't know exactly what awestruckness and adoration looks like, but strong eye contact and an overall warm atmosphere during our friendly, casual interaction would make me very interested. You know, sparks we can both feel. How would I go about it? Who knows - it depends entirely on the situation.
    So you are able to sense on some level that things are going well in interactions with someone you've just met. That's good to hear- I was a little worried about you.

    I am not the guy who would pursue a woman that seemed to show no interest in me, like averting her eyes when I looked at her, or just ignoring me completely, thinking that if I was truly interested I would be the one doing all the work.
    ... and that completely goes with your being an ISTP- you guys need someone who is willing to put in some effort to get you.

    But past the initial flirting, I do have a difficult time understanding how another person feels or what they want from me unless they are reasonably clear about it. The times that I have misinterpreted the way a woman felt about me, I've been let down and hurt.
    Sorry that you've been let down and hurt. I can certainly understand why this would make you cautious. Were those women extroverts? I think it's sometimes easier to discern when introverts are interested in you compared with extroverts. Extroverts are so friendly to everyone in general that it can be difficult to tell if they are interested.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    Sorry that you've been let down and hurt. I can certainly understand why this would make you cautious. Were those women extroverts? I think it's sometimes easier to discern when introverts are interested in you compared with extroverts. Extroverts are so friendly to everyone in general that it can be difficult to tell if they are interested.
    This was way past the initial interest stage.

    I assumed our intense physical and emotional affection towards each other was something more than just play. When the relationship wasn't meeting my expectations, I asked her directly and found out that I was wrong.

  3. #63
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    This was way past the initial interest stage.

    I assumed our intense physical and emotional affection towards each other was something more than just play. When the relationship wasn't meeting my expectations, I asked her directly and found out that I was wrong.
    So she got involved with you sexually, had fun hanging out with you, but wasn't emotionally invested in the relationship?

  4. #64
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    I don't know how relevant this is or if other ISTPs can relate, but I'm fairly accurate at sensing when people are physically/romantically interested in each other. I find it amusing watching sparks fly between two people. It's like the Discovery Channel. However... I can be somewhat oblivious when people are interested in me. I guess I like to give people the benefit of the doubt? I'd feel silly suspecting someone was interested in me when they weren't. Not sure why. For future reference: If you're interested in an ISTP, just flat out tell them. I hate trying to guess stuff like that.
    Intersting. Do you think it's because you're interesting in these kind of things or is it kind of natural to you?

    That reminded me of my husband, the ISTP, who can see how trustworthy people are from the start. He has ability to see through people who try to fool other people. He doesn't believe in giving a chance to everybody as I do. He sees people as they are and he sees if a person can be trusted. Thus, he is not a easty target to be fooled. I don't know if that is very common for other ISTP's or is it just him.

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    So she got involved with you sexually, had fun hanging out with you, but wasn't emotionally invested in the relationship?
    Correct.

    We started out as close friends, and took it further because it felt so good being together.

    Months into it I could feel the emotional attachment growing in myself, and I thought the same was going on with her. For awhile I stuck with it to see where it would lead, but eventually I had to know before I invested anymore of myself, made myself any more vulnerable than I already was, so I asked her directly. She said she figured that since I was a guy I wouldn't get attached to her. So I said goodbye since I saw no point to continue what we were doing.

    Going by her actions and words and affection when we were spending time together, I never would have guessed otherwise. But we were both quite young, about 19 I think, and I don't think I'm that naive anymore.

    It was enjoyable while it lasted and it let me figure out early what I don't want.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    Intersting. Do you think it's because you're interesting in these kind of things or is it kind of natural to you?

    That reminded me of my husband, the ISTP, who can see how trustworthy people are from the start. He has ability to see through people who try to fool other people. He doesn't believe in giving a chance to everybody as I do. He sees people as they are and he sees if a person can be trusted. Thus, he is not a easty target to be fooled. I don't know if that is very common for other ISTP's or is it just him.
    I give everybody the benefit of the doubt. But if I'm going to make myself vulnerable to another, I start asking reasonable questions and observing, just as reassurance to myself. The more doubt I have, the more questions I ask, and the more holes I find in their story or personality, the less I trust them.

  7. #67
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    Intersting. Do you think it's because you're interesting in these kind of things or is it kind of natural to you?

    That reminded me of my husband, the ISTP, who can see how trustworthy people are from the start. He has ability to see through people who try to fool other people. He doesn't believe in giving a chance to everybody as I do. He sees people as they are and he sees if a person can be trusted. Thus, he is not a easty target to be fooled. I don't know if that is very common for other ISTP's or is it just him.
    I think it's both... I do feel it comes natural to me, but I'm very interested all at the same time. Observing people and situations is just more data I can add to my ever growing people database :P. But yeah... I can relate to your husband. I do try to give people a chance though. I'm not opposed to being proven wrong (although it took a while to get there ). My ENFP sister and ESFJ mother both try to bring me around when they have new guys in their life. My sister calls it the "ISTP sister screening." I think guys she dates gets very confused when they're going for an ENFP girl and she brings her VERY different ISTP sister around (I think they suspect I'd be like her and since they already know her, they think they know how to gain my favor)... because 9 times out of 10 they all of a sudden act like idiots to try to get my approval. And I'm just sitting and watching quietly (I might be exuding a "Don't-you-dare-think-you-can-take-advantage-of-my-sister-while-I'm-around" aura ...). I guess that could be an example of when people get intimidated by me? In the instances these guys act like complete idiots, I'm not really willing to give them a second chance though... My sister has a tendency to give everyone chances (She's pretty set on settling down now.. or has been since 18 I think. She's 27 now), and I guess I try to balance it out by helping her rule out people more. Why waste your time on morons when there's someone better for you, eh?

    As for my mom, I just play the "guess that personality type" game for her, and tell her if I think he's trustworthy, dependable, good for her, etc. ISTPs are just good observers... I think other personalities are just as capable at this, but possibly in different ways?

  8. #68
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    She said she figured that since I was a guy I wouldn't get attached to her.

    NICE.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #69
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    Correct.

    We started out as close friends, and took it further because it felt so good being together.

    Months into it I could feel the emotional attachment growing in myself, and I thought the same was going on with her. For awhile I stuck with it to see where it would lead, but eventually I had to know before I invested anymore of myself, made myself any more vulnerable than I already was, so I asked her directly. She said she figured that since I was a guy I wouldn't get attached to her. So I said goodbye since I saw no point to continue what we were doing.

    Going by her actions and words and affection when we were spending time together, I never would have guessed otherwise. But we were both quite young, about 19 I think, and I don't think I'm that naive anymore.

    It was enjoyable while it lasted and it let me figure out early what I don't want.
    Wow. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around a woman being affectionate and seemingly engaged in a relationship yet not engaged on an emotional level. It's kind of chilling... almost sociopathic.

  10. #70
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intricate Mystic View Post
    Wow. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around a woman being affectionate and seemingly engaged in a relationship yet not engaged on an emotional level. It's kind of chilling... almost sociopathic.
    Seriously. Or extremely childish. You can be a hideous narcissist or big child without tripping the "socio" meter.

    I can't be bothered with a relationship if I'm not in it to win it.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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