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  1. #1
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    Default ISFP confuses me-- shed some light?

    What do you have to do to REALLY break through to the ISFP?

    I have an ISFP friend who is a really amazing person, but i think majorly depressed. She has these depths that she keeps to herself, yet she sheds enough light on them that sends me the message that she is just dying to break free, dying for something to discover her. Yet, I sense that she consistently cocoons herself and pulls away, or at least keeps to herself too much to ever establish something really substantial. I know her self-esteem is not the highest.

    I can't help but be drawn to her, though. She is really unique and beautiful, i just wish she could see what i see. I have offered my unconditional affection. I dont think she is the best at expressing, or at lesat doesnt always feel comfortable. But how can you tell you are appreciated by an ISFP? We go on random adventures, and have interesting talk..where i know she opens up. I just wish she knew how i felt. I have strong feelings, even some romantic, but i can never tell if they are reciprocated. I get mixed messages, which could be a symptom of her own internal back and forths. I wish i could tell her how i feel, but i am afraid this would push her away..... anyways, how do you know if an ISFP likes you, especially when they are guarded, and inhibited quite often?

    ...their elusive mysteriousness-- so torturing! such a masochist i am..hehe

  2. #2

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    If she goes on adventures with you she probably likes you. Tell her.
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  3. #3
    full of love Kingfisher's Avatar
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    i agree with wolfy. tell her how you feel, or show her.
    i am not one to express emotion openly, so i guess this is a case of do as i say not as i do. but if you have strong feelings you should tell her.

  4. #4
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    do ISFP tend to be depressed in your opinion?


    Went out again tonight..and it just seemed as though from the get-go, the beginning she was defeated. easily irratable.... i can never feel consistent, because she changes like the weather...

  5. #5
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by markscol View Post
    do ISFP tend to be depressed in your opinion?


    Went out again tonight..and it just seemed as though from the get-go, the beginning she was defeated. easily irratable.... i can never feel consistent, because she changes like the weather...
    I don't think we tend towards depression any more than other types, I think maybe sometimes we can seem depressed/down/blue when we're actually perfectly content inside.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    When I first started dating my ISFP, I couldn't read her to save my life. I never knew how she was feeling or what was going on in her head. In time, I discovered that if she's smiling, she's happy. She just simply wants to have fun. Things that make her unhappy are usually when she has a really busy day full of responsibilities (a lot on her plate), or any type of discussion that points out any flaws in her whatsoever (criticism). She just wants to have fun and keep things light, for the most part.

    Before I started dating an ISFP, I heard that, generally speaking, they need to hear reaffirming words and they love affection. This has definitely held true with my ISFP. When you're doing activities that are fun for her, she should be happy. When things start to get heavy (whether in conversation or work, etc.), they may get depressed and feel overwhelmed/frustrated.

    Remember, P's like to play first and work later, while J's like to work first and play later. Also, I read this somewhere (maybe on this site or another site):

    SJ's are primarily looking for a "help mate" in life
    SP's are primarily looking for a "play mate" in life
    NF's are primarily looking for a "soul mate"
    NT's are primarily looking for a "mind mate"

    I found that this fit very well with my ISFP. I told her that if humans were a bunch of rabbits interacting in an open field, I'd be one of the few rabbits with bifocals and a book. Only occasionally would I look up from my book to see what the other rabbits were doing, and even then I'd be observing the other rabbits from a distance. She'd be the rabbit bouncing around all day looking for something really fun to do, even it meant getting in trouble at times - as long as it didn't involve too much work. SJ's would be digging holes, and diligently gathering food. NF's would be batting their eyelashes and admiring the beauty of their surroundings.

  7. #7
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    The ISFP in my life lets me know she's happy by involving me in whatever she loves. If she looks at your and you see happiness in her eyes when she's doing something she enjoys, you're good. Enjoy recreation together...fun time together (without any too direct, serious topics) is being serious to an ISFP. That's loving someone, for them. They're not being avoidant; they're engaging you! "I like you, so let's play!"

  8. #8
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quinlan View Post
    I don't think we tend towards depression any more than other types, I think maybe sometimes we can seem depressed/down/blue when we're actually perfectly content inside.
    Yep!

  9. #9
    Member INTPatricia's Avatar
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    Default ISFPs Just Want to be Tuned Into

    My ISFP friend seemed so greatful that I "took the time to get to know" him (in his words). He seemed astonished that I focused so much attention solely upon him...learning his type, about his family, his preferences, etc.

    Truth be known, being an NT, I just couldn't stand the thought of not knowing his "type" and I also had to know his "birth order" and this other book I have on the "Five Love Languages"...not to mention, he had driven hours to help me pack up for a pending move and I was frantic to do anything to avoid 3Dimentional Actual Reality-based W O R K (a four-letter word). So, every time I found a good book (and there were thousands of them), instead of sorting and packing it, I would clear bubble wrap from the sofa and plop down, eagerly reading out "test questions" until I had him pegged. He loved it! However, he managed to stay on task and got me packed up while I cooked, fed him, read aloud, enthusiastically psychotherapized him, made a few executive decisions about the packing, and napped intermittently...all in a hard day's work for an INTP...it is tough being us. (oh, yeah...and he did the dishes...what's not to love?)

    Anyway...after the weekend, and his long drive home, he emailed that he "was smitten"...and that he appreciated the time I took to get to know him...I raved about his packing up my entire condo and garage for the movers...he hardly noticed that, BUT APPRECIATED MY SPECIFIC THANKS...he, in turn, raved about my home-cooked meals and hospitality...wow...it takes so little to make an ISFP feel loved...but those are the things I naturally provide...and the services he provides, those are things I am incapable of...he is a steady, sweet, non-threatening, reliable functioning human being...something I have never been accused of being. I don't think ISFPs crave attention, I think they are deprived it. So, just turn off the music, the television, your cellphone and listen...ask probing questions...dig deep...discover the treasures...give the ISFP the Quality 1:1 attention that they won't claim for themselves.

  10. #10
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPatricia View Post
    My ISFP friend seemed so greatful that I "took the time to get to know" him (in his words). He seemed astonished that I focused so much attention solely upon him...learning his type, about his family, his preferences, etc.

    Truth be known, being an NT, I just couldn't stand the thought of not knowing his "type" and I also had to know his "birth order" and this other book I have on the "Five Love Languages"...not to mention, he had driven hours to help me pack up for a pending move and I was frantic to do anything to avoid 3Dimentional Actual Reality-based W O R K (a four-letter word). So, every time I found a good book (and there were thousands of them), instead of sorting and packing it, I would clear bubble wrap from the sofa and plop down, eagerly reading out "test questions" until I had him pegged. He loved it! However, he managed to stay on task and got me packed up while I cooked, fed him, read aloud, enthusiastically psychotherapized him, made a few executive decisions about the packing, and napped intermittently...all in a hard day's work for an INTP...it is tough being us. (oh, yeah...and he did the dishes...what's not to love?)

    Anyway...after the weekend, and his long drive home, he emailed that he "was smitten"...and that he appreciated the time I took to get to know him...I raved about his packing up my entire condo and garage for the movers...he hardly noticed that, BUT APPRECIATED MY SPECIFIC THANKS...he, in turn, raved about my home-cooked meals and hospitality...wow...it takes so little to make an ISFP feel loved...but those are the things I naturally provide...and the services he provides, those are things I am incapable of...he is a steady, sweet, non-threatening, reliable functioning human being...something I have never been accused of being. I don't think ISFPs crave attention, I think they are deprived it. So, just turn off the music, the television, your cellphone and listen...ask probing questions...dig deep...discover the treasures...give the ISFP the Quality 1:1 attention that they won't claim for themselves.

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