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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by markscol View Post
    What do you have to do to REALLY break through to the ISFP?

    anyways, how do you know if an ISFP likes you, especially when they are guarded, and inhibited quite often?

    ...their elusive mysteriousness-- so torturing! such a masochist i am..hehe

    Do you ever communicate by email with her? I find that I express my inner feelings through email much better than in person. I let it all out when I can type, edit, re-type and get out exactly how I feel. I'm very closed mouth in person.

    Just the fact that she spends time with you would be an indicator that she likes you. I don't spend time with people I don't like, esp. men.

    What type are you, btw? When my husband (ENFJ) and I were dating, he expressed that he was falling in love with me within a month. Not good. Scared the crap out of me. So if you push it, she may not know how she feels and bolt. Iv'e done that in the past, but's that me.

    Good luck! I hope it works out.

  2. #12
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    I am an ISTP, however (and i am not sure this makes a difference( i am within 10% of the IST part of my "type"....so many of the descriptions are dead on while many are a little off. Also, not sure if this matters either, but i am female, so the description about not expressing myself etc. is not really true. I am actually one of the most candid people i know. And have heard from several people that this is a refreshing part of my personality.

    Julie--actually, we communicate ALL the time through e-mail. This is where we have had some of our most intense conversations..through e-mail. I don't think i push it with her, however, i am very open about showing my affection (buying random things, letting her know what's on my mind regarding something i like about her, or something she has done...) She sometimes has a tendency to be down on herself, or aloof to certain things....when i ask simple questions like "how are you" through text, she once said "thanks for asking"...so i know she appreciates the little things. She once told me she didn't usually "hang out" with people, but she liked "hanging out with me." She has also called me cute before....and i didn't know whether she meant like a teddy bear or what. We have a good balance between being serious and being REALLY silly. Of c ourse i love the silly moments, but i also know she has had a rough home life...and i think she continues to deal with them to this day. We have similar backgrounds, so i always thought it was a good thing that i could show her attention on this topic without coming off as threatening or judgmental. And she usuallly tries to answer my questions/ open up. I am always encouraging her to appreciate her emotions and to never shy away from things...telling her i'm "always here." Even though she doesn't always take me up on it, i continue to do it unconditionally in a way, because i think that is what she needs--someone who is consistent despite her inconsistency.

    i guess i know she appreciates me..she tells me she adores me, has serious affection. My confusion comes in with what type of affection is it exactly? Is it strictly platonic? Is it somewhat romantic? too hard to tell...although i heard with her last girlfriend things went at a VERY SLOW pace..so perhaps i just should make a move and see how it goes! I once held her hand and she gave me this almost scared puppy dog look at first! but she didn't pull away...soooo... hmm. The nerves that come with the unknown! ha!

  3. #13
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Romantically ISFPs (speaking for myself here) can be a bit complacent, we are mostly responders and go with the flow so much that things sometimes move slowly. From what you have said I think it is worth making a move.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

    Quinlan's Creations

  4. #14
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    Yeah, that is the sense i get as well. What are little things that make you go wild, or take a step back and say "wow, this is an amazing individual.' ANd not necessarily in the romantic sense but in just a person sense.

    I know i really appreciate a person who is genuine. Even if i dont agree with everything that comes out of their mouths, if i feel that a person is passionate or really genuine and has good intentions..i think this makes me feel refreshed. Also, an interest in people is attractive. Too many people are enrapped in their own issues, it's nice to see people who are actually emotionallly available.

  5. #15
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    Find ways to engage her Se that are playful, comforting and fun. This should make it easier for her to extravert out anything that she wants to share.

  6. #16
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    how true?

    "The ISFP in a Crystal Ball"

    Real and enduring self-seteem for ISFPs comes from feeling consistent and unfailing love, support, and understanding from the people they care about. Since they give their love so completely to others, it is imperative that their trust never be violated and their need for affection and physical closeness always be respected and reciprocated. ISFPs need to be told and shown that their values and feelings are legitimate and that the people they love return their love in spite of the roller coaster of emotions they are often riding. Actions speak much louder than words to these children. Unwavering acceptance of the child, regardless of the behavior, helps ISFPs learn to see themselves as capable and in control of their emotions. Teaching ISFPs to courageously communicate their opinions and beliefs even in the face of criticism, negativity, skepticism, or direct confrontation helps them develop faith in themselves.

    At their best, ISFPs are deeply faithful, loyal, and compassionate people with strong convictions and great empathy. They are practical, realistic, and great immediate short-term problem solvers who are willing to spring into action to help others in real and tangible ways. With support and encouragement, ISFPs can grow up to trust their inner voice and confidently live the quiet and modest life they are drawn to. Parents who encourage their ISFPs to look inward for confirmation and balance and teach them how to ignore the sometimes corrosive and contradictory messages of the world around them give their ISFPs the lifelong treasure that is the gift of self-acceptance.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by markscol View Post
    how true?

    "The ISFP in a Crystal Ball"

    Since they give their love so completely to others, it is imperative that their trust never be violated and their need for affection and physical closeness always be respected and reciprocated. ISFPs need to be told and shown that their values and feelings are legitimate and that the people they love return their love in spite of the roller coaster of emotions they are often riding. Actions speak much louder than words to these children. .
    Wow .. this explains why my marriage is so on the rocks! My ENFJ husband does not respect my values and feelings as well as opinions. Plus .. understandly he doesn't enjoy my roller coaster of emotions.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by markscol View Post
    do ISFP tend to be depressed in your opinion?


    ...

    I've struggled with depression for 30 years mostly in the winter. But I have strong feelings and if I don't express them, I get very pessimistic and severely depressed.

    In fact, I've been seriously depressed the last few months and went to doctor's today and was put on anti-depressants. I have a stressful life but I'd say that being a housewife is the biggest culprit. I am a stay home mom and I use to have an active social life with other moms. But within the year they all returned to work and I've been isolated. Making new friends is never easy. I returned to college but I am a mature woman among 20 year olds who want nothing to do with me. I find the internet helpful to a certain extent.

    Anyway ... I don't know about others, but I know I struggle with depression.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by markscol View Post
    I am an ISTP, however (and i am not sure this makes a difference( i am within 10% of the IST part of my "type"....so many of the descriptions are dead on while many are a little off. Also, not sure if this matters either, but i am female, so the description about not expressing myself etc. is not really true. I am actually one of the most candid people i know. And have heard from several people that this is a refreshing part of my personality.

    Julie--actually, we communicate ALL the time through e-mail. This is where we have had some of our most intense conversations..through e-mail. I don't think i push it with her, however, i am very open about showing my affection (buying random things, letting her know what's on my mind regarding something i like about her, or something she has done...) She sometimes has a tendency to be down on herself, or aloof to certain things....when i ask simple questions like "how are you" through text, she once said "thanks for asking"...so i know she appreciates the little things. She once told me she didn't usually "hang out" with people, but she liked "hanging out with me." She has also called me cute before....and i didn't know whether she meant like a teddy bear or what. We have a good balance between being serious and being REALLY silly. Of c ourse i love the silly moments, but i also know she has had a rough home life...and i think she continues to deal with them to this day. We have similar backgrounds, so i always thought it was a good thing that i could show her attention on this topic without coming off as threatening or judgmental. And she usuallly tries to answer my questions/ open up. I am always encouraging her to appreciate her emotions and to never shy away from things...telling her i'm "always here." Even though she doesn't always take me up on it, i continue to do it unconditionally in a way, because i think that is what she needs--someone who is consistent despite her inconsistency.

    i guess i know she appreciates me..she tells me she adores me, has serious affection. My confusion comes in with what type of affection is it exactly? Is it strictly platonic? Is it somewhat romantic? too hard to tell...although i heard with her last girlfriend things went at a VERY SLOW pace..so perhaps i just should make a move and see how it goes! I once held her hand and she gave me this almost scared puppy dog look at first! but she didn't pull away...soooo... hmm. The nerves that come with the unknown! ha!

    I'm not sure what to say. It sounds all good but here you are looking for answers. You have to look to her ad just come out and ask her. Don't prolong your agony. : ) I have been married forever .. so I don't remember how I was in the falling in love stage. All I know is that fear of him finding out who I really was .. was always on my mind. He was an ENFJ and very charistmatic and successful. I remember questioning why he would fall in love with me. I came from a bad home situation as well, unlike him. He fell in love with me in a month and asked to marry me with in 5 months. We got married 8 months later and have been married 23 years. While we have had our ups and downs, it was a pretty good marriage until the past few years. Anyway ... I'm getting ahead of you. You'll never know if you don't ask.

  10. #20
    Junior Member Icefire's Avatar
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    Yes just like any other human on this planet ISFP can get depressed depending on whats going on in the home or maybe being forced or pushed too do something crazy like meet a deadline on a paper on time or if like me have a husband whos pushy and when you pretty much say screw you do it your self or I don't want too, then give the ISFP a guilt trip bc they didn't get their way and are experts at manipulating then yea after years and years of a free spirit becomes a dead spirit. Go take that girl to the club or something, buy her a camera but a REALLY nice one so she can express herself of what she believes is beauty. Also reality check us girls mostly feel insecure so yea give her small compliments lots of them. But don't suffocate her with it either, she might think your just trying to get laid. I personally rather see love when its expressed by doing something nice, not I love you's or miss you 3-4 times a day, although I enjoyed it in the dating stage but the marriage life... yup not gonna cut it!!!

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